Day 8: Overall, A Step Backwards

I know Susan said she hit a lull between days 6 and 11 of desensitization/counter-conditioning, and even suggested maybe things were going backwards. While every situation is different, that's exactly how I feel tonight.

What Went Well: Snowball is much more confident being in the rest of the house during the room exchange, while Hershey and Blizzy are locked in the bedroom. She wanders around without me, even ran around like the typical crazy cat a couple of times, exercise she needs. She's fantastic about running back up the stairs with me and right into her carrier, when the session is over. This amazes me, and I'm waiting for her not to want to go back. Back in her room after the exchange, she lifted her tail and turned her rear to me in an exaggerated fashion. She has often greeted me by raising her tail and turning her rear to me, and I understand this to be a friendly signal (though it takes getting used to!). This was even friendlier than usual.

What Went Less Well: She wasn't as comfortable eating very near the gate; I had to move her food back to about three feet for her to eat most of it somewhat relaxed. She also sat further away from the gate than she has in days, though later on she moved back to within four feet, where she usually sits now. She suddenly charged the gate several times without warning, stuck her paw through and waved it at Hershey with a quiet hiss (he sits right by the gate), then ran around the corner--though she was back in view within a minute each time. I've read that I'm supposed to distract her from doing this, but she is just sitting there and then runs to the gate without warning, so she catches me by surprise. No ears back, no growl. I almost think she's running up to take a gander at him, as she does so quietly, until about one second after she gets there. It's like she realizes what she has done, and recoils. She also didn't play as freely as yesterday.

What I May Have Done Wrong: I understand "all good things" are supposed to happen to her within two feet of the baby gate. I have forgotten and was petting her while she sat on my lap as I ate dinner; she purred the whole time. I guess I should be saving this for front of gate. Also, I'm supposed to not allow her to hiss in front of the gate, and I've got to somehow stop her from doing this, lest it be positively reinforced too often.

So, all in all, no feeling of progress today, except in her comfort level in the house away from them.

Here's a picture of Hershey's face up close. You know how some people just don't photograph that well? Hershey is the same way--his foster told me that before I adopted him, and it's true. I think he's one handsome cat! I'll see if I can do more justice to him sometime.

 

Hi NewRescue (and fellow Maryland suburb of DC person).....

I'm a little confused about your cats. Which one is which? Are the two dark ones the Havana Brown and Blizzy? "Hershey the Dominant," that's funny.

 

Hi October/Maryland neighbor,

Sorry for the confusion. Both pictures of a dark cat (top and middle, left) are of Hershey. Blizzy is in the middle picture (he has a little grey "toupee" on his head, otherwise is pure white). Snowball is the pure white cat in the bottom picture, with one yellow eye and one blue one. The bottom two pics are now part of my signature. Hershey is predominantly a Havana Brown ("predominantly" because all 3 are rescues, and it would be next to impossible to find a real purebred Havana as a rescue (though there is one in Cal right now)). There are somewhere between 500 to 1,000 pure Havana Browns in the US, somewhat more for a mix like mine, but they are very unusual. A mix of Siamese, Burmese, black DSH and one or two other breeds, they originated in Siam (Thailand), were brought to England in the mid-1800s and to the US in the 1950s. They are dying out as a breed, because there are so few breeders and there was some inbreeding, but an attempt is being made to diversify the gene pool and keep them going. Hershey is an amazing combination--fearless, as energetic as the Energizer bunny, playful, eats like a horse, also a lap cat, can sit in your lap for hours if you let him, bonds very strongly with his human, and not a mean bone in his body. He "trills" constantly, to let you know where he is, not that you wouldn't, because he doesn't disappear from your side for long, only to scout for food on the kitchen counters!

 

Okay, so the colors and names make sense.

 

Okay, so the colors and names make sense. Sometimes people name a black cat Snow or a white cat Midnight, just to be ironic. Ahhhhh, the irony. But I see your names make sense and I get it now.

I read your posts with interest, but I can't contribute because I've only ever had one cat. With one cat all you need to introduce them to is the litterbox, and the litterbox rarely hisses at them.

 

Hi NewRescueDad: Each day, you have told us of your events, and I have reported back to you on how they compared to what I saw on the same day. When I posted yesterday, I thought to myself, I had better mention the “going backwards” part in advance, rather than waiting to hear your story first. I figured if you did experience a setback, and I only raised the issue after the fact – saying, “Oh yes, I started going backwards around Day 7 or 8 also” – you might start to think I was making all of this up as I went along, just to make you feel better. So, I’m pleased to see I exercised foresight for once. In any event, if yours are anything like mine, you can expect to go back and forth a bit for the next few days – but, let’s hope Footsies is on your horizon.

If you’re at the “you wanna sniff my butt” stage with Snowball, you’re definitely on solid ground, although I agree, you might want to keep that sort of activity between you and your cats.

You’re right in that the books say ALL good things should happen by the gate, and NOTHING good should happen elsewhere, so that the cats associate good things with each other. My behaviorist gave me the same advice, saying I shouldn’t pet Muffin unless she was by the gate. When he said this, I smiled sweetly and nodded in agreement, saying “Yes…I see…No problem”, all the while thinking “Are you out of your mind? Dream on, buddy”. I adhered to his rules when it came to feeding, treats, grooming, play, cat grass, etc. None of that happened anywhere other than by the screen. But, when it came to giving Muffin love and affection, she was going to get that whenever she wanted and as often as she wanted, regardless of where she was physically located. On top of which, she slept with me (as I imagine Snowball does with you, if she’s confined to your bedroom), and she would cuddle a bit at night. What was I to do, carry her to the gate complete with pillows and blankets? Ignore her? Bah, humbug! So, my view – for what its worth – is to heck with the books and the behaviorists on this point. Mom (or Dad) knows best.

To my knowledge, there’s no way to prevent Snowball from hissing – so not much you can do here. Whenever Muffs would hiss or growl, I would just speak gently to her and re-assure her everything was ok. As for Snowball running up to the gate, not hissing and growling, and then backing away – that might be a good sign – a sign of her wanting to play (except fear gets the better of her and she retreats). The paragraph below sets out advice I was given by my behaviorist. This advice was given in “Stage 2”, when I was allowing the girls together for short play sessions…but I think it would nonetheless apply to your case.

