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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-08-2013, 03:56 AM Thread Starter
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Location: Jacksonville Florida
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My best friend.

Saturday night at 11pm, Bongo left me. He had been acting funny Friday and I assumed he ate something he shouldn't have and then on Saturday he wasn't any better. I took him to an emergency vet around 5 and 5 hours later they informed me he had complete kidney failure and would suffer unless he was put to rest. I spent an hour by his side just apologizing and crying. All I can think about is if maybe I had taken him in Friday I might still have him. I could still have my best friend, what my whole life revolved around. He was the best cat I had ever known and I'm completely lost without him. He slept on my pillow every night and now it's so lonely. My boyfriend is upset too but I feel like it isn't the same. No one will ever know how strong the bond was between Bongo and I. My heart is aching and I haven't gone a full hour without tears since. I don't know how to move on when no other cat will ever compare to my bongo. I still find myself saying goodbye when I leave or calling him from other rooms in the house. I've never been so hurt. He is the first pet I have ever lost and it was completely my fault. I just feel defeated. I feel like someone here will understand my pain and tell me I'm not crazy for being so upset. It's a love like no other though. He was my rock even though he couldn't talk. When I moved 2 hours away from everyone I knew he was who I talked to. Who I said goodnight to and who I woke up to everyday. I dot even know what I should be doing. I'm not ready to let go and I miss him so much already. I'm reaching out for support, please tell me someone understands.

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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-08-2013, 08:11 AM
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I'm so sorry for your loss of Bongo! I doubt that taking him in one day earlier would have helped. Many of us here have gone through what you are going through and can empathize. I hope you can rest in the knowledge that you loved him, he loved you and you gave him a good life. You are NOT crazy for being so upset - grief is hard to deal with and a broken heart is like a broken arm - it takes time to heal. I do have to very gently disagree with one thing you said: it was NOT completely your fault. Cats get sick, cats die and we do the best we can with the hands we are dealt.

What you should do it give yourself the permission to grieve, make a scrap book or webpage of his pics so you can have something to do and give yourself time to heal. Take a day or two or more off work if you can and feel the need to.

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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-08-2013, 08:20 AM
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I think we all know that cats are more than just pets, they are best friends, and family members, and losing them just hurts as badly. Please do not blame yourself. You had no way of knowing he was in renal failure. Cats are very adept at hiding their pain and discomfort. If he was in such severe renal failure, it's likely the outcome would have been the same if you brought him in the previous day. He was in pain and suffering, and you made the compassionate decision to end that pain. This isn't you're fault, there is no wrong/right here. It's just a very sad part of being a pet parent. Sometimes we only have them for a couple of years, sometimes we have them for 20, but they will all eventually leave us.

When I lost my first cat who was 19 (I got her when I was 2, and was 21 when she died, so she'd been my best friend, literally my entire life), I took a week off of work. Everyone grieves differently. You're definitely not crazy for being upset. Eventually, the pain will pass and you'll be able to remember the happy times with Bongo and all of the joy he brought to your life and vice versa.
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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-08-2013, 08:25 AM
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I'm so sorry for your loss. There is not much harder than losing your best friend. RIP Bongo.
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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-08-2013, 10:18 AM
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RIP Bongo.

Im so sorry. It all hurts so very deeply.
Go ahead and grieve, mourn, cry. Dont keep it in. Marica had some good suggestions.
Memorialized Bongo on a webpage, or scrap book. or whatever works for you. Dont be embarrassed or ashamed or whatever. Love IS love and LOVE matters. And that is what you and Bongo had between the two of you. Pure simple and unadulterated LOVE...

And there is a part of love that hurts.
Go to the top of this page and read "You chose tears"'s a wonderful, sad but accurate description of what loving a our beloved animals means.

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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-08-2013, 10:19 AM
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So sorry for your loss..

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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-08-2013, 10:22 AM
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Oh no. Bongo was still a youngster. I'm very sorry for your loss.

If he ate something that shut his kidneys down so quickly, it probably wouldn't have been life-saving to take him on Friday. You are not to blame.

It's incredibly difficult when we lose them. Feel free to post about him here. We do understand.

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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-08-2013, 12:28 PM
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I'm so very sorry ((hugs))

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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-08-2013, 01:17 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you all for the support. I am going to take some time for myself but the hardest part is being in this apartment without him. It's not the same an I just miss him so much. I'd give anything to hold him one more time.

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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 10-08-2013, 01:47 PM
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I completely understand. So often when we lose our kitties, it happens very suddenly when you haven't had any time to process what's going on. When my first cat Rookie got epilepsy and was having seizures, it was only 11 days between when we figured out she was having seizures to the day we had to have her put to sleep. It's just gut-wrenchingly painful and nothing I had ever experienced before, and like you, she was my first cat ever.

I just tell myself, we human pet guardians should really be proud for having the fortitude to put ourselves in this position over and over again for the sake of giving an animal a good life, when we know in all likelihood they'll die before we will. They're getting the easy side of the bargain; we've got the hard side. I think that should be a source of real pride for all of us who are knowingly putting ourselves in that position. And for whatever it's worth, as devastated as I was at losing Rookie, I did find that about a year later I could think of her without crying or even being sad. Give yoursef a good long time to mourn and my bet is, you'll gradually get to the point where you can remember her with happy thoughts.

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