[Smokey596]

I have had Snow Kitty, a former stray, for 3 years now...brought him indoors after a year and kept him secluded from my indoor cats.

Now my two indoor cats have passed away, but I've inheirited my dad's cat, Girly, after he passed away. Girly was with Cricket for several months before Cricket died and they got along fine.

Now I have put Snow Kitty with Girly (I did it before Cricket passed, actually). They tolerate each other but they are not friends. Snow Kitty is male and bigger, but he hasn't been agressive at all toward Girly. She, however, does not want him near her. She growls and then if he persists she hisses and there can be swipes.

I can't tell if she is afraid of him or if she doesn't like him. Fact is, the house we are in now used to be hers. That could be part of it...territory. But again, she had no problem with Cricket and he, like Snow Kitty, had been fixed.

I thought I could handle it but I'm getting so tired of her growling every time he wants to walk past her or get on the bed where she is already or when he tries to play with her. I feel like it's making both of them upset because Snow Kitty has to be careful what he does and he can't get on his favorite places, etc.

It's to the point where I am considering finding another home for Girly. I consider Snow Kitty "mine" and I love him dearly, whereas I mostly just "like" Girly. I didn't choose her...I've never really felt a bond with her...but, she was my dad's cat and he loved her and before he passed away he knew I was taking her for him. I don't know what to do.

I'm happy that at least they aren't fighting, but I can't take worrying anymore about Snow Kitty feeling intimidated and unhappy. And it's funny...he's the one I thought would be aggressive which is why I kept him secluded for so long.

I've heard that it's possible to have some kind of kitty drug to calm them. Has that worked for anyone? I just don't know what to do. They've only been together about 3 weeks. Maybe more time will help?

 

[catloverami]

There are various things you might try, holistic and otherwise. Some of the holistic ones : Feliway dispensers(never used it so can't vouch for it but other members have reported good results and no results), Rescue Remedy, calming collars like NaturCALM. Vet could prescribe a course of Clomicalm....that might get Girly out of her anxious habit of hissing....sounds more like she's afraid of Snow Kitty because he's bigger than Cricket? Hard to know why she doesn't like him, often cats just have their preferences like people do. I would try the holistic stuff first, say a calming collar, before going the vet route. Good luck!

 

[Alpaca]

I agree that it's hard to tell why she doesn't like him. I'm in a similar situation. My two have been trying to get along for about 2 years now. The stray I picked up is a fixed very gentle and good natured male, Captain Jack. The resident cat is a fixed, physically smaller and delicatedly built female, Miu.

He clearly loves her and wants to be BFF with her. However some days she tolerates him, other days she's downright disgusted at his very existence. There are times where she beats him up and he almost never fights back despite the fact that he could easily win the fight given his size and strength. Even if he does, it's a couple of soft swipes.

Over the years, she's become more tolerant of him and the fights have lessened. But she still smacks him up, usually before a meal. It's only been the past half year to 9 months where she's actually started to have play time with him and also voluntarily go sleep in a separate bed beside him. Last week when my living arrangements changed and I have to confine them both in a small bedroom temporarily, it was the first time I've actually seen them sleep with their butts touching.

So there is hope, but you have to be quite patient. It isn't a one day thing or even a one month thing. I didn't use Feliway or do anything special. Nowadays if I see a fight coming on (depending on the exact situation), I either step in front of her to break eye contact or I approach her non-chalantly and speak gently to her.

In my case, if I do what ppl usually do like scold aggressor and then cuddle the victim, it'll probably make her hate him more. I can see Jack is physically fine albeit probably upset that he got beat, but he's very tolerant and patient with her so no lasting repercussions. I think it's better to concentrate on distracting Miu.

 

[spirite]

I totally understand how you feel about your dad's kitty making your own kitty unhappy, even if it was her home first. If Snow Kitty is okay with it, maybe spending a little extra time with Girly would make her less stressed? Maybe in a separate room?

 

[Smokey596]

Gosh, I don't know. This morning Snow Kitty went after Girly like he wanted to play but then he jumped on her and they rolled around "fighting". First time I've seen that. Girly ran off to the bedroom so I closed the door to keep them apart while I'm at work today.

Girly gets most of my time, I think, although I do my best to be fair. She sleeps with me more than he does. But I'm afraid one or both of them will get worse and start acting out either at the other cat or by peeing on the floor or something.

I hate it because I knew that Cricket only had probably a few years left after Ellie died and then I would be able to have just Snow Kitty and not have to keep him in his own room, and then Girly came along.

 

[Janz]

I consider Snow Kitty "mine" and I love him dearly, whereas I mostly just "like" Girly. :sad: I didn't choose her...I've never really felt a bond with her

Sounds like you don't really want Girly but are ensuring your Dad's cat has a home. I am very sorry for your loss and you are doing the right thing giving Girly a home.

Maybe it would be best to find Girly another home but if you want to try and keep her then you need to have patience. It takes time. Imagine having a stranger thrown into you home and you have to live with that person. Especially hard when you've just lost a loved one. You need to see Girly in a positive way and bond with her. Don't stress too much if they wrestle/play/fight. If it is out of control then you need to intervene but if they are just establishing boundaries then let it happen. I have two cats that don't always get along. I understand your stress but my cats, over eight years, have established a relationship.