ugh, I'm going to be alone forever! - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-12-2004, 12:42 AM Thread Starter
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ugh, I'm going to be alone forever!

I mentioned this guy I liked a while ago... we talked, I went to his house, I left... nothing happened. Then he stopped talking to me.

I honestly thought he hated me until a few days ago he finally responded to one of my IMs. He was busy with work and trying to get some sleep and yadda yadda.

Well we've talked a couple of times since then, and I made a joke about how cool my new job is because I get shave dog...areas. It was a joke (lets face it, I have issues ).

Anyway, tonight was the first time he IMed me, which took me by surprise. It wasn't really anything innocent... more of a lighthearted um... asking for my services described above.

Anyway, we moved on to talking about stupid things like cartoons (homestarrunner in particular). Then I got a crazy idea in my head.

"so... just out of curiosity, are you seeing anyone?"

and immediately regretted asking. Of course he was. the same girl he'd been seeing on and off for the past 3 years.

That got me. I asked if he had started our whole conversation just to mess with me head, etc. Then he said they were never really serious and have always dated other people... he didn't want to explain his whole situation but he never gets into serious relationships anymore, just casual dating.

So I told him it was sad because I had always had a thing for him and was kind of hoping it would lead to something, but I guess I was wrong.

Needless to say the conversation ended with an awkward attempt at an apology on my side and a "ok well i wasnt trying to get your hopes up or anything, im sorry you took it that way, but whatever, talk to you later or something" from him.

This is the only guy in a really long time that I actually had a shot with. And maybe I did, but I sure don't anymore. I don't want to be with someone who is dating other people. I don't want to be with someone who has been with the same girl for three years "off and on". But even now I'm willing to settle for less than what I want. I don't go out, I don't meet new people, I don't even really have friends. He was really my only hope and now I've got nothing.

On top of everything, my ex decided to tell me about his happy new marriage and how he's moving out of the state for a great new job. This from my only boyfriend. The one who dumped me close to five years ago. In those five years he met someone, fell in love, got married and will soon be starting a new life somewhere.

And where am I? The same place I was five years ago. Alone.

I'm sorry for anyone who made it through this. I have nobody to talk to about this so I put it here. I guess I thought letting it out would make me feel better... I'm off to cry myself to sleep.


"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast."
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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-12-2004, 01:37 AM
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I can relate to being alone. I am at an age where I feel I am in limbo.

I occasionally glance at personal ads, both in local papers and on-line and at age 39 I find that most of the women younger than me don't want a man older than themselves, and the woman older than me don't want a younger man.

Plus, far too many women smoke which I will have no part of and I also don't want a woman who has young dependant children (meaning that any time spent with her includes the kids). I have a busy schedule and not a lot of time to offer anyone, so when I do spend time with someone special, I would prefer most of it to be one-on-one quality time.

Also, about 3/4 of the women in personal ads list NASCAR, motorcycles and camping as their interests. I haven't the least bit of interest in auto racing, I value my life too much to ever get on a motorcycle, and I just don't get the thrill of camping. Yeah getting together with friends outdoors, sitting by the fire, eating, drinking, etc. Sure that's all fun but afterwards I want to go home and sleep in a comfortable bed free of insects.

Sorry about the rant... I'm sure someday I will meet that special someone but right now it doesn't seem like there are a lot of prospects out there for me.
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-12-2004, 02:18 AM
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Yup, me too. I'm 32 and trying to get into nursing school having just completed my pre-reqs. It will basically be a second career, however, the first one didn't require a degree. The last girl I dated was a complete psycho, no individual time, everything on her terms, always spending money, and doing what she wanted. If I even asked to spend time at my house or without her she freaked. It was a complete disaster. I finally broke up with her after 3 years of ****.

So now, I'm at this age where everyone seems too young or my age with kids. Also, a lot of people are married. I always seem to get interested in girls who are married/involved, or have some other diqualifying factor. My biggest issue is not having money and college. Once I actually get in, I'll be tied to the books and still broke. It's one thing when you're maybe 21, but starting over at 32 is a different story.

I'm surprised to read what you wrote about so many girls smoking, not to mention NASCAR? Must be a Wisconsin thing, LOL. I've never know too many girls to like NASCAR. I can't stand any sports myself. I do love motorcycles and camping though.
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-12-2004, 03:52 AM
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I don't see anything wrong with browsing and creating online personal ads. They seem to be the best way for people in your situation to meet others. My best friend met his girlfriend on the internet, they've been together for over five years and engagement is right around the corner. Jess and I didn't meet online, we'd actually known each other for years, but if it weren't for the internet in those early stages of the relatonship we probably wouldn't be what we are today.

