Thank you for all the kind replies. I know that it doesn't help to dwell and over think,but then I think about how totally dependent she was on me and just feel like I let her down.
And Victoriax, here goes: *deep breath* When I brought her home I immediately brought her to the vet for a check up. I also immediately began switching her food to a much higher quality because she was basically being fed the cheapest stuff wal mart or the likes could stock. Clean bill of health, happy spunky, nosy, chatty little girl with a huge personality. The vet and I talked the food thing over and we agreed that I should continue as she was so young (8 weeks) and really needed to not wait to have a better diet. The first day on a new food gave her an upset tummy. The vet ran tests to rule out other issues and after everything was normal he assured me that it was the switch over. So he gave me some kitty pepto to give her to help the transition and prevent dehydration/accidents etc.
So off we went with an appointment for the next round of shots and an only slightly irritated kitten. A few days later ( still in food transition phase) I literally had to pack a bag and head out of state immediately to handle an emergency. Mina needed several feedings a day, and meds. Basically Id have to leave her with someone, but there was literally no one. And since she hadn't had all her vaccines, she couldn't go to a boarding place. I also had to just pack up and go, so I had no choice. I pack up my little girl and her own suitcase full of gear and off we went. Upon arriving at a friends house ( friend had to have surgery, came as help/ support) we decided it was best to keep Mina in her own room. Up until this point she was doing fine, eating and drinking and pooping fine ( I know because she pooped on me after having 'lost' the litter box). A few days later, she got into some adult cat food ( all of these cats are perfectly healthy indoor cats so she didn't pick anything up from them or the house. They had all just been to the vet with in the month actually) when a door got left open. Were talking large size kibble. And being a kitten with a plate full of tasty food, she went town. Unfortunately id already given her the kitty pepto. I skipped the last dose and hoped for the best.
By morning she couldn't poop. She clearly had a tummy ache even though she kept playing and being herself and I knew we needed to go to the vet. But it was sunday in a rural area, so we had to drive like an hour to a middle of no where emergency vet.
When we get there the vet tech comes in, takes a temperature and sees the mucous she was passing. She looks at me and basically says 'this cat will probably die.' The vet comes in, examines her and tells me she has panelukopenia. Id never heard of it at that point and was being told that it was untreatable, fatal, and basically she was going to die no matter what. I was given time to 'say goodbye' and that was it. I was told my kitten had a fatal untreatable condition and I just didn't know what to do. I was at a total loss.
When I finally made it home, and I cleaned for days on end ( my entire apartment smelled like bleach for a good week) I started researching. I had this strange urge to know everything there was to know about this horrible beast that killed my kitten. But the more I read, the less sure I was. Tests weren't run, and she definitely didn't have all the symptoms. Plus, panelukopenia is treatable, symptom wise anyways. But I would have tried anything.
So I started researching her symptoms. Everything that came back was intestinal blockage, constipation, or irritation related. Her symptoms fit most closely with constipation or a potential blockage. RIght down to passing a little mucous from straining and irritating the colon.
So there it is, my kitten presented symptoms of constipation, the emergency vet made a snap judgement, my kitten crossed the rainbow bridge. I know I can't do anything about it, but it still hurts. I know it will pass in time, but id give anything to go back and change things.