Just got dumped.... - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-20-2005, 03:04 PM Thread Starter
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Just got dumped....

I'm going through a break up right now. He told me thursday night. Been crying ever since.

I wanted to work things out, but he would't even tell me whats wrong. Said he'd call wednesday so we can talk, but I didn't hear anything til Thursday night.

I feel like I brought it about, got mad and wrote him a note telling him all the things he does that make me feel bad( I always had to call him, he never called me, he stopped having 'relations' two months ago and he kept givning me excuses like it's too hot, I have stomach ache etc. then last friday was our 6 month anniversry and I TOLD him it was about four times, and he didn't say in a thing to me about it when the day came.) So I wrot ehim the letter.
Wasn't the outcome I had expected. I thought he'd apologize and tell me whats wrong.

I can't, eat, sleep or do anything, I even skipped work Friday. Couldn't face veryone, they had been buggung ME to break it off with him.
This was my first real realtionship and I didn't realize it would be this hard. I still love him.
Wants to be friends, but I don't think I could stand it if he ever found someone else.

We talked Thursday night and he told me he just lost interest, that we don't have anything in common etc...
But I don't feel that way at all. I loved taking part in his hobbies. I don't really have any hobbies other than horses which I know he wouldn't like so never asked him to try liking it. I mean up until he started being distant a few months ago, I saw him being the person I'd be with forever.

We're going to try being friends, but I don't know if I can do it. At least he isn't really looking for someone new he just doesn't feel like being in a relationship right now.

I don't think I could deal with seeing him with someone else.

The thing is I"ll miss his family and friends, but I'm not quite 'friends' with them yet. We hang out but I've only ever gone out with them once without him. I"m not sure if they consider me a friend or not. I guess I'll call Jami(his friends wife and the only other girl in our group) and talk to her abut it. Let her know I still would like to hang out with them.
ANd that she needs to be the one to call and invite me places. Because I know even though he said we'd be friends he won't ever call and invite me over since his friends never call they just show up at his house, but I've never felt right abut that and have alway's called.

Well, I don't think I"ll be ready to see anyone again for a LONG time. Considering my last guy was my Jr. year in HS. It took me 5 yrs to finally date again. And I didn't care about that guy nearly as much as this one. I figure I'll be ready to date again when I'm 30.

Of course in those 5 yrs he was the only person who ever asked me out. Was technically my first date, first of just about everything other than kissing. Had 'relations' once with the guy in HS, then he never spoke to me again.Heck he stopped us half way through and went and puked. That'll kinda scar a girl for life. That's why I had such a big problem when this one stopped being affectionate towards me. Makes me feel like some ugly thing no guy wants.

I guess it's to soon, he said he wanted to be friends but I called last night and he put me through to his voice mail.

Sorry I needed to rant.
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-20-2005, 03:24 PM
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Oh honey, I'm so sorry.

Take care of yourself this weekend. Have some chocolate, treat yourself to dinner, do whatever you need to do for you. The rest of the world can wait.

*hugs*
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-20-2005, 04:54 PM
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First one is always the hardest.
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-21-2005, 12:24 AM
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First you need to work on gaining confidence back in yourself.
I think your ex(sorry I hope it is not too soon and harsh sounding..I don't know what else to call him) should have had the decency to treat you and this whole matter with a lot more respect. From what I see he is not fully matured..perhaps if you stay friends he will realize what he's missing on ..or you'll just move on yourself. You were doing your part and participating in his hobbies. You have to look back and analyze how things were. See if you can really see his true self; or it is a mental picture of what you want him to be. Perhaps you were overlooking things that he didn't do but should have for the sole purpose to make it work! A relationship should be fare and balanced; and him not taking part in your hobby - horses - doesn't seem fair at all.
Try to write down on one column why you love him ; on the other the reasons you hurt because of what he does/did. You need to be true to yourself. It can take a lot off your chest and the tears we'll stop before you know it.
Take aphrodeia's advice and treat yourself. Spend time with people that appreciate you and see that you are worth so much.
I wouldn't want to spend any time with him. It seems to be too paniful for you. AT least not for a while until you realize that he probably didn't deserve you. Or I maybe wrong.

I wish you well and hope that the pain will fade away soon.
And don't close your doors! Keep your options open. Don't wait for him to see what he's missing on...he might not be worth it.
*hugs*

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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-21-2005, 02:02 PM Thread Starter
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I guess it may be too soon. BUt I would like to try remaining friends.

I'm well aware that he's a selfish person, I've always known that. I liked him dispite that.

