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Memoirs of a perfect cat

Did I always believe in soul-mates?? I was certainly a believer when Samurai entered my life...

I really didn’t choose to be Sam’s mum; he chose me. I know this because when we first met it was in a pet shop, let it be known I was there purely as company to a friend who was looking to buy a kitten. There were 2 kittens in the pen, my friend after some urming and ahhing picked out the tiny little girl. As we made our way to the counter we heard frantic meowing, and there he was, clinging to the highest part of the pen where he had managed to climb up to and once he had our full attention decided to let go of the tiny bars, promptly dropping into the water bowl causing a little dramatic scene as well as a splash as if to say “don’t leave me here!”– Well, whose heart wouldn’t just melt at that?

As aware as I am of how unique all cats are; never had I encountered such a clever and loving little bundle of fur. He instantly knew hands were for stroking and not playing with – he would seek a toy out for unleashing his claws and little bunny kicks. For the first few months (up until he was a young teenager) he would climb up on to me and suckle my neck area whist kneading and purring, soaking the collar of whatever top I happen to be wearing. I would sometimes catch Sam observing me intently, he would stare into my eyes and do slow blinks – I began to do the same back and it soon became a lasting habit between us (it seemed as though we had found our very own personal way of communicating with each other)

Samurai wasn’t by any means spiteful to other cats but when outside if confronted by any roaming felines he would stand his ground and sometimes come home with small war wounds (scratches from fighting) indoors he was a real loving purr machine. He never (as far as I’m aware) killed any wildlife, but his brother Percival who was feral caught a few birds in his time (the bell on his collar didn’t seem to do its job properly) he learned from a young age NOT to bring them in, but my silly Samurai would take them from him and present them to me “as a gift” well, being as I am an all rounder animal lover, I would go ballistic, which he didn’t seem to understand or take heed to!

He adopted plenty of nicknames and he was proud to answer to all of them, some include: “mine-mine” “my one” “scammer” scam-scam” “cuddle monkey” “kissy fur” blinky eyes” “big boy” and “fat boy” (<< my mum’s nickname for him!)

I would say to him “give up that belly” and he would happily lie on his back so I could stroke, kiss and bury my face in his soft beautiful belly fur.

One of my Samurais favourite things was to play with ping pong balls; he could happily chase them around for hours.

He loved to be carried, I would bend down to him and he would pop his front paws on to my left shoulder and I would scoop him up, he sometimes wanted to stay like that as I went about the house chores!

He didn’t change much when he hit adulthood other than becoming bigger, extra handsome, even more loving and a comfortable creature of habit. He would hear me get up in the morning and no matter where he was he would come to greet me and so our daily routine would begin – I’d give him his morning breakfast (but Sam wouldn’t eat it straight away) I would enter the bathroom with little man hot at my heels, he would drink from the jug and patiently wait for me to be finished, he would then eat his food and I would begin to get ready for work, once he’d eaten he would jump on my bed watching me as I rushed around until I were ready to leave, he would then be stroked up and kissed good bye and hear me whisper “I love you my little man be a good boy “mine” I’ll see you later”

Night time was by far my favourite time as it was our *cuddle time* together, if he wasn’t already with me I would call to him “come on then my one lets goooo...” and he would bound on to the bed tail all fluffed up for love giving me soft headbuts demanding to be gently whispered to, stroked and shown love, I would open my left arm out and he would snug into the crook of my arm laying his head on my chest and I would falls asleep while absentmindedly stroking his tail and holding his big boy bunny feet. I would sometimes wake to him stretched completely over my chest with his head buried into my neck.

Words cannot begin to express how difficult last night was to be without him or this morning or what at the moment feels like will be for the rest of my life, my little man has left such a large imprint on my heart and a massive void/hole in my life, my home just doesn’t feel the same any more. I don’t even have a collar as a reminder (he simply refused to wear one) all I have left of him are photos and my memories... I fell asleep cuddling the blanket he took to laying on over his last few weeks alive. I’m not sure if it actually does smell of him or if my mind is simply imagining it, but it’s the only real comfort I have now besides this forum.

I don’t want to dwell or go into too much detail about my baby boys ending as I’m trying desperately to hold on to the memory of the healthy Samurai I always knew and loved. He was a big boy and had been put on a little diet so we knew he was losing weight but put it down to the diet working. (I have a couple of other threads you can read for more in-depth information of his upsetting symptoms and the constant worry and efforts all tried in vain over the past 6 weeks to save him).

