my beautiful Margaux
I'm so sorry my little Margaux baby. I don't know what happened last night. I knew you hadn't been feeling well for a while, but I thought we'd have another year together. You were in your bed sleeping when I left for dinner. I know you were still with me then, but when I came back 3 hours later, although you were still in your little bed, you were asleep forever.
Will you forgive me for not being here? Will you forgive me for not knowing that you were so close to leaving? If I had had any idea, I would never have left you alone. You know that, right? Were you trying to tell me that it was time, or that you were feeling miserable and that I should have rushed you to the vet right then? Did I miss your hints over the past week because I too busy? Was it out of sheer sadness that you died, because before we left for dinner, mommy and her friend were paying attention to Celia and not you? We thought you were sleeping, but maybe you just had your eyes closed but were listening to us with a broken heart.
More than anything in the world, I hope your last thought wasn't that I love Celia any more than I love you. That would just kill me Margaux. Mommy loved you so much, and she will always love you. I think you know that, but maybe you wanted so much for me to give you one last little kiss, the way mommy often did before she had to go out.
It took me a few minutes to go see you. You didn't wake up to come greet me. No matter how sleepy you were, you always woke up when mommy came home. You didn't come silently padding into the kitchen to stand right beside me, so I went to see what you were doing. You were in your bed, but your head was tilted over the side in such a funny way. I scooped you up and I knew, but you still felt warm, and I thought just maybe, something could be done to bring you back to me.
I hope you felt me stroking you, kissing your soft little head. It can't make up for what mommy didn't do for you. I can't ever make up for the times I got mad at you, for the times I was too busy to give you those chin scratches and those ear rubs that you loved so much. I couldn't bring back your sight after you went blind. I didn't realize then either, until it was too late, that something was wrong. You were so brave to adjust to a world that was entirely dark to you. I can't imagine what it was like for you to slowly not be able to see anymore, and to not know what was going on.
You were so brave, and you were so patient with mommy Margaux, even when mommy wasn't always patient with you.
Mommy is sending you chin scratches, cheek scratches, and ear rubs. I will send them to you every day, but I wish so, so much that you were here with me to enjoy them.
Goodbye my beautiful little Margaux bunny. I love you.