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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone.
My girlfriend and I both have cats : she has a female called Vixie and mine is a male called Yoda. Since we live together, both cats keep arguing. Yoda chases Vixie, and she is too shy and afraid to respond : she hides. She doesn't eat, or go to the litter. We kept them separated for months and months.
We decided to buy a house and while we moved we put them both in a little hotel for cats. They were only them two in a box and ....they got along! Vixie was the leader !!

When we moved them to our new home, same thing as the old one.
We are desperate. We tried litteraly evrything (pheromones, cat behavior specialists, they got plenty of toys and litters). What is the issue ??

Thanks a lot.
 

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I would look up Jackson Galaxy. He has a lot of videos about this. I remember on an episode of his show he put up a partition between a door and started feeding the cats seperated from each other by the partition. That way they can start associating a positive experience of eating with being close to the other cat. I believe it was probably a solid partition that they couldn't see each other but could smell each other. I'm sure if you look him up he has a lot of good info. Good luck
 

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Franny -- best cat ever! purring in my heart Porch cat THE DIVIT aka Divey seriously traumatized
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hmmm, did you notice that vixie and yoda got along fine when you two were not around? Have you got a mini-cam? Try putting them in a room alone with their provisions. Creating the same conditions as the cat hotel? How long were they in the hotel? Do it for the same number of days? Maybe they can get to know each other in a shared space -- but learning how to share you and your girlfriend!
Mmm, it could be -- Vixie and Yoda don't know how to share their adults! They got along when their loyalties were not divided between you and your girl friend.
Some kitties are one person kitties. Some kitties love a crowd of kitties and no people. What relationship they each had to their adult -- has changed. Cats like everything to stay the same from one day to the next. I have a cat who gives me attitude if I show up wearing different shoes when I feed him. His cat-caption would be "who are you and what did you do with that other one?" He truly recognizes me by my consistent actions and behaviors.
When vixie and yoda just had each other -- they leaned on each other. Maybe they are confused by so many new things. New House, new sleeping situations, so many more new sounds, new daily routines. Lower your expectations and realize what a shock it is for Yoda to have to share you with your girl friend AND another cat. Same for Vixie. Where did all of their predictable routines disappear to! You could try reintroducing the tiny little things that were "normal". But I think - there is a big clue in that they got on fine when it was only the two of them AND Vixie was in charge.... When it is the 4 of you -- who is in charge? In a way, cats form a pack too.
 

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Sympathize with you ! yes that slow introduction idea is supposed to be good, only letting them smell each other first then propping open a door a bit. I confer with the idea of cats not having as much of an issue when people are not around. They are also very very oriented to having a leader, so if one expects and tries over and over to be leader and cannot get the other to submit they will not get along. Which means the leader cat is acknowledged first, has food placed first, is patted first, then the other. Wild dominant cats eat what they want while the lesser ones wait until the leader graciously leaves some. Has nothing to do with one being actually better or more important. Other things that helped us were sitting like mama cat and grooming the 'kittens' as they take turns getting the brush. Or treats. Allowing them to sniff ears and be next to each other. Quick thoughts here, there's a book about this competitivenessi can look for it at home if you like. Idea is they think differently and do not feel the same way as people do.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks a lot to each and everyone of you. Infortately we already tried what you are suggesting. The thing is Vixie is super afraid of Yoda, so she runs away when she sees him. But Yoda thinks this runnaway is her playing, so he runs too, which makes her more afraid and so on...
Just so you know, I had Yoda at a pet rescue center, he was abandonned by its previous owner for the same issue.
 

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At this point, I would consider rehoming one of them - which will be difficult because one is yours and one is your girlfriend's. I tried to make things work for 1-1/2 years with a new cat who hated my twins. I will always regret not rehoming the new cat sooner. She ended up in a great home, as the only cat, spoiled rotten by a little girl who was instantly her best friend. But for the 1-1/2 years I tried, NOBODY was happy. I've since learned that "rehoming" is not a bad thing, sometimes we're just the middle man in finding a wonderful home and bringing a sense of peace to everyone concerned.

Having said that, if you wish to keep trying, maybe you'll find a solution, and please do share with the rest of us what worked for you.

No matter what you decide, I wish you all the best of luck.
 
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Hi. Two questions. When you followed the steps for introduction, did you only move on to the next step when both cats were completely comfortable with the previous step, as in no hissing, cowering, or bullying? And what exactly do you do when Yoda chases Vixie?
 

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Wow All Good Points from the subscribers.... I've moved at least 6 times with my boy in his lifetime, he is 9; & when we pull up to the new place, I set him up in his travel crate (which houses a small bed for him, & small litter box & food & water, in the new bathroom ( a Small Space - kinda like your kitty kids in the Cat Hotel - a Small Space), while I unload the car, I keep checking on him with each load of belongings I bring in, I watch his behavior & expression in his eyes - when I see he is calm & snifing the air I let him roam around the bathroom with his travel crate open so he can hide if he wants. I leave him alone while I finish unloading. Then we both move into the bedroom, Cat Litter box & food & all his stuff, we live there for a a couple days or up to a week, depending on him, when he's curious snifing around the door & has gotten used to the new sights & sounds outside the window, then I let him explore the rest of the apartment & when I see him relaxed in the middle of the room laying on the carpet, I realize All Is Well. I had either heard or read that cats adapt to smaller spaces more readily, they get used to it then are ready to branch out, this seems to have proven true with my feral boy. I wonder if letting your kids roam through a big new house from the get-go was just too much too soon, mental/emotional overload & bad habits kicked in as a way of coping with stress. Also if you guys are screaming at them to "STOP!!!" that will add to their stress & trauma. I do recommend Jackson Galaxy's "Changing Times" & "Peacemaker", "Safe Space for Cats" drops, there's one for "Bullies" too, his Advice over-all is so spot-on, catch the re-runs on you tube, "My Cat From ****". Playing soft classical music even lullabyes or hymns for you four-legged-babies, & talking in peaceful tones to them & each other, if you have guests deal accordingly with loudness or take the party outside. Jackson Galaxy also talks a lot about playing with cats - everyday, how-to & how-not-to, what works, what doesn't & Why; (i.e., playing rough with a Cat doesn't work, turning them over on their backs on the floor then roughly rubbing their tummies just makes them nervous, raises anxiety, the ears go back, the pupils dialate & tails lash, but get that focus on a toy instead of your hand - that works, just sayin') Like getting the bully good & tired with a lotta play chasing toys you throw, etc - is a help, & it'll be a stress reliever for your kitty girl, she's gotta get her mind on play to boost her confidence, be patient with her & him too. But Please watch Jackson Galaxy you'll grow so much as a Cat Guardian. :) God bless You Guys & the Kitties
 

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Oh a couple ore things, you & your girlfriend can play with the cats @ the same time try like if you guys sit down with a string cat toy, you know those toys tied to a string at the end of a stick, & if you can get them focused on the toy, if they could focus on the toy rather than each other - that'll help. It takes patience, not gonna happen in 24 hrs, might be a month of patient daily practice at the same time every day before you guys see an improvement. Working with animals consistently is well worth the effort. The Four of You Are All in my Prayers.
 
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