Since I am considering giving up the Bengal kitten in less than a week, I could really use some advice!

It has been a lot of piles of vet bills and fights. It is very discouraging.

The problem is, the breeder lives nowhere near me. So I have next weekend as an opportunity, then I don't have another opportunity until next March at the earliest (if she comes to the local show), and I would have to keep separating them when something happens and keep paying the vet bills.

I have a strong track record on rescuing strays, which I have done because I have a love of purebreds. I used to have that mentioned in my signature, but that was before the forum shortened the profile/signature so I had to remove it.

I know it has only been three months. But I have never seen a breed of cat with a personality like a Bengal before. They have a level of intensity and a prey drive that is unmatched. It feels like the energy level of the house got ramped way up.

If I keep her until March, is there any likelihood that things will change, or will it be more of the same? Plus more likelihood that my other cats will catch her contagious diseases and keeping her locked away after a fight breaks out, or to minimize contact due to disease containment, is stressful.

 

One can never fully predict or guarantee what will happen between cats in the future. However, it's already been three months now, so although I suspect you're not going to see a huge change in the next three months, unless you're willing to put an awful lot of time into their relationship (and even then you might not see too much in the way of results). I've never owned a Bengal, and can't speak to their personality. But, regardless of the breed, what you seem to be describing is a "personality clash" between the cats.

Only you can ultimately decide what to do, and a lot will depend on how attached you currently are to the Bengal. You should ask yourself, if the Bengal weren't with you next week, would you be happier? And would Sabrina and the Siamese kitten be happier? Based on what you've written, its sounds like the answers to those questions would be "yes". And even the Bengal might be happier in a home where she had more active kittens to play with.

Finally, kittens are not territorial (their territorial "alpha-cat" instincts don't fully develop until they're over a year...typically around 2 years old). So, the Bengal is not likely trying to establish her position in the household. She just wants to play "rough". That said, given the Bengal's personality, if you end up keeping her, you could have alpha-issues a year or so from now when the Bengal's territorial instincts mature.

As I said above, only you can make this decision...but, reading between the lines of what you've written, it seems that you would be happier if you returned the Bengal next week when you have the opportunity.

 

I actually do not have any advice for you. I am also in the process of introducing a new female kitten to my 2 1 year old boys.

I hope someone will be able to give you some good advice.
Maybe it is a good idea to talk to the breeder this weekend about returning, or returning when they are not close to you (shipping cost and such).

Good Luck.

 

imho, I really don't think the Bengal will change its stripes so to speak. That's their personality. Right now at 11 mos. old she's still in her teenage brat phase. She may settle a bit when she's mature, in another 6 mos. or so, but she may well be more determined to assert her alpha dominance of the house and be even more a misery to your Serena. And life with a cat that is always stalking and attacking is not serene! If I were in your shoes I would definitely keep the Siamese kitty as she's already a welcome catfriend for your older cat, and return the Bengal to the breeder. Life's too short to have to be stressed out and constantly "on guard" to keep things harmonious to my thinking. Let us know how things turn out whatever you decide. All the best!

 

A lot of the stalking has calmed down, but what seems to have revved up is just these ... little cat "fights" out of the blue.*:sad: *

There will be a whole lot of the day with mostly peace, then when they are awake and around each other, I hear Serena hissing ...*


I don't know if the Bengal wants to play and she's bored, or what causes her to suddenly strike out with her paws.

Sometimes Serena will just walk by her and hiss for no apparent reason, as if to say, "I don't like you." Or "I remember the time you ..."

At other times Serena hisses because the Bengal is swatting her or stalking her. Any attempts at discipline by me are met by the Bengal purring at me or ignoring me.:?


But first thing in the morning, the Bengal will run to Serena and give her a kiss on her cheek.*:daisySerena hisses.

One thing is, I am SO STRESSED from dealing with: a sick Bengal who has cost me so much $$$ and has two communicable diseases: Demodex mites and now the dreaded Tritrichomonas foetus. TFFelines.com - What is T.F.? At the same time! It has me so stressed it is hard to think objectively just about the cat. And she has been sick ever since I got her.

Thank you for your opinions. Please keep them coming! I dread making this decision since it is irrevocable and I need some objective opinions. Thanks.*:kittyturn

 

Thanks, Susan. You've given me a lot to think about. I hope others chime in. This is a big decision for me. One I hate making.

