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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-26-2013, 11:24 AM Thread Starter
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It has been 6 months

Since we had to euthanize our cat Deulli. We were blessed to have her in our lives for about 15 years after adopting her from the humane society as a tiny little kitten. I feel terrible that I'm the one that took her to have her life ended. She was having renal failure and was in great pain. Now I am learning that dry food is no good and perhaps that causes her health problems. I just miss her so much. When does it get better?

I'm having some serious health issues. My symptoms are pointing to a degenerative autoimmune disease with no cure. I was having anxiety about my health so I went to speak with a Nun who suggested getting a pet. She brought up psychoneuroimmunology and the science showing how our emotions are linked to our physical health, that a lack of receiving love can contribute to autoimmune disease. I know this sounds crazy but I'm reading more about it and feel there is truth. Deulli and I had such a strong bond and she gave me so much love. I miss her being here so much.

We do have two adorable and sweet kittens that we adopted 5 months ago. They are great but we just don't have the same bond...at least not yet. It sounds silly to admit outloud but sometimes I feel a bit rejected by them because they don't want to snuggle with me like Deulli did. I know it's probably just their age along with personality differences.

Sorry, I'm just rambling at this point.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-26-2013, 02:41 PM
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I'm sorry for the loss of your girl. The kittens will settle down in a few more months and should be more receptive to snuggles. You're right...at this point it's most likely their age. Deulli was probably like these guys when she was little, but 15 years of snuggles make that hard to remember. Just let these new little ones be themselves. See who they are, who they become, and love them for that. They won't ever replace your girl. They'll just show you a whole new way to love cats.

Making the decision to euthanize is hard, it takes so much courage to do what is right for them, even if it breaks our hearts. I do lots of rescue work and so many people don't have the courage to make that decision, so these sick, old or injured cats get dumped off with complete strangers at overcrowded shelters and their lives end in pain and fear. You stood by her and kept her from being afraid. You gave her the greatest gift you could have. And 15 years is a pretty good life for a cat. Even if you had fed her whatever the ideal mix of food is for her entire life, you probably couldn't have hoped for much better than 15 years. Don't beat yourself up over it. You clearly loved her very, very much and did everything you thought was best for her.

Again, I am very sorry for your loss. Your new kittens are completely adorable. The bond with them will come.


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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-26-2013, 04:53 PM
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I'm so sory you are going through this. I've had so many cats in the past 30 years - I adopt old and adult cats so never really have them long. The bond can be established when you least expect it. It may never quite be the same as with Deulli but it is meaningful none the less. It's like losing a best human friend and then making new friends. They're nice but just not the same until one day you realize, hey - this guy or gal is ok after all. Sometimes it just takes time, especially with kittens - perhaps more than a few months or a couple years, even. Try not to rush it or force it. If it's meant to be it will be.

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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-26-2013, 05:44 PM
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People who don't have pets (even some that do) really don't understand the bond a person can have with their pet. It takes such a huge piece of our hearts when we have to say goodbye, regardless of how long they were with us. I don't know that we ever completely heal. We just learn to move on and remember the happiness and love that they brought us. Trust me, you are not the only person who has fed their kitty dry food only (our vets say it's fine, and they're the experts, right?). Despite her illness, she managed to live 15 years - which is a long time for a cat, and it sounds like she had a wonderfully loving companion in you!

Kittens can definitely take a while to bond with you. I also think it's natural to have difficulty bonding when you're still grieving. I think a part of us feels guilty for letting someone else in, almost like we're betraying them. You shouldn't feel badly if you haven't bonded with them yet, it will happen eventually, when the time is right.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-28-2013, 09:39 PM Thread Starter
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*tears* Thank you all so much for the helpful words. I greatly appreciate each of you taking the time to respond and it helps to read. She was truly a special cat. I miss her sleeping by my head. I just miss her. Perhaps we tried to move on too soon. My 10yo was so upset and refused to empty her food dish, instead keeping it on his dresser. I thought it would help my children to have another kitty around. Then that turned into two! I'm glad we did adopt them though and they are wonderful!! But I guess it just shows you can't replace a cat, only open your heart to new relationships.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-29-2013, 09:08 AM
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My kitten took until he was at least 9 months old and had been neutered until he would settle down for snuggles. He's on my Lap now as I write this. I'm so sorry about your older cat sounds kike she had a good long life. Ending pain is one of the selfless things we can do for our pets.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 10-29-2013, 09:47 AM
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain of losing a cat I had for 15 years. I have yet to lose one of mine, other than a few childhood cats that I had that ran away or I never knew what happened to them.

I bet you could find an older cat that is looking for someone just like you, that maybe lost their owner, and is used to being a quiet little lap cat. There are so many cats out there like that, just looking for a home, it make me so sad. Or if you are not able to do that, since you have two kittens, just give it time. The kittens have each other right now, and they will settle down one day, right now they are just little balls of crazy right now. And I would think it would take time to bond with them, especially after losing a cat that you had for so long. I have heard this so many times on this board, people adopt another kitty, and they still feel that pain of the loss of their former cat, and that it takes a while for that to ease up. I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how hard it must be.
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