I am getting Divorced - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 50 (permalink) Old 07-17-2005, 09:07 PM Thread Starter
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I am getting Divorced

I have 2 wonderful children, and thought I had the most wonderful marriage. I never fight with my husband, we get along so great, love the same hobbies, spend a lot of time together. He has always respected and valued my opinion, and it has been soooo amazing.

Then I discovered he has been living a dual personality. He is this loving huaband and father here... then goes out and spends time in the accompanyment of women. I found out accidentally after finding a bunch a jpeg files he has with these women, all dated, all rated XXX. This has shocked me totally. I have not seen the signs of a cheating husband. So I confronted him, and said point blank its divorce time. Now he is in shock, thinks he can give me only $100,000(house equity), child support & custody, and that I will go peacefully. HaHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
rudeawakening coming soon... We have a lot of assets, and I am going to be a welloff lady here shortly. HE thinks that we are going work everything out, that we are making up... he is going to be in for a rude awakening when he gets served the papers.
Luckily my kids are out of town, and they are not seeing this. I am not the type to yell and scream, beg and plead, so that when the kids come back we will be civil around them. For the sake of the children, I will be living in this house until the divorce is finalized, and received my settlement. My husband is the passive type, won't fight me on anything, and won't fight in front of the kids. Maybe I am wrong, but I think we will handle this like adults, and like I am a roommate. Right now I have been sleeping on the couch.. but when the kids get back I will have to figure a way to explain that to them. I just hope this is a speedy divorce, I don't think he will contest anything I ask for, he just will want to have it over with.
Sorry, but he is getting screwed. I am going to be so much better off financially. but my heart is breaking. I always thought we would be together forever, I guess that is not meant to be...
I feel better letting everyone know in this forum, because I want to feel like I am not alone in this. Here in Vegas I have been isolated from family and friends, and turned to the forum as a subsitute.

Oh, and I am getting custody of the cat. I made it perfectly clear when I said I wanted a divorce I am taking ALL 3 OF MY BABIES, my 7yrold, my 5yr old, and Gary, my precious cat.
BTW, maybe I am imagining it, but I think Gary knows I am going through an emotional time.. he has been very clingy and attached to me since this ordeal started. I wonder if he can sense I need to be loved right now, and that I need his comfort....

The kids and I are probably going to move back to California, hopefully Orange county, to be closer to my Dad. This is very scary, I have never been alone, always had someone taking care of me.. now I have to grow up and do whats best for my children. My children come back in a few weeks, and I have till then to get my feelings under control... I have decided they won't be told mommy&daddy are breaking up till the divorce is finalized. I am picking a lawyer on Tuesday, and I have been scanning all the major documents in our household for lawyers, and need to come up with a list of questions.
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post #2 of 50 (permalink) Old 07-17-2005, 09:19 PM
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Oh no, Jackie. I'm so sorry. How awful.

You seem like a very strong person. Somehow, you will get through this.

My thoughts are with you, Jackie.

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post #3 of 50 (permalink) Old 07-17-2005, 09:25 PM
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*huge hugs*

I'll be thinking of you, Jackie.
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post #4 of 50 (permalink) Old 07-17-2005, 09:32 PM Thread Starter
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And to top it off this morning my "husband" woke me up asking what did I do with the car. I was deeply sleeping, due to not sleeping at all Friday night of the "confrontation"... turns out someone stole my 67'LeMans. HE was soo upset, and was emotional. So I said something petty(and stupid, mind you, since he still has no clue I am serious about the divorce,) "It's pathetic how upset you are about a car, but you are losing a family" (On the advice from my dad, I am not supposed to let him know I am truly serious about this, in case he tried to hide assets run up bills, etc. I don't think he is the type to do this, but then, I didn't think he was a cheating f$#% [email protected]$$. When I told my dad, he became very suspicious, thinking my husband may have had the car stolen on purpose, to hide it from me...)
So I was the only one that had the presence of mind to call the police, they took down our information, etc, and sent an officer out here. The officer was a nice lady, very understanding, explained that there has been many cars stolen recently in our neighborhood, and most likely person won't be caught. She said usually when they do catch up with them it's a minor, and minor's won't be prosecuted. I then said, "Well that's not fair, there has to be some kind of justice!" Then she replied, " You could always beat the crap out of them, then call the cops after of course!"... "Hey you are a cop, you can't tell us that!!"I said jokingly.... meanwhile my husband is just devastated. But I am numb. I don't feel happy,sad, angry, frustrated, anything. I was thinking that I should get to the store and buy my little daughter a new cd, which was stolen along with the car.