You'll find someone, have faith.
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-12-2004, 11:43 AM
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Most guys would love to own a motorcycle and they are definitely "chick magnets". But I know 4 people that have been in motorcycle accidents this past summer. One of them lost a leg, another broke both arms and legs and shattered her pelvis. My best friend broke his thumb and had he not been wearing a helmet I would have been attending a funeral, because you should see the condition of his helmet. He keeps it as a reminder of why all motorcyclists should wear one. Most don't because it's "not cool". No motorcycles for me, no thanks.
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-12-2004, 12:37 PM
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I'm in a similar situation with this guy I met o probably this time last year, in sociology class at school. Well after the semester was done, I didn't realize how much I DID like him until I didn't see/talk to him as much. So I got his e mail then his phone number and until April we would talk for hours and hours either on msn or the phone- like for a long time I didn't trust anyone but this guy seemed to break down all the walls I put up and he was the first person who I really let get to know me and he was the first guy in my life I had a really close relationship/friendship with and who believed in me.
Well then in April we 'hung out' for the first time, drove around and went for coffee (we had so much fun, it was amazing to be with him), it was the night before easter so when he drove me home around 1, hes like "Happy Easter" hehe I thought that was sweet and then he told me to go online. So i did and hes like "O i didnt know u lived on the same street as Amanda wow shes soo amazing shes soo hot I had such a crush on her" .. thats when my world started falling... so thats when everything started, i stoped hanging out with him and we would only talk once in a while, then the night after my prom (my prom sucked by the way!) I was telling him about it, and then hes like 'im going to give you the night of your life, you deserve it, just come out with me' so stupid me I did. But it was a night to remember, he took me to a club out of town and we danced the night away, and then we drove to this park and went for a walk, and just talked with the full mooon and the stars aww it was perfect!.. but do u think he would make a move, no! lol ... but anyways I guess to make a long story short my summer was FILLED with absoultly perfect nights with him that I will remember for the rest of my life, and then times where he would be so 'obessed' with another girl and think that shes his angel.
I guess the thing that hurts the most is the fact he never told me how much i ment to him, I told him that i liked him, i actually got soo fed up of hearing about other girls one day that i really got mad and told him. but he just apoligized saying we were just friends
I think it will be hard to be to trust someone again or even like someone to the degree i liked him because I really DID fall in love with this guy this summer and I'm not any where near to be over him. (and to make matters worse his brother wants to date me WHICH WILL NEVER HAPPEN!!).. now he has another girl in his life and we don't talk anymore, I see pictures of us on his website and then I see pictures of him and his new girl, and it just kills me
Sometimes i think of how much i had this summer, and now I have absolutly nothing.

~~ mommy to Kahlua (as of Oct 25/04)
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-12-2004, 12:43 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear about that Jessie.

I'm sure you will find the right person. Sometimes, it just takes more time. There must be someone for everyone! I"m sure about it!

I got married young, at the age of 21 but I remember - before I met my husband - I felt like I will never find the right person. There was always something wrong - either with the guy or with me and we just didn't 'fit'.

Maybe you won't find anybody BUT somebody will find you!!! I believe that my husband found me and he made me to believe in our love!

I've never tried the adds but I think that's a good way to find someone....


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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-12-2004, 01:52 PM
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I met my husband at the point in life where I was finally totally satisfied with being single. (after all, who says you can't have a rich life if you're single?). I know that sounds silly....and it wasn't that I didn't want to get was just that I had finally learned (after lots of bad relationships and having my heart broken) how to be content with myself....without needing anything more.

I also have a friend that met her husband online and they've been married for 7 years...they're still doing great! I think she met him at either or - can't really remember which.
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-12-2004, 02:07 PM
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HAY! I'm single, gainfully employed, haven't been laid since the 90's, and currently taking applications. The only requirement is that the girl must own her Jeep outright.


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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 12-12-2004, 11:08 PM Thread Starter
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Not that I have a chance with him anymore because he probably thinks I'm psycho... but...

should I keep trying? I mean, I do like him and I honestly don't see anyone new coming into my life anytime soon. Is it worth it to give this "casual dating" thing a try?

The only thing with me is, I'm insanely insecure about myself and tend to be a very jealous person. I think that's what makes me so loyal to guys (well, the ONE that time long ago... but I would never dream of cheating). Just knowing that the guy I was seeing, and kissing, and being close to, and caring for was doing all those things with me one day and someone else another... it would kill me!

And how can he say he refuses to be in a serious relationship, yet "casually" date someone for 3 years??

I'm probably better off without him... he seems to be driving by one thing only and that's not really the kind of guy I want. But I'm not getting any closer to finding the guy I want... so I'll take whatever I can get.

I just really wish it weren't so hard.


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