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Discussion Starter #1
I joined just now for crises reasons.

I'm being given the choice of putting my 13 year old to sleep or getting a divorce. of course in the past hour we have added the choice of keeping her locked up in the guest bedroom for the rest of her life.


I have 1 13yr and 2 3yr old cats. My 13 yr old raked my husband's hand tonight. We've had her since she was 10 wks.
I forgot to fill their water dishes after rinsing them this morning. 8-9 hours no water.
Pebbles is a grump-more my cat. Except lately she'd been hanging w/ him on the bed. Husband, after the scratch--says she wasn't hanging she was claiming territory.He was puting away cards, didn't move away fast enough.
Wolf has a hyperthyroid.She drinks lots of water, more so lately. Can't believe I forgot-never have before. Pebbles is an alley cat manx. Hops. Can't jump-even less so w/ age. She drags her right leg. She's old and getting older.
Husband is talking either divorce or puting her to sleep or keeping her locked up in the second bedroom foreve-that's where she is now. The moment I defend her divorce becomes the choice.
I'm usually a great cat mommy. Right now I'm just in crises and I could really use a kind word of advice.

I'm not prepared for divorce until at least December or January. Meantime I have to keep my little girl safe and sound and not insane from being locked up. I hate to throw in the towel but I am so emotionally drained from "armageddon" arguments. I've been crying since 9 pm or so. I can't breath.
 

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Hello, bad day at Bedrock

We have 3 cats. Two are 3 years old. One is 13.

The thirteen year old scratched my husband badly yesterday. He's come to the conclusion that I love the cat more than him.

I have gotten nowhere trying to explain he's a cognitive human being and she's a cat.

The old gal does get touchy. She's scratched me from time to time but never that badly.

He wants to put her to sleep. Or we get divorced.

She doesn't see that well anymore. She drags her right leg. The vet says she's okay (about 2 months ago) She's part manx so her hind legs are too big for her. She started dragging that leg about a year ago. She has a hyperthyroid. I just upped her from a 1/4 pill to a 1/2 pill about a week ago. She's been drinking water a lot.

I actually forgot to give them water yesterday. I rinsed their bowls, dried them, and put them down but didn't fill them. In 20 years of having cats I have never done that.

I think she was angry because she was dehydrated.

I said I'd get kitty claw tips. He said we'd have to pull her teeth too. I think he's out of control.

No, she's not the nicest cat in the world. She's a grumpy old lady. He's a grumpy old man.

I'm pretty sure we have crossed the line of making it okay. I slept on the couch last night for the first time in 20 years. My 13 year old slept in the spare bedroom. The two three year olds wandered around wondering what's up.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Hi, 13 year old kitty still locked in bedroom.

Hi,

I still have my 13 year old isolated in the spare bedroom. She has food, water and her litter box.

I went in to give her hyperthyroid half pill. She was sweet and took it and purred. She ran under the bed when she realized I was just changing water and not getting to come out. But she also didn't seem to want to come out.

My husband is still telling me how bad she is. That she can't possibly love him What if she hits the other two cats? What if she draws blood? He can't possibly ever let us sleep with us again. He won't let her out. There will be another full scale argument and armegeddon threats if I'm even nice to her right now.

It is a deep scratch that takes a big bandaid to cover plus a small bandaid. He says he is 67 and can't afford to be scratched and hit by a cat.

He wants her to be locked up for a week.

He's thinks she needs be supervised at all times. He says she is not always nice to the two cats. Nobody plays with her. They do flinch every once in awhile with her. They are 3, she is 13.

I guess it was an error to get her kittens when her sister died. But for the most part they co-exist pretty nicely. He forgives nothing.

He's such an expert at justifying and making whatever he wants to do be the logical choice.

He says nobody has ever been bad to her. She's had a good long life.

She hardly touched her food. She drank lots of water and made to big pees. No bowel movement.

I'm not sure how to protect her. I need time. I have nowhere to go with her until at least December.

I don't want him working his logic into putting her to sleep. I think I married a spoiled brat sociopath. He thinks I love the cat more than him. I'm lost.

My view: I think he's the adult and she's the little animal. Instead I have a child on my hands that is hostile and ready throw everything away for so little.

We've been married twenty years. We've had our 13 year old since she was 10 weeks old. We have no children. My cats are my babies.

I'm a wreck. How do I buy the time I need? How do I make it okay?
 

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The cat sounds a whole lot nicer than your husband! And probably more intelligent!

Easy for me to say but for me there's be no contest. The cat would win hands down.
 

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Temporarily, keep all of your pets away from your husband. Give him time to calm down and see if it improves - though someone whose first reaction is get rid of the cat is likely to do it again. And, honestly, if divorced is mentioned, the thought has been floating around for awhile, this was just the excuse to bring it up.

Longterm, start making your plans to leave. If there is a friend or family member who can help out, just ask. People are usually willing to help if you ask.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
 

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Temporarily, keep all of your pets away from your husband. Give him time to calm down and see if it improves - though someone whose first reaction is get rid of the cat is likely to do it again. And, honestly, if divorced is mentioned, the thought has been floating around for awhile, this was just the excuse to bring it up.

Longterm, start making your plans to leave. If there is a friend or family member who can help out, just ask. People are usually willing to help if you ask.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
I agree! Good luck and I hope it all works out!
 

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What an a$$. Keep the cats and get rid of him.

Either that or remind him that with his bad attitude he'd never find anyone else to put up with him.
 

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I am afraid I agree with Mom of 4 above. Your husband sounds like he is being very controlling - why is he the one to give the ultimatums anyway - is he the boss or is it a partnership? If you agree to this (heaven forfend) then what else might he give you an ultimatum about?

