Where to start?!
As some of you know H and I separated at the end of May.
I told my 2 best friends and sister immediately.
I reluctantly told my parents a week or so later. And they were far from supportive
I told them the barest of details, that my H fell in love with a coworker. I asked them not to tell anyone as it was our place to tell people and right now we didn't want to tell people and they didn't know all the details anyway. They agreed to that.
On to the drama at hand!
After telling those initial family members/friends that was it, I didn't tell anyone else. Then at the end of July I told my 2 aunts (one of whom told my cousin, her daughter, I was fine with that). I told them we have separated but not the reason why. My Mom was sitting right there when I told them.
Last week my Dad called me and asked me to let my Grandpa know because they were really uncomfortable with him not knowing. I was extremely hurt by this conversation and did not say much to my Dad.
I felt like their being uncomfortable should come before my own feelings.
I knew I had to tell my Grandpa but I was not ready yet, I was still building up the courage.I feel like I did something wrong, like a failure, I feel guilty, I am embarrassed and ashamed. So I really don't feel like going around telling people about this! I got brave enough and told my Grandpa last week.
(Now my sister's wedding is at the end of July and lots of extended family and family friends will be there. At this point they will be told that we have swparated because H will not be attending. I will not make a big deal of this, just tell the that we have separated. It is my sisters time and will not take that away from her!! Luckily there is a big party the night before so this is when they will notice H isn't there and I can tell them then. So I won't be taking away from my wonderful sister's day. She deserves an amazing day!!! By the way I did plan on letting my Grandpa know before this night.)
I found out yesterday from my 18 year old cousin that her and my Grandpa had been at my parents house earlier in the week. While they were there my parents were freely telling them how we are separated because H fell in love with another woman.
I was furious to know this.Luckily I was far away from my town for the day so could do nothing about it at the time. That night I called my Mom and I told her that I thought she owed me a huge apology. She wanted to know what for so I told her that they had no right to be telling my Grandpa things when they had promised they would keep it to themselves.
There was a miscommunication at one point and I know that I am partly to blame.
In the end of an email to my Dad I had said that Grandpa knows now so you don't have to be afraid that he will find out about it now.
What I should have said was that I told him we have separated but not the details behind it.
They assumed I would have told him everything. I am confused because my Mom saw me tell my aunts and I gave them no details, so why she thought I would tell my 81 year old Grandpa that my H wanted to leave me for another woman I don't know.My mother then proceeds to tell me that my Grandpa was lecturing my parents to lecture me that marriage can't be thrown away over a little fight. This is the point where they told him the details.
This was my Mom's defense. That her dad was lecturing them to lecture me. And that's why they told him.I told her that no matter what is said by anyone to them they do not have the right to tell people. That in the future they should tell people to come to me. I also said that they should have told my Grandpa to tell me himself.
Now, I know my cousin will have told her mom (one of the aunts I told) why we have separated. I am also afraid that my Grandpa will have told me other aunt that I already told the details behind why we have separated. I have emailed that cousin's mom, my aunt, and asked her that if she does know the details to please keep them to herself, as my parents should not have told anyone what they did. I will also have to talk to my Grandpa. I have to find out who knows and tell the nicely to keep it to themselves.
The reason that I don't want everyone to know is partly out of shame and embarassment but also because I don't want it to be held against my H if we do work things out.
My sister is being so supportive, and I feel bad for adding to her stress so close to her wedding!
I feel extremely betrayed by my parents. And I got no real apology. They really can't see why I am upset. I was very calm about it. I didn't yell, I was not mean.I am trying as hard as I can to be strong. If I don't I will completely fall apart. Maybe I am giving off the impression that I don't want/need anyone's support. Maybe my family is uncomfortable and don't know what to say. I have never felt so alone or uncared for in my life.
I try not to bring it up with my 2 best friends a lot because they don't need to hear me whine all the time. But I am really hurt because they don't even ask me if I am okay. No one does.
I know I Can be strong and eventually I will get through this. I just don't know how much more of this family related stuff I can handle! There is some other stuff I won't really go into. One aunt has said that it seems like H is all for working it out and I want nothing to do with it. I have no clue where she gets this from. Stuff like that!
So after this my plan is not to just sit and whine about it!
I am doing something about it!
Well I have already started with that call to my mom and by emailing my aunt and asking her to keep any details she knows to herself.
We have a family dinner planned for monday so I may take advantage of it to discuss some things so there is no miscommunication and everyone is clear on everything.
I am also not going to let this stuff keep getting to me too much. I have some counselor suggested tips for helping with it
Thanks for everyone's support in my other thread regarding my separation. You guys are a big part of the reason why I still have some of my sanity!!!!