The house feels so empty... - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 11:36 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Unhappy The house feels so empty...

Four months ago, I was the lucky fur mom to two, beautiful fur babies. Both somehow ended up with cancer within months of each other, and both were taken from me too soon: Kodi on May 3, and Miko on August 23. These were my first cats, first fur babies, first true loves, and now sadly, first true heartbreaks.

The minute I got my own apartment I knew Iíd share my home with an animal that needed one. Within weeks of moving in, I took a trip to the Humane Society. There, this tiny, little 8-week old black and white kitten immediately stole my heart. I looked into his little eyes, and that was it - I was his. My Kodi.

A few months later, a friend told me about a kitten that a local independent cat rescue couldnít find a home for. Since he was the last of a feral colony that was rescued, nobody seemed to want him. He was about four months old, grey and white with long hair. He needed a home, Kodi needed a brother, and I had more love to give. My Miko.

The bond that Kodi and I had was special. He was my constant companion, whether I was in the kitchen cooking dinner, watching TV, or even while I was trying to relax in the bathtub (give me a drink, Mom!). He always seemed to somehow know exactly when I needed kisses or a cuddle. My special buddy.

Miko was a gorgeous cat, and probably the biggest lover I have ever seen a cat be. Any time anyone sat down on the couch, there was Miko, on their lap demanding pets. It wasnít that we didnít give him enough attention; no, he just couldnít get enough. It didnít matter who it was, either; the message was always clear Ė PET ME! And while youíre at it, be sure to scratch Ė yup, right there. Riiiight thereÖ

Twelve short years later, and here I sit with a broken heart and steady stream of tears. They came into my life and my heart just months apart, and thatís how they left me.

Thank you both for every minute of love, for every purr, cuddle, kiss, and comfort. Thank you for making me laugh, and teaching me the true meaning of unconditional love. Thank you even for annoying the crap out of me, and trying to kill me when going down the stairs. Thank you. Thank you for ruining my favourite pair of pants when you locked yourself into the bedroom with no litter box and needed a place to poop. For covering every single thing I own with cat fur, and my subsequent need to purchase stock in sticky rollers. For waking me up in the middle of the night, just because you felt like it. Thank you for crawling into my lap when I was sad to give me comfort; for greeting me at the door every day after work. For curling up and sleeping with me, being my own personal ďCat HatĒ in the night, even if I woke up covered in sweat and fur. For making me smile every single day. Every. Single. Day.

Now, the house feels so empty. There are no paws pitter-pattering across the floor to let me know Iím not alone; no meows or purrs to break the silence. No more cold, wet noses nudging me to scratch harder, or warm, soft fur under my fingers.

Iím sorry that I failed you. I was supposed to protect you and take care of you. That you both got sick within months of each other clearly means I did something wrong. Iím so very sorry, my poor babies.

I miss you both more than words can describe; my heart is in pieces right now. I wouldnít change it, though. If this broken heart means you once filled it to the brim with love, happiness, and joy, then it was worth it.

Thank you, Kodi and Miko. Iíll love you forever and ever.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-28-2016, 03:03 AM
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I am so, so sorry. To lose both of them within such a short time must be just awful. You did absolutely nothing wrong and everything right, giving both Kodi and Miko a wonderful home for 12 years. Please try to remember all the happy times you wrote about above. Hugs to you.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-28-2016, 11:49 AM
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So sorry for the loss of your two beloved cats so close together. Don't blame yourself. Who knows what caused the cancers? Maybe something environmental, that you had no control over, like pesticides used on lawns. It's bad enough to lose one, but the other so close together is almost more than one can bear. When you feel ready, although another kitten/cats can never totally replace Kodi and Miko, they can start to heal your broken heart. I truly believe that we will see our beloved pets in the spiritual world, whether it's a Rainbow Bridge, or not I don't know, but this belief is consolation to my heart that I will be with them again some day.

"There are no ordinary cats.";"Time spent with a cat is never wasted."~ Colette
"A loving cat can mend a wounded heart." ~ Unknown Author
Alkitotle aka "Alkee", "Lambie" (July 2/04 - Oct. 2/15) -- white Devon Rex
in avatar. "Always in my heart."
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-28-2016, 05:19 PM
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Oh my goodness... I have tears while writing this. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your kitty soulmates. I just lost mine WAY too soon (she was 11) last week to cancer as well and I too went through the "oh my God what have I done". But the point is there is SO much in our world right now that is potentially cancerous that there is really no point in playing that blame game. The only thing we need to focus on is the truth... that we loved them unconditionally and in turn they returned that gift. We did everything we could for them in order to provide a safe and loving home, and that is what matters.

I am sharing your heartbreak right now... I know exactly how it feels and what you are going through. Take heart in knowing that you are not alone at all in this. Sending you peace and comfort ((( ♥ )))
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-28-2016, 07:02 PM
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I, too, know all too well the heartache of pet loss. I've lost a dog and two cats in my adult life and they most certainly each took a piece of my soul with them. It is intensely painful to come home to a house that has lost a pet. It feels like a foreign place. Hopefully, you will one day open your heart to another fur baby. She or he will never replace the ones who have passed, but they will help to heal your heart and give you a positive focus. I'll never forget my angels in heaven and I sure believe I will see them on the other side.

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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-29-2016, 11:33 AM
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You did nothing wrong, and I am so sorry for your loss. Cats get sick just like we do, and it's so awful when they pass.

I'm thinking of you. Furry hugs to you, dear.

Cats tread lightly but leave their pawprints on your heart.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-29-2016, 12:41 PM
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that was just so beautiful. you have immortalized your babies in my mind as well now.

as others have said, you did nothing wrong and everything right by sharing so much love with Kodi and Miko. you were there in their time of need from the very beginning and vice versa. destiny and fate brought you so much joy. the more powerful the joy, the more devastating the heartache. it is inescapable.

but you know you have so much more love to share and you also know, just like your babies, there are more kitties who will cherish that love when you are ready. I am certain that my first came to me to open my heart and teach me to be brave enough to take a chance, and I will continue to do that till the day I leave this earth. she changed my life - as Kodi and Miko changed yours.

I am with you in your grief, but also with the future happiness that you will experience once again. Kodi and Miko would want you to be happy. I just know it.

let it all out. cry until you can cry no more. and then cry some more. and then be ready to open your heart again and be prepared to be healed. it will happen.

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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 08-29-2016, 04:08 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Wow. Thank you all for your sympathy and support. Every word you've written means so much, and is so appreciated. I am sorry that you've all shared this pain and grief (Stormchaser, I'm so sorry to hear of your very recent loss as well!), but it does help to know I'm not alone, and that it will get better. One day, maybe, this house will hear the pitter-patter of paws once again.

I wish you all peace, happiness and purrs.
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