To soon to go out as well. My friend forced me to go out to a Wedding, of all things, with her. Spent the entire time crying til she took me home.

I did go out and spend $85 I didn't have on pretty clothes.
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-21-2005, 04:23 PM
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I know how this hurts, and I know it will take time to get over him. However, I think a clean break will be much easier for you. I would say, "Hello" when you see him, but I would try to stay away from places you know he'll be. I'm so sorry to say this, but if everything had to be his way, it appears that he was not interested in you, only sleeping with you. When the novelty wore off, I'm afraid he found another girl to have relations with.

I wish I were there with you, because my heart aches for you. I know it probably hurts to read these things, and I wish I could give you a hug. There are good men in this world who care about the whole person, not just what happens in bed.

I'm glad you spent that money! Now it would be good to take a course at Community College or adult classes at the high school, strictly for fun--painting, sculpting, creative writing, whatever you think might be interesting. I gave my daughter a class of her choice for her birthday once. She chose karate and became a black belt! You need something to take your mind off of him. Have you thought of piano lessons? computer science? God bless you and guide you to something wonderful. Don't be afraid to lean on us and tell us what you're doing.




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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-22-2005, 12:22 PM
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((((big hugs))))

I hope that, by now things are starting to get a bit easier. It takes time and hurts soooo bad! I know!

It would (imo) probably be best to just focus on yourself and not worry about him, friends that you "sort of" had which he shares, his family, etc. It is too soon and will make it harder. After some time has passed, then maybe...but not now.

You said your friends were always trying to get you to dump "him". It's hard to see that you are not being treated right when you are in love...love is blind (and deaf and all-consuming) but an outsider's view can often be very accurate.

I was so afraid to leave my first husband and that marriage was a horror! It took me ten years to get out, despite hearing over and over again from family and "friends" how bad I really had it. I was scared to death: a single mom with 2 kids; no education; no job skills; etc.
I knew in my heart that NO MAN would want to get stuck with me! How wrong I was! I have been married to my DH for almost 8 years. He legally adopted OUR daughters in 2001, and while he is NOT perfect...I love him with all of my heart and know I am a lucky woman. What's more: he know HE is a lucky MAN! (and I never let him forget it )

I am so sorry about your HS experience...that would definitely scar me for life! BUT!!!! It wasn't YOU! It was HIM! Had he been drinking? Was he ill? Was he the type of person who throws up when they get really nervous? (My daughter is!) It had nothing to do with your "event" or with you...if you can, talk about it with a trusted friend or even better with a therapist, if you can manage it. I have just started seeing one at the age of 38 and am beginning to realize that many of the things I have been holding inside have kept me in a state of misery. I am learning, very slowly to focus on myself as a result and it feels WONDERFUL! I am also learning to let go of past pain that I blamed myself for...when I had no control over it.

I hope your taking the time to rant has made you feel better. I also hope that it is getting easier for you. Hang in there and avoid situations/places/people that you have in common with him for a while. It will give you a chance to get things into perspective. Take the time to mourn over the loss of the relationship and then let it go...it is similar to going through the mourning experience of a loved one dying...there are 5 stages which you pass through: the last being acceptance. Lean on YOUR friends and YOUR family and YOUR pets. They love you! Post on catforum lounge...we love you, too!

(((((HUGS)))))
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-22-2005, 05:40 PM
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One thing you can always count on "Life Happens". Although you may not see the how or why now trust that there IS a reason! Perhpas you need time to focus on YOURSELF to find out who you are.

There was a time in my life where I had taken the same course, nearly 9 years went by in an instant before I discovered who I really was. God does not always show us his master plan.

Ciao!

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but a tiny spark matters not-for the world needs whatever portion of light is yours to give.

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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-22-2005, 06:42 PM
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I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through. I can remember my own painful breakups and wouldn't wish that on anyone. Good for you for giving yourself a treat to cheer yourself up!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeanie
Now it would be good to take a course at Community College or adult classes at the high school, strictly for fun--painting, sculpting, creative writing, whatever you think might be interesting. I gave my daughter a class of her choice for her birthday once. She chose karate and became a black belt! You need something to take your mind off of him. Have you thought of piano lessons? computer science?
I agree with Jeanie. Once the initial shock and pain wear off, look at this as an opportunity to start fresh and focus on your interests.

How about volunteering? Helping others will make you feel great and take your mind off your troubles.

Good luck and do keep us posted on how you're doing.

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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 08-22-2005, 10:34 PM
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Clint is right. We see our lives vertically. God sees them horizontally. He knows all aspects of our lives, the consequences of every act. Although this event was painful, "all things work together for good." Keep the faith.




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