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This is sort of in response to the thread about "do you tell your cats how happy they make you". It made me giggle, because in addition to the millions of times a day I kiss them, hug them, tell them how awesome they are, I also give plenty of silly, and obviously empty threats, especially to one of my cats, Stephano, who is particularly naughty. For instance, I will ask him, at least 10 times a day, "do you want mommy to give you a spanking?" Or "mommy is going to beat you". Or, another one of my favorites "I'm going to go put you back in the woods", which is where I found him. Of course, I always say these things in light, funny way, never yelling, because we all no how sensitive cats are. Stephano gets his feelings hurt very, very easily, so we never yell at him, and of course, I would never spank them either.....but I sure threaten it a lot. Just wondered if anyone else made these empty threats, or I'm just nuts! :p
 

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Lol, we do threaten ours as well. We have a lot of coyotes around where we live, so a favorite threat of ours is telling them we are going to feed them to the coyotes if they don't stop xyz. In fact, when I call them for mealtimes, my husband refers to it as 'fattening them up for the coyotes'. :mrgreen:
 

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If I have to give them meds, syringe feed, or clip their nails and they wiggle excessively I threaten with "I'm gonna wrap you up like a burrito!" . It's not exactly an empty threat but it usually works.
 

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When Shelly gets under my feet, I tell her "one of these days you're going to get stepped on."

Which actually is no joke. I have accidentally stepped on her, including one time when she ran up behind me, trying to get ahead of me because I had Da Bird in my hand, and I was walking out of her room into the living room, where there is more space for her to run around. :(
 

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"somebodies after a pink bottom!"
"you're headed for a smack bottom, mister!!!"
"do you WANT me to get the broom?"
"that's it, I shall now thrash you about the head and neck!"
"Let the beatings begin!"
"don't you make me get the hose!"

To which I always get a MWARRR{Book and Neelix) or slowblinks(MowMow)...

Eta: And if they are yelling at me a lot I tell them that we can always go back to the pound and look for a better mommy.
 

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Don't make me sell you to the gypsies,...
Usually uttered at 5 am when someone is kneading all over me desperately meowing
 

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Whenever mine are begging to be let outside, I tell them that there's a zombie apocalypse happening, and feral zombie cats outside would attack them and eat their cute kitty brains.

Of course, they never believe me.
 

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I threaten Munch all the time with bodily harm and death, and swear at him, too... but as he can't hear, he just ignores me lol. I would never swear at a hearing pet, but the deafies are fair game... though I do make sure I'm not looking at them, so they can't read my lips lol
 

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ET is a bity boy. Whenever he draws blood, really drawing blood (hardly now, touch wood), I will threaten to throw him out of the house (I don't really mean it, lol), "bad boy, do you want mamma to kick you out?"
 

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Libarychick, that's too funny. My SO threatens both our ferrets and our cats that they will be made into purses. He also threatens to "spank those tiny whiskers."
He started doing this thing to get the animals to move, like when we are trying to get them all out of the kitchen when we cook, and he goes, "Getcher butt! Get!" in a funny voice, and it works now, on all of them. (Which means now that's what I have to say if I want them to move.)

If my SO isn't home I threaten to tell daddy on them, and I could swear, Truth understands me. Once, Bryan thought the ferrets were unscrewing the water bottle from the water bowl. So when I caught Truth doing it, I his behind the couch and started filming her, then popped up and said, "Oh...I'm telling daddy!" She immediately tried to play innocent, and started meowing up a storm and rolling around on the floor trying to look cute. Lol
 

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I say all sorts of things to the cats that they respond to - that my SO is then stuck with :)

-When I want to get off the couch and am covered in kitties I say either "Up up kitties!" or "Skooch babies!"
-At bed time I always tell Torri "Cummon princess, bed bed bed." And she runs right up the stairs. But you have to say 'bed' three times or she looks at you like you did it wrong.
-When they're in a room they aren't allowed in usually I'll tell the boys "Ok, Out boys!" and they run right out...not so when my SO tries the same cue, lol

My most common 'threat' is that I'll eat their paws... XD
 

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My one cat, Orion, is a handful and always either getting into trouble, knocking something off the counter or trying to make it up to me by wanting attention and being completely in my face while I'm trying to work. He also climbs / paws at your leg or butt if he wants attention, so you can be cooking and suddenly someone is pawing at your butt from behind demanding cuddles (he doesn't use claws at least!).

I also foster, so I always tell him how I'll trade him in for each foster because they are better behaved, less work, less demanding, more appreciative, cuter etc. I probably tell him a couple times a week how I'm trading him in for a more deserving, more appreciative foster kitty especially when he breaks wine glasses!
 

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My favorite is my husband's so far. A few months ago, my husband told me that if Winston ever gets onthe bed again in the middle of the night again he was going to get rid of him. I asked what happened and he said Winston got in the bed in the middle of the night and did not let him sleep and that the cat managed to push him to the edge of the bed. I asked him why didn't he just moved Winston or get him off the bed. His answer "Well, he was asleep and I did not want to bother him". Now, that is an empty threat! :)
 

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Jetlaya, your husband's is indeed the best, LOL!

One of my yard cats is a big bully, he chases the other cats off their bowls if he thinks they might have gotten something more yummy than he did. So I always threaten him (not an empty threat at all) with what I know would be the most cruel punishment for him: stroking his head! (I've been feeding him for 4 years but he won't let me touch him)
 
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