Relationships = Stress!! - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-30-2006, 10:56 PM Thread Starter
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Relationships = Stress!!

Here's my rant:
Does anyone else ever get tired of the stress involved with being in a relationship?

I guess i"m just a typical paranoid girl in that I worry about stupid things.....
I"m sure in time things like this won't stress me out, but our relationship is new....we haven't built up a trust system yet.

An example is today, I called the bf after class( I always do) and he kinda blew me off? Not really.....I mean we spent most of hte weekend together and his parents made me dinner and invited me over.....had a great night.....but STILL when I call today to see if he wanted me to drop by after class he told me he wanted to take a nap and he'd call me tomorrow.....(he works midnights, so I guess it's understandable) but we've pretty much chatted at least for a few mintues evey night since we've met if we don't actually see each other.....
I just kinda felt like he was blowing me off.

I'm crazy aren't I?

By ex was really into me for the first 4 months and then lost interest and we had a long drawn out break up....so I think now I'm always going to be worried about the guy I'm with losing interest....

I know he's a nice guy, heck he called and apolgized twice the other night for feeling like he forced me to go home when I didn't want to(I did, I was sleepy and they were smoking pot, which I don't do, so when he asked me if I wanted to take off I said I guess so).

I hate being a clingy paranoid girl.....
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 12:38 AM
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I'm sorry if this comes off sounding insensitive, I really just mean to be helpful. But honestly, if it's a new relationship and you are young...talking every day is overrated. It can also get tiresome -- especially if one person doesn't really have much to say since talking to you ten hours ago. Your lives aren't that complicated at this point -- so it's not like there is any rush to say everything there is to say.

Independence is attractive, and absence *does* make the heart grow fonder. Live a little more separately, try not to think about when you last talked, be your own person, and things will work out if they are meant to. If spending a little time apart gives you more meaningful things to talk about next time, then great. And if spending a little time apart makes you realize you don't really feel like calling the person, then it's good to find that out. Don't push it or it will never work.

I am a girl with sort of a "guy brain" about these things. I like talking to people when I have something to say, and I HATE HATE HATE calling people out of obligation. It means a lot more to me when I have a story I want to share, or when there are things to catch up on.

You said that you hate being a paranoid girl. May I ask you what you are paranoid about? Are you afraid of what he's doing when you don't talk to him every day? Are you afraid of the reason why he might not feel like chatting all the time? The truth is, you should never let someone run your life this way. Be confident, be independent, and be true to yourself. Instead of worrying and waiting for someone to call, go do something that you enjoy. Live your own life. Not only is independence attractive, but it gives you strength. If that person decides to flake out on you, you'll be better off because you weren't depending on them for happiness.
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 04:06 AM
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I couldn't agree with Julie more! She took the words right out of my mouth...
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 11:23 AM
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My best relationships came after I figured out how amazing being alone was

That may seem totally a propos to what your situation but you sound like you are scared of being alone which leads to you feeling "paranoid" and second guessing yourself; all the while you are going over the details of your interactions ad naseum. I bet if you took some time to be alone you'd figure out how important and lovely you are so your "alone" moments would be relished instead of feared.

You say revolution, I say jah. --O.A.R.

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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 12:18 PM
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Stress in a relationship has been good to me. It has made me look deeper into myself and figure out what I want so I CAN tell my fiance to do this and that.

Solitude is excellent for reordering priorities.

I am sooooo evil. I love ordering him around
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 05:56 PM
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My marriage improved when I moved away for college. Seriously.

Ease up on the guy, or you're going to drive him away.
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 07:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mdmenagerie
My best relationships came after I figured out how amazing being alone was .
I agree. Erik and I had a pretty decent relationship when he was here, but when he went off to Basic Training and all of his training after that...and now him living in North Carolina...it made me discover myself again. I realized what I liked doing on my own, I got into things I wouldn't have gotten into when he was here because he's not interested...etc.

Keep yourself busy and make him come to you. A girl who is busy and passionate about the things that interest her is irresistible.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 07:18 PM
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I agree with a lot of what ForJazz said.

Also, why is it hard to accept he just wanted to go to sleep and not see you that night? If you don't give him his own space and if he doesn't give you yours, then their will be many problems down the road...

And about the weed thing...if he smokes it and you don't, you might have to look deeper into the future and see if this is something you really want to deal with.....I don't smoke weed and I sure wouldn't want to date someone that does...been there, done that...and it was horrible.
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 08:07 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Heather102180
I agree with a lot of what ForJazz said.

Also, why is it hard to accept he just wanted to go to sleep and not see you that night? If you don't give him his own space and if he doesn't give you yours, then their will be many problems down the road...

And about the weed thing...if he smokes it and you don't, you might have to look deeper into the future and see if this is something you really want to deal with.....I don't smoke weed and I sure wouldn't want to date someone that does...been there, done that...and it was horrible.
It's not hard to accept.....I know he really was just tired....but because of how I was treated in past relationships I just feel like it's a lie.....I know he's not my ex....but that sin't going to make it easier for me to not be paranoid about these things.....

That's the thing is my ex was the only bf I've ever had.....and we saw each other every single day unless we were at work or school...so having a bf that i only see two-three times a week is difficult and I read into thing he says.....

I have this habit of when I'm around a person I"m completely happy but as soon as I"m away I start to second guess their intentions and whatnot.....

Seroiusly if I wasn't poor I would have seeked therapy after he broke up with me.

Ahh.....the pot smoking really dosen't bother me...my dad is the biggest pot head I know....I grew up around it.

Hey don't they say girls want someone thats like their father, and boys want someone like their mom?
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 09:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ForJazz
I'm sorry if this comes off sounding insensitive, I really just mean to be helpful. But honestly, if it's a new relationship and you are young...talking every day is overrated. It can also get tiresome -- especially if one person doesn't really have much to say since talking to you ten hours ago. Your lives aren't that complicated at this point -- so it's not like there is any rush to say everything there is to say.

Independence is attractive, and absence *does* make the heart grow fonder. Live a little more separately, try not to think about when you last talked, be your own person, and things will work out if they are meant to. If spending a little time apart gives you more meaningful things to talk about next time, then great. And if spending a little time apart makes you realize you don't really feel like calling the person, then it's good to find that out. Don't push it or it will never work.

I am a girl with sort of a "guy brain" about these things. I like talking to people when I have something to say, and I HATE HATE HATE calling people out of obligation. It means a lot more to me when I have a story I want to share, or when there are things to catch up on.

You said that you hate being a paranoid girl. May I ask you what you are paranoid about? Are you afraid of what he's doing when you don't talk to him every day? Are you afraid of the reason why he might not feel like chatting all the time? The truth is, you should never let someone run your life this way. Be confident, be independent, and be true to yourself. Instead of worrying and waiting for someone to call, go do something that you enjoy. Live your own life. Not only is independence attractive, but it gives you strength. If that person decides to flake out on you, you'll be better off because you weren't depending on them for happiness.
I completely agree with this. It is not worth it to be paranoid. Independence is much more attractive and absence does make the heart grow fonder. I agree with every word of this and I think it is some really good advice.
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