10/5/15 - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-05-2015, 08:16 PM Thread Starter
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10/5/15

Dear my sweet sweet baby boy,
I have never been more heartbroken in my life, before this day. My heart aches like its filled with holes. You were sick from the day you were born, the vet told us you wouldn't see your second birthday, possibly not even your first. But, I loved you so much the second I set eyes on you that we took the risk, we chose to give you the best life possible before you left. I'm sorry you were at the vet so much, so many hours and days of vets poking you with needles, blood tests, urine tests, every kind of test imaginable. I'm sorry that I dropped to my knees when your other mommy told me you were gone. I try not to cry, my sweet baby boy, but I miss you so much this house is so silent and eerie. The sound of your bell is gone, the sound of you kicking litter around is gone, the funny sound you used to make when you would drink water is gone. Im sorry I yelled at you a lot. I'm sorry I didn't let you scratch whatever you wanted to scratch. I'm sorry I couldn't keep you alive. I'm so sorry my sweet boy. Your other mommy took you to the vet this morning, you had stopped eating or drinking and had started to throw up again. They took X-rays and tests and felt your body more. They found a huge cancerous tumor in your intestines. They knew that's why you couldn't eat or drink. They had sedated you to run the tests. Your body couldn't handle the sedation anymore and your heart stoppe beating. Your heart worked so hard, your whole body did. But it just wasn't enough and Feline Leukemia took you before we were ready. I was texting your other mommy all day long waiting to get news about you. She waited until i got home to tell me you didn't wake up. I'm so sorry I didn't say goodbye this morning. I'm so sorry I didn't see the signs. I'm so sorry my baby.

You got sick last Sunday. You stopped eating and stopped drinking. You spent your last week in a hospital and back and forth from home to there. Your brother and sister canine family passed that Tuesday right after they admitted you for a few days.

It isn't fair for you, my sweet boy. I am so mad at your biological mommy and daddy. I'm mad at your first parents. Im so sorry you had to leave. Please wait for me at the bridge. I'll be there as soon as possible. Ne good and play nice and meet all the other kitties and doggies. Eat tons of food you couldn't eat before. Scratch whatever you want whenever you want. The world is your playground. Please visit me at night. Lay on my bed. Pur for me. Let me know you're here because I miss you so much it hurts down to my core. I'll see you tomorrow at your grave. I have to say goodbye.

Love,
Your mommy.
P.S. I will have more to say to you when I can no longer cry, maybe tears dry up at some point in time.

10/5/15
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post #2 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-05-2015, 08:21 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose a fur baby. Please have some comfort in knowing Gremlin knew how much he was loved.
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post #3 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-05-2015, 08:53 PM
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I am so very sorry. You and your family did everything they could for him.
He was brought into your life for a reason-you gave him the best home and the best life he could have had.
I hope you find some comfort in knowing that. Prayers to you and your family.

Judy
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post #4 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-05-2015, 10:29 PM Thread Starter
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Dear George,
It's now 10:30 at night and mommy has school tomorrow but she can't stop crying for you. I feel like I should look up and see you on your tree and you're not there. This room is too quiet, it's eerie quiet. This feels like a bad dream and I want to wake up so badly. I love you baby boy. Goodnight.

Love,
Your Grieving Mommy
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post #5 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-06-2015, 12:21 AM
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Oh I am so sorry for your loss of George your little gremlin. You did everything you could to make his life happy, loving and as long as possible. I am sure he left a huge hole in your heart but try and let the good memories fill some of this. He was lucky to have you and you to have him in your life. Run free sweet Gremlin and enjoy the bridge
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post #6 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-06-2015, 09:03 AM Thread Starter
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I hope its okay to keep writing him letters for a few days.

Dear Baby Boy,
How was your first night at the bridge? I hope you didn't get scared. I thought I heard your collar jingle last night. I wished so badly for you to cuddle up to my feet and pur. Your mommy misses you. I'm going to school a little later because I can't sleep and I feel so sad. You should be sitting on your other mommys foot rest right now. But you're not. And it's the weirdest feeling in the world. I love you. Be good today.

Always missing you,
Mommy
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post #7 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-06-2015, 10:07 AM
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You did the best you could. George did the best he could. I don't know what the lesson is, for there is a lesson in everything. Perhaps it is that we can love beyond our own species. Maybe it is that we can love without words. I have an empty space next to me on my chair. I know the lonesome feeling.
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post #8 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-06-2015, 08:08 PM Thread Starter
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Dear Gremlin,
How was your first day up there? I held back tears all day. I've never felt more alone and out of place in my life. I know you can see we are looking for a new puppy. Please know the puppy isn't to replace you. There's nothing in this world that can replace my love for you. I slept with your blankie last night, it's the only thing I have left that smells like you. Your daddy misses you, too. He knows how much your mommy is hurting. He doesn't know how to help. I want to wake up from this nightmare, baby boy. It's been one week since your canine brother and sister left us, and one day since you left me. I feel so broken, baby boy. I feel like my emotions are in the wrong places, my core feels like it's empty. I can't cry hard enough, or long enough, to miss you any less. Please let me know you're here. Make your collar jingle again, give me kisses, pur in my dreams. Anything. Just let me know you're okay and you're here and that you miss me, too. I want to be there with you so badly, your daddy can't understand just how badly I want to be there with you. Send me a rainbow, baby boy. Let me know you're okay. Let me dream about you, let me dream about the bridge and all the fun you're having. It's 8:05PM, right now you would be sleeping on the rug while your grandpa wakes you up just to be mean. I hope you are napping plenty, and eating all the food there is to eat. I wish I could've said goodbye to you, I wish I could've saw you after you left, felt your fur one more time. Goodnight baby boy, mommy is here and I miss you so, so much.

Love,
Your Grieving Mommy.
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post #9 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-06-2015, 08:26 PM
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Such powerful emotions. I am so sorry about losing so many family members so soon. My heart aches for you.
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post #10 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-06-2015, 10:49 PM Thread Starter
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Dear George,
We're going to hold a funeral for you on Sunday. I'm laying by your grave tomorrow. Im going to talk to you so please be there for me to talk. We're going to get a gravestone and flowers. My heart aches so bad for you my sweet boy. You weren't just a pet you were my baby boy, my son. I want you to come back so badly. When do the tears finally run out? How much can a mommy cry before there's no tears left? Please let me wake up from this nightmare soon. Another sleepless night without you my little Gremlin. Mommy loves you to the end of the world and back, forever.

Love,
Your forever crying Mommy
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