The person/people that stole the car may have tried to also take my 71 chevy step side, show quality. The door was found unlocked and not shut all the way.. nothing was missing-- the expensive radio is hidden in the truck. So my husband went off to work, and I am sitting here thinking Karma is getting him...

then few hours later he drives up to the house, and I see a Towtruck pull up behind him WITH OUR CAR!!!!!! My husband was on his way to work, when he saw the car on the side of the freeway. The cop told us if in the rare even t we were to find the car, we are to contact them immediately. So he waited patiently, hoping one of the 3 highway patrol cars he saw past him would pull over for the stolen vehicle... he had to go find a payphone, and went back to the car, waiting in the truck. then an officer pulled up behind him yelling "You in the truck put your hands where I can see them!" They spread eagled him, put cuffs on him, all the while he is explaining it's my car... finally the cops got it resolved...
The car ran out of gas on the thiefs!!!!!! The steering column is busted, cb radio stolen, and THANK GOODNES MY DAUGHTERS CD is still in it! Sorry, but is it so terrible I was worried about the cd, and not the car??????
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post #5 of 50 (permalink) Old 07-17-2005, 09:34 PM
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I'm sorry for you. *hugs*. This forum has been my place to turn to when I feel alone too. Everyone is willing to listen and is very supportive. It seems like you are a strong women and you are thinking with your head on straight.

I'll keep you in my thoughts. Feel free to PM me anytime.

~Shelly~

Zoee, Zack, Lamar & Mateo's mom
and Khan my Pit Bull Terrier
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post #6 of 50 (permalink) Old 07-17-2005, 09:35 PM
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OMG- I am so sorry, Jackie.

You sound very strong, alot like my mom, who divorced my dad and started over when I was 10.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. *HUGE HUGS*
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post #7 of 50 (permalink) Old 07-17-2005, 09:49 PM Thread Starter
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This just has been very surreal. I have been dealing with feeling like this isn't happening to me. I think I will need therapy after the divorce, and the children will probably too.

I am very thankful that this is a community property state. I won't be destitude as a result of this divorce, and until I am corrected by the lawyer on Tuesday, I should be getting a very large settlement, plus alimony& child support.
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post #8 of 50 (permalink) Old 07-17-2005, 09:59 PM
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Jackie, I'm sorry -- you must be devastated.

I know it is against forum rules to delete posts, but do you think it's wise to post on the forum about your plans for the divorce? I mean, he may find this forum just as easily as you found the photos -- I'm just concerned that he may try to use it against you during the divorce proceedings, making it sound like you are just divorcing him for the assets.

Good luck with everything -- sorry it had to turn out this way.
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post #9 of 50 (permalink) Old 07-17-2005, 09:59 PM
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Jackie,

In case you haven't already...make sure you have current dated copies of all your bank statements, brokerage statements, mortgage statements, credit card statements, etc. Better safe than sorry.

You might also consider getting a post office box for yourself so that only you have access to your mail.

What a crazy story about your car!! I can't believe it was found!

EDIT: Katie has a good point, especially considering that you found evidence of your husband's activities on the computer!!

Owned by Pepper and Pumpkin RIP Snickers 8/22/00 -- 11/28/06

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post #10 of 50 (permalink) Old 07-17-2005, 10:13 PM Thread Starter
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thing is, if he even tried to come onto this chat, let him... I need the venting... maybe it isn't the wisest thing I have ever done, but I NEED THIS... I truly don't think he has the inkling to check this website out. I have put up many different safeguards on my computer, password protected my files, password protected access to my section of the computer, deleted out most anything that he could potentially find, and will be changing the codes frequently, I even sent the pictures to others i know so I would have the ultimate proof, even though the courts don't care... he did try to delete the pictures after I confronted him... the most he could do is wipe out the computer. He isn't computer savvy. By the time he would be served, anything he would view as "bad" would be permenately wiped from computer... I truly don't think he wuld think of going to a cat forum to read up on me divorcing him!!!!

The major problem right now is, to not let him know my steps. I don;t even know the actions I will taking until I consult a lawyer... rest assured I will not be divulging the actions I will be taking, just want to express my feelings here.
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