During the combined play sessions, try not to allow Abby to chase, approach or run up to Muffin. Whenever Abby starts to make a move towards Muffin, distract Abby with a laser pointer, a toy, etc. However, if Muffin starts to chase or approach Abby, DO NOT interrupt. We need to discourage Abby chasing Muffin, but ENCOURAGE Muffin to chase Abby (although if anything negative arises from the chase – a fight ensues, etc. – break it up immediately). It might sound unfair to allow one to chase, but not the other. However, Muffin views Abby’s chasing as threatening (like she’s being stalked in her own home), whereas Abby views Muffin’s chasing as play. We want to increase the play and reduce the perceived threat/stalking. We also want to give Muffin the confidence to start to chase Abby and/or start to hold her ground.

So, considering that advice, unless Snowball’s behavior in running up to the gate appears very aggressive (which doesn’t seem to be the case from your description), I would tend not to interrupt or dissuade her from running up to the gate. In fact, running up to H&B, and having nothing untoward occur as a result, will likely help to overcome her fear.

Hershey looks like a very handsome young fellow…the only difficulty with the camera is I now see your point about his colouring, the camera and the lighting, since in your pictures, he looks to be black, not brown (except where the sun seems to shine around his ears). Now, I take it you’re using an I-phone, which is not exactly advanced photography. Time to invest in a new camera. Finally, Blizzy looks like a complete angel…a cherubic choir boy intent only on good deeds…not so much as a mischievous bone in his body…indeed, a total innocent. I believe Blizzy has been misjudged, and there’s no convincing me otherwise.

 

Extremely helpful. Now that I have been shamed into taking a better picture of hershey, here's one he wouldn't mind my showing:

And as for choir boy, since words won't convince you, I may have to use visuals. Best I can do is one of them playing, for now, with Blizzy's paws around hershey's neck. That will come later.

 

That is a good picture of Hershey! He's another angel...a chocolate cherub, if you will.

A picture of Blizzy with his paws around Hershey's neck? Seems to me that will show nothing more than Blizzy hugging Hershey. Back to the drawing board...

 

Boy, I feel for you. We have 2 cats, brother and sister. They have always been close friends and are snugglers for sure. The boy, Moji, is the alpha male and is quite rambunctious. My husband accidentally shut the door on his tail a couple years ago...which undoubtedly hurt - but Moji was MAD and had all this aggression that he directed at his sister. He went after her and she ran under the couch. I was screaming which didn't help. He even would growl and hiss at us - i was honestly scared of him. We had to separate the cats for quite awhile. She stayed in my craft room and he had the rest of the house but he would come and lay by the door so he could look under the door at her like some kind of bully tactic. I would open the door so that my hand was between the door and wall and my foot next to the door so that he couldn't come in and at no point could the door close on his paw. He would swipe at her and hiss but Sheba would stay back and just watch. I got some amino acid (tryptophan) that I put in his water which seemed to help alot. When Moji stopped most of his aggressive behavior (about 2 months later) we let them have supervised time together but would separate them during the day. Eventually, after 6 months, they became friends again. This was taken very recently.


Snugglers. Well nourished snugglers that is.....

 

Thanks, Sheba 1, and I see you joined just before I did. SIx months, eh? I don't think I can take all this for six months. At least you said most of the aggression had subsided after two months, though they had been friends before. I think six months is realistic for me, though, who knows.

Day 9--A Glimmer of Hope, or Just Wishful Thinking or Overinterpretation?

Well, today had one potentially interesting development--maybe. A lot of ground to cover.

But first, Susan, you were prescient in including the step backwards commentary, right on cue, the day before it happened. Today was a more up day, offsetting the down of yesterday. Snowball continues to be more animated than she had been in recent weeks, which includes playing more in her room. I came up to give everyone an early afternoon snack, and she was playful with her furry mouse and Da Bird in the Hide and Seek (I have learned to peek-a-boo it in there, which excites her interest). Hershey was parked by the gate, as usual, with Blizzy six feet back, as usual. Snowball nosed the mouse, then ran over to the right, near her scratching post but still in plain view of Hershey, and crouched down in the "I'm ready to pounce on prey" position. She proceeded to pounce right up to the gate and Hershey, but not in a very threatening way, though she did give the perfunctory right hand swipe at him. He didn't budge, as usual (he may have backed up a little, for about two seconds.) She then retreated to the Hide and Seek and continued playing with the mouse, as if this all had been part of play. Whoa, I thought, is this possible? Do my eyes deceive me? She continued to play for awhile thereafter, not engaging with Hershey again but definitely relaxed. Hershey remains placid and by the gate whenever this happens, one of many reasons I find him amazing. Remember, he is fearless, or virtually so, and he has just recovered from a near-death experience only three months ago, so this is clearly small potatoes (or small beer, as the Brits say, or at least some do) for him.

I had hoped this newfound behavior might continue, but alas, today it did not. This evening, Snowball reverted to her one charge at the gate and Hershey at dinner, and she gave a more heartfelt hiss at Blizzy as the room exchange started--that one was clearly, "I do not like you! DO you understand?" I put Snowball in her carrier as I do the exchange, as it's not easy exchanging three cats as one person (especially when one of them, Hershey, now can routinely surmount the gate at will (gotta get that balloon, Susan!)). Hershey came up to the carrier, and Snowy hissed at him again, but he remains totally undeterred by that. He never goes after her or threatens her; he just goes up to her (or the gate) and looks benignly and quietly at her, never uttering a sound (whereas he cries like a baby once I've closed the bedroom door on him). Snowball went up the cat tree in the family room tonight for the first time in a month, and as usual, when the session was over, she ran right upstairs behind me and into her carrier (though I didn't go into her carrier!).

Another interesting thing. Before I could close the door after putting everyone back where they belong, Snowball went up to Hershey, reached through the gate and hissed and swatted at him again, not playfully. As Susan said she spoke gently to Muffin when that happened, I told Snowball Hershey was a friend and reached out and petted him under the chin while she watched. She backed up a few feet, then came almost to the gate in front of him and did not hiss this time (!). She then backed up again. I then petted Hersh again, trying to get her to process that he is friend/family, not foe. She just looked at me, as if she's trying to figure it out.

