[Guest]

I have a 2 year old yellow bob cat that's always been extremely playful and loving. About 2 months ago, my boyfriend moved in. He didn't seem to mind it very much and I thought they both got along pretty well. But my boyfriend began to teach him a few stuff like, to stay off the table, keep out of the bed and now out of the bedroom. That's not going very well. He yells at him but he doesn't seem to listen. He's locked him up in the bathroom a few times and that did not work either. lately he yells at him constantly and my cat became a frightened little creature. He doesn't play, he doesn't eat, as a matter of fact he's been hidding behind the couch for 2 days. He doesn't pur when i pet him and he hisses and growls at my boyfriend. I know he must've hit him. At this point I think my cat is extremely depressed. Either that or he feels that he's not the owner of the house . My biggest fear is that the cat will become vicious and he's already showing signs of hate towards my boyfriend.
Any suggestions?
Please feel free to input

 

[jonsgirl]

You dont mention if you spoke to your boyfriend at all, did you ask his opinion on why the cat is scared of him? Did you ask him if he ever hit the cat ?

If it were me (and I know people have different ways of dealing with things but you asked our opinions) I would have a serious talk with my boyfriend. There is no excuse for hitting an animal. An animal cannot defend itself. There is no point in yelling at one either. If the cat could understand English, it wouldn't be getting on top of things or getting in the bed in the first place. Telling an animal "NO" in a strong tone is totally different from yelling at it. I would tell him if he hit the cat, or keeps yelling at it, to STOP. The cat was there first! Seriously . Tell him how you want him to react if the cat does something its not supposed to. Tell him that you will not tolerate meanness towards kitty. The cat could end up biting him, or even you eventually if it continues. I hope you find a solution to this together, and I pray he is not being abusive to you...I know he is probably not, but you never know.

Again, these are just my opinions. Let us know how everything works out.
I hope the kitty learns to trust him again. :wink:

 

[ForJazz]

This isn't your boyfriend's cat. He shouldn't be treating it like that -- even if he *was* the owner. That's no way to teach a cat anything -- your cat will only learn not to trust, and that it is not wanted. Your cat is probably pretty confused right now, and feels pretty displaced and unloved. Are you upset by this? Or do you not really mind? I think it's pretty clear that the problem here is not your cat -- it is your boyfriend's treatment of it. The reason your cat is acting differently is obviously because of him. There are ways to train a cat -- but you'll never have a happy, friendly cat if you yell at it or hit it. Totally unacceptable, and I'm not sure where you live, but there are animal rights against cruelty.

 

[Empath]

This will probably be my only response to this thread, unless it's to show support for your decision when a positive step is made. I say it will be my only response, because deep down you likely already know the problem, and what we can tell you can probably serve at the most only as validation. It's difficult to be brutally frank, but at times it's the only honest thing to do.

Your boy friend doesn't sound like a cat person. Yes, he may be able to tolerate one around, as long it's spirit is broken and "knows it's place". To me, it looks as if a choice needs to be made. A choice between a well adjusted cat or your boy friend. Already, correcting what has been done would require patience. Basically, I'd say that if your boy friend is the cause of the cat's problems, the problems can't go away unless the boy friend does.

 

[faile]

honestly, i would lose the boyfriend. there is absolutely no excuse for animal abuse, and i fear soon he will start yelling or hitting you. anyone who would hit an animal is no good. this is a deeper look into who he really is, and do you really want to be with an animal abuser?

 

[kitkat]

The reason your cat is acting strange now is b/c of your bf and him not treating your cat well. It is sad to know that your bf is hitting your cat or yelling at it like that. I cannot stand a guy that acts like that towards animals especially little ones like cats b/c they are so tiny and helpless and its just too *ugh* I just don't want to think about it. Now all you can do is not blame the cat b/c it's totally not the cats fault. Your cat was there first and now someone comes and yells and changes everything around, scaring the poor cat. I hope you talk to your bf. :?

