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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-30-2006, 11:40 PM Thread Starter
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My grandmother passed away

I'm kind of having a hard time with this....my grandmother passed away Saturday. Her funeral was today. This is the very first time someone I really know has died. I'm 21 and in college, but she lived here in town and I saw my grandparents a lot. I feel confused. I haven't cried or felt too sad, because while she was dying I spent most of my time doing what I could for my grandfather and my mom. I helped a lot and I feel kind of proud that I could help them, but I don't know how I'm doing personally. Sometimes I feel like I haven't been sad enough yet. Sometimes I feel like that's okay because I've had a long time to be prepared for it and I've already done some grieving. But sometimes I feel like I'm thinking too much and being too upset about it. After all, she was just a grandparent. Some people I know have already lost parents. I just want to feel one way or the other. If I could make up my mind that I'm really upset, or that I'm pretty much over it, I could deal with it. But I just don't know. Sorry to bring up such a depressing subject, but there seem to be a lot of people here that are college age and maybe someone has been in a similar situation.
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 12:30 AM
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I'm a college student, but a older one,

closest was the father of my childhood best freind, Good Time Charly, is what he was called because he was fun to be with,

took us out on the pontoon, roller skating, into the pool hall to drink pop while his van dry off, and he had a cool van he drive us around in,

I went to the wake and his daughter was telling us how very sad it was for her, but she felt a whole lot better seeing all us again,

I hope you can be strong for your parents too, it can't be easy for them,

As for how to feel, there are probally alot thoughts that will go through you and just try to keep them in prospective, as you seem to already have shown great inner strengh being able to write about her,

you could also feel free to tell us more about her, like where she grew up, like on a farm or something,

what she liked to do, did she work somewhere.

Wish you and your family the best that can come of something sad like this.
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 04:19 AM
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That's a really nice idea Cat Daddy...perhaps it will help you Skittle to tell us more about her?

I lost my Nana a couple of years ago and she was the first person I had known to die. I know it's really hard, but don't try and second guess your own feelings. Just go with what feels right....there isn't a right or wrong way to feel about something like this. I understand the desire to feel one way or another about it...but that's not possible. Some days you will be at peace with it and others it will upset you...it's still like that for me after 2 1/2 years.

I kept a book of all my thoughts and feelings when my nana and grandad had died. I'd lock myself up in a room and just write about how I was feeling. That helped me alot, as I found it difficult to be strong for my mum and keep my own feelings in check. I still look at it now and it helps me prosess all the thoughts I was having at the time...kinda like therapy.

Don't forget that if you have never lost anyone close before, you not only have to deal with their loss, you also have to deal with the idea of death, one that has suddenly become reality. It is a lot to deal with. Just go where your feelings take you, don't try too hard to control them. Write them down if it helps and mourn...it will get easier.
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 08:59 AM
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I'm sorry to hear that. I lost my grandmother on my mother's side a long time ago when I was a kid but that didn't really hit me hard b/c she lived in another country all my life. My grandmother on my dad's side lived with us growing up and now she's in a nursing home.

I've never experienced someone close to me dying. That is a horrifying thought and I really don't know what I'll do when that time comes. It's sad even thinking about it.

Guess I just want to let you know that death is a natural thing and everyone is bound to experience it sooner or later. I hope you grieve and think about all the happy memories.
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 09:05 AM
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I lost my grandfather on December 10, 2003, less than a week before my college finals (not my very last finals, but the ones before). Most people wondered how I managed to get through my finals and not let it "effect" me, but it DID effect me. I was very good at getting through it all before I collapsed.

But that was me, and each and every person handles grief in their own way. Some people lose control, others take control, but it doesn't change the fact that we're still grieving.

My grandfather was also the first person I was close to who had died. Since then, I've lost a cousin and a very dear sister-in-law. *hugs* Hang in there and do your thing, but if you KNOW you're repressing, remind yourself to let it loose.

Good luck!
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 11:24 AM
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I am so sorry Losing a loved one can be such a haunting experience. You heart will grieve when it is ready to in its own way.

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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 11:31 AM
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Skittle, I am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. My heart goes out to you and your family.

My maternal grandmother died on December 21, 1991 after losing a one month battle with cancer. Her funeral was two days after Christmas. It was really hard losing her so close to Christmas, but what made it even harder, for me anyway, was that I was pregnant with my first child. She was so looking forward to the birth of her first great-grandchild. Even though she knew that she was really sick, every time she saw me she'd put her hand on my ever bulging belly and say, "Renee, I'm not leaving this Earth until I see my new grandbaby." Well apparently God had other plans for my grandma. My baby was born on January 14, 1992...three weeks after my grandma passed.

----------
Renée
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 12:23 PM
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I have lost only 2 people in my life that was close to me... My Brother-n-law & My Mother-n-law....My BIL was killed in a drowning accident in 1993, that was by far the worst experience of my life...The being there one minute and gone the next was absolutely the worst of the worst ! I greaved for several years to be honest! We were very close.

My MIL died just last year, she was like a mother to me, we knew of her illness which made it a bit easier but still was very Hard

My grandparents all died when I was lil so you see they were not as close to me...

You will greave in your own way and DO NOT beat yourself up because you are not greaving this way or that way...each person is different in their way of greaving...

Skittle, I am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Mechele Owned by Daisy Mae, Babe & Presley
Savannah (RIP) June 16th 2005 Patches (RIP) 1991

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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 01:00 PM
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Re: My grandmother passed away

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Originally Posted by skittle
But sometimes I feel like I'm thinking too much and being too upset about it. After all, she was just a grandparent.
You have every right to feel sad. Grandparents are special people in our lives. I'm sure she was very proud of being your grandparent.

You have been through a difficult time and need time and space to grieve, as would anyone who has lost someone they love.

I am so sorry for your loss. All the best to you during this sad time.

I love CatDaddy's idea, so if you feel up to it, we'd love to hear about her.

Owned by Pepper and Pumpkin RIP Snickers 8/22/00 -- 11/28/06

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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-31-2006, 06:34 PM
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I'm so sorry you have lost your grandmother. I lost my mother, and somehow or another fixed the luncheon after the funeral. Just as I thought all of my tears had been shed, and there were no more, I would cry hysterically. I think you go into shock at times, and that enables you to make it through the funeral, etc., without collapsing, but the tears come, and when they do, they don't want to stop.

I think you are reacting quite normally. You can't forget someone whom you have loved all of your life--not ever. You have to have time to grieve. Eventually, you will remember funny incidents and the happy times with your grandmother, and be able to laugh again. Keep busy, but let the tears come. They need to. Grandmother is with God, surrounded by His Perfect Love. God bless you.




Jeanie

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