So, the dawn of a new behavior, or just one isolated episode? I guess we'll see, but at least whenever she hissed it did not upset her equilibrium and she went right back to playing (and NOT hiding), so I was pleased by that. Buy the way, in addition to the CL and RR--and the Feliway diffuser in the bedroom--I should add that the past two days I have also sprayed Feliway by the gate, on the chicken soup principle--couldn't hurt.

By the way, Snowball does sleep on the bed, but after cuddling next to my head the first two days, she moved to the foot of the bed thereafter and has stayed there, except when I feed her less. Then, her cuddling instincts return, as well as her nose kisses. I do wonder on occasion, is she just a femme fatale, with her big yellow eye and blue eye, silky fur, nose kisses until she gets what she wants with me, and the sharp claws she clearly knows how to use? Nope, I still think she's Eliza Doolittle, these are just the behaviors she learned to survive, so it's going to take awhile to teach her new behaviors.

On the photo front, I took a few of Hershey with my digital camera, to try to let the chocolate color come through (as well as his pretty copper/yellow eyes). I've also got Hersh and Blizzy playing. While Blizzy's paws around Hershey's throat might appear menacing, I can assure you they take turns chasing each other and initiating the wrestling. They have not had a cross moment together since the day after they met a month ago--thank goodness! The first pic is a draw, in the second I think Blizzy is winning. And, on reflection, I'll never be able to get a picture of Blizzy misbehaving. The whole point of his choir boy act is that I can never catch him in the act!

 

Many of your recent descriptions of Snowball do suggest that she wants to play, but is still a little fearful or just doesn’t quite know how…and I think you’re right to look upon her recent behavior as a good sign. And, as you know, the integration won’t be accomplished by several giant leaps. It will proceed one baby step at a time – although I fully appreciate how frustrating these baby steps can be. Still, I think you’ve all come a long way since you started this process.

Your idea of petting or playing with Hershey in front of Snowball is also a good one. She clearly has developed a trusting relationship with you – I suspect you’re her Alpha. So, by petting Hershey in Snowball’s presence, perhaps she will either learn to associate him with you or recognize that he’s not something to be feared.

Just a thought, but have you ever tried switching their positions on either side of the gate? That is, at the end of the room exchange, let Snowball come up to the gate, with H&B still in your bedroom (perhaps put the carrier beside the bedroom door). Following a brief period of reversed positions, you could then put Snowball in her carrier and make the exchange, putting everyone back in their rightful places. This idea is drawn from something my behaviorist said, which would take some time to explain, so I won’t launch into the full story. In essence, however, the suggestion is linked to the idea of reducing Snowball’s fear by putting her “in control” of the situation (when she’s in your bedroom, she’s the one who is confined and has no/limited escape routes). The idea might not accomplish anything, but it likely can’t hurt matters either. So, perhaps it’s worth a test-run.

Now, this suggestion will require H&B to remain in the bedroom, and I take it your idea of ceramic bowls on top of the gate has not thwarted Hershey from jumping the gate. Regardless of whether or not you choose to “switch positions”, it would be helpful to Hershey making uninvited entries. So, unless he has now stopped of his own accord, we need to find a way to prevent that. I must say the thought of you entering balloon territory brings a smug smile to my face, and should that day ever arise, I will be ROFL! However, if you’re not yet ready for such foolishness, here’s another idea. Since Hershey is not actually jumping over the gate – but is first jumping on top and then down – you might want to try putting some “Sticky Paws” tape on the top of the gate. (I’ll assume you’re familiar with “Sticky Paws” – if not, just ask). Doing so probably won’t prevent him from jumping, but might slow him down a bit, and give you a better chance to nab him mid-jump, thus lessening the likelihood of his gaining entry. If that doesn’t work, we’re back to balloons.

I think you’re Eliza comparison is smack on…and since Snowball was a year old when you adopted her (age 15 in human years), she has a fair bit of history to overcome. If it helps at all, my behaviorist did mention that fearfulness in cats could stem from one of two factors. Either it arose due to past history such as abuse or neglect, or it was simply part of the cat’s innate personality. His 50-50 prognosis in my case was based on his comment (which I admit surprised me) that innate personality (Muffin’s problem) was more difficult to overcome than past history.

It’s so nice to see that Hershey & Blizzy get along so well, as is clearly indicated by your recent pictures. Abby & Muffin wrestle a bit nowadays, but when they do they’re always rolling around so much that a still picture is difficult. In contrast, H&B appear to be taking a rest between rounds!

And, finally, the truth comes out…you have never actually caught the choir boy in the act. His entire rogue reputation to date has been based on circumstantial evidence!! Well, you will not make a believer out of me until you’re able to substantiate your accusations with eye-witness testimony or, at a minimum, a nine-point paw-print match…

 

Much appreciated, as usual. A number of points to respond to, which I will while reporting on the day[s activities.

Day 10--More Baby Steps Forward?

Today was a pretty good day, overall. It would have been the first day ever without a single episode of hissing, except at the very end, when I reversed the room exchange and left the door open for one last session few minutes ago, Snowball did her usual run up to the gate with a hiss and paw swipe, then retreated four feet.

Things that Went Well: Snowball spent a lot of time playing today, within three feet of the gate and with mainly Hershey watching but sometimes Blizzy, too, without being bothered by them. She started the morning with a short frenzy of running back and forth in the bedroom, which I take to be a good sign of friskiness since she accompanied it with playing. She went up to the door a couple of times with it closed and almost looked under it, which usually leads to her hissing, but she remained silent. Her appetite was even better than usual. I had several sessions of petting her close to the gate, including one where she got on my lap when I was right next to the gate and Hershey was just on the other side, and she purred and let me stroke her chin, seemingly oblivious to him!

