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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-26-2015, 09:13 AM Thread Starter
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Angry over loss of Katie

Two weeks ago I made the decision to put my sweet girl to sleep. In little over a week, she developed severe kidney failure and after two days in the hospital, she had not improved as much as the doctor hoped and still wasn't eating. I went to see her and she looked so sad, in such pain. I felt I had to do it for her.

I did have the option of giving her another day in the hospital and then in the future, giving her an IV every other day. But I just didn't feel like that was giving her the quality of life she deserved, especially since getting her to eat would likely be a problem we would continue to face.

But now I am reading stories about cats who sounded as bad off as Katie was, but bounced back without even going to the vet. It makes me angry, sad, jealous that they still have their kitties and I don't. It also makes me question my decision. Yes she looked so sick when I saw her, but would some more time have been a better choice?

I thought I was at peace with what I did. I was sad, but I didn't feel guilty. Now I am not so sure. I miss my girl.
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-26-2015, 09:51 AM
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While it is true that some kidney disease kitties can live happy comfortable lives for quite some time there's no way to say if that is the case for your cat. Sub Q fluids and making sure they eat proper foods is a big part of it.

I'd say the only person who could answer your questions would be your vet. Did they advise you against helping your kitty over the bridge? You could go back I suppose and ask what her quality of life would have been and what exactly her care would have involved but honestly, I don't know what that will get you besides possibly feeling ven worse about your decision.

Your sweet girl is now in a good place, over the bridge with all the other kitties who went before her. She's not in pain and no longer scared or sad. Personally, I would try to draw comfort in that and in knowing that someday you'll get to see her /hold her and tell her how much you suffered with the decision.
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-26-2015, 10:39 AM
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I agree. I can question my decision each time I put one of my animals down. But really how much longer could they have lived EVEN if possible and at what price to their quality of life. You are the one who feels the pain, but Katie is free and at peace.
It will do no good to replay it. I know.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-26-2015, 12:26 PM
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So sorry for your loss. You loved Katie and she knew it. The decision to let go is a hard one for anyone. Please take comfort in knowing she is not suffering and pain free.
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-26-2015, 01:28 PM
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At the time you made the decision you did so out of love for your Katie and to stop her being sad in pain and this continuing. This is always a hard decision when it's right and it's your love for her that's making you question it. Like others have said Katie is now out of any pain or further suffering she may have had
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-26-2015, 03:54 PM
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please know you are not alone. i think so many of us are haunted by "what could have been" and time and again question our past decisions, but the fact of life is that none of us will ever know. there is just no easy answer ever. we all make our decisions based on what we know and how we feel and the opinions from the experts and vets as well as the vibes we get from our beloved kitties. you made the best decision you could and in time i think you will come to realize that and find some peace. the silver lining is that katie truly is at peace herself right now and she would want you to be, too. as someone on this forum told me long ago when i had to say goodbye to my first kitty myself - "you honor her (Katie) by continuing to share your love with other kitties in need."
so, don't ever let the loss of a loved one stop you from loving again. you have so much to share still.
we all need to grieve, but the good memories and the love prevails. hang in there, and don't beat yourself up. none of us are clairvoyant unfortunately right?
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-26-2015, 07:46 PM
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I'm so sorry...
Like others have said, there's very few here, that haven't wondered, "Did I make the right decision? " at some point...
We all do the best we can, with the knowledge we have, at the time.
One of the best gifts, we can give our departed ones, is to take any knowledge, and pass it forward, to a new little pass the love forward, is to honor our past furbabies...
(((HUGS))) and Prayers,

"A Cat must have three different names:
An everyday family name; A particular name;
And the name but the Cat Himself Knows, and will never confess." T.S. Eliot

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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-26-2015, 09:09 PM
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I feel awful for you, but I think you did the right thing. You knew that your kitty was in severe kidney failure. You chose not to put her through the stress of taking her in for IV's, medication, all those stressful visits.

I feel kind of guilty sometimes, because my cat was on the brink of death a little over a month ago. We thought he had cancer, all the tests that we had done pointed to it more and more. But at the moment when we thought we were on our last days, they found a blockage that was fixed with surgery, and he is OK. As happy as I am to have this happen for my cat, and trust me, I am so thankful, I also felt....guilty, a bit, or some other feeling, maybe not guilt, but I don't know what, that I was reading all of the stories from people that were losing their cats. Here I was with a miracle, and so many didn't have that happen. I truly felt bad for all of those people, and for you. Still, I think what you did, making that decision to not drag her life on, was a good decision. I had already decided that if my cat did have kidney failure, or liver failure, or he did have cancer, I was going to let him go, and it was going to be fast, because I could not bear the thought of seeing him go through all that he would have to go through. As hard as it would have been for me, and as miserable as I would have been, I still have no doubt that I would have made that decision, to ease his pain. My mom had a cat with kidney failure, she had to give her sub-q fluids every other day for a long time, years maybe, and the cat was a skeleton in the end, and kept alive for far too long. I promised myself right then that I would NEVER do that to my cat. As sick as my cat was, his blood work showed no signs of kidney or liver or pancreas problems, all he had was a high white blood count, so it was really hard for us to make a decision to let him go without really knowing what was wrong with him. If they would have told me it was something really bad, I was prepared to let him go and not drag his life out just to keep my from being sad.

Please don't beat yourself up about your decision. I think it was a very selfless thing that you did, not putting your cat through that ordeal. I understand your feelings too, reading about people who are doing treatments and their cats are hanging on, or they find out the problem, like in my cat's case, and they get better, and yours is gone. That must be really hard, I totally get that. I'm just really sorry that your girl is gone. She was very pretty, and it is clear that you loved her. Don't second guess yourself. She is not in pain and she did not have to have her last months with you being poked, prodded and medicated. I'm so sorry for what you are going through.
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-27-2015, 05:31 AM
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I don't think there is a single person on this forum that hasn't doubted that decision every single time they've had to make it.
Did I make it too soon... did I not make it soon enough?
The doubt is part of the mourning process. Hold on to the good memories you had with her and try not to think about your decision. At the end of the day, that one moment does not define the lifetime of love you shared.
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-27-2015, 05:40 AM
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Originally Posted by cat owner again View Post
I agree. I can question my decision each time I put one of my animals down. But really how much longer could they have lived EVEN if possible and at what price to their quality of life. You are the one who feels the pain, but Katie is free and at peace.
It will do no good to replay it. I know.
^^^ What cat owner again said. I think we all second guess our decisions especially those that are not reversible. It plays havoc on our psyche and steals our joy. Rest assured that her quality of life would not be improved by a few more day or even weeks. She would have suffered. At least by being maybe a few days or hours premature you have spared her suffering. She was loved. She loved you. It was the right decision at the time for you. Don't beat yourself up by reading stories of how OTHERS dealt with the decision.

If it is any consolation, I let my vet talk me into taking our sweet Annie home for hospice when she had the same condition. It was the WORST decision I ever made. She suffered terribly and I was not even there when she died alone under a bed. I have beat myself up over that for 15 years and I vowed I would NEVER, EVER do that again. It is so much better to let them go peacefully, in your arms if you can knowing the voice and love of you than to let them linger in pain and suffering.

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