I've been taking her out places on her harness. I am attached to her. It is going to be awful if I have to let her go. I did not know that about the "alpha." I just assumed because she is so dominant acting, even the way she rough-houses with the Siamese kitten.

I can't say the Siamese kitten would be happier without the Bengal, because she came from a household teeming with kittens and cats to play with. I think the Siamese would be lonely without the Bengal. Serena tolerates the Siamese, but Serena won't play with her. Serena mostly ignores her. She did groom her one day, when the Bengal wasn't around. Over time if the Bengal wasn't around they might grow closer.

But the Siamese would not have a kitten buddy. I could eventually get her one, but it wouldn't be a Bengal! Frankly, she and the Bengal have gotten along great together. They play great together. They have fun together. The Bengal gets her into all sorts of trouble!* That is, when she isn't kicking her in the face. But all kittens do that.*:smile:

I'm not thinking very straight. Having a Bengal kitten this sick for three months has been a lot of pressure, and having it affect my entire household and get everyone else sick has affected somewhat how I feel about her. It would have helped if she had gotten along with everyone.

I have to admit there is a tiny bit of resentment in that she came into my home and got everyone else sick or potentially sick. And she's not getting along with my resident cat, Serena. So it's this sort of total upheaval. I would love to think, eventually she'll be well and healthy, the household will be healthy and she and Serena will work out their differences. I have tried to be patient.

But then you mention that she hasn't even reached her alpha stage yet. That is a lot to think about. Thank you for bringing that up! And thank you for responding!*:kittyturn

This is a huge decision for me and I really could use some more opinions, so I hope others will chime in! Thank you everyone in advance!*:daisy

 

Thanks, koobe. I appreciate the good thoughts.:kittyturn
Good luck with your kitten introduction!:catmilk
It is awful when the household is not harmonious.


Most of the time it is harmonious, but the times it isn't ... well it just plain isn't. And it is clear to me how Serena feels about it. (Although Serena has calmed down about it. It is the Bengal who keeps insisting on pushing the envelope from time to time.) And it is equally clear to me that the Bengal is very smart and very trainable; she just doesn't feel like learning this particular command of "leave Serena alone.":? So when she reaches the bratty teenager stage of two years old and she is feeling her alpha oats, what then? And Serena by then is 13 years old ... I'll bet she would make a great punching bag. I wouldn't put up with that.

I should add -- it is not always clear to me how Serena feels about it. Serena to me has seemed more accepting of the Bengal as time has gone on. But the Bengal has continued her attacks on Serena. They have just gotten more sneaky. She has learned that I will punish her, so she tries to do them when I am not around. They don't seem to happen as often ... but is it because I am in the other room? I will hear hissing and not know what happened. If I go in the other room, I will find the Bengal cornering Serena and I will have to rescue her.

Thanks again for the well wishes.

 

catloverami,

A question for you (or anyone else):

Why would a two-year-old cat want to assert its alpha dominance over a senior cat who at that point will be 13?

What threat will Serena pose to the Bengal once she is in her prime? And Serena just wants to sleep in a sunny window?

Sigh. I don't understand. I could see if she was younger ... but why bother an old cat?

 

Some things I really like about my little Bengal:

--She is incredibly smart. (!)
--She can learn voice commands very quickly and I am sure can be clicker trained in a snap. Serena is clicker trained and it is a fun pasttime that cats can really enjoy.
--She has been a great friend to her Siamese buddy.
--She is a good lap kitty. She purrs and purrs in my lap. Very loveable!:kittyturn
--I can take her on a harness to places like PETCO. It's fun and enjoyable to take her out as a companion.

Things she is a pain about:

--Once she catches a toy, she never lets go of it. Ever. Until it is a pile of mushed up goo. She basically ruins all of her toys. *:wink
--Not leaving Serena alone (although she has gotten better than when I first got her)
--She is a "high maintenance" cat. Has been from a health standpoint. And behavioral standpoint. Finicky eater; if she doesn't like it, won't eat it. Didn't like the litter; she peed in my bed on my mattress and on all the soft towels and kitty beds (there was nothing wrong with her; she did not have a UTI and there were litter boxes all over the house).
--Has to dominate the Siamese kitten in everything they do. Has to hoard the toys, takes the toys away from her, etc.

