I just need to vent about somethings (really, REALLY, long) - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-09-2005, 10:42 PM Thread Starter
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I just need to vent about somethings (really, REALLY, long)

Soo.....the boyfriend and I had made plans with two of his friends (a couple who is now engaged, Ryan and Ashley) to ring in 2004. Brandon (my boyfriend) and his friend Ryan had reserved a hotel a year in advance in New York City so they could ring in the New Year of 2004. When Brandon and I started dating, I was encouraged to join them. Not a problem. Until...

For Christmas 2003, I went with Brandon's family to PA to celebrate the holiday and figured that since we were so close to Shippensburg, PA (well, really close compared to West Lafayette, IN) and D.C., we could visit with some friends of mine that I hadn't seen in well over a year after our time in New York was over. Brandon agreed and all was well. Then he told his friend Ryan who then told Ashley and they decided that 1) they didn't realize they were going to have to drive back to IN alone and 2) they really needed to save money for missions work (which is completely understandable, but they KNEW this trip was coming up and should have planned accordingly; although, I think it was just an excuse). They told us this mere weeks before the trip after a year of planning. I'm miffed, but Brandon and I don't say anything because he'd rather keep the peace since "Ryan does this all the time."

Fast forward to this New Years...Ryan asked if Brandon and I could go to South Bend and ring in the New Year with them. Brandon told them that he would talk to me. I told Brandon that I really really did not want to go, but if he did, I would and not be a brat about it. Brandon thought about it overnight and told me that he'd rather not go and do a lot of driving that night. He told Ryan and all was good. Until.. (yeah, another one)

Brandon and Ryan were discussing a way for all of us to hang out before they went back to school (in Stubbenville, OH). Brandon suggested they visit in West Lafayette, because they hadn't seen his apartment all setup and that way if it got too late they could just stay the night. After Ryan mentioned this to Ashley, he called Brandon back and said, "Ashley is still miffed that you bailed on us for New Years and says that the only way we can all hang out is if you guys come up here."

Can anyone tell me how that's any WORSE than them canceling plans that were made a year in advance at the last minute? Being the better person, Brandon didn't bring that up. But I'm sooo upset by the whole thing because it's as if THEY didn't bail on us! Am I crazy to be mad about this whole thing? Honestly, it makes me not want to be around them even more than I had already disliked.
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-09-2005, 11:25 PM
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Yeah, this is annoying. It's almost reaching that point where it's too much of an effort to continue being friends with them. I personally do not like to have friendships that cause a lot of drama. This seems to be one of those types.

Good luck, I know it's difficult when you are dealing with a significant other's friends/family in situations like these. The best way to handle it between you and Brandon is to remain mature and not resort to any bashing of the friends. More than likely he's as irritated as you are and he's more likely to take care of it appropriately if he feels like he's handling it on his own. Guys can be silly like that.
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-10-2005, 10:12 AM
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What I have learned in my life about 'couple friendships'.....
If the 2 women dont get along or like each other......
you can basically forget it
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-10-2005, 11:15 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoscosMum
What I have learned in my life about 'couple friendships'.....
If the 2 women dont get along or like each other......
you can basically forget it
I used to like her...I really truly did...until her judgemental side started showing and then this incident. Ryan is fine when it's just him, but when she's around, it's like they're twins! I really hope that she "grows up" (honestly, she needs to mature) before they get married.

If this keeps up, I'm not going to the wedding.
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-10-2005, 11:19 AM
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Originally Posted by emrldsky
If this keeps up, I'm not going to the wedding.
Careful with that one. It may cause tension for your and your boyfriend. In my opinion, one day at their wedding isn't a lot to put up with. Also, they will be so busy with their day that you won't have to deal with them that much.
I'd attend the wedding and then call it quits. It would be the polite and "bigger person" thing to do. Ya know?
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-10-2005, 11:21 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by AddFran
Yeah, this is annoying. It's almost reaching that point where it's too much of an effort to continue being friends with them. I personally do not like to have friendships that cause a lot of drama. This seems to be one of those types.