 

[Littlebigcatdaddy]

Just wanted to chime in-
Hate to be redundant, so I won't. You answered your own question by phrasing it the way you did. You know, in other words, that it's your boyfriends's treatment of your cat that has lead to the behavior that you're seeing.
The point that I really wanted to make is that time is of the essence. It shouldn't be a matter of if you should talk to him, it's how soon. Not only could you be provoking aggression, but really that's the tip of the behavioral iceberg. You're describing a a quick and deep erosion of trust, of the bond between you and your cat that took some time to form. Obviously, it can only get worse. We've seen, as well, physical ailments arise stemming from emotional stress like this.
Please act quickly! Educate your boyfriend and reclaim your world.

 

[drjean]

I know you're probably thinking, "He's my boyfriend, he loves me, he didn't really mean to hurt the cat." But this is a man with a temper--and not much control over it. He is dangerous not only to the cat, but to you. You're describing the beginnings of a very common situation, where the woman ends up battered. I know this sounds extreme, but I have done a lot of research on this. This man is very controlling and clearly has little tolerance for things that don't behave the way he wants. If he would hurt a cat, it's only a matter of time before it escalates, especially if you are not willing to confront him on it, which will seem weak. He's already demonstrated what he will do to a weaker being.

Your cat is terrorized. She is telling you what needs to happen. He moved in, he can move out. Do not tolerate his behavior, for your own safety and peace of mind.

 

[AngelZoo]

Ditch the boyfriend, I am telling you now it's for the best, and there are other men. Even ones that love you AND your cat.

Your poor cat is terrified! Think of your cat as a small child, constantly being yelled at and locked up by it's father, that's called abuse and neglect.
I have many animals here, and a fiance, dispite being with him for so long, I can tell you if he made one motion towards what your boyfriend has done, he'd be out of this house SO fast.

 

[Eric24]

Wow...You need to either lose or have a serious discussions with this guy. There is no excuse, at all, for hitting an animal. What if this behavior carries over to you or if you have children with this guy at some point? I feel so bad for your cat. I am boiling with anger right now....A real tough guy, picking on a small animal because he's not mature enough to handle his own emotions. Tell your "man" to email me, an ex Navy Seal, then we'll see if he wants to chase me around and try knocking me around.....this "man" you are with is a real LOSER. :x :evil:

 

[Bean]

My sister had a boyfriend like that, and it got worse and worse (with her) to the point where he'd "play wrestle" with her to the point of her making him stop cause it hurt. It's not a good situation, because the longer the situation goes on the harder it is to break. If that is his means of punishing (or maybe it's for fun :shock how would be deal with children?

 

[brandon]

Ditch the boyfriend.

If you cant stand to do that I would suggest finding a new home for your cat. Its pretty obvious that your cat is not going to be happy or loved in your home anymore.

Oh ya and I wouldnt mind meeting your BF and teaching him what it means to hit at something that hits back.

 

[Sang72]

I don't know what I can say, I agree with everyone here, your boyfriend needs to learn to get his temper under control, or it's gonna cost him more than he may want to pay............I know from experience.

Sang

 

[JungleKitty]

I agree with everyone else. This guy sound like he is NO GOOD. It's up to you to help your cat.

 

[ForJazz]

If your cat used to be extremely playful and loving, I am assuming that you treated it well. Doesn't it bother you that your boyfriend is not? You're right -- your cat is NOT happy in your house right now. His trust is damaged and he feels unloved. You need to take action fast.

 

[theboyfriend]

No, I haven't mistreated the cat in any more than she does, if that is considered mistreatment. She actually hit the cat in the butt a few times because he was chewing the computer wires. What is actually happening is that she is pregnant and I'm trying to educate the cat to stay out of the bedroom because I don't want the cat anywhere near my baby when he arrives. I always say no when he is going into the bedroom, and I expected her to do the same, but since she doens't the cat is seen her as a good cop and I as a bad cop.

He will always listen to "NO" when she is not around, and when she is present he does as he pleases. No, he does not own the house. If you people don't mind a cat sleeping on the table and having his anus where you eat your meals and cut your food, that's a higiene problem that I think you should deal with.