 

I know this is a rough decision for you to make. I don't think the Bengal's going to change. If the older cat were able to stick up for herself, the Bengal might stop, but it seems as is that's not her nature. I'm so sorry you're having this problem.

I had this situation between two of my cats years ago. One of my cats had to hide from a stray (Checkers) we took in. Finally, the one being intimidated fought back, and there was a stalemate from then on. The stray did not bother my other two cats. One had seniority, and never had to fight for her position (she was quite dignified, and was very special), and the next stray was a kitten who loved to play with Checkers, and always went back for more.

I don't know what to advise. I can only commiserate and wish you the best. Good luck!

 

Cats don't think the same way you and I would. You're right...if you and I were living with an old person who just wanted to sit and look out the window, we would just let them be, recognizing they weren't harming anything, and of course out of respect for their age. But that's not how a cat will think. When the Bengal reaches social maturity (around 2) and the Bengal wants to be alpha, then she will assert her authority over all cats in the household, young and old alike. And if the Bengal views the sunny window as a "prime piece of real estate", then she'll want that too!

 

As a breed, Bengals are high maintenance; that will not change as the kitten matures.

Have you spoken to the breeder about the Bengal's health issues? So many issues so soon after bringing her home raises a red flag to me. Between that, the Bengal's natural high maintenance requirement and the personality conflicts (although the hissing and swatting is fairly mild stuff), I think you'd be better off returning the Bengal and adopting another kitten the same age/size/energy level of your Siamese, perhaps even one of the Siamese's siblings.

Just my off-the-cuff thoughts.

Good luck!

AC

 

Ah, the curse of the extremely smart, energetic, adorable Bengal. I didn't have my Bengals as kittens, so I've never had some of the problems you do. I got my Teddy when he was about a year old, but he was an only cat at that point. My biggest issue was keeping him out the trash and the dog food bin at my parents' house when I would visit them. He still had a LOT of kitten energy until he was almost 2 then he started to mellow out a bit. I've also haven't had problems with toys that have been chewed to goo. I've had gutted toys with fluff thrown all over the place but not chewed beyond recognition.

I got his littermate from the same breeder a year ago they are now great friends and often sleep together. HOWEVER, at least two or three times a day they will get to chasing eachother about the house pouncing, grabbing, kicking, and swatting at each other. They both seem to enjoy it, but it is very rough play. I think that is just how Bengals are.

Just one question, how much do you actively play with the Bengal kitten? A good, long tiring play session with an interactive toy like Da Bird may help even her temperment out a bit.

If that doesn't work, she may just not be the right cat for your home. She may just be too energetic and rough and tumble for your older cat. I have to say that I love the Bengal breed, but will be the first to say, they are not for everyone.

 

Because that's her nature? Your Bengal has a dominant nature. She wants to be the queen of the house, Serena is so far, but the Bengal keeps wanting to knock her off the throne.
The problem with this kind of constant stress in a senior cat, always having to be on her guard, never knowing when an attack is coming, is very hard on Serena mentally and physically, and will likely result in a deterioration of her health.
This happened to me with two cats where a neutered male hated his spayed half-sister and did exactly like your Bengal does with stalking and vicious attacks. The male ended up getting a bladder tumor and died at age 15, but his half-sister got cancer in her spine. When he died she did have a few years more of peace and was a very happy and contented cat not having to hide and much more affectionate to me knowing she could come in my lap for cuddles without getting an attack later. I found it a big relief too and realized it was causing me a lot of stress, even tho I loved the male as he was a very sweet cat with me that I'd raised as a kitten. I don't know if that helps but that's my experience.
Sometimes it just doesn't work out in a household where a cat is just a s---t disturber and the other cats and owner are under stress. You might read thro the thread in Cat Chat of Marie73's experience with Gigi in "Life with Gigi" and "Update on Gigi".

 

I'd return the gorgeous vivacious (and unhealthy) Bengal if the breeder is willing to take her back. YOu will never forgive yourself for the damage that is happening to your older cat. I think you're lucky that the breeder will take her back.
I think Serena will thank you !!

 

Thank you, Jeanie. Today was very difficult for me.

