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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-18-2005, 01:43 PM Thread Starter
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More separation/family problems

My parents have invited my husband over for some computer help and because they miss him and want to see him. We have been separated for almost 3 months so they have not seen him. There are a lot of other people they could get this computer help from!

My Mom asked me a few weeks ago if it was okay with me if they emailed him to say hi. I said that was fine. I really appreciated the fact that they asked me first.

I however see a huge difference between them contacting him and socializing with him. I can understand that that they miss him. And part of me thinks it is none of my business, they are free to do what they want.
But the other part of me is crushed that my parents would invite him into their home. To me that is saying that they are okay with what he has done to me.

I know that it is between Husband and me, and not them, but I personally think that out respect for me and my feelings that they could maintain a limited amount of contact. His family is supporting him (even though he still has not told them why we are separated) they don't call me or email me....to me that seems more normal.

I won't be able to talk to them in person without crying so I am writing them an email because I really want them to know how I feel. What really hurts is that they know that I am upset that one of my aunts still sees him, and after seeing him she has told me Mom stuff like how he misses home etc. Which of course my Mom has to repeat to me.

Am I just being super sensitive or would this bother you too?
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-18-2005, 03:50 PM
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I do not feel you are being unreasonable. My husband and I were separated years ago, because he had an affair. My family was very supportive of me. They stayed civil to him, but it did not go further than that. I would have felt abandoned had they invited him over, for any reason. It is understandable that they miss him, if they had a good relationship prior to your separation, and yes, it is hard on everyone, but they should step back so that you can work out your situation whatever way you see fit, without having to worry about your family getting involved or taking sides.

My thoughts are with you. It is very hard going through this and every relationship is so different. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

****hugs****

Chris

Proud mother of 2 Human Boys and 1 Furry Female!
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-18-2005, 04:08 PM
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LoveMyKitties,

I am not trying to make you angry but I got angry at your family reading your post . They shouldn't have even asked to email your husband.

They should be 100% on your side and wait for you to figure things out. That is what family is about and that is what family loyalty and support is about - they should support you in whatever you decide. I just feel that they are shoving their nose where they shouldn't.

They miss him - that's ok, they might even think they are doing you a favor keeping him close but that is not the point right now. You are trying to work through things in your way and at your pace and they should respect that and not be in touch with him till you figure things out. That's what I think anyway

The more people I meet the more I like my cat!
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-18-2005, 06:11 PM
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I don't know what happened that you guys split up, but no matter what I think that your parents' behavior is not right. Stand your ground, you shouldn't have to deal with that stuff -- they should be supporting you. *Hugs* Good luck.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 08-18-2005, 06:16 PM Thread Starter
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Thank You Chris,Sockispus, and Crystal. My family is doing a lot of stuff similar to this event and it is really starting to make me think that maybe I am the crazy one because they all see it as normal.

I have only really had family support from my sister and her husband. Without them I would off my rocker by now

From day one I have had almost no support from them. I just helped do a bunch of stuff for my sister's wedding at the end of July though. A marathon week of tying up lose ends and helping with anything I could. At one point my Dad told me that he was so proud of me for everything I was doing for them even with everything else going on in my life. That is the sum total of support from my parents! For those two minutes I felt so much better.

One of my aunt's sees him still too. AND after seeing him she will tell my parents how he says he misses being at home and other things. He should have thought of that before wanting to leave me for another woman huh?! I am not too thrilled that she repeats things! Luckily she is going away in a month for about three months so I will get a break from that

I am really getting to the breaking point where I want to just step back from them and not see them for awhile.

Socksipuss you didn't make me angry getting angry at my parents you made me smile! you should see my sister's reactions when I tell her these things! I think I am furious....but she blows my reactions away with hers. Unlike me, I am timid when it comes to saying things that may potentially cause upset between my parents and I, she will just say it right to them. I had to ask her not to say anything until I do! I did call my parents on something related to the separation last month, and while they didn't really apologize I felt better for telling them (and proud that I didn't end up in tears!)

Thank you to all three of you for your responses! I am going on a mini holiday in a few days but I will send my parents the email (that way they can't twist my words) before I go!!

I know I will feel better then!!
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