How am I supposed to go on..? Lifelong friend just gone.. - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 24 (permalink) Old 07-12-2013, 12:30 PM Thread Starter
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How am I supposed to go on..? Lifelong friend just gone..

I just had to put down my 19 year old cat. I'm 25. I feel a bit as though she's all I had.. through everything she was there. So many times no one else was. She was the one constant and meant more to me than anything else ever.

It all happened so fast. . She started having troubles breathing slowly over a few days. Then last night it was worse. Had to take her to the vet this morning. Her chest was all full of liquid and weighing the options, and the alternatives, my vet and I agreed it was the right thing to do. She seemed so healthy. Her coat was prettier than ever and just everything seemed fine.. Last night though she cuddled with me overnight, but didn't seem right and laid in an odd way (to let her breathe as best as possible) and I knew it wasn't good.

I gave her the best life I could. I guess it's good that it wasn't a long ordeal? But I just feel so alone now. I keep expecting her to jump on by me.. but she never will again.

What should I do? I don't know what next..
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post #2 of 24 (permalink) Old 07-12-2013, 12:46 PM
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I've been there. Two years ago, I had to make the same heartbreaking decision over my 21 year old Karis. I was 25, I'd had her since I was 4. It was like losing a sister. I was devastated.

So believe me, I completely feel your loss.

Do you have any other animals? The first thing I did was hug my little Mika (she was my only other cat at the time).

Believe me, it does get easier but it's not an overnight thing. For months I'd spontaneously burst into tears. Even now when I think about her I feel them coming on, but it's not as instant as it used to be.

So whatever you do, don't forget about her. Remember all the awesome times you had together. That pain you feel in your chest is a reminder of how much you loved her! It may hurt to think about her, but it's worth it. Even now I'm tearing up remembering Karis, but I thank god I had 21 years with her. Not many owners get to say that and I can only hope I have the same with my other two.

Having another pet is a good distraction but if you don't already have one then I wouldn't advise getting one straight away. You can't ever replace a deceased friend and I've known people expect a new pet to be just like their old one and getting annoyed when they realise they're not.

I wish I could give you an easy way out of the pain you're feeling at the moment, but there really isn't one. Really all you have is time. The pain dulls eventually, but even now when I hear a little bell tinkle I look for Karis.

Talk to people. Don't let it eat you up inside. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, scream. And there'll be times you remember the stupid stuff they used to do (I remember being jumped on in the night by Karis who had leaped about 10 ft from a wardrobe right onto my stomach...come on, be honest, there's something's they do that are serious laugh out loud moments), and you'll feel the sides of your mouth lift. It'll happen, it may not feel like it, but it will.

If you need to talk, ill happily listen.




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post #3 of 24 (permalink) Old 07-12-2013, 12:55 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss! It'd be like losing a sister I guess, being raised with a cat that long. I hope the pain eases soon and you are left with great memories of your cat. Yes, I think it was best that she succumbed suddenly and didn't linger in agony for any length of time. Hugs to you.

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post #4 of 24 (permalink) Old 07-12-2013, 01:02 PM
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The two of you basically grew up together, providing each other with love and encouragement the entire time. She went to the bridge content in knowing she had lived a life full of your mutual love. You took care of each other.

Please take care of yourself now. Don't ever feel like you can't continue to post here about her or your personal feelings.


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Simon and Penny, waiting patiently at the Bridge
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post #5 of 24 (permalink) Old 07-12-2013, 01:06 PM
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I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Not to diminish your pain, but at 25, everything is so intense and new...and this makes it harder. Your cat had a great life with lots of love and affection. No cat could ask for better. You shared 19 wonderful years and your kitty will be missed, but YOU must go on. You have decades ahead of you to share joy and happiness and have many successes in your life. Remember the good times; give yourself permission to mourn your kitty's death....and try to embrace all the good that is ahead of you. Maybe you can do something in your kitty's name...volunteer at an animal shelter, rescue another cat when you are ready, compile pictures of your cat and make a great hanging for your wall.
It is natural to cry and miss them....but 19 is a great, long life and kitty could not have done it without you!
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post #6 of 24 (permalink) Old 07-12-2013, 01:34 PM
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Good work on the long life span.

You have my permission to adopt.