I went out and bought an inexpensive carrier in case I decide to return her.*:-(

I also called an animal behaviorist, the same one who evaluated Serena and said she would be a good match for a kitten -- although she had recommended a Siamese. Ironically, their energy seems great together. Tsuki is my Siamese. I think Serena tolerates Tsuki ... I won't say she is in love with her, but for the most part she doesn't hiss at her unless she is playing with my Bengal.

The animal behaviorist said if I decide to keep my Bengal awhile longer, we could try some behavior modification techniques. They will never be the best of friends but may be able to co-exist under the same roof.

The breeder did give me until next year. But I don't live anywhere near her. And I will only have access this weekend, and then not again until either March or April or May, depending on when the breeder comes down my way. But by that time I felt I would just be too attached. Already I almost feel like I can't give her up. So I feel it was best if I tried to make a decision now. But in a way the decision almost feels forced, as if I haven't tried everything I can yet.

I could try the animal behaviorist route ... and see if their relationship could be mended.

I am pretty exhausted with trying out all these scenarios in my head, and trying to figure out which one is the best one.

Tsuki, my Siamese, wants to cry all night when she is by herself. So I already know that would be a problem if she didn't have her friend. Of course I could get her another friend. All these things keep running through my mind.

Another thing complicating the cat dynamics is that one of Serena's favorite rooms, the only one that gets sunlight in the daytime, is blocked to her right now because of the Demodex mites on the Bengal. It is the room that the Bengal sleeps in and stays in because she is contagious, although I do let her out. I can't let anyone else in there. I can't explain the situation to Serena ... but it probably creates more resentment on Serena's part. When Serena lashes out, the Bengal is going to retaliate. But given the Bengal's nature, she is probably going to start something anyway!

I wish Serena was like your dignified one and didn't have to fight for her position. She does fight back, and I wish it has ended in a stalemate like your situation did, but it doesn't seem it is in a Bengal's nature to let things end in a stalemate.

Thank you for your kind thoughts!:kittyturn

 

Susan, I hadn't thought of it that way. The room does have enough sunny places so that more than one cat would have sun ... or, frankly, I could lock the Bengal out of the sunny room and let Serena have it! She only has it now because I had nowhere else to put the Bengal, but I have lowered the shade so there is no sun, so I have taken away that fringe benefit. In fact, I really should switch rooms and give the Bengal the Siamese's room, which isn't prime real estate, and give the Siamese the Bengal's room. Except that the Bengal, fussy princess that she is, requires two giant litter boxes. Why is this? Because otherwise we might go outside our box. Yes, we need one to urinate in and one to defecate in. So I give her two, just to be very, very and I do mean very safe.:wink Tsuki, my Siamese, is very happy with her one box. Why are Bengals so high maintenance? Honestly, I have never met such a high maintenance cat in my life.

Don't get me wrong; I know the rule about one box plus one per cat. I'm just saying that my Bengal as a kitten was the first to have a GIANT clean litter box and immediately start peeing and pooing outside of it. I had never had a kitten do that before. So much fun.

 

I had a somewhat similar problem when I adopted Abby, since she scared the heck out of Muffin. In my case, however, it wasn't because Abby was so rough or high-maintenance (like your Bengal)...Abby was just a normal, playful kitten. But Muffs was a scaredy-cat. I think a Bengal would have given poor Muffin a heart attack!

Anyway, I ended up hiring a behaviorist and went through a behavior modification program with my two girls. It worked, since Muffs and Abby are now good friends. Through the program Muffs learned to stick up for herself. But, it was a LOT of work. It took three months. I work full-time and, for three months, my life consisted of only two things -- work and cats! Except now and then when I'd turn on the vaccum cleaner, which kept both cats quiet!

 

Thank you, Auntie Crazy, for chiming in.nekitty

I have not been able to reach the breeder (I've left three phone messages; I think she is out of town) to tell her about the T. foetus. I wonder what she will say. I think she should pay for treatment of my household, though I am worried about how it will affect my oldest cat.

High maintenance; you are not kidding! There are rewarding moments when I think it is worth it, but they are high maintenance. And unless they all get along, it won't be worth it.

The Siamese's siblings are all spoken for, unfortunately.

