I have used the Feliway and from my personal experience I didn't notice much of a difference. I tried the vanilla trick, with the cat I adopted last week, Jonah. Actually it may have taken the edge off a little, I'm not sure that it was enough of a difference that I would use it again except for the cats smelled sooooooo good, like a sugar cookie :lol: .
I am learning all the time but what I have found to be the most effective is patiences. Taking it ever so slowly. If you think you're going slow now, go slower :wink: I have errored in the past by wanting them to adapt quickly and moved them together quicker than they were ready. My first concern now is that the new kitty feels safe, secure and comfortable in his environment, which I give them their own room. I visit them frequently throughout the day for Special loving and play time. I talk to them as I pass by the door just mentioning their name. Getting them quickly use to the sound of my voice. Your resident kitty's will need LOTS of attention now too, so as to not get jealous, adding to their aggression.
Once our newcomer feels safe and now relates me to being their caregiver, cuddler, nurturer, once that trust is established and the environment has become familiar only then do we again slowly introduce the other kitty's. Short supervised visits only. I had on adopted adult cat take close to 6 weeks to adjust he was so scared of the other cats and the other cats thought him the size of a lion 8O (even though he was bigger than all of them, I think he felt extremely vulnerable because he had been declawed by previous owners and acted over aggressively because of it and hissing ALOT! But you know this was over 4 months ago and now Bailey is everyones big brother and he is the biggest lover of the bunch.
All I can say is be patient, I have had some really frantic times of wondering why didn't I leave it with the amount of cats we had. But there is not one of those times I cling to now because it was me being impatient and wanting it to go fast and smoothly, afterall "why aren't these cats more appreciative they have been living in a cage at a Shelter?!" Scared, uncomfortable, new surroundings, new people, new cats, new food, new everything, how would we be?
Don't give up and tell your husband to hang in there, it will come. Keep us filled in