Samurai jumped up on to my bed yesterday morning and got into his cuddle position for the very last time, he was so poorly bless him that he didn’t even purr, but still managed a few “blinky eyes” as I were getting ready for work he lay under the table downstairs and when I went to say good bye and kiss him he could hardly hold his own little head up, I was devastated and as soon as I was at work I rang the vet and discussed my serious concerns (I had stayed up most the night overloading my brain with different finds on the internet and was convinced Sam had something obstructing his throat) the vet said he would take him in for further investigations.

I got the call at about 4pm yesterday afternoon while at work to say that my baby boy had gone, the vet had found a tumour blocking Sam’s stomach. It could have been removed but my little man would constantly be suffering from other health problems as the tumour was buried so close to his other organs. I couldn’t put him through anymore; my little guy had already suffered too much for too long.

I have a boyfriend who I haven’t seen in nearly a week now as I asked him to go home when Sam‘s health took a serious dive - we're still an item but my little furry boy comes (came *sniff) above and beyond any and everything else in my world and I couldn’t dote on him or let out the raging different overwhelming emotions I were experiencing as freely as need be when in company, I believe I began to mourn him before he had even gone. I am lucky to have such a sweet and understanding partner I know and really appreciate him, but so great is my grieving that for now I don’t long for any company bar that of my “mine-mine”

The constant comfort and unconditional love that Sam gave to me will always stay within my hearrt. I ‘m finding it terribly hard to accept that I will never see him again; all I can hope is that the pain will eventually ease.

I miss him, oh, but I miss him soooooooooooo much, he really was my baby, my soul-kitty, my best friend my everything. I miss his smell his face his purr his....I miss everything that was him.

I have a kitten that I've called Dennis (...The Menace) He turned up last week, a purchase that was made more for Sam than for me in the hope he would be able to stimulate him into eating and help get him out of his depression (which at the time was the main claim from my vet) I introduced them a couple of times, Sam seemed to like him BUT he was a bit too much for his lethargic state so I kept them in separate rooms (which was a job unto itself)!

My Samurai was always the baby brother, I so wish he were still here in good health as I think he would have really enjoyed being a big brother to Dennis keeping him in check and teaching the little guy all of his loving a sweet ways.

Poor little Dennis; I try to keep as upbeat around him as possible but it’s very difficult for me right now. No one and nothing will ever replace my big boy. Dennis has some real big boots to fill. I hope his baby soft fur is up to the job of helping mop up my uncontrollable tears ...

♥ Rest in Peace now my beautiful little boy ♥ no more suffering for you ♥ you really were my soul-kitty ♥ I’ll always love you and promise to never forget ...My baby, "mine-mine" ♥

Wow, I have practically written a book here, but recounting and retelling our story somehow seems to be the only thing helping me to remain sane. Thank you to anyone that has managed to get though my poor spelling bad grammar and sad story. Bless you and yours x
 

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I know i am only new to the site but i felt the need to comment to tell you how lovely that was, i had tears in my eyes reading through how much you loved your Sam.

I cant comprehend how you must be feeling, ive only ever lost hamsters which only live 2 years and arent particularly affectionate!

What i can tell from that post though, is that Dennis is a very lucky kitty to have you & that Sam will never be forgotton, seems like you had an absolute Jem in him.

RIP Sam
 

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That is so terribly sad, but I do know what you're going through. Reading your feelings is exactly how my Sumo made me feel. I am still devastated to this day, and it's now been just over 6 months. I can't believe it's been that long.

It's the worst, unimaginable nightmare to lose your soul mate. Some people genuinely understand, but most don't (though I know most people on this forum do).

Just try to get through the pain, cry all you need to (I still cry about Sumo on a regular basis). Know that you're not alone, even though it feels like it. Samurai may very well show up in your dreams or in a vision. That will be the most wonderful thing, trust me.

It won't get any easier, but you will get used to it.

If you need to talk, feel free to PM me anytime.
 

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I'm so sorry. I didn't know Sam had passed away; I had read your other thread about his health problems but not within a couple days.

I truly understand the "only way you're keeping sane." That's how it was for me too when I lost my Rookie . . . it feels like you're kind of losing your mind. I guess that's grief. Please write to your heart's content. You're among a lot of people who really get it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Awww!! That was a nice tribute. How old was he?

He would have been 13 next month.