And these two have really bonded. I know it makes for an odd combo, a Siamese and a Bengal, but they are cute together and play well together! Except when the Bengal is stealing Tsuki's (the Siamese's) toys or when I try to play with one with a feather stick toy and the other with a feather stick toy and the Bengal ends up with both feather toys in her mouth.:wink Poor Tsuki. I almost have to lock up the Bengal to give Tsuki some quality play time. Of course you can imagine the yeowling that commences. I have to say though that the sight of the Bengal with two feather toys in her mouth is fairly hilarious. Removing them is extremely difficult.

I could also get an Oriental Shorthair, which has a similar personality to a Siamese. At this point it probably wouldn't be Tsuki's age. It would probably be younger, maybe by a year or two, but Tsuki came from a household of cats and kittens of all ages.

Something else I am considering is an animal behaviorist as an option to bring peace to my home. It wouldn't make Serena and the Bengal best friends, but maybe they would at least be able to share the same space comfortably. If it doesn't work, I could give her back to the breeder next spring and at least at that point I could say I have tried everything and nothing worked. But the downside is, at that point the Bengal will be older and I will be even more attached to her. I am already so attached that I am wondering if I can even give her up now. Can anyone even pry her from my arms now? What about in four months? I am a real softie and every rescue was always so hard for me to let go of.

So do I go off the evidence I have, make a quick and hard decision, but then wonder if I did everything I could -- or make that last-ditch effort to dig in and bring in professional help? Will it always be nagging at me, that "what if?"

Today really has been exhausting.

Thank you for your good wishes!:kittyturn

 

Susan, I am glad to know your behavior modification program worked for you. I have dropped so much money already on vet bills, plus I feel like years have been added to my life.

Serena is not a push-over. My Bengal isn't either. So meet two women (a house full of ladies only) who are not push-overs. The only push-over in the bunch is Tsuki, the Siamese. No wonder she's the only one everyone gets along with!:smile:

(The Bengal is spayed and so is Serena.)


My brother wants to come down and visit, but something tells me that if this does happen that this would be a bad time ... am I right? Besides, where am I going to put him ... in the Demodex mite-infested bedroom (this sounds worse than it is, since they don't bother humans) or squished in the smaller bedroom with Tsuki?

Serena loves to be vacuumed. She likes it when I take her entire tail and suck it up inside the vacuum nozzle.The Bengal is fascinated by Serena's approach to the vacuum. I'm hoping she'll learn from Serena's approach and maybe even learn to like the vacuum.

It would also REALLY help if everyone in the household was healthy! That way the kids (two kittens) could start sharing a bedroom. Oh, wait ... no, they can't do that until after Tsuki is spayed. Because the Bengal is an obsessive groomer and I'm afraid she'll rip Tsuki's stitches out. I want her to be used to sleeping alone for now. After Tsuki is spayed and once everyone in the house has been lyme sulfur dipped and is free of T. foetus then we can talk about sharing bedrooms.

So, it was a lot of work? What I wonder is, can the work I do match the will of an ornery little Bengal and an older cat who has had a "I want to be (left) alone" Greta Garbo attitude toward the Bengal.

I'm relieved to hear that it worked for you! Did your cats have to wear bells on their collars by any chance? And what did you do when they are in other parts of the house and you can't see them? My behaviorist wants video ... good luck when I can barely catch them in the act ...:kittyturn

 

Neither of mine wore a bell, because the program required Abby to be locked up in my dining room for the entire three months. She and Muffs were separated by a screen and everything positive between them had to happen on either side of the screen (petting, grooming, feeding, playing, etc.). As for your brother coming over...well, let's put it this way, anyone who came to visit me during those three months (mainly my kids) were given a cat toy with instructions to go play!

 

Thanks, raecarrow, for your reply!:daisy

Are both of your Bengals boys? I love the pix you have of them in your sig. I will say that having a Bengal is quite special. I hate the thought of having to get rid of mine. But my resident cat comes first and she has to be happy. Or at least they have to be able to tolerate each other, as in they may not be buddies, but they need to be able to live under the same roof.

Yes, I do actively play with my Bengal and I also take her places on her harness. She goes to PETCO and other pet stores with me. Although feather toys are hard to play with as she grabs them and doesn't let go.:wink I have to get creative and not let her catch them. I've tried a laser pointer, and I think she likes it, but I want her to enjoy catching something. Interactive play is challenging, as when she catches toys she doesn't want to let go of them!

I've worn her completely out before -- or so I've thought -- and then had her turn around and jump on Serena.

