Want to talk about Polygamy? - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 86 (permalink) Old 03-17-2006, 09:33 AM Thread Starter
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Want to talk about Polygamy?

did you all watch the HBO show BIG LOVE the other night? It's about a Utah man who was three wives. It's actually quite interesting even if it has a different situational take on polygamy.

Because it's interesting the has people talking about the issue. SO I wanted to know if you all had seen it?

There's this article entitled: Polygamy: The Ultimate Feminist Choice by one of the Utah NOW women of all folks.

Here's the link to it:

http://www.polygamy.com/Practical/Ultimate.htm

You say revolution, I say jah. --O.A.R.

Dell and the two cats, Isabella and Hermione plus 5 amazing dogs
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post #2 of 86 (permalink) Old 03-17-2006, 10:52 AM
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From a biological and child-rearing standpoint, polygamy is sensible. Consider the many species in the wild where the females take a communal interest in the young. As a social structure, it isn't unheard of. From a practical standpoint, this can be an asset.

You know, I've thought about this a great deal over the years, challenging my own perceptions. I grew up believing that we're all special snowflakes and that there's one person out there for each of us, just waiting to make me feel like a princess for the rest of my life. Over the course of my own marriage, I've learned that it just isn't true. Marriages require sacrifice, compromise, understanding, and profound amounts of patience. They take work, and if you don't work hard enough, we're led to believe we're failures for conceding divorce. Having a divorce in your past is, for some, a blemish.

Accepting polygamy requires one to set aside that pre-defined notion that the ideal situation for love, friendship, and the rest is two people. That's simply not true. Through chance, I've met many people who live in 'open marriages'. I have trouble wrapping my mind around this concept, that people could not only fall in love with multiple people (well, that's not so hard to believe - every one of us has done it in our lives, or will do so), but could be accepting of the fact that their spouse/loved one is having intimate relations with another person. It inspires complete disbelief in me. But why should my lack of empathy somehow diminish the fact that it's working for them?

And why are we so convinced that these women are victims? I'm not seeing it. Just as there can be battered wives in single marriages, there can be victims in multiple marriages - but victimisation is not a requirement, particularly not in progressive America.

So after several years of challenging my own world view on marriage, I've come to accept polygamy and the shared lifestyle as being not only feasible, but acceptable. It's their choice, and it's their life. If Elizabeth Joseph is comfortable with her decisions, I wish her the best of luck.
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post #3 of 86 (permalink) Old 03-17-2006, 11:00 AM Thread Starter
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The issue with polygamy as a traditional practice, though, is that it is ONE man with many wives. Why is that? Because that practice is sexist as it is not equally distributed.

*special snowflakes* is very funny! I think you are a special snowflake!

And the "open marriages" you've encountered: are they sexually open or are they "open families?" Sharing in familial duties, all under one roof?

You say revolution, I say jah. --O.A.R.

Dell and the two cats, Isabella and Hermione plus 5 amazing dogs
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post #4 of 86 (permalink) Old 03-17-2006, 11:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mdmenagerie
The issue with polygamy as a traditional practice, though, is that it is ONE man with many wives. Why is that? Because that practice is sexist as it is not equally distributed.
That's definitely true, and I think the only reason it's that way is because the communities that typically practice polygamy do so from a religious standpoint, which is primarily patriarchal.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mdmenagerie
*special snowflakes* is very funny! I think you are a special snowflake!
*giggles!* Eee!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mdmenagerie
And the "open marriages" you've encountered: are they sexually open or are they "open families?" Sharing in familial duties, all under one roof?
They're open sexually, so I suppose my friends are getting the sexual benefits but none of the practical ones... which is kinda too bad. I'd think that having a live-in sitter and shared housekeeping would be awfully nice. Maybe it would defray some of the anxiety over... the other stuff.
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post #5 of 86 (permalink) Old 03-17-2006, 11:17 AM
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Perhaps the reason polygamy as a practice, is sexist, is the fact that it has never really become socially acceptable. At it's basis it's a sexist practice, like most things, but unlike most things it hasn't had the opportunity to progress and develop into something that is embraced my males and females alike.

