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I'm not sure how many of you read my post in Cat Chat about when to say goodbye to your cats. Well, I took her to the vets today/yesterday (haven't slept yet) and it turned out she was dehydrated, had kidney disease, liver was going, amenic(sp?), and her red blood count was odd, so there was a fleeting thought of cancer. She also had a heart murmur too that our old vet never told us about.

All yesterday I just KNEW she was going downhill fast. Last night around 4am, I saw her laying on the bathroom floor. I got on the floor with her, and looked into her eyes. I knew it then, when her eyes looked empty and as if she were looking right through me. I cried, and told her she could go, it was alright. After that, she went downhill ever faster... as if she was waiting for me to accept that she was dying. As if she was living for me. So today at the vets, was hard. I held her all through it, I kept saying to her "Until the end. you're my princess and i love you forever" and she purred all the way until she fell asleep. I was sad, i didn't care about the urine on my arm, I scooped her up and held her for a good while. She looked so small, and so fragile. But inside, i knew i did the right thing. The vet consoled us, and told us we did the right thing. She even began to cry herself. IT felt weird though, because at that moment, Cally wasn't suppose to die. Cally was suppose to live forever.. it was.. odd.

So, looking back. I have no regrets about Cally and our relationship. My 18th birthday is in 4 days now, but.. i honestly don't care. I spent 16 years of my life, with the most wonderful cat, ever! We had this bond, that was unlike any other. There was never a problem with communication. I remember being about 7, and talking to her on my bed. I held her and just CRIED because I knew one day she'd have to go. So I promised her that I would be there until the very end. And I was, and I'm SO glad that I was. Now it's just getting over the fact that she isn't here anymore. I feel I'm doing ok, but i know it won't kick in for a few more days. That's how it goes, that's how it went when Sebastian died 3 years ago.

I'll go through any amount of pain, just for her to be happy and healthy. And if that means putting her down, i'll deal with it. When we buried her today, i left a note for her, and put one of my shirts that i always wear on top of her to keep her safe. I buried a piece of myself.

But, I now know of my next tattoo. On my right shoulder blade, two little angel wings and her name and dates underneath. My mom told me today, that she was always my gaurdian angel, she just now has the angel status.

So, with only an hour of sleep in my body.. and barely any food. I think i'm going to call it a night. But... My princess... she was everything you could ask for in a cat. My best friend. My baby. My first cat. I love her so much. :(
 

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I am so sorry about your loss of Cally, Stacey. I am not surprised your vet could not abstain herself from crying - it is hard for me to help my tears and I am further away from you.
You told the story not only beautifully but emphasized so well on what a wonderful pair of friends the two of you *are*. I would like to use the present because both of you have teamed up to be indestructible and you are not the only one who put a piece of you with her she has got her whole being with you, guarding you all the time.
Rest in peace, Cally
 

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I'm terribly sorry about your loss. You did the right thing, and you know you did. 16 years is a long life for a kitty, and it was well spent.

Rest in peace!
 

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Bless your heart, Stacey! Of course you're in pain, but thank God, Cally is healthy and happy again. I'm sure she would thank you. I have seen that blank look you spoke of. I believe they are already gone when that happens. The shell they wore on earth is there, but your sweet, soft friend was already in the arms of angels. It will take a while to get used to her not being there. My collie died several weeks ago, and I still head for the door when I hear thunder; I want to let him in. Well, I guess he's already in. He's in my heart, where you will hold Cally until you meet again. I wish you peace of mind and many blessings.
 

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I am so sorry that you have lost Cally....she is happy and healthy now.

"A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam. And for a brief moment its glory and beauty belong to our world. But then it flies on again, and though we wish it could have stayed, we feel so lucky to have seen it...."
 

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Thank you for all the kind words. It's only the second day, but i feel better. It gets really hard at night though, sometimes just plain hard to be near anything she laid on.

But, she was a very noble cat. Because I think all week she was dying, and she could've hid somewhere, but she stayed in all the rooms we were near. I remember seeing her in the kitchen, in the living room, and more towards the end she'd be in the den with me, or laying in the bathroom floor. It was like, she remembered our promise 11 years ago that I'd be with her to the end, so she clung on to her life for me. I suppose that's one of the better ways to describe our relationship, is that we both lived for each other.
 

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You've written such a beautiful story about your relationship you had with Cally. The special love you've shared that you expressed made me cry. I am truly sorry for your loss, Stacey.
 
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