She is a girl, so I don't think her rough and tumble is the same as a boy's, but still, she is a Bengal.

Thank you for your response as a Bengal owner!:kittyturn

 

Thank you, catloverami. :catmilkI will look up those threads about Gigi.
Unfortunately, I wonder even with the Bengal gone if things will ever be the same now that I have brought kittens into the household. Even the Siamese causes her some stress, since the Siamese is like velcro clinging to my lap. I can put Tsuki in another room and try to coax Serena onto my lap, but Serena is aware that Tsuki is there because she is in the other room nonstop meowing, which I suspect is stressful to her.

Today there was mostly peace in the household. At least outwardly. (Like you said, there could be a lot of internal stress going on with Serena.) And I had a lot of internal stress from trying to figure out what to do.:? And there was a scuffle later in the day.

I do not want to cause Serena to have stress or to live an unhappy life. If measures cannot be taken to remove the stress from the household, other than removing the Bengal kitten, then I will have to. The other thing I am considering is an animal behaviorist and behavior modification. The kitten is young enough that maybe an impact could be made. And Serena is old enough that I should be able to see whether it could help her.

But behavior modification is more time and money. And work! And I can't imagine the process would be stress-free. I suppose I have to work at staying relaxed during the process, should I choose to undergo it. Breathe in ... breathe out ...

I want Serena to have a wonderful old age. I suppose I could give BOTH kittens back and just have her. Although she seems mostly okay with the Siamese. She may have preferred to be an only cat, but Tsuki likes to be one of many cats, as that is the kind of lively household she grew up in, and she's a velcro lap cat, so that's a conflict. So I don't know how to give Serena what she wants at this point.

I know the Siamese would be quieter without a friend as she wouldn't be running through the house with an unpredictable Bengal. But she'd be louder at night as she would cry if she could not be in bed with us. And Serena definitely wants me at night to herself. I don't blame her and I'm not willing to budge on that point, at least not until she shows me she has accepted the kitten(s).

If I thought anything was making Serena stressed to the point of making her ill, I would toss them all out. Serena's health isn't worth any kitten to me. So I will definitely think about what you have said. Thank you very much.:kittyturn
I will say that Serena's "I'm BORED, Mom!" meowing has stopped since I got the kittens. And her OCD tail-chasing, which started after her 18-year-old Oriental Shorthair buddy passed away in April, has finally stopped. So maybe something good has come of it?

 

mimitabby,
Thank you for your thoughts!
You may be right and the decision may be as simple as that. I could feel better and Serena feels better and all of the torture is over. Wouldn't that be great if I felt relieved over my decision!

Or I may wonder if I did enough and wish I had tried the behavior modification to see if it could have worked.

But you are right: I would never forgive myself if any damage were to happen to my older cat.

 

So it wasn't about the aggressive cat wearing a bell and then trying to catch them in the act, then; I see.

I wonder how it works when only one person lives in the household (me). I'm curious if the behaviorist is going to want both cats to be petted at the same time. Since I can only be on one side of the door, one is going to be having the positive experience and the other one is going to be feeling left out. (Oh dear.) And I have no screen; I have a solid door. If I were to have someone install a screen door, that would cost more $$. Did you have a special install done?

Also, in my home's layout, it would mean the cat behind the screen door would never go to sleep. Right now, the Bengal knows her cue to going to sleep is when her door shuts. It takes her a few minutes, but then she settles down. If I understand correctly the screen door would never shut and therefore she would never sleep at night:wink ... just thinking outloud here ... my house is laid out a little differently than yours. The only rooms I have to separate a cat are bedrooms that are close to my bedroom.

I have tried putting the Bengal in "her" room, and she gets destructive. When she gets locked in one room, she gets frustrated and yeowls nonstop and she destroys things in the room. It isn't a pretty picture.:wink I wonder if behavior modification was designed with Bengals in mind! Oh, and the yeowling gets old so fast.:smile: It makes me want to tear my hair out. I wonder if this is the same kind of behavior modification that this animal behaviorist has in mind.

The difference between behavior modification and my regular door is that when I put the Bengal in "her" room, it is a solid door. If it were a screen door and she could look out on the rest of the house, she might feel more a part of everything and less left out, so she might be less likely to meow constantly.

Thank you for letting me know a little more about the process!:kittyturn