Part of her Eliza Doolittle nature is, I am surmising, lack of exposure to things, so she hasn't learned them. I am guessing, based on her behavior at the shelter and with me since I first met her, that she was not abused, but rather simply learned what she does as survival skills. As I've mentioned before, at first she just stared at most of the new toys I got her. After a couple of sessions where I demonstrated them to her, she would tentatively start using them. Whether that is skittishness or lack of familiarity, I don't know, but it worked. So I decided, as I said yesterday, to start demonstrating to her how "footsies" is played through the gate. I also thought petting Hershey, and Blizzy when he's near, would send signals to Snowball. I found her reaction fascinating. This afternoon, when I pet Hershey through the gate bars, she just watched. When I pet Blizzy, she immediately got up and moved out of visual range (I had degraded myself in her eyes!). Is she actually reacting that strongly to what I do? This evening, at the end, she was just sitting there. When I started to pet Hershey, she immediately started grooming herself, calmly. As soon as I stopped petting him, she stopped grooming. This happened three times. I decided it might not be a coincidence, maybe she is really reacting to my petting him in her own way, as a stress reliever (but she was not very stressed by it, since she came over to me when I was done). I like the idea of keeping the door open before placing Snowball back in her room. I'll work on that, though now her carrier is right near the gate and she runs up and into it so smoothly, on her own, that I hate to try to untrain that.

Best News of All: When I was downstairs with her during the room exchange, she hopped into my lap, as usual, after some good house exploring. Yesterday I found an old pair of nail clippers I had used with my first cat, Sport, years ago, and I'd never had a problem with him. Well, I managed to trim three of Snowball's nails on her left paw with barely a protest; she didn't even feel it, and I have lived to tell the tale! This is thrilling beyond words, considering her claws are mighty sharp by now and I don't like being fearful myself. Indeed, this is the only thing I have feared.

What Didn't Go Well: Nothing, actually, except the minor hiss at the end. Haven't said that before.

Other points: Start ROFLing, as I bought a balloon today, since you are so full of good ideas, Susan, and when I went shopping today, I passed a counter with blown up balloons. The "best' of the lot was a yellow "Happy Face" balloon on a stick. It makes me chuckle, to see it taped on the baby gate, and it also reminds me of the Smilies on the Cat Forum! Hershey is perplexed by it. He spent some time trying to unpeel the tape and then, when that didn't work, to dismantle the gate, but he hasn't jumped yet. I give him three days. I've never before thought of a Happy Face as intimidating, except in Tim Burton's The Nightmare before Christmas, for you fans of his work.

Sticky Paws: bien sur, of course I have Sticky Paws. Hershey the Dominant, Hershey the Fearless, Hershey the Bold, is not easily dissuaded once he has made up his mind about something. And he loves my kitchen counters. He knows what "no" is. To him it means he should not be doing what he has every intention of continuing to do. I have learned that Sticky Paws on placements will keep him off some of the counters when I am not there, though he knows how to step around them, so I'll have to cover EVERY SQUARE INCH to dissuade him. I mainly keep nothing edible there, to make it boring. He is so bold that he hops up on the counter while I am there making breakfast or dinner for him. He knows I will "yell" at him or put him back on the floor but not do anything to him otherwise. I have also used a squirt bottle, but he quickly figured out where it was coming from. It's a good idea you have to apply Sticky Paws to the 7/8 inch ledge, so I will, though if the balloon doesn't dissuade him, I don't think that minor inconvenience will get in his way. By the way, Snowball and Blizzy are both amazingly responsive to my verbal commands. I don't even have to raise my voice much, I just say "no" or "down" firmly to them and within one to three utterances, they get off.

Action Photos of Hersh and Blizzy: credit the iPhone. I assure you they are rolling around as these photos are taken. I just snap and snap, and a few of them come out not blurred. they play constantly, so I have plenty of chances. This is an absolute joy to watch, compared to Catmalion. They really like each other.

Blizzy "in the act": To quote a former US President, I misspoke myself--or maybe it's repressed memories. I have actually SEEN Blizzy, right in front of me, trying to rip open (1) a package of dry cat food, (2) an unopened package of Temptations treats IN MY HAND, and (3) a bag of EVO dry cat food in the closet, when I opened the door. I just haven't had a camera handy or good lighting. These are his unsuccessful attempts, of course. I only have circumstantial evidence of several successful attempts. Blizzy the choir boy knows where everything in the house is kept, and he comes running form anywhere when I just rustle a Temptations package! It's all I can do to scold him when he does this, as he looks so cute and determined. The only antidote is to hide them, and then the challenge is to remember where I've put them!

 

Yeah, I joined because Sheba had been bleeding from some mysterious source for awhile and I wanted to have some feedback from other cat owners who may have had a similar experience - to bring with me to the vet.

Sounds like you are making some really good progress....you are a good dad. Snowball is a very sweet cat and I think you are going to succeed in all the cats living peacefully in your home. Cats are so smart. Blizzy is going to keep you on your toes. Our boy cat shred a new unopened 20 lb bag of cat food when he was younger and we didn't know what he was capable of. Sticky paws does not bother him nor does the squirt bottle (most times). I warn him I'm going to squirt him if he doesn't stop (biting his sister, scratching on the couch, climbing the screen door, trying to climb the artificial tree, biting holes in the blinds, I could keep going on...) mostly he will just squint his eye like bring it on....once in awhile he will gallop away. When other people come over, Moji purrs and is so friendly, I think they don't believe me that he is a handful, so I understand about this choirboy syndrome.

 

BALLOONS!! With HAPPY FACES!! :lol: :luv :lol: As predicted, when I first read you had resorted to balloons, I was indeed ROFL. So, let me see if I’ve got this straight. You now have a baby gate complete with ceramic bowls and a happy face balloon on top. That is priceless! I’m debating as to whether that calls for a picture or is best left to the imagination. A Happy Face works. In fact, given your circumstances, the only balloon more fitting than one with a happy face would have been one that read: “Enjoy Your Retirement”!

OK…so there’s now one difference between your situation and mine, and it’s a positive one for you. During Stage 1 of our integration (before starting the open play sessions), I never had a day with no (or only one minor) negative thing to report. Even on the day they played footsies, I still reported Muffin often running away from the screen in fear and still growling at Abby when she was beside the screen – not while they were playing footsies, of course. But, Muffin’s seemed to keep changing her mind. One minute, she seemed relaxed by the screen and happy to play footsies, the next minute, footsies came to an end and the growling began. In any event, based on your descriptions, I think you will soon be ready for a face-to-face meeting, at least between S&H (likely a good idea to leave Blizzy out of the mix initially, as you’ve already suggested in prior posts). Anyway, you’ll know when they’re ready.

