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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-14-2006, 12:52 PM Thread Starter
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Horrible Morning

Phone calls at 6:00 am are never good... My mom called at 6:00 this morning and I could tell something was very wrong. She sounded like she was barely holding it together and she asked me to get on my computer. When I questioned her, she said "Your sister is missing, I need some numbers to call". Of course, I start to panic and I asked her what had happened.

My sister lives at home with my parents, after a failed attempt at a college life (she's 19). She had told them she was going out with some friends and was going to be staying the night. My mom told her that was fine, and to call if she needed anything. The police called my parents at 5:30 and asked if they were the owners of a Grand Am. My parents told them that they were. The policeman then asked if they knew where the car was. My mom told them that my sister was driving the car and was supposed to be spending the night with friends in their college dorm. The police informed my parents that the car was found on a country road, with my sister's purse and cell phone still in the car. The doors were locked. She was no where to be found.

When something like this happens, you feel absolutely helpless, there's nothing to do but wait. While I was trying to find my sister's ex-boyfriend's parents' phone number (who she was with), the police called back. My parents had given the cops her ex-boyfriend's name, and they had located his house, which was nearby. She had decided to stay the night at his place, and they hid the car so that his parents wouldn't know she was in the house.

When my sister finally called home, after the policeman instructed her to, she started yelling at my parents because they "called the police" on her. My sister is a good kid, never been in trouble, but she is extremely irresponsible and naive. She had no clue why my parents were so upset.
When I was 19, I would've realized that leaving my car abandoned on a road could only, if found, cause this very thing to happen. All she had to do was call my mom and let her know where she was REALLY going to be.

My thoughts are still so messed up, and I am an emotional wreck. It was a complete reality check. What parent wants to receive a call like this, it is worse than getting a call that your child was in an accident. With an abandoned car, all you can think about is that she was kidnapped, or worse... It is the most sickening feeling in the world. I just wanted to get this all off of my chest... I feel so relieved that she is fine, but I am SOOO angry at her!!! I just can't get over the "what ifs"...
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-14-2006, 01:11 PM
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Wow. That sounds like something my sister would have pulled, back when she was that young.

If your sister is 19, and her boyfriend is also over 18, why do they feel the need to sneak around? They should be adults about the whole thing and actually talk to the parents about wanting to spend time together. (Although, I understand they may not be open to the idea of "sleep overs".) As long as they act like children, I don't blame any parents for treating them as such.

On the other hand, if she is 19, living at home, with no expenses I assume, let her buy her own car!! And your folks should charge her rent. Mine sure did. If she wants to do "adult" things, then she should take on some adult reponsibilities!

I would kick her in the teeth for putting the family through that in the first place. And another kick for not understanding why everyone is so upset.

At least she is OK! That is all that really counts. But I totally understand your frustration.


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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-14-2006, 01:43 PM
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Mother of Gd that story caught me completely off guard the hair on my arms are still standing up. Oh your poor parents, my stomach did a flip just reading this. Are you all okay? What a nightmare. I hope your sister sits down and thinks for just one minute what a number she just pulled on all of you.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but this freaked me out.

Shari
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-14-2006, 02:00 PM Thread Starter
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Reprot - it was a complete nightmare. I can't even describe the feeling. We are all still numb I think. I mean, we went from imagining the worst to her being fine but angry. It just completely blows my mind. I hope she thinks about this, but I don't think she realizes how scary it was!

Dusty - The car is my old car, and when I bought my new one, I gave it to her to finish paying it off. It is in my dad's name though, because when I bought it, I was only 16. She has to pay all of her bills (cell phone, and car) and my parents make her pay 100.00 a month for living expenses. She works full time at a nursing home, but the bills take up her entire check.

My parents are also very open and understanding about relationships that the two of us (the girls) have. If she wants to stay the night with a guy, she can - since she is, technically, an adult. As long as she lets my mom know who she is with. The thing is, my parents thought that this guy was a good Christian boy and wouldn't pull something like this. Its not the fact that she stayed there, its the fact that she LIED about it. She lies entirely too much, even about things that aren't worth lying about (one of the reasons my parents pulled her out of college).

She wasn't mature enough to go to school yet, I think she attended 3 classes for the entire first semester of college. When my parents found out that she wasn't going, and that she was staying out all night, every night partying, they brought her home. There is no sense in wasting money if she wasn't going to be responsible enough to do what she was supposed to be doing. They made her get a full time job, which cut down on her running around. She was over 600.00 overdrawn in the bank when they brought her home, so she had to pay her way out of debt. They have just now started letting her go back to the campus to see her friends, thinking that 6 months later she might be a little more responsible for her actions. Last night she proved that she is anything but ready for adulthood.

I am totally sick. I am going home for the weekend, and it is going to be really hard seeing her. I love her, but sometimes she hurts the ones that love her too much... I am going to try to talk to her this weekend, but every time I try, she gets mad at me. Its almost like she resents me for trying to give her advice. I always thought that she could relate better to me because we are so close in age (I'm 22). But once I moved out, she completely changed. She was such a sweet little girl and we had so much fun growing up. She always had something nice to say to me and she looked up to me. Now it has completely changed. She confides in strangers more than she does in me, and it hurts. I am her best ally, and she doesn't even realize it.

Thanks for listening!
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-14-2006, 02:50 PM
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Parker, the word "nightmare" is understated. Of course you would all think the worst! I'm so sorry you're having this problem. Young people often think that what they do is their own business, so what business is it of the family? If they could feel the agony the family goes through for only 1 minute, they'd know.

I know your parents are agonizing over this. I wouldn't have approved of any of it. This was a well thought-out plan, a deliberate attempt to fool your parents. And it doesn't sound as if she's repentant! I don't envy your parents, because this may only be the beginning, from what you tell us. They'll need your prayers and support.




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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-16-2006, 03:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reprot
Mother of Gd that story caught me completely off guard the hair on my arms are still standing up. Oh your poor parents, my stomach did a flip just reading this. Are you all okay? What a nightmare. I hope your sister sits down and thinks for just one minute what a number she just pulled on all of you.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but this freaked me out.
Ooh, no kidding, agreed! I'm glad she's okay...but what a freaking scare. My sister is 18 and you'd think she was 12 the way she acts...she is planning on commuting to school (an hour away...so stupid)...and I don't know how she's going to get through classes. She complains because of high school work and you have an hour of stuff a night, if that. So I can feel you on the immature, not thinking part...that describes my sister totally. Good luck dealing with her this weekend..
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-17-2006, 12:07 PM
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There was one time when my mother sent me to the grocery store for a pack of gum (I was a first-grader) and I ended up hanging out with a whole bunch of kids for hours.

The police and to come to get me out of the grocery store and into the police station. When I was there, my parents were hysterical.

I can see how worried parents can be.

First of all, she shouldn't be fooling around with their ex-boyfriend. That would only result in heartache and more problems down the road. People, in general, would probably avoid more heartbreaks if they just resist temptation and separate from their ex-partners in general.

Second of all, I have always regretted that I went to college before I was ready (I was 17). I made a lot of mistakes that came back to haunt me when I was graduating from college (at age 20). My husband was homeschooled and his family had a system: after they finish high school, they spend a whole year studying and learning whatever interests them and reading articles about surviving college. I have a feeling most people go to college before they were emotionally ready and it might actually be a good idea to take a year off.

Third of all, even if she hid the car (which is a totally irresponsible thing to do, IMO)....she should still have taken her purse and cell phone. What if her ex-boyfriend try to do the unmentionables to her? She should have a way out of the situation at all times.
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