Not sure if I'm asking for advice or just venting... - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 04-24-2006, 11:48 AM Thread Starter
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Not sure if I'm asking for advice or just venting...

Well, long story short, my younger brother (let's call him 'J') is worthless and unreliable on just about anything.

He's 23 years old and has never held a real job other than working for my dad, who is a self-employed contractor. He comes and goes from the job as he darn well pleases and my dad more or less just puts up with it. Dad has him on a full schedule, which when you're self-employed could be anywhere from 40-80 hours a week , but he's lucky to get 'J' to work 25 hours a week.

But here's the sticky part - I've recently talked to my dad about this and told him that my brother should be fired and have to make a buck somewhere else and answer to a "real" boss who will make him stick to a schedule, etc. Here's what my dad said - if he doesn't employ my brother, than 'J' will screw up those jobs, be short on cash and the problems come back on my dad anyway because 'J' has bills that need to be paid and, my dad's biggest concern of all, he also has a 2½-year-old son. 'J' and the mother of my nephew are not married and she also has a 7-year-old daughter from someone else, whom she also never married, but I guess that's neither here nor there. The point is, my dad is afraid that if he doesn't help out my brother financially then his grandson is the one who pays the price.

'J' can be such a sweet person. He's kind of got this goofy charm about him that sweet little old ladies and the like just seem to love. He's just a complete putz though. He takes no responsibility for anything!

I wish I knew how to help my dad in this situation. I know he'd love to kick 'J' to the curb but he wants to see his grandson and also know that his grandson is being cared for. If he is hard-nosed about this, he's afraid 'J' will shut him out.

'J's' girlfriend/mother of my nephew is no better either. She's had her kids taken away from her by the courts twice in the last 5 years (her parents had temporary custody both times) and she job hops, never holding down a job down for more than a month or two, with gaps of no employment for 6 months or more in between. She always says "oh, now I'm gonna go to college to try this," or "I'm gonna do this with my life" and nothing ever comes of it. She just sits back and lets the taxpayers of America put food on her table and pay for her rent. It disgusts me but, then again, I sit here and think about my sweet little nephew (and his older half sister, who is about 10 times smarter than her mother!) and feel so bad that I want to help out financially just to make sure they're taken care of. It's a bad place to be in.

Both my brother and his girlfriend have been in trouble with drugs before too. That's a whole 'nother issue in and of itself. And they both definitely drink to excess. One of the times that her kids were taken away from her was when she put one of my brother's drunk friends in charge of watching her kids for her while she went out to party. We came to realize later that he had strapped my then 8-month-old nephew in his car seat and proceeded to get drunk, passing out on the couch. The neighbors were alerted by my nephew's screaming and that's when the situation was discovered. No one really knows how long my nephew was in that car seat. What we do know is that for about the next 4 months or so he was completely terrified of falling asleep on his own. I'm sure the poor thing had repressed memories of the whole ordeal and had a lot of trust issues to get over before he was able to sleep peacefully again.

Before my husband and I persued pregnancy on our own through IVF we even brought up the idea of adopting my nephew 'cuz we can provide a much more stable atmosphere for him. Well, my brother was all for it but his girlfriend would have none of it. And you know how the court systems are in this country - for some screwed up reason they really favor the child staying with the biological parent.

Has anyone else out there gone through something like this with family members? What did you do?
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 04-24-2006, 12:23 PM
Join Date: Aug 2004
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I've never been through that but man, what a hard life. That's got to just annoy you so bad. I would feel very helpless in that situation. I definitely understand where your dad is coming from, I bet he's as concerned about those kids as you are. Sorry I can't offer any advice...your brother and his girlfriend seem to be the kind of people that always want to play the victim and never want to deal with taking responsiblity for their own actions and problems.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 04-25-2006, 10:15 AM
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That sounds like my enemy, but then....anything bad sounds like my enemy, so nothing new there.

Can your father simply offer a lump sum payment (in some kind of trust account in which they can only withdraw a certain amount of money per month) to your brother and his girlfriend so they can give him his grandson for him to adopt? I cannot think of any other solution, but then I am only 22.

I believe there should be some kind of a legal penalty for couples to have children and not be married, but then I digress.

If the courts eventually take the nephew away I believe that blood relatives have priority in claiming the guardianship.
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