If reversing their roles at the gate led to the sole hissing incident, then it seems this wasn’t one of my better ideas. And I agree with your comment about not wanting to undo all the good you have done thus far in training Snowball to go into her carrier. As for her letting you trim her claws, that’s impressive – particularly since, not long ago, she didn’t even like to have you touch her paws. You’re also one up on me in the claw-trim department, since I still don’t have the nerve to try. I’m less worried about myself, and more concerned that if Muffs or Abby were to move mid-trim, I might slip and hurt them.

As for the much-maligned Blizzy trying to get into food bags, treat bags and the like: Do you not FEED this poor little thing? He’s a growing boy and he’s hungry. Shame on you! As for rustling the treat bag, I know all about that trick. If I don’t know where my two are, I either shake the treat bag or start waving Da Bird in the air. Within seconds, two tails and eight paws arrive on the scene. Works like a charm!

On the topic of food and treats – how close to the gate are you now feeding them and/or giving them treats? I started off about a few feet away from either side of the screen, but kept moving the food and the treats a bit closer each day, such that by Day 11, they were eating only a few inches away from each other. Food was no problem. With treats, they would both approach the screen and each other to eat the treat with no qualms, but Muffin always kept one eye on Abby and the other eye on her treat…and she would usually utter a little growl, as if to say “Don’t even think about stealing my treat! This is MINE!”. Anyway, if you’re not yet feeding inches away, you might consider moving the food/treats a little closer each day, as long as they seem comfortable with your doing so.

In closing, keep up the good work. I foresee a happy ending to this story.

 

Day 11: "Ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley deep enough, ain't no river wide enough, to keep me from you, oo (or from your food, anyway)." (Sung by Hershey to Snowball this afternoon.)

You all might think I lead a very mundane life, to be as fixated as I have become about this. But that's why I'm on this Forum, you probably are among the only people who DO understand.

Anyway, today was another day of surprises, to my surprise--two, to be exact. Surprise No, 1: First thing this morning, I awoke to the sound of Snowball batting her furry mouse around the bedroom and bathroom. Yes, BATTING it around. For a good 10 minutes. And running around, like yesterday. But vigorously playing with anything, much less the mouse? Was she channeling Blizzy, who plays with his mice all the time (Oh, Snowball would resent the comparison, but it's true.) I was amazed. A happy cat to start the day. Breakfast went fine, though she hissed once (and then numerous times throughout the day, but none setting her back for long.) Susan I am not ahead of you in this respect, but I think I'm in exactly the same place as of now. Snowball vacillates between doing things quite near the gate and becoming acutely self-conscious and drawing back. Moreover, she constantly uses the scratching post I have right next to everything else and grooms herself right after these episodes, so she is dealing with a tug of war inside her.

As I gave them their dry food afternoon snack (which they all go bonkers over), Hershey heard me rustle the cat food bag as I withdrew it from its "hiding" place in the bathroom, and he immediately jumped over the gate into the bedroom (I had purposely left the door open to see what would transpire). Snowball did not freak out at all, but I grabbed him within a few seconds, before she could really react. Mr. Happy Face balloon did his job; Hershey surmounted the taped dish, without pausing at the top. Now, a quick true confession by way of an aside, and sorry if this shatters any funny mental images you might have. They are not really "ceramic" dishes taped on top of the gate, but rather an unbreakable resin material (NOT plastic). In any case, they are not tall enough to deter a determined cat, and on that score Hersh is at the head of the class. It still looks pretty weird/funny. I have Snowball's dish about 8 inches from the gate, with H&B's dish about 13 inches on the other side, so they are reasonably close. Snowball hissed pretty strongly at Blizzy a couple of times this afternoon (my fault, but also a judgment call, I want them to interact more, and Snowball, even after hissing, does not run away the way she used to, by and large.)

Early this evening, I tried playing with Da Bird first with Snowball, then with Hershey, back and forth (BlIzzy in the background, watching). Only the second time I've done this. This time it worked, Snowball did not run away (they were about 2-3 feet apart), though she was clearly conflicted and kept using scratching post and grooming, but then played again and with her mouse. She came up to Hersh a couple of times, swiped at him somewhat gently and hissed a little, but I kept going, since she did not recoil more than a foot or two. He recoils about 6 inches, then comes back and stares quietly--he's great!

Surprise No. 2: The room exchange was fine. I went into my computer room upstairs, and Snowball disappeared on her own for an hour somewhere else in the house. I did this on purpose, to let her roam on her own, and to join me upstairs if she wanted. She didn't. I came downstairs eventually, we spent some time together, and then I told her it was time to go back upstairs. Susan, you know how you mentioned yesterday the idea of opening the door with Snowball still on the outside and seeing what might happen, and I said I didn't want to spoil her running right into her carrier? You were once again clairvoyant by a day (or else Snowball has been reading these emails; I'd lay odds on the former.) Well, Snowball bounded up the stairs, went right BY her carrier and went up to the closed door! I quickly took the opportunity to open the door, since I knew Hershey was pining on the other side. Hershey was there, right by the gate. Snowball went up to him, and THEY TOUCHED NOSES!!! FOR TWO SECONDS!! WITH NO HISSING!! Let me repeat, Snowball went up to him, and not vice versa. Then Snowball started a low growl/moan--she couldn't help herself--and Hershey backed away a foot, and it was over. Snowball then withdrew and walked into her carrier on her own (she was done!). You could have blown me over with a feather.

Before Surprise No. 2, I was prepared to tell you that while I might know when it would be the right time for Hershey and Snowball to play together in the same room, that time had not yet arrived. It still hasn't, but it might be even closer than I thought! If/when it happens, do you have any suggestions where it should take place? I assume you may thinking of neutral territory, but that might make Snowball too nervous, so maybe you are thinking of her bedroom, where she can retreat to a safe place when she wants. I'll reread earlier posts, maybe you've already answered this one. And let me be clear, I hadn't reversed their positions before at the gate, so that is not what led to hissing, just Snowball's normal fears.

