Marriage... apart =*( - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-05-2006, 11:51 PM Thread Starter
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Marriage... apart =*(

I've come into some frustraiting times... I just wanted to talk to someone about what's been happening with me and Brad before I explode.

I married Brad back on October 31st Brad wanted to join the Air Force in November. The recruiter he talked to said that he should be able to get him in in the middle of November... and never gave him a strait answer about anything other than that. November came and went and Brad found out that the recruiter was trying to use him for his next "period" or whatever... because he probably already met quota or something. He didn't talk to Brad much about stuff - no matter how much he asked. Then by the time December rolled around we KNEW they weren't going to let him go in... because they said they didn't want to put anyone in during the holidays.

So it was January before we knew it... and he had to go to an Army Recruiter just to get himself measured... and found out he was overweight...

He is very broad as well as tall - so I'm not so sure he could EVER meet the body weight requirements... to do so he would have to saw off his legs (hehe). He needs to be at 20% body fat... he now has 4" to lose off of his waist.

It's been over three months since we have been married... and we still don't even know if he can join due to health issues because he still needs to lose the inches. I feel like I am in limbo or something. I'm still living with my parents and he his... because we believed that was best for what we were trying to do.

I rushed out of school so I could be with him now... and I'm not. We rushed to get married to be together... and we're not. It's not so horrible - but I am getting really jealous of everyone else. It's like... Brad's brother gets to live with his girlfriend (in their mother's house)... numerous friends who live with their boyfriends/girlfriends in their own place...

A friend called up the other day... said that he was in the air force already (he was going to go in with Brad but decided not to wait!) and he is back with his wife and they are starting their life off again.

I know it won't take him long to lose the weight he needs to - but it is so hard listening to these people talk about how they get to be with their boyfriend... when I have been spending an hour and a half just trying to call my husband... at HIS house because his brother is online!

I'll get over this eventually - because he WILL get in... but it's just frustraiting in the meantime and I wanted to vent.

Aimee aka "Kitty"
"Not all who wander are lost." -Tolkien
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post #2 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-06-2006, 12:19 AM
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((((((hugs)))))) I wish I could help. But since I'm not sure what to say, I'll just send calming thoughts to you.((((((hugs))))))
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post #3 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-06-2006, 09:10 AM
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The first thing I would do is move in together. I have never heard of a married couple not living together but that may just be me. Is there a reason you rushed into things so fast? I think that you two should have a serious talk about the future. Perhaps either of your parents will let you guys live together at their (parents) place? To not be able to talk to your husband will drive you crazy alone. Maybe Brad could also talk to another recruiter in the Air Force and they will get him in. But first thing first in my opinion you two need to get a place together. A married couple should at least be living together
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post #4 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-06-2006, 09:56 AM
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This does sound like a very frustraing experience I'm so sorry you are going t hrough it. I'm not sure that rushing into the military, though, is the right step. Being in the military is a huge commitment and one people should make with their eyes wide open and understanding that they should do it NOT just for the benefits it provides.

Take your time thinking things through with your DH and really consider ALL options. For now, enjoy all of your time with your DH.

You say revolution, I say jah. --O.A.R.

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post #5 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-06-2006, 10:11 AM
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*Hugs*

Erik's in the Army and EVERYTHING about it is frustrated -- honestly, these two and a half years can't go by fast enough.

Erik had the weight issue for a while, too -- he's tall and not fat, but he's built so that always adds weight...and then he has to get taped, blah blah blah...but weight's always an issue with the Army.

As for getting your own place, why don't you look into getting a small apartment for the two of you? If he joins the Army he's going to be away for Basic Training and AIT for a few months, so it's not like you'd be moving in and then having to move again a month later. And then when he gets to his first duty station you guys could arrange to either live on post or find an apartment off post.

Good luck with everything.
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post #6 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-06-2006, 10:52 AM
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The first thing I would do is get a place together......it is ridiculous that you are married and not together. I promise you, there is SOME place out there you can afford.

I totally hear you on the other stuff....Aaron is not Army/Air Force/etc, but Department of Corrections is similar in that it took FOREVER to get in....we waited almost three years for him to get into the Academy. And of course, the 4 mnths he was away at the Academy were awful, but at least that is all behind us now.....it SUCKED, though, but I can't even imagine getting through all the waiting not living under one roof.

Right now we are POd because one of his friends from back home applied for the CDC, got in almost immediately, and got placed at FOLSOM, which is right in our hometown and were we would have died to go....and could have probably bought a house by now if we had. But NOOOOOOOOOO, we get sent all the way down here, away from everybody.
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post #7 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-06-2006, 01:06 PM
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Why do you think it's best to not live with eachother when you are married?? I think living together would help you feel better about this entire situation. Me and my bf have carried on a long distance realtionship for over 2 years now and only see eachother about once a month. You better beleive that if I were married to him, I would NOT be living with my parents...I'd be living with my husband...

I think you guys need to sit down and figure out what is really hindering this relationship. And when you say you "rushed out of school" so you could be with him, what does that mean? You quit school? I don't understand.

But anyways, sorry to hear you are going through tough times....hopefully things look up for you two soon!
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post #8 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-06-2006, 01:10 PM
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There are plenty of people who are married but not living together (almost all of my grad student friends have family in Asia). However, you should at least get a T-mobile family plan. My life got so much easier since we have the family plan.
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post #9 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-06-2006, 01:55 PM
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I know I'm new to the group and all, but my husband is Army so I sort of know what your going through we were planning on getting married June of 05, but just like the military they decided to send him over to Iraq in Dec of 04 so our wedding got moved up to Dec 13th then he deployed the 18th and since then our life has been a tornado. I would suggest just knowing what it's like to live away from your husband is to get a place all your own even if it's not the "perfect" place I know that first year with Ben gone I would have lived in a **** hole if it meant him home. Write him notes when ever you want to talk to him even if you only live across town give him the note the next time you see him or even mail it to him it will help trust me. And if you can't find a place to live just the two of you try setting aside one night ever week or two for the two of you to go "out of town" even if it's only the next town over or something and just spend the night just you 2 with no family or friends interfering. And most of all relax things will work out in the end if you believe they will.

Jill
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post #10 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-06-2006, 03:44 PM
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When my mother was young, my grandmother told her "you can marry anyone you like, but you should never marry a soldier, a drinker, or a gambler"

My mother married all three

It is not easy to be married to a soldier (or even a potential soldier). Take solace in the fact that it is supposed to be hard, and you are holding it together much better than others.
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