Great friend came out - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 11-20-2005, 03:29 AM Thread Starter
 
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Great friend came out

So I don't know how to react to this. I had this great friend in high school, and still(like a super best friend). We were such great friends that we figured we would try to date but it was like kissing your brother type feeling so we called it off. We hung out ALL the time, I loved to listen to his piano playing(he was extraordinary) and we loved each other, just in a friend type way. I've never been closer to a guy, everyone I dated hated him because of how close we were. Hubby was always jelouse of him, we always hugged or what have you. I've known him for 11 years. He never was really into dating, in fact I was his first kiss. I just got an e-mail from him. Now I'm all freaked out. It's an odd feeling, like crying, wondering how I missed it, and every other emotion you can think of. He said that he has finally been honest with himself, that he met a guy, they've moved in together and he's in LOVE! I'm so glad he's happy but... WOW! That was just out of the blue. They're going to Costa Rica for College break and Hawaii(where I'm at) for his... boyfriend's 10th high school reunion this summer. I haven't written him back yet, I'm afraid I'll say something to offend him, my tummy's twisting into a knot. I really do think it's great he's happy, he's had so many dating issues before but this is really a shock. What should I say to him???
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 11-20-2005, 04:33 AM
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Just be honest I guess... My response would probably be something along the lines of "Wow, I never would have thought it, but I am really pleased that you are now happy"

What more is there to say really?
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 11-20-2005, 08:12 AM
 
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Had a very similar situation happen to me. And when I found out it was one of those smack your forhead DUH things. I guess I was just sooo close to him I never saw it. He is so much happier now so I guess I would just say you are so happy he found what he has wanted.
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 11-20-2005, 07:43 PM
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I had the very same thing happen to me with my best friend in high school. He knew it about himself years before he was comfortable sharing it with anyone. We had been out of high school for about five years before he told me. I was certainly surprised and saddened that he had to hold back something so important for fear of what others would think.

Just remember he is still the same person you have been friends with for years. It really shouldn't change anything between the two of you.
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 11-20-2005, 07:48 PM
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Do what you'd do if he'd found a great girl. Congratulate him. It's easier than you think.
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 11-20-2005, 11:19 PM
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Uhh, how about "Congratulations! I am happy for you, you deserve it!" And then tell him how proud you are that he had enough courage to come out and that you'll be there for him no matter what.

Being gay is not an easy street to be on, he's going to get enough crap thrown at him from all the ignorant people in this world--he certainly doesn't need it from you.

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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 11-21-2005, 12:31 AM Thread Starter
 
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I don't know where you got the idea I was going to throw it in his face, I love him to death. He's a great friend and always has been. I want to be supportive, I've just never been friends with anyone who's gay before, you know? And it was all of a sudden. I met him 11 years ago and now he tells me this. It's not like I barely knew him, it's a huge shock. I've never been this close to a guy without having "those kind of feelings". I always thought that was odd. He's gorgious, blond, blue eyed, great built, kind of tall, dresses nicely, very loving, kind to all, takes care of himself and is as smart as they come with a great personality. Who wouldn't fall for a guy like that??? We ended up best friends and I could never pinpoint why us dating didn't feel right for either of us. I would never do anything to hurt him, I want to lift him up and make him feel good about himself. I love him. I really don't want what I just said to sound harsh, just wanted to clear it up.
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 11-21-2005, 12:41 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trevor
Uhh, how about "Congratulations! I am happy for you, you deserve it!" And then tell him how proud you are that he had enough courage to come out and that you'll be there for him no matter what.

Being gay is not an easy street to be on, he's going to get enough crap thrown at him from all the ignorant people in this world--he certainly doesn't need it from you.
I am not a frequent vistor here but I doubt she would be so ignorant has to hurt his feelings. Problem is that in this age of political correctness you can say someting innocent and have the world blow up at you. I am tolerant myself and don't even refer to them as gay because it colours people's opinions right away.

I still say just do what I did. A girl I worked with came out to me and I said that although I don't understand that lifestyle I wil always be her friend. She said thanks and I went about my work and she about hers. We never spoke of it again and I still respect her.
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 11-21-2005, 12:49 AM Thread Starter
 
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Well, I wrote him back, let me know what you think. I went on with more but had nothing to do with him coming out so I'll omite that...

"Well, that is a shock, I'm not going to lie to you, you know how I am lol. Though I'm open minded, I also always state my mind. But I do think it's great! I'm so glad you're happy! I really am just so exited for you. I hope we can hang out and I can meet your significant other when I come back to Arizona in a few weeks. I miss you so much. I am so proud of you for everything you've accomplished. That includes being strong about this relationship... and your upcoming graduation, your life seems so complete. It's so great! If he grew up in Hawaii, is he Samoan? He sounds like a great guy and I can't wait to meet him. Did you meet him at college? Has he graduated yet? What did he study?"
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 11-21-2005, 01:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BamMcg
Well, I wrote him back, let me know what you think. I went on with more but had nothing to do with him coming out so I'll omite that...

"Well, that is a shock, I'm not going to lie to you, you know how I am lol. Though I'm open minded, I also always state my mind. But I do think it's great! I'm so glad you're happy! I really am just so exited for you. I hope we can hang out and I can meet your significant other when I come back to Arizona in a few weeks. I miss you so much. I am so proud of you for everything you've accomplished. That includes being strong about this relationship... and your upcoming graduation, your life seems so complete. It's so great! If he grew up in Hawaii, is he Samoan? He sounds like a great guy and I can't wait to meet him. Did you meet him at college? Has he graduated yet? What did he study?"
That's an excellent start

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