Odds and Sods: No nail trimming today; Snowball didn't want me fiddling with her right paw. Blizzy is hardly starving. In fact, the first few weeks I had Hershey, I made the mistake of feeding them similar amounts, to the point Blizzy started to develop what I'll call a golfer's or bowler's paunch (no offense to golfers or bowlers, but you know the look). I've cut back a little for a month now, and he no longer looks overweight. I have learned to ignore their pleadings that they are starving to death. And as noted, I am feeding Snowball, Hershey and Blizzy within two feet of each other, which is closer than last week, but not as close as you got, at least not yet. I offered dry cat food pellets within inches of the gate, and everyone goes for them, but Snowball quickly gets skittish.

So all in all, another good day, to my surprise, though with more hissing today!

 

Great progress! The advice I've received from the Siamese Rescue Org. is very similar to what you're doing. I'm glad you're taking it slowly. I think you have a couple of steps left, but I'll let Susan continue to guide you.

You have some intelligent and very handsome cats!

 

Day 12 Morning Bulletin: It happened again! The touching noses, that is. Soon after breakfast, when I opened the door, it was just Snowball on one side, Hershey on the other. Snowball came up to the gate and touched noses with him, this time for about four seconds, before Blizzy showed up, she backed away and I quickly closed the door. After putting Blizzy safely away for a few minutes, I did an alternating play session with Snowball and Hershey with Da Bird. It worked for about two minutes, then Snowball went to the gate, hissed and pawed at Hershey, first it almost looked like playing, but the second time it was a normal hiss, so I ended the session. I did pet her briefly once the door was closed, so as not to end things on a negative note.

Thanks, jeanie, for the encouraging words, and as you said, Susan has really guided me well through this. I feel I'm now entering the hardest part, though, in encouraging them to interact positively. But maybe the desensitizing is now at a somewhat advanced stage, at least with Hersh.

 

Touching noses!! The traditional greeting between two friendly cats, second only to “Wanna sniff my butt?” That’s TERRIFIC!! Eliza is well on her way to becoming a lady, and will soon be ready for her debut. And, after composing my response in Word (as I now do), I just noticed your most recent post as to how it happened again this morning. YIPPEE!!

Snowball’s increased interest in play is a great sign, as is her ability to stand her ground against Blizzy. Last week she would have run away. No doubt the hissing will subside and disappear soon. You might want to get in the habit of carrying some treats with you for moments such as touching noses. Perhaps a shirt pocket will work. Or dump such frivolous items as your wallet and keys, and keep some treats in your pant pockets. Whenever my two touched noses through the screen or started playing footsies, I would reward them, both to reinforce the message and to lengthen the moment. As for feeding, try moving the bowls closer by just a few inches a day…gradually, so they don’t notice much of a change at any one time….but, stop if either shows signs of discomfort and try again a day or so later.

The one advantage I had over you was the logistics, or the room set-up…and, it’s possible (in fact, likely) that the logistics allowed my integration to proceed more smoothly and swiftly than otherwise might have been the case. I shall first explain my set-up. I shall next explain the advantages it posed, and I will then try to relate my situation to yours. You can then ponder whether or not you can replicate any of the advantages I had.

In my case, Abby was in the dining room, which has two entrances, and I had attached window screens over the double-door entrance from the dining room to the foyer, leaving an opening of a few inches at the bottom, through which they could play footsies. The screened entrance area is visible from my family room, which is where I spend most of my time. Also, I had relied on yet another fruitcake idea to ensure that neither cat could climb the screen (which idea will forever remain a mystery!). Thus, when I was home, I could leave the doors open and could still see the screen. When I was at work or sleeping, I was able to close the doors over the screen, but the doors are glass-paned, so even when they were closed, Muffs and Abby could still see each other. Muffs was free to roam the rest of the house, although everything she wanted was beside the screen (wet food, dry food, toys, water fountain, cat grass, etc.). I even put her favorite cat tree in the foyer, about eight feet away from the screen.

The advantage this set-up provided is that, even when I wasn’t conducting play sessions, Muffs was free to approach the screen whenever she wanted and, in fact, she had to approach the screen if she wanted food, water, etc. Whenever she did, I could still see her…and, even when I was at work or in bed, Muffin could still approach the screen and see Abby through the glass. At some point during Week 2, Muffs started going to the screen more and more often. She even started sleeping in the cat tree I had placed in the foyer. In addition, during the second week, every night Muffin would rest at the foot of my bed for about 10 minutes, but would then leave the bedroom. After a few nights, I got curious and went to see where she was going. Lo and behold…she was sitting outside the dining room doors, watching Abby. I wasn’t sure whether she was showing interest, or was standing guard to make sure Abby didn’t escape and murder Muffs in her sleep!!

Now (finally) to get to the point. You obviously can’t replicate this set up…and an added complication in your case is that Snowball is the one confined, and not the one free to roam about. But anything you can do to increase her feeling in control of matters and/or to increase their time together at the gate, even when you’re not there to supervise, will help. After all, you can only do so many play sessions in any given day. For example, do you have a glass-paned door in any other room, that you could temporarily switch out with your bedroom door? Most doors are a standard size, so you could just pop one out and pop the other one in. That would allow you to leave the door closed and still allow the cats to see each other…and if you were to put everything that Hershey and Blizzy enjoyed in the general vicinity, that should increase the time they spend there…and hopefully allow Snowball to take notice of them more often. If a glass door is not an option, we need to find some way to ensure the valiant Sir Hershey stops jumping the gate, so that you can leave the bedroom door open more often (back to the balloon store!!). Anyway, it’s difficult for me to come up with too many ideas, since I don’t know what you have to work with. So, I’ll leave you to work with the general concepts outlined above and consider what else you might be able to do. And, remember, even after first meetings commence, the good things by the gate needs to continue for a while longer….but the more exposure they have to each other, the shorter the process will be.

As for where to play when you get to face-to-face meetings. The guidance from my behaviorist was that the combined sessions should be in an open area. He advised me not to let Muffs & Abby remain together in a room with closed doors or in a contained area, where there was no ability (or perceived ability) for Muffin to get out – even though I was there to supervise (he said if Muffin perceived she had no escape, it would increase the intensity of her fear).

