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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-12-2005, 03:36 PM Thread Starter
 
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friend dilemma

One of my best friends is in theater. She is in and out of work constantly...a starving artist if you will. She has tried to hold down part time/full time work to have when she is not performing/directing. Well right now she is completely out of a job. She is looking but not too much luck. This weekend coming is her birthday. I was hoping to wisk her away this weekend to our friend's place in NY and have a birthday/christmas celebration for her there. Well her boyfriend really wants to have a birthday party for her here in VT. She is kinda on the outs with him but he is insistant on doing this for her. he doesn't want to go to NY because my friend has cats and he is allergic (refuses to take his allergy medication because he thinks it will effect his performance on New Years..mind you that is 2 weeks away). Anyways....so she has just been really depressed and doesn't want to do anything for her birthday or christmas. Her grandfather is dying too and she really wants to see him soon before it's too late. She has nooo money at all. She is waiting for some credit card to come in the mail so she can afford to go see him since its about a 3 hour drive. But she said the card may not come for a few weeks. So I hadn't gotten her presents yet because I was waiting to have some money myself. I was going to get her a massage and some bath and body stuff to make her feel better as I knew she has been a bit depressed for a while and I thought it may help just a little. Well I am thinking now maybe I should just give her what I was going to spend on presents in cash (about $50). I know she needs the money but I don't know if this is a good idea or not. I asked my boyfriend and he said he wasn't sure either. He is afraid she may not spend it wisely. what do you all think? I am afraid it might make her upset too.
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-12-2005, 03:38 PM
 
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I always give money. If the person spends it on something fun, or on food, either way they got to choose what they got, not have something forced on them by my tastes.
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-12-2005, 03:42 PM
 
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Can you afford to take her to see her grandfather, money or time? That might mean more to her than giving her money. *shrug*

As for the boyfriend issue, have you been friends with her longer than she has been seeing the guy? If so, I think you trump him.
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-12-2005, 03:54 PM Thread Starter
 
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Can you afford to take her to see her grandfather, money or time? That might mean more to her than giving her money.
Well the funny thing is her grandparents live only about 40 min from my friend and I said she could ride with us and I could drop her off but I think she feels like she is obligated to hang out with us then and declined it (which I tell her she isnt'). I was going to give her the money in hopes she would use it to drive to see her grandpa.

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As for the boyfriend issue, have you been friends with her longer than she has been seeing the guy? If so, I think you trump him. Wink
I, including the group of friends wanting to have the party for her, have known her for 7 years...she has been with him for 1 year.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-12-2005, 03:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by manitu22
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Can you afford to take her to see her grandfather, money or time? That might mean more to her than giving her money.
Well the funny thing is her grandparents live only about 40 min from my friend and I said she could ride with us and I could drop her off but I think she feels like she is obligated to hang out with us then and declined it (which I tell her she isnt'). I was going to give her the money in hopes she would use it to drive to see her grandpa.
You're nicer than I am. I'd "friend-nap" her and take her anyway. LOL I'm adamant about helping close friends to the point where they feel obligated to say YES!


Does that make me a mean friend?
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-12-2005, 04:04 PM Thread Starter
 
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She is pretty stubborn though and she really hates her mom unfortunately so when anyone tries to her tell her what to do (Even if it is for her own good) she doesn't want to hear it and she will get mad and say "you are treating me like my mother". It's a difficult and delicate situation with her. I have a feeling my friend in NY won't be so easy on her though. I am sure she will try to pressure her in to coming or at least catching a ride to see her grandpa.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-12-2005, 06:07 PM
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The credit card she is waiting for, is that so she can pay for gas to get to her Grandpa? If so, maybe you could buy her a gas card? However, if she is completely out of money like you say, I'd HOPE that if you did give her money, she'd spend it wisely.....
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-12-2005, 06:19 PM Thread Starter
 
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The gas card is a good idea. Maybe I will do $25 gas card and $25 cash...that way she has to spend some of it on gas. Sean and I also offered for her to stay anytime she wants to get away from her apartment. She actually lived with us for 5 months when she first moved to Vermont.
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-14-2005, 12:23 PM
 
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Maybe give her one of those American Express cards that you put money on and it's like a gift certificate -- that way it won't be like you're handing her money, but you are...and she can use it wherever she wants on whatever she wants.
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-14-2005, 05:34 PM
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This may sound really stupid but....

I have had success buying used furniture as presents. They are very practical.

Nobody can have too many chests.
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