However, I'm keen to make sure she doesn't get too attached to me because I do work some long hours, consequently leaving her alone for majority of the day. Thus, I never let her sleep with me in my room, regardless of how much she meows.

First, congrats on your new kitty! What's her name?

But what you say above make NO SENSE, and makes me a little sad.

First, why in the world wouldn't you want her attached to you? Why bother having an animal at all? I do think that cats left alone for long periods of time are happiest if they have companion cats, so I'll encourage you to consider adopting a young, cat-friendly neutered male companion for her eventually. But either way, you need to give her as MUCH attention when you ARE home as possible! Otherwise, you aren't doing right by her.

Second, you can give her 8 hours of your time with very little effort on your part simply by letting her sleep with you. By NOT letting her sleep with you, you're forcing her to be alone even MORE than she would be otherwise. She's crying for a reason -- she's lonesome and sad!

In fact, unless I haven't fed her, I usually ignore her meowing (only if it's excessive) if I am in the bathroom, in my bedroom, or even walking around the house - and like other affectionate cats, she follows me around everywhere. Many times she'll anticipate where my feet will land when I'm walking, and she'll block me from placing my foot down so I don't move from my current position.

She's trying to get your attention b/c she NEEDS it. She is a social animal with social needs. Cats communicate at least in part via vocal sounds. Meow back at her! Screaming incessantly should be ignored, as should early-morning meowing (which will stop if you wait to feed her until an hour after you get up), but simple communication should be responded to.

The first night she was very vocal outside my bedroom door, but I kept steady and went to sleep. The second night, not one meow (she's a great cat!) - and in fact, she has toned down her whole (obsessive) attachment to me as she is getting used to my work schedule, realizing she can't always be with me. This is not to say that I neglect her at all. In the mornings before I go to work, and when I come back, as well as right before going to sleep, I make sure I show her affection and that she is cared for. We play, watch TV, and cuddle together in the evenings, then I go to bed and leave her in the living room.

That's great. But I don't understand excluding her from your BR. 8 free hours of your time -- and there's nothing like a warm kitty on your pillow. I know -- I have one on each pillow (I'm in the middle ).

I live next to a staircase too so people can be heard, so I think that frightens her a little when she is alone. I just don't want to create too deep of an attachment with her right now, as bad as that sounds. So please tell me: Am I a bad owner? Do I deserve such a loving cat? What else can I do with my work schedule that is sometimes very demanding?

I think you just need to re-think this a bit.

First, make sure she has stuff to do when you're gone. At minimum, indoor cats should have (IMO):

(1) at least one great high place to go (cat tree, high shelf, etc.)
(2) at least 2 comfy beds in places they love
(3) at least one window perch, preferably with a bird feeder outside it
(4) several toys that are fun to play with alone, like the Bergan Turbo Track.

Second, unless there is really some reason not to, please allow her to sleep with you. It may take a little work to get her to settle down and sleep through the night (or at least not want to play), but it's worth it. Do a long interactive play session (with Cat Dancer or other interactive toy) before you go to bed so she's tired and ready to rest. Understand that when you make a change, she has to adjust.

Third, do consider a companion kitty at some point down the line. Being completely alone for 8, 10, 12 hours a day, while you're at work, is hard on her. A cat known to get along well w/ other cats (good shelters will know this), introduced slowly and carefully, will be a life-long friend for her, and for you.

Hope that helps!

 

Ditto everything hoofmaiden said above. I just wanted to add a neat bit of information that I read when I was deciding to get a cat. I had grown up with one previously, but this was the first cat that I would be 100% responsible and making all the decisions for, so I did a bit of reading.

I came across an article where the author was talking about meowing cats (not incessant howling, but just meowing) and he said something to the jist of "she is taking the time to engage you in conversation, the least you can do is engage her back!" ET and I definitely have "conversations," and people who come by and witness it may think I'm nuts. But I can echo back his meows, and he gets all excited about it. Now we're at the point that if I'm in one room and he's in another (which is rare, he usually is my shadow) then I can make a special call and he will come running. I always reward him with "communication," and I really think he values it.

For now, he is a single cat. My schedule is very varied. Sometimes I'm gone for 15 hours a day, other days I'm home all day. I always try to play with him by tossing balls or playing with the fishing pole or laser pointer. He loves it, and gets tired after about 20 minutes. And I allow him to sleep with me. He used to be very annoying with morning feedings, and for a while I would get up, feed him, and go back to bed. Now I ignore his begging and do not feed him until about 30 minutes after I get up, and he has completely gotten the message!

So I guess the bottom line is, talk to your kitty and play with her too! Even if you are gone long days, shower her with as much affection as you can when you are together! She sounds very smart and adaptable, and I'm sure she will catch on in no time!

-BP

 

I don't have anything to add other than to remember that cats do sleep alot so she's probably sleeping a good portion of the time you're gone anyway. I agree with the responses so far. She'll be much happier spending the time with you when you are there, even sleeping with you. I always have a minimum of 3 cats on the bed at a time and normally two dogs. 8O LOL

 

I always have a minimum of 3 cats on the bed at a time and normally two dogs. 8O LOL

Yeah, I sleep w/ 2 dogs and up to 2 cats. Once Jonah's out at night, that will go up. Thank GOD Sophie (dog) likes her bed next to mine better! I'm certainly never cold. My thermostat is WAY down at night b/c otherwise I fry w/ all those 102F bodies up against me!