On the basis of that advice, I conducted the play sessions in the foyer, since it is totally open. He didn’t address whether it should be neutral territory, etc. However, in my case, Muffin was free to roam the house and she viewed the entire house as her territory – on top of which, my two were much younger (both less than six months), and territorial instincts aren’t very prevalent at that age. So, territory wasn’t an issue for me. I would pick a room that is very open and one in which Snowball feels comfortable. Your bedroom might be the best place to start, assuming it has an open, and not a contained, feel to it. In fact, your bedroom is to Snowball what my foyer was to Muffin. If the bedroom does not feel open, then perhaps you have another room that does (such as a combination family room-kitchen area with a number of entrances, or something similar). If so, between now and the time you do the open play sessions, you should try to make sure Snowball spends sufficient time on her own or with you in that area (perhaps during the room exchanges), so that she feels comfortable in whatever room you plan to use.

Once again, good luck. I look forward to hearing more good news later today.

 

You've given me food for thought on both subjects--keeping the gated area open more often, and where to have play sessions. It's not yet time for the latter (Snowball did some more hissing at Hershey this afternoon, and a combo of mock prey pounce towards him (not so bad) followed by three serious claw swipes (not so good) that backed him away for minutes, not seconds), so I'll focus on the former. I also tried giving them treats close to each other. Snowball must associate treats with my unpleasant attempt to socialize her and Blizzy at the beginning, when I used extensive treats. She stopped eating them, and she went after Hershey eating his by the gate. So it's like getting pigs to fly; can't work, and it annoys the pig. I'll try EVO dry food again next time.

I just dragged out the spring/summer screen door that normally goes on the front door to replace the storm door. It's bigger than the bedroom door opening, though not by much, and it's 72 inches high, so really jump-proof for them as it almost reaches the top of the opening (yes, I know they can climb screens, though--where there's a will...). Main problem is there is no clear way to hinge the door so I can get in and out. I might just tape it, but that will get messy. For now I'm leaving it propped against the gate, as it will take Hershey awhile to figure out what to do with this new foreign object. In no time they will knock the screen backwards, so I'll need a solution fast. Today started great, and Snowball still plays a lot and hangs out near the gate, but she is no friendlier towards Hersh. I do wonder if my spraying Feliway right by the gate the last three days has done as much as anything to promote this. On top of the CL and RR. Anyway, I'll keep doing it, twice a day. The diffuser didn't help.

 

Day 12: Started really well, as I reported this morning, but overall today was a clear step backwards.

I was delighted by the nosies between Snowball and Hershey this morning. But that was it. Several more times during the day, Snowball went up to the gate when Hershey was there, once after a nice catching prey crouch, but each time she took one or more swipes at him, usually with a hiss, to the point where he backed away six feet for a couple of minutes. There were a couple of more heartfelt hisses and swipes reserved from Blizzy when he ventured near the gate a couple of times. After dinner, Snowball climbed into her carrier in the bedroom, anticipating being carried downstairs. There, I managed to trim one nail on her right paw; she even emitted a low growl at me the fourth time I tried, reassuringly, to do further trimming. So as not to let her think her resistance is successful, I did hold her paw and stroked it for another 30 seconds, but without doing anything to it. When we came back upstairs, she went right up to the gate and to Hershey like last night, but instead of nosies she took a swipe at him, and he backed off.

The day was not a disaster, in that Snowball still stayed close to the gate much of the time, she also played a fair amount, though she also retreated to her safest spot in the bathroom a couple of times, too.

I have a screen partition that I can now lean against the gate, allowing some extra face time for the three of them, though at first I see that has caused Snowball to disappear out of view or to sit about 10 feet away. WHile I appreciate the words of support and encouragement I have received, as some of you have said, this is a slow process. Day 12 was not, overall , a day of progress, alas. I guess it's god that SNowball comes right up to the gate sometimes, now let's see if we can get it to be for the right reason more often!

 

Day 13--Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder, but Only Briefly

Opened the bedroom door this am, Hersh was by the gate, as usual. Snowball went up to him, and they had virtual nosies for 5 seconds. Virtual because it was just a little further away than before. However, over the next five minutes Snowball charged the gate four times, hissing and pawing once and pawing the other three times. It is highly unusual for her to charge the gate like this, so one could say she is getting more confident. But it was not playful pawing, to the point Hershey the Fearless, Hershey the Bold decided to sit six feet away for awhile. During breakfast, Hershey was turned opposite the gate and Snowball (sometimes one or both of H and Blizzy face towards the gate, sometimes away, it doesn't affect anything). His tail extended through the gate, and without his noticing, Snowball quietly sniffed his tail (not his butt) for several seconds. Also, late last night, after I posted, I did one last play session, with both Hershey and Snowball with the snakelike fabric Cat Charmer, the newly placed screen door between them. Snowball came to the gate three times, sticking her paws through the gate bars to get at the fabric. I reached around the screen to let her touch it. Each time, after doing so, she jumped back a few feet. Hershey stayed a safe distance away from her, but the screen protected him anyway. So things are not so bad, but the hissing and unfriendly pawing are still very prevalent. I am hoping the greatly increased face time between them allowed by the screen both makes her more jumpy in the short run but accelerates the desensitization further over the next few days.

 

I’m afraid I must make this brief since it’s becoming “one of those days”. As we both know, cats don’t like change…so, it’s likely that introducing the screen is a new element they first need to get accustomed to. Hopefully, that will happen in relatively short order. But, anything you can do to lengthen their time together in a non-threatening setting ought to help matters in the end.

If, after a day or so, you’re still noticing negative reactions from Snowball, then perhaps this will end up being another bad idea of mine…which is bound to happen from time to time, although like you, I wish things would just go smoothly and we could avoid the bumps in the road. I remember how the integration often felt like an emotional roller-coaster ride. Let’s hope tonight you start to see more up than down. My fingers remain crossed and I’m remain optimistic about a happy ending here.

 

Day 13 Recap: she sniffed his butt! (though it's not as exciting as that comment may imply).

The screen was an excellent idea, because it greatly increases the face time among the three cats. Even though most of the day Snowball sleeps out of sight of it and the guys are downstairs, in the morning, in the evening, and whenever I come upstairs, everyone inevitably gathers by the gate for awhile, so that is a good thing. The guys spend much of their time just looking at Snowball through the gate and screen, and vice versa. Sometimes she plays and they watch. And while it's just her natural behavior, when she starts grooming herself in front of them, I swear it's just like she's showing off her beautiful self to them! (I believe it's actually her nervousness, though.) She still doesn't like it when I pet Blizzy, but I intend to get her used to it.