Mr. Eric, ***are you to call me loser? Mind your own life.

 

[brandon]

sounds to me like you two have a lot deeper issues that the well being of one feline. I suggest a new home for the cat. I think everyone in your home would be much happier.

 

[Eric24]

No, I haven't mistreated the cat in any more than she does, if that is considered mistreatment. She actually hit the cat in the butt a few times because he was chewing the computer wires. What is actually happening is that she is pregnant and I'm trying to educate the cat to stay out of the bedroom because I don't want the cat anywhere near my baby when he arrives. I always say no when he is going into the bedroom, and I expected her to do the same, but since she doens't the cat is seen her as a good cop and I as a bad cop.

He will always listen to "NO" when she is not around, and when she is present he does as he pleases. No, he does not own the house. If you people don't mind a cat sleeping on the table and having his anus where you eat your meals and cut your food, that's a higiene problem that I think you should deal with.

Mr. Eric, *** are you to call me loser? Mind your own life.

I was minding my life, until your girlfriend came on here and said she thought you were abusing your cat. The least amount of time I have to deal with people like you the better, so trust me-I'm not seeking you out.

Second of all, it's not "MY BABY". It's OUR BABY (you and your girlfriend's). More her's than yours because she has to carry it and give birth to it. These kinds of statements re-affirm the perception of you.

Third, regarding hygene..or higiene as you so eloquently described it,...it's not that hard to wipe down a table...or simply pick the cat up, say no-in a stern voice, and calmly place the cat on the floor

 

[theboyfriend]

I refer to the baby any way I please. After picking up the cat a hundred times from the table, My approach is a stern voice and a NO, like you people here say often. Hey, lick the table if you want, the cat is not going to be in MY table in MY house and that is final. How about you paying child support since is your business? Gosh, I hate lonely people with too much time on their hands.

 

[Annissa]

I've stayed out of this thread mostly because there wasn't a whole lot of information to go off of. But now that we have the boyfriend here, maybe we can address each issue individually. Namely how lsysdev and the boyfriend can properly train their cat.

Here is a site on how to train your cat to stay off of counters and tables: http://www.petcaretips.net/cat_on_counter.html. This is a good one to teach him because you're right; a cat shouldn't be on a surface where you eat or prepare your food.

I'm not sure how to train a cat to stay out of a certain room. It's something I've not done or seen anyone have much success with. I did find a .pdf file online that addresses having cats and a new baby. Here's what they said:

"Congrats on the new addition to your family. And good for you for not following the too-common advice to find new homes for your pets when you became pregnant. Too many pets become homeless on the recommendations of well-meaning but misinformed friends, parents, and physicians.
"The good news is that cats and children will co-exist happily, but getting to that point does require a modicum of common sense on your part. Cats don't smother babies, despite old wives' tales to the contrary, but its still essential to keep your pets and your infant child apart unless you're supervising.
"You cannot really train a cat to stay out of the crib, so its better to put up a barrier to keep your pets out if you're not watching. A common bit of advice is to replace the nursery door with a screen door. It's not hard to do, and will allow you to hear your baby while keeping the cats away from the crib.
"Cats sometimes forget their house manners at times of household stress or change. If your cats start forgetting where the litter box is once the baby arrives, don't punish them. Stressing them further will only make the situation worse. Instead, ease them into new routines by keeping them in a room away from all the hubbub for a couple of weeks -- a spare bedroom is ideal. Be sure to provide them with clean litter boxes, food, water, and a scratching post or cat tree, and don't forget to carve some time out of your new routine to reassure them with praise, petting and play.
"Pets are good for children! If you gently introduce your pets to the idea of having a new "sibling," your child will be well-positioned to learn the lessons of responsibility and compassion that pets are so good at teaching."

So there are some solutions for you. Like my fellow board members, I would like to stress how important it is to not punish your cat. Generally punishments like hitting will only lead to more behavioral problems.

Good luck with the pet and the baby!