I'd just like to say a quick thank you to those of you that have taken time to read my tribute and for your lovely comments and warm words of sympathy, I really do appreciate it so very much x




Samurai (RIP) my little beautiful ray of sunshine ♥
 

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What a lovely tribute to a gorgeous kitty. I know exactly what you're going through and I'm here to tell you that while the pain never goes completely away, it does get easier to deal with. I lost one of my soul-kitties on January 14, 2011 to a heart attack brought on by severe anemia. My Smokey a.ka. Shmoo was also FIV/FeLV+, so I knew I wasn't going to have him a long time. But even when he crossed the Bridge, I was devastated. He wasn't even two years old when he passed. :(

Take comfort that Sam is now a healthy and happy kitty at the Bridge and is probably playing with my Smokey, chasing butterflies. :)
 

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What lovely soul mate you had.
What helped me, I purchased a copy of "Kingdom of Heart" a pet loss journal by Patty Luckenbach.
In it there's a place where you write your pet a letter, I wrote my beloved Samantha a letter telling her how much I loved her and how I was blessed to have her in my life.
There's also a place where you write yourself a letter from your pet.
Samantha wrote me ant told me I was a good Papa and it was just her time to go and she thanked me for being so kind and loving to her and that she would always love Papa and that we'd be together again someday.
The ne fur baby can't replace your Sam but he can make his own place in your heart.
 

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That is the most beautiful tribute to your wonderful Samurai. I truly believe that a love is never lost, and that you will meet up with Sam when your time comes to pass to the spiritual worlds. At least try to hang on to that, and remember the wonderful times you had. It was a gift to him not to let him suffer any more. :patback

"Heaven will not ever Heaven be, unless my pets are there to welcome me." ~ Unknown
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I dedicate this beautiful song to “mine-mine” ♥ I would often sing it to him. Re-listening to it now; I am amazed at how very fitting it is for how I am feeling....

 

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This is so terribly sad! I'm actually tearing up at my desk. My baby is my first kitty, but I had a similar situation with my first dog who died at 5 years old because of a stomach tumor. I was only 15 years old and I found out because my mom picked me up from a friend's with a new puppy. I cried all the way home and the puppy shook in my lap as my tears fell on his fur because he didn't understand. It took a year for me to come around to the new dog.

That being said, don't let your sadness for Samuri turn into resentment towards the new guy cause he isn't him. Cry and mourn, but try your best to get to know your new friend too. My dog died ten years ago and I cry telling the story to people to this day. I wish you all the best, and what a beautiful cat!
 

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I've been with you in spirit through this agonizing journey by reading your messages here. And you've helped me with the loss of my Ellie two weeks ago, even if you didn't realize it. I've been meaning to write up some thoughts about her as well, because I'm so afraid to forget. I only hope I can come up with something half as beautiful as your tribute to your Samurai man.
 

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As much as it still hurts I never want to forget my friend, I set up a shrine on my mantle shelf with the urn that contains her ashes and above that my favorite picture of her, taken when she was 10 sitting on the kitchen table.
When I wasn't home she always sat there looking out the window waiting for her Papa to come home.
I miss her welcoming me home most of all, when I was a small boy I always ran out to greet my father when he came home from work, I'd wrap my arms around his leg he would pretend to struggle under my weight then he'd scoop me into his arms and carry me into the house.
 

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Your tribute here was beautiful, Samurai sounds like a cat that was more than worthy to know.

I mentioned on the other thread how my dear Ella died last year, so I won't repeat that story here. All the nicknames you had for him reminded me of Ella- 'Ell-ells, Be-ells-a-bub (she was banned from Petco-grooming...she wasn't mean, just stubborn.), My Golden Shadow (she followed me everywhere!), etc. It's amazing how much these animals become a part of our lives and hearts and just light things up while they are with us.

Also, I thought I'd tell this story, as it gave my friend some comfort when she lost her soul-kitty last year (a tuxedo named Socks). Before we took Ella to the vet to say goodbye, I sat out on the front porch with her alone. When cuddling, I joked to her that when she died, she should say hi to Coyote for me once she passed on (I am a mythology nut, and Coyote is a prominent figure in Native American mythology). We drove her out to the field of my Uncle's farm to bury her. Twice I saw clouds in the shape of a Coyote on the way there, but dismissed it as me making stuff up. After we buried her, when we were having a moment of silence, a loud braying of a donkey broke the silence. My dad turned to me and said "$#% Coyotes." When I said 'what?', he explained that Donkeys are kept out to keep the Coyotes away from livestock, and bray like that when one is around. I had visited the farm multiple times before that, for weeks at a time, and never had heard the donkey or seen any sign of Coyotes before that day.

I hope that wasn't too long, but I hope it helps. My heart is aching for you in this hard time, and I hope Dennis is able to help the healing along.
 