Snowball did charge the gate and screen numerous times today, usually but not always accompanied by hissing. Occasionally she crouches down in "hunting prey" position, then charges, making it look like it might be play, until she hisses and swipes, but then she continues playing near the gate, so that is good. Just now she charged the gate, hissed once and swiped, hitting the screen, but then she reached through twice more daintily and quietly, reaching for Hershey, who by then had backed up by a foot and wasn't interested in finding out her intent. She's still Eliza D at heart, not yet a lady, but I'm hoping she'll see no reason for fear, particularly since I play with Hershey and Blizzy on the other side, so she sees them play just like she does.

The tush touch was at dinner. Figures that I said just this morning she had sniffed his tail but not his butt. Her food dish is now under 5 inches from the gate; Hershey and Blizzy's dishes are about 10 inches on the other side, leaving just enough room for me to swing the gate out and for them to face either way while eating. Hersh was again facing away, and this time Snowball came up just after I'd served them and was about to serve her. FIrst she sniffed his tail, then went right for the butt for a good sniff, totally calmly. Again, he didn't notice, as he was chowing down. By now Snowball is comfortable being close to the gate eating so long as she sees the guys are preoccupied eating as well, or have moved away.

What Went Well: Snowball continues her vigorous play in the early morning, is very affectionate when out in the house during room exchange, plays numerous times during the day, much more than before, and generally seems a happier cat than 10 days ago. And the guys are fine.

What Went Less Well: Even with CL, three drops of RR in the evening, and Feliway by the gate, Snowball continues to hiss more often than not.

Something Else I May Be Doing Wrong: while I have a number of their toys by the gate, the guys have numerous other places throughout the house to play. They wouldn't stay up there anyway, unless I am nearby. So not ALL good things happen by the gate for them. I hope that is not a problem.

An aside: I find it fascinating that both Snowball and Blizzy get off the kitchen counter or table as soon as I say in an even tone, not even raising my voice, "No. Get down." Hershey the Bold, on the other hand, has no problem jumping onto the kitchen counter, right next to me, while I am in the midst of making them dinner, and even though I have used various means other than physical punishment to dissuade him. And he has the nerve to cry as I pick him up off the counter and deposit him back on the floor! Indeed, after he finishes dinner upstairs, he now always disappears for a few minutes while I'm still behind the gate with Snowball. I'm sure he's scouting the kitchen counters for leftovers. I never leave anything there, but it doesn't matter. He's back at the gate before Snowball finishes eating, eyeing anything she has left in her food bowl. And that's what prompts him to jump the gate when he can. I had read Havana Browns were food as well as people oriented, but to see it in person is impressive. I do use Sticky Paws, but he's just a very strong-willed cat. Fortunately, he's a sweetheart and to date not in the least destructive, though he scratches his nails not only on the scratching posts but also on about 20 other places throughout the house, so it's hard to keep spraying everything else!. But let him/her who has the perfect cat kindly step forward and tell the rest of us how this is possible.

Tried to get a couple more shots of the trio to share; I'll take one near the gate when next I remember to have a camera handy. Snowball shot in the am.

I think my sign-off from now until things turn for the better will be Scarlett O'Hara's: "Tomorrow is another day!"

 

Snowball’s charging against the gate is not a bad sign in itself. In fact, for a cat that only a few weeks ago was fearful and hiding, her willingness to now charge up to the gate is, I believe, a good sign. But I’m with you…I wish it weren’t accompanied by hissing. Is there any common denominator to the hissing? For example, does it matter where you are, whether or not Blizzy is in sight, what Hershey or Blizzy are doing at the time, or is there any other common (or predominant) factor involved? Also, after she hisses, what do you do?

The fact that the guys have toys throughout the house is not a problem at all; so, don’t worry about that. They’re not the ones being desensitized or conditioned. That is, if Snowball were willing, I suspect H&B would readily accept her – so, they don’t need to associate all “good things” with Snowball. It’s only important that all of Snowball’s comfort items be by the gate. I would, however, ensure that all of the guy’s food (wet and dry) and water is by the gate – simply in order to provide them with more reasons to visit the gate. In addition, if you regularly groom H&B, try to do that by the gate. And, if you have such things as cat grass or the like, also put it by the gate. Here again, in all cases, I make these suggestions solely to provide more opportunities/reasons for them to visit the gate.

The only form of “punishment” I use with my two is a can filled with coins. I shake it and they instantly stop whatever they’re doing. They HATE the coin can! I suspect, however, you have tried that, and Hershey the Fearless was not impressed. I have found Sticky Paws to be of no use, other than to slow them down when they tried to jump the gate, allowing me a bit more time to nab them in the act.

The act of sniffing a butt is nothing more than curiosity…it is the offering of a butt by one to be sniffed by the other that signals friendship!!

I take it the picture is of Hershey and Blizzy – as opposed to Hershey & Snowball. Not to worry, the day will soon come when you can take a picture of H&S sitting that close together.

All in all, your “What Went Well” section is the most telling. As you say, Snowball is a much happier cat than she was 10 days ago. So, progress is being made. Rather than Scarlett O’Hara, let’s go with Annie, who sang “The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow…”

 

Always helpful Susan. If the charging is a good sign, then more good signs this morning, several of them, most accompanied by claw swipes. They happen when I'm on either side of the gate. I do try not to give her positive reinforcement for them, one reason I've been going out of my way to pet H & B in front of her. And it happens with only H, only B, and with both present, but the strongest reactions are always reserved for Blizzy. Food and water always by the gate, except the Drinkwell. And I agree, H and Blizzy aren't the problem, though Blizzy's reaction to Snowball's "harassment" will have to be addressed at some point. This morning, more of the same.

A coin can had not occurred to me. I have the coins, I have the cans, let's give it a try.

And Annie as opposed to Gone with the Wind? Uncanny (no pun intended). How did you know that I was living in NYC in 1979 and went to opening night of the Broadway musical "Annie"? So of course I prefer that "Tomorrow", though I'd prefer it if Snowball, Hershey and Blizzy would sing it in three-part harmony!