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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-12-2004, 09:31 PM Thread Starter
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some advice .. ("boy problems") hehe

Ok well I fell in love with this guy over the summer (I kind mentioned more about it in another post) and to make a VERY long story short nothing happened between us. He ment everything to me, and he felt nothing 4 me. We don't even talk anymore.
So anywayz one day durning the summer I met his brother thats a 1 1/5 older then him... and not knowing that I liked his brother he asked me out. OF COURSE i said no at the time, I thought it was one big joke - but later I found out he was actually quite serious.
But now that time has passed and this guys bro is still asking me out and being very persistant about it, I don't know what to do. I mean I went to the movies with him a couple of weeks ago, but i have to admit it was kind of weird, just the fact that I never pictured myself with him.
I mean hes a really sweet guy and has soo much respect for me, and very .. whats the word.. old fashioned.. i mean he'll open the car door for me, come get me at my door, bring me home and walk with me to my door, he paid for my drink and my movie ticket (which NO guy has ever done for me), now I just dont know what to do.
I mean if he wasnt brothers with the guy i really liked this summer then it was be an automatic yes to seeing where things go with him.
Alot of people I've told this to, think its crazy and i'm just asking for trouble by even considering going out with him.
What do you guys think?
P.S if any of this didn't make sense then just let me know and I'll clear it up

Chiara
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-12-2004, 09:41 PM
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I don't think your crazy for wanting to go out with this guy. I mean, he sounds nice, and you don't even talk to the younger brother anymore, right? So what's the problem??

I think people are too worried about other people's feelings or what they might think, and I say life's too short to worry about that. And if there was a problem, don't you think it would be between the two brothers and not you? The younger guy would sound like a real jerk if he ever brought it up to you...and if he did, then you can blow him off! I say go for it...you have nothing to lose.
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-12-2004, 10:22 PM
 
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Since you never actually dated his brother then I wouldn't worry about it too much. If it was me, and he seemed like a great guy, I would go out with him a few more times and see if there were any "sparks" Good luck, and keepus posted!

(My husband is a total southern gentleman...ALWAYS opens my car door for me and stuff...I love it!)
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-12-2004, 11:10 PM
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I don't think the problem with dating this guy would be his brother minding so much as it would be with you. Are you over the younger brother? If you still have feelings for him, it might not be fair to yourself or to his brother to start dating him. I mean, say you go out a few times and start to really like him, then you see his brother again and all those feelings come back?

I'm definately not saying don't do it, because he really sounds like quite a catch... I'm just saying try to make sure you don't end up in a situation that will hurt you both if you can help it.

Maybe just take things slowly for a while. But good luck

Jessie

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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-13-2004, 12:22 AM
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Go for it as long as you don't have deep feelings for his brother and feel some kind of connection with this guy.
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-13-2004, 08:51 AM Thread Starter
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yah thats the thing is that I don't think I'm really compleatly over the younger brother, I miss what we had, and I miss him alot.. but I'm starting to realize that he treat me like sh!t, played me, and there are better people out there.. and it just so happens his brother is one of them.

sometimes I think to myself if i really like the older one for him, or for his last name you know? he DOES remind me alot of the younger one... I just don't know what to think anymore ...

Chiara
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-13-2004, 10:36 AM
 
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I agree that you should see where things go with this guy, but at the same time be up front with him about his brother. The best thing to do is be honest with him, tell him what you really think and I'm sure he'll appreciate it. I know a lot of people would say, "Don't even tell him!" but I think it will avoid a potentially awkward situation later on.

Good luck and follow your gut!
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-13-2004, 11:09 AM
 
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Follow your heart.

Personally, I think it is really important to be completely honest. Others may disagree with this line of thinking, but if I were in your shoes, I'd probably express my concerns.. how you USED to have feelings towards his brother, and that, while they aren't there anymore, you have anxieties about moving foward with him. I think it is only fair to not lead another person on, so i think being completely honest with someone is a vital part to a really good relationship. If you start things off feeling that you have nothing to hide, only good things will come of it, and there is less of a chance of people getting hurt.

At least that is how I feel.
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-13-2004, 11:11 AM
 
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It sounds a bit like you're looking for the younger brother in the older one, and not getting what you wanted. you must remember that they are different people, even if they are brothers, and that just because you really like the younger brother doesn't eman you'll feel the same about the older one.

If you really do like the older one and you haven't even talked to the younger one for a while, then I reckon you should go for it, as long as neither of you mind, but if you still like the younger one, and are going out with the older one because he is like the younger one, then I'd say no. It would be unkind for the older brother (who seems to like you alot), and you don't want to be in such a difficult situation.

Put it like this, if both of them were asking you out right now, who would you pick? If it's the older one, then go for it, but if it is the younger, just consider everyones feelings first.

Good Luck, either way!
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-13-2004, 12:13 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BelfiCat
It sounds a bit like you're looking for the younger brother in the older one, and not getting what you wanted
(I hope that quote works)

When I read that, it hit me, as much as I've been trying to hide it - that is what I think is going on with me.
I think what I'm going to do is just be friends with the older one.

I mean for soo long I was ALWAYS with the younger brother.
The whole day at school - and he would drive me home, weekends we'd go out driving, movies, clubs.
In the summer, little road trips here and there (i even went along with him and his family to the beach a few times) and prolly 90% of the summer nights were just us talking driving in his car till 2 am. For the longest time he's all I ever knew. I don't know where we went WRONG !!!

I shut ALL other guys out because I was soo blinded in love with him I didnt think there could be anyone else for me. I hate to sound like a geek or all sappy but for months I believe he was my soul mate, we just clicked and it was MENT TO BE, I was soo dependant on him (which I know isnt a good thing at all).

Now I think I have to find MYSELF. Find a way to move on, forget and get started with my life all over again, find things that I like doing, and concentrate on my studies. - (and as much as his brother is a amazing guy too, I can't move on being with him.)

Thanks for all of your imput to EVERYONE, you've all helped me see this situation so much more clearly.

Chiara
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