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I am wondering how you are doing and how the new kitty is getting along. I remember when I got Ellie and Cricket after my Rex died, I was confused by them because they did things differently than he did. They didn't sleep where he did....eat the way he did....act the same way.

And although I liked them, I didn't love them right away. Not because they weren't Rex, but just because I didn't really know them yet. It didn't take long to love them, but at first it just wasn't there. I love all cats, but I wanted my Rex. :(

I'm sure by now you know how well it turned out with Ellie and Cricket. :) I'm hoping you and your new little guy are quickly becoming the best of friends.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I am wondering how you are doing and how the new kitty is getting along. I remember when I got Ellie and Cricket after my Rex died, I was confused by them because they did things differently than he did. They didn't sleep where he did....eat the way he did....act the same way.

And although I liked them, I didn't love them right away. Not because they weren't Rex, but just because I didn't really know them yet. It didn't take long to love them, but at first it just wasn't there. I love all cats, but I wanted my Rex. :(

I'm sure by now you know how well it turned out with Ellie and Cricket. :) I'm hoping you and your new little guy are quickly becoming the best of friends.
Each day is getting a little bit easier to bear but my heart is still very heavy, it doesn't take much to get my tear ducts going, the only time it doesn't hurt so bad is when I push Sam right to the very back of my mind (mostly when at work) but then it cuts like a knife when I do picture his beautiful little face and I feel riddled with guilt for pushing thoughts of him away.

I've not only got Dennis living with me; I also now have his mummy too! I will start a new thread introducing "Jess" to the forum and share her little sad story (she is a rescue cat) its lovely to see Jess and Dennis together, I'm sure she remembers him and knows that he is her little boy.

I am slowly but surely bonding with them both x

Jess was OK the first night (Saturday) with me but meowed all night long the second night which seeped deep into my dreams and I dreamt that it was my Samurai crying and crying because he had been locked outside all this time and I had simply forgotten all about him, needless to say I had a rough and tearful day yesterday as the feeling of that horrid dream would not leave me.
 

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I feel bad too when I think I'm forgetting Ellie. :( This morning in bed I even felt a brush against my arm that was soft like her tail and for a brief second thought it was her....never even crossed my mind that she was gone...until I realized it was just the sheet.

Cricket never has seemed to miss her. But I wonder if he notices during the day when I'm not there that he is alone? I'm not sure about his life "pre-me", but for 11 years he's had Ellie as company.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I feel bad too when I think I'm forgetting Ellie. :( This morning in bed I even felt a brush against my arm that was soft like her tail and for a brief second thought it was her....never even crossed my mind that she was gone...until I realized it was just the sheet.
I've had a couple of instances like that, one being on Friday night, I was in bed and thought I felt him jump up with me... It's heartbreaking that second when you realise it's not your baby - and it never will be again :-(

Am sure we will both keep experiencing these things and feelings as they (Ellie & Sam) were such a big part of our lives for so many years... The habit of looking over at their favourite camps/places to lay and/or catching a certain movement from the corners of our eyes then instantly expecting to see them there wont stop or go away any time soon I should imagine.

We will never forget them x but as time goes by we may not think on them quite as often (as its too painful right now) but the pain hopefully will dull somewhat becoming less brutal allowing us to simply remember the good times with smiles and love...
 

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:( This morning in bed I even felt a brush against my arm that was soft like her tail and for a brief second thought it was her...
I've had a couple of instances like that, one being on Friday night, I was in bed and thought I felt him jump up with me... It's heartbreaking that second when you realise it's not your baby - and it never will be again :-(
I firmly believe that our departed babies come to us in different ways. Maybe Ellie and Sammy did visit you. Maybe the feeling of a brush of a tail and the weight of a jump was their way of letting you know that they're fine now. If if were me, that's how I'd view it.

We will never forget them x but as time goes by we may not think on them quite as often (as its too painful right now) but the pain hopefully will dull somewhat becoming less brutal allowing us to simply remember the good times with smiles and love...
It's been six months since I lost my Smokey aka Shmoo Man and I still think of him often. On the actual six month anniversary, I did cry like I did the night I had him put down. But I think he sent Li'l Smokie to me. (See here: http://www.catforum.com/forum/36-cat-chat/141984-smokeys-doppelganger.html and here: http://www.catforum.com/forum/41-meet-my-kitty/142268-guess-whos-here.html). My younger boys found her again the day after my birthday. To this day, I think Smokey was thanking me for being his Meowmy and sent me a birthday gift from The Bridge. No one will ever tell me otherwise.
 
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