I'm with aphrodeia, in that we have ourselves established a world were the perfect relationship requires only two people. But I'm not sure that this notion is realistic...how many people have affairs, or even entertain the idea of an affair? And then we insist on affairs being 'immoral' and 'unfaithful'...but affairs are often based solely on the idea of sex, not companionship. So actually considering that affairs are based on a natural instinct, are they that immoral, or are we, as a society, insisting on restricting one of the most normal activities and urges known to man (and woman!)?

I have a friend that is involved in an 'open' relationship. He and his partner share and exchange partners. They have one of the most solid and stable relationships I've ever encountered. It makes you wonder why we label this practice as so taboo. Perhaps because of our sexual insecurities as a society? Wow, way off topic...sorry!

Really interesting thread. It'll be really interesting to hear what people think about this.
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post #6 of 86 (permalink) Old 03-17-2006, 11:44 AM Thread Starter
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Again, though, the "open" part of the relationship is sexually speaking which goes back to a biological drive not a social force, which is what modern polygamists (like the author of the article) are advocating for.

We can talk about both, though, b/c I understand the biological perspective but for my husband and I it doesn't work. I don't judge those who choose to have open relationships b/c it is their relationships and if it makes them healthier and happier and no one is being harmed, then go for it

In terms of polygamy, if the social force of polygamy is that people want open families so that they can get some help with child care, meal planning, housecleaning, and other household chores I wonder why it has to come in the form of polygamy and not just folks getting HELP. If money is an issue, then is communal living the answer? Communal living where people share all these responsibilities but not spouses

You say revolution, I say jah. --O.A.R.

Dell and the two cats, Isabella and Hermione plus 5 amazing dogs
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post #7 of 86 (permalink) Old 03-17-2006, 12:25 PM
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If money is an issue, then is communal living the answer? Communal living where people share all these responsibilities but not spouses
Utopia!
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post #8 of 86 (permalink) Old 03-17-2006, 12:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mdmenagerie
In terms of polygamy, if the social force of polygamy is that people want open families so that they can get some help with child care, meal planning, housecleaning, and other household chores I wonder why it has to come in the form of polygamy and not just folks getting HELP.
Communes were around in relative abundance a few decades ago, but they fell out of fashion, dismissed as "hippie living". Which is too bad, because I think it's brilliant.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mdmenagerie
If money is an issue, then is communal living the answer? Communal living where people share all these responsibilities but not spouses
Perhaps, but I caution you on flinging about such radical viewpoints. You'll get yourself labelled a "socialist" quicker than you can blink.

Socialism and communism, even from a societal standpoint (completely devoid of economic implications), are still dirty words.
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post #9 of 86 (permalink) Old 03-17-2006, 12:35 PM Thread Starter
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Oh I am totally a socialist and I'm also a hippie--big time. In fact, my avatar nickname on another board is "displaced hippie" b/c I definitely was born in the wrong generation.

It's really what undergirds the "it takes a village" concept, too.

UTOPIA indeed

You say revolution, I say jah. --O.A.R.

Dell and the two cats, Isabella and Hermione plus 5 amazing dogs
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post #10 of 86 (permalink) Old 03-17-2006, 01:36 PM
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NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

My father had two wives concurrently. As a result, he had five daughters. As a result, he couldn't have afforded any single one of us, plus the son his second wife had before he met her.

Both of his wives fought for precious resources. They almost killed each other a couple of times (actually my Dad's second wife had an advantage, being almost a foot taller and much stronger than my mother).

Growing up watching people trying to kill other people is NOT fun. Especially since all three of them subsequently tried to kill themselves half a dozen times. I had to escape and come to America at age 13, with absoultely no English skills. I finally got my mother and her daughters emigrated to America last Christmas. Over the years due to the humiliation (by my Dad's coworkers, since she was forced to live with them because she could not afford to move), the fear, and the pain had made her bipolar. As soon as I moved her to Houston she immediately began to improve. So did my sisters....they were suicidal before I moved them to Houston but they are totally and absolutely fine right now, enjoying the few years of teenage frivolity that they had left.

I thought I was finally out of the drama (fun on television, not fun in real life.....I don't watch anything except crime shows nowadays)

Two years ago, I almost got killed by ANOTHER desperate young 25-year-old single mother with a five year old kid. Deja vu.

I hate women.
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