Good luck, I know it's difficult when you are dealing with a significant other's friends/family in situations like these. The best way to handle it between you and Brandon is to remain mature and not resort to any bashing of the friends. More than likely he's as irritated as you are and he's more likely to take care of it appropriately if he feels like he's handling it on his own. Guys can be silly like that.
Thanks. I was hoping that I wasn't being silly about this. I'm supporting any decisions he makes regarding them and I love him too much to be petty about it. I have expressed concern about how uncomfortable some of their comments can be.

For example, I let them stay at my place because Brandon was having roommate issues at the time. I had two couches, so they could each sleep on one (they don't believe in sharing the same bed before marriage, which is fine with me), but Brandon stayed as well (they ARE his friends) and we shared a bed because I have a one bedroom place. The next day all they kept saying was how they would never do that, and how it's wrong, and how the bible says it's wrong (if anyone can find this specific situation in the bible, please tell me), etc. I felt uncomfortable IN MY OWN HOME! I bit my tongue and played the good girlfriend part but it's getting hard to do so. I'm not one to let people walk all over me, but Brandon can't stand up to his friends.

I want to fix it but I know it's his job to do it.
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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-10-2005, 11:22 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AddFran
Quote:
Originally Posted by emrldsky
If this keeps up, I'm not going to the wedding.
Careful with that one. It may cause tension for your and your boyfriend. In my opinion, one day at their wedding isn't a lot to put up with. Also, they will be so busy with their day that you won't have to deal with them that much.
I'd attend the wedding and then call it quits. It would be the polite and "bigger person" thing to do. Ya know?
I know. They're not getting married for at least two years (they're both still in school and want to be engaged for a long time), so I'm not too worried about it.
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-10-2005, 11:24 AM
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I've been in the exact same situation. My best friend of the last 10 years and his girlfriend (soon to be fiance) sound just like yours.

One weekend about two years ago they thought they were supposed to hang out with us... Jess and I had no clue we supposedly had plans with them, lol. So turns out they were quite mad at us when we didn't call. When confronted about it, I told them I had no idea we had plans, but that if they hadn't heard from us they should've called (we both have cell phones and they have both our numbers) so that we could've worked something out. Their reply? "Well YOU were supposed to call US." So I said it was common sense to call someone if you hadn't heard from them. Well, apparently she took that as me calling her stupid... blah blah. It ended being a big fiasco, we all apologized but Jess and I really distanced ourselves from them for a while.

We kept in touch, but stayed distanced like I said. It really worked out well, and while we don't hang out too often (they live on the other end of the state) these petty little problems are gone.
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-10-2005, 11:44 AM
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I also was in a similar situation with the boyfriends old roommates before we ended up moving in together and for a little while after. I was able to finally say enough is enough when some of the things they were doing were directly affecting me even when the boyfriend wasn't even around. It's a long story, and not worth getting into, but after the boyfriend basically sitting back and eating it for a few months, he finally made a call to his friend and said enough is enough. The fiance got huffy, trashed me to a couple mutual friends, which I didn't even care enough about to give my side of the story. I just let it go.

We've not hung out with them as a couple in 2 years plus (FINE BY ME!!!! Could not stand the fiance, now wife of this guy) but the boyfriend and his buddy go to lunch occasionally (they work within a few blocks of each other) and every now and then grab a beer.
Perfect ending in my book.
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-10-2005, 12:48 PM
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AddFran - isn't friendship fun? I was in a similiar situation too, and all during my wedding. Our best man's wife got into a fight with my maid of honor, in Mexico, the night before our wedding. I wasn't even there but I took the brunt of it. They bashed/ignored me for the rest of the trip because she was my best friend. They left our wedding right after dinner and didn't speak to us for the rest of trip. Then when we got home he bashed me and my friends to my husband. What a great way to start of being newlyweds! When they got back the wife went running to anyone who would listen (the wives and girlfriends on my husbands side).

I tried to be civil to her at a few functions after that but she had her nose so high in the air, I said forget it. I don't need that. Needless to say we don't do couple things with them and my husband and his best friend are still trying to patch up an awkward situation 8 months later. I have no regrets walking away for every having anything to do with her, even though it makes situations uncomfortable for some of our other friends.

Jade - don't feel you need to patch things up to keep things civil. I tried that and it makes you feel like you are kissing their a** and that you have no pride. I felt low for even trying when it was not my fault in any way.
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