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Discussion Starter #1
Dear Diary,

I'm abandoned. Out of sheer spite, for the last 2 hours I've been subjected to painful absence of jowl-scratching. The authorities have apparently decided to continue this torture until they come back from work. I'm not sure my psyche will be able to endure that long. I may have to scratch myself, like an abandoned cat.

Dear Diary,

I've at long last been able to arrange for myself a normal place to sleep. I succeeded in finally pulling the authorities' bathrobe down to the bathroom floor and, though I had to wrestle fiercely with the belt, I managed to beat him down and snuggle in the bathrobe. I was only lucky because the authorities were too much in a hurry for work to cruelly steal the robe from me.

(Tribute to "Diary of a Sad Cat" - YouTube)

Any more cats here who keep a diary?
 

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Two from this morning...

Dear Diary,
It was with horror that I found the authority snoozing even after his 5 a.m. alarm had sounded. My attempts at augmenting the alarm by continually jumping up and down on the authority's chest were only met with croaky sounds of unappreciation.
Nala

Dear Diary,
Today I revealed my creative, free thinking spirit by toiling through the night shredding and unrolling the paper thingy in the bathroom. My artistry not only went unthanked, the authority (rather amusingly) attempted to roll the shredded paper back onto the cardboard tube. It must be a game! I shall now find something else to shred for him.
Penny
 

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Dear Diary,
Today I was super excited because there were lots of flies on the kitchen screen! I tried to get some, but they flew around, so I could only half kill one of them. I was still so excited when I was on the cat tree, so I was rolling around, and mom looked at me like I was crazy. Just for that, I pretended to rub my head on her hand then bit her! That look on her face! I good her good. —Billi

Dear Diary,
I'm hungry as usual, but I don't want the food in the kitchen. Agh, all this thinking got me super tired, so I think I will lie down for a while. What a hard life I have! Now I'm hungry again...wait, maybe I'm sleepy. Hmm I'm not sure, so I think I will give it a good though.............zZZzzzZZZ —Aloo
 

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Aha that's my favourite youtube video! One from right this moment.

Dear Diary,

The authorities have closed the windows. Ever since I saw that wild cat, they have taken to torturing my senses by closing off my only access to the outside world. The next time the windows open I will not fail in my attempts to break through the screen and escape.

Now it seems as if the authorities have deemed this infernal tapping machine more interesting than me. Two can play at that game, I shall cut off their access to the machine until they deem it appropriate to reinstate my access to the outside world.

adfnjlkanjgbujr'a fdjakn ;lfka'k.
 

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Dear Diary,

My goofy owner amused herself by looking at pictures of cupcakes last night so I seized the opportunity to destroy a roll of paper towels she left down where I could get it. it was FUN. I don't know why she seems so annoyed when I go to all that trouble to make confetti for her.
 

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Dear Diary,
Today I was in the kitchen screaming at the authorities so they would let me out on the balcony. They couldn't even hear the squirrel encroaching on my territory, how dumb are they? After what seemed like hours of screaming, they finally let me out with that humiliating harness. Still, I was able to chase the thing away. Without me, before they knew it, there would be squirrels and mice running all over, <sigh>. Still, I hope they come back soon cause I'm hungry.
 

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Dear Diary,
This morning I was stuffed into a mesh bag and toted off to the doctor woman that keeps poking me in the eye! She whispers sweetly as she pokes and prods and I can't understand her but I know she is hoping my eyeballs will just fall out on their own! oh, why do they continually torture me this way? Afterwards my slave human (who I used to trust) puts wet drops in my eyes claiming it's for my own good. The only up side is the abundance of snacky things after each tortuous dose!

Dear Diary,
I hate the new cat tree and the 5 of us have continued to boycott it. We are in solidarity that we will not touch it - yet it remains!!
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Dear Diary,

Today is the 2nd anniversary of the "Dark Day of Betrayal". I've never fully trusted the authorities again since they smeared that ointment in my eye. They haven't done it again, but I must be alert.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Dear Diary,

I can see the authorities preparing the lethal poison injection now. In a minute or so, they'll apply it to the back of my neck and I'll feel the smell of death. Then all my fleas will flee. I know; it happens every month. Goodbye, cruel world. This is my last entry.
 

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Dear Diary,
Today I was in the kitchen screaming at the authorities so they would let me out on the balcony. They couldn't even hear the squirrel encroaching on my territory, how dumb are they? After what seemed like hours of screaming, they finally let me out with that humiliating harness. Still, I was able to chase the thing away. Without me, before they knew it, there would be squirrels and mice running all over, <sigh>. Still, I hope they come back soon cause I'm hungry.
Hahahaahahaha :)
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Dear Diary,

My situation is worse and worse. The authorities, out of sheer spite, choose to ignore my predicament. Their cruelty knows no boundaries. They seem oblivious to the fact that today Prince looked me in the eye for a full fraction of a second. Terror was consuming me, yet I got only 30 minutes of petting and cuddling for my plight. I don't know how long I will be able to endure this anymore. The Petite Cuisine Chicken Pot Pie dessert the authorities have just placed under my chin may help. Wish me luck.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Dear Diary,

The authorities are preparing the torture chamber.

I know the signs a session is forthcoming - they've introduced the torture machine in my bedroom and lifted all my toys from the floor. My only refuge, my cushion, has been taken away from me. The bed mattress is stripped naked.

In no time that red, roaring monster will have its long, black tail attached to the wall and I'll suffer agony as it hungrily devours all my beloved, shed hairs of the week lying on the carpet.

I don't know if I'm strong enough to survive this time. Please don't cry for me if I don't.
 

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Dear Diary,

The authorities are preparing the torture chamber.

I know the signs a session is forthcoming - they've introduced the torture machine in my bedroom and lifted all my toys from the floor. My only refuge, my cushion, has been taken away from me. The bed mattress is stripped naked.

In no time that red, roaring monster will have its long, black tail attached to the wall and I'll suffer agony as it hungrily devours all my beloved, shed hairs of the week lying on the carpet.

I don't know if I'm strong enough to survive this time. Please don't cry for me if I don't.
This is going to hurt me MUCH more than it will hurt you if I don't do it!
The Authority
 
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