A shelter kitty is waiting for you

The last time people tried to elimate free roaming cats it resulted in The Black Plague.
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post #7 of 24 (permalink) Old 07-12-2013, 04:04 PM
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There is not much things worse in life than losing your best friend, that is about as rock bottom as it gets. But you did an amazing thing, whatever you did to have her live 19 long years, she must have had such love and wonderful care in her life to live that long. There is no escaping that pain that you feel, and you have to let yourself feel it. But you do have to go on, and it will get easier, and no, it won't be overnight. What Kbbargho said about remembering the funny, silly things about her.....that is absolutely the best thing you can do, remember the funny or silly stories about her, or the story of how you got her, whether you picked her out from a kitten yourself or how she came to be in your life, talk about her. We will be here to listen to you and laugh and smile hearing about those memories. It seriously was the best thing I did when I lost my dog 5 years ago. My whole family, we all talked about the things that he did, the troubles he caused us, we laughed about those things, and it really helped us all. And yes, grieve and remember her, and when you are ready, go get another kitty. When my dog died, I had a foster dog 5 days later.....I was not ready to adopt, but fostering helped me so much. And then when you are ready, a new kitty will help heal your heart, it really will. It will never be the same as what you had with your first kitty, but you will still learn to love another beautiful kitty and really will help you heal. When you are ready.

It really is one of the hardest things you will ever go through, and it really sucks that we have to outlive so many of our pets. It's one of the hardest things in life. But you have to keep moving forward and yes, keep your memories and funny and good times with this kitty, and be proud that you had a cat that lived for 19 years. 19 years! We pray to get that long out of our precious babies, and you did it hon, you have those wonderful 19 years of memories of her and you will always have that. Think how sad she would be to know that you are so crushed right now. Our kitties don't like it when we are that sad. So allow yourself your time to cry....you come here and cry to any of us, and we will cry along with you (I am crying right now along with you) and tell us all about her, and when you are ready, give another baby that kind of love. I like the suggestion that you could volunteer at a shelter, play with some baby kittens, offer to bottle feed some newborn babies, they will find something for you to do.

My heart is sad for you, but I really hope that you will reach out and let someone help you if you really need it. I know several people that needed counseling after losing a pet, and if you really feel that you need it, don't be afraid to ask for that kind of help. Please hang in there, and we are here to listen if you need to talk.
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post #8 of 24 (permalink) Old 07-12-2013, 06:52 PM
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Im so deeply sorry. The pain run s deep.

Make sure you cry. Seriously. Dont hold it in.
Cry as much as you need to .Bawl. Profound loss HURTS. DEEPLY

In time, you will find that you are smiling, even when you cry. It ok to smile too, when it's time.



hugs and love...to the both of you....

(my avatar is the special place where two of my beloved kitties are. 10 weeks apart they went. I wasnt ready. That was last fall. I still cry, but I smile too)


Quote:
Originally Posted by ezmeray View Post
I just had to put down my 19 year old cat. I'm 25. I feel a bit as though she's all I had.. through everything she was there. So many times no one else was. She was the one constant and meant more to me than anything else ever.

It all happened so fast. . She started having troubles breathing slowly over a few days. Then last night it was worse. Had to take her to the vet this morning. Her chest was all full of liquid and weighing the options, and the alternatives, my vet and I agreed it was the right thing to do. She seemed so healthy. Her coat was prettier than ever and just everything seemed fine.. Last night though she cuddled with me overnight, but didn't seem right and laid in an odd way (to let her breathe as best as possible) and I knew it wasn't good.

I gave her the best life I could. I guess it's good that it wasn't a long ordeal? But I just feel so alone now. I keep expecting her to jump on by me.. but she never will again.

What should I do? I don't know what next..
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post #9 of 24 (permalink) Old 07-12-2013, 07:13 PM
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I'm so very very sorry for your loss. I know there's nothing I can say that will help ease the pain.

I can empathize. I have a cat now because (aside from my apartment now allowing dogs) I didn't feel ready to replace Mini, my dog of 16 years. It was over 5 years from her passing and I was afraid that I'd expect any dog I adopted to be her and wouldn't bond with it when it WAN"T her.

That's how I wound up with MowMOw, I figured I'd never expect a cat to be like her... I swear sometimes that he's Mini reincarnated. He's SO much like her. I honestly have NO idea how I"m going to cope when it's his time.

I will also admit that Shepherd Book was adopted partially to soften that blow when it happens. I wanted PLENTY of time to become super attached to him so I'd have a little someone to lean on.

Last edited by MowMow; 07-12-2013 at 07:16 PM.
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post #10 of 24 (permalink) Old 07-12-2013, 09:13 PM
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I am really sorry for your loss. I just put my baby down in March & I miss him dearly. What helped me is looking at photos of him & my other cat that crossed over 2 1/2 years ago. Plus, we adopted a 1 year old cat & have our dog to give lots of cuddles to.

It does get easier even though everything looks bleak now. Looking at the spots where my cats loved hanging out makes me sad & wish they were here.


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