Know where the band 3 Dog Night got it's name? The story I heard was that it's how Inuits measure how cold it is-- how many sled dogs you need to sleep with in order to stay warm.

 

However, I'm keen to make sure she doesn't get too attached to me because I do work some long hours, consequently leaving her alone for majority of the day. Thus, I never let her sleep with me in my room, regardless of how much she meows.

First, congrats on your new kitty! What's her name?

But what you say above make NO SENSE, and makes me a little sad.

Makes me sad as well!

 

Your post made me sad too. It sounds like you're offering your kitty tough love, but she hasn't done anything to deserve it. She's just happy to have you around. I wouldn't even overstate how affectionate she is . . . I think they're just interested in anything going on, and when you're in the room something is going on. They're keeping an eye on things.

If I had your situation, I'd be doing anything I could to overindulge her when you're home. Pay attention to her, let her sit in your lap, let her follow you around, and let her sleep with you. It's the least you can do. You brought her into your home, and you're the only person who can supply her with a little stimulation, or at least a diversion, in one form or another. Spoil her! Who knows, maybe she'll get enough and be less demanding of attention later on. But please, give her some 'nubbins!!!

 

I suspect the fear of letting the attachment grow too strong is based on concern that too strong a bond would lead to increased furball anxiety when footsteps is not home. I doubt very much that she is intentionally trying to remain distant from her new 4 legged friend.

When I brought Franklin home he was my first cat and he was by himself for 10 hours a day. He would whimper at the door when I left in the morning and was squealing at it when I got home. While I was home I had to shuffle my feet, cuz if I picked them up he was underneath them I began to suspect that his coat was made of Velcro. I went through all of the emotional torment I suspect footsteps is going through. I had a tough time accepting that "cats sleep all day anyway" rational. I did let him sleep with me however. One morning my GF said "You do realize he sleeps ON your head, don't you?"

After 7 months of suffering through leaving him alone all day, I bit the bullet. I went back to the breeder and adopted Franny, one of her retiring females. They are the best of pals and have been almost from Day 1. I live in an apartment (2 bedroom) and these guys are very athletic. They have plenty of roomto chase each other around at Mach 1 and I woory far less about leaving them alone. The bonus is that now they both sleep on my head

 

I had a tough time accepting that "cats sleep all day anyway" rational. I did let him sleep with me however. One morning my GF said "You do realize he sleeps ON your head, don't you?"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

By the way, your cats are gorgeous!

 

Considering the advice we give people when their cats are meowing outside their bedroom doors is to ignore them no matter what, I can understand where footsteps is coming from. That's good advice to get them to be quiet during the night. But this is mostly for kittens. Heck, the twins still go to bed every night in their own bedroom - thank GOODNESS!

I agree with kwarendorf that maybe footsteps is trying to make it so the kitty doesn't miss her too much.

Footsteps, I would try to let the cat sleep with you and see how she is. Cleo is usually pretty good, but when she gets restless, out she goes and I shut the door. With horrible insomnia, I need what little sleep I get, so I understand about cats sleeping out of the bedroom. But 90% of the time, one or both are with me.

Cinderella cuddled up next to me her very first night home and was the perfect night time companion.

What alarmed me baout this post was this:

In fact, unless I haven't fed her

because I read it too fast and thought it said, "In fact, I haven't fed her" :yikes

Cats do sleep most of the time, so don't feel guilty about being gone long hours. It sounds like you want to give your cat a good home. This is a great place for advice and help, it's why the rest of us came here, too.

Welcome!

 

I do think your kitty is just trying to befriend you, and, if I were you, I would befriend her back.

When you're gone give her things to do, but when you're there hang out with her.

I disagree that she HAS to be in your bed though. We never allowed our in our bedroom at night. Torri sleeps with us now, but that's because she doesn't eat unless she has a room to herself...that took priority. I don't think it's a huge deal to not have her in your room at night, the other 4 of our cats are ok without being allowed in. I do make a point to cuddle each one during the day when they want it, and if I'm sitting on the couch my lap is open to all comers, but bedrooms aren't a necessity. IMO.

This is your first kitty, relax. You're doing great. There's no need to worry too much, just settle in and enjoy your furry friend!

 

I disagree that she HAS to be in your bed though. We never allowed our in our bedroom at night. Torri sleeps with us now, but that's because she doesn't eat unless she has a room to herself...that took priority. I don't think it's a huge deal to not have her in your room at night, the other 4 of our cats are ok without being allowed in. I do make a point to cuddle each one during the day when they want it, and if I'm sitting on the couch my lap is open to all comers, but bedrooms aren't a necessity. IMO.

Based on what you say above, you have FIVE cats! So your cats aren't all alone. That is a completely different situation. The cat here is a single cat -- alone much of the day when the owner is at work and then ALSO alone all night b/c she is banished from the bedroom!

I have less of a problem w/ banishing cats from the BR if there are several of them. But I guess I think it's cruel and unusual punishment in the case of a single cat.

 

OP hasn't logged back on since the first post. Maybe the cat "done her in!" 8O