I think it very telling that you say you are not prepared for divorce until December or January - so it isn't that the mention of divorce is such a great shock to you or that you couldn't countenance it all. For what it's worth I think I would be the same as you are - I couldn't live with a man who gave me such an ultimatum, knowing how I felt about a pet - so she scratched him - boo hoo, I hope that's the worst thing he has to put up with (well I don't - I hope he has to put up with a LOT worse - after you have left him ;) )

Mom of 4 is spot on about making plans - obviously you have some sort of plan in mind if you are thinking ahead to Dec/Jan - well take this as a starting point. Can you put a bit of money somewhere he doesn't know about (just a bit, I'm not talking major assets here)? Can you take some friend/family member(s) into your confidence? Might it be possible for them to take the cat temporarily (well you could say permanently to him if you prefer)? Can you store some stuff you need that he won't miss somewhere where you can pick it up quickly when you need it?

I am not sure whereabouts you live, but here in the UK we have the Citizen's Advice Bureau where you can get free legal (or any) advice or a free 20 minute consultation with a solicitor - I am sure they will have the same thing wherever you live. Make some concrete plans and keep your counsel, but please don't let this dreadful-sounding man bully you.

I wish you good luck - but just think, in a few months' time you could feel a completely new person
 

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I agree with Kittylion.

This sounds like it isn't about the cat and your husband's looking for an excuse.
 

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I can hardly believe what I'm reading, but then there are a lot of controlling wackos in the world. I know this is coming from someone you don't know and it may be easier said than done (always is...) but get out of that relationship as fast as you can!

If your husband cared for your feelings in the matter at all, or even took into consideration the situation (that she's old - they can get grumpy when sore - and was dehydrated) then he should be showing more compassion, especially if he's had this cat for 13 years. That's the most telling thing, if in 13 years he hasn't grown an ounce of compassion for the cat and can throw her away so easily... yikes. Plus, cats scratch! I've had a few really nasty bites and scratches from cats in the past, you don't get rid for your cat over them. You never know when it's next going to be your other two kitties, too. Kittens especially can get rough when they play. Moreover, the atributes he's ascribing to the cat show he knows nothing about cat behavior.

There are solutions like using soft paws on the cat (nail caps you apply every few weeks) and other things, like trimming regularly... but I'm sure nothing will matter except his ultimatum, your husband is just a controlling person.

It sounds like you want out though, and he may too if divorce was the first thing that came to mind after a cat scratch... I don't know about social services in matters like this, or where you live, but I know there's help out there if you want to leave sooner, but bidding your time for a few more months is ok too. If you're worried about your cat shut in the room, she'll manage, some cats are stuck in a lot worse situations (like shelter cages) for far longer. I know some people that keep two semi-feral cats in a spare bedroom and it's been their room for years, they're actually happy in there and it's that room or the street, so the room is a lot better in comparison.

It's important your cat eat though, if they go 24 hours without eating it can become serious. What type of food are you feeding? Would it be possible to try different brands of food? When my 16 year old cat wasn't eating much we went out a bought a whole bunch of different wet foods and some different type of kibble in sample size bags, too. We found a few types of wet food and a brand of kibble he really likes and now we don't have an issue with him not eating. I guess he just wanted a change of food in his old age, and he only likes patte style wet food, so the way the food is put together might matter, too.
 

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Like others have said, this sounds more like a husband issue than a cat issue. It also sounds like you have somewhat made your decision that you would rather divorce him. I would be willing to bet, that if you did have her killed, that would lead to even more issues w/your husband, and end in divorce, and you would have a ton of regret about not keeping her.
 

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Aggressive tendencies are one of the symptoms of uncontrolled hyperthyroid. Since you just upped her medication a week ago, it's likely her T4 levels are still too high and what you're seeing is a result of her illness and nothing else (like lack of water, a need for dominance or any other hooey your husband can come up with).

As other have said, if a cat scratch degenerates into a serious threat of divorce, your relationship has much bigger problems and the cat scratch is just the tip of the iceberg.

I would agree to keep the cat isolated for the time being, there are much worse situations a cat can be in. Then evaluate your relationship based on it's own merits without the influence of the cat situation.
 

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Wow

I'm so sorry that you're having this problem! Your husband really does sound like he has mental issues... it's a scratch, so what?? One of my cats bit through both sides of my finger and I still have her... He obviously doesn't care about the cat, which means he wouldn't care about the other two either, and he doesn't care about your feelings or deserve you! It may not be physical abuse, but I feel like it's emotional abuse to give you those two choices! Lean on your family and friends, people you can trust, and get out of there as fast as you can! He sounds like an evil, evil man...
 

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Discussion Starter #14 (Edited)
My little 13 year old is out on parole. He opened the door and let her out early this afternoon. She was hiding under the bed. I coaxed her out gently. She did rub up on his leg while he was in the kitchen. She's quiet, a little more reserved than usual but okay.

She did get up on the bed in our bedroom but I took her off and brought her out to the living room on pretense of holding her. She loves hanging over my shoulder so it wasn't hard to do.

They are hanging with me. Though Grace adores him and curls into the nook of his knees all the time.

I'm pretty convinced my 13 year old was probably dehydrated. I wan't really thinking about having recently upped her medication. So, she I assume she was feeling ill when she hit him. I think I have managed to convince him of that as well. I am very aware I must be very careful.

I am going to work at preparing for a possible exit. If I feel like at some point if I need to go, I need to have that ability.

I learned more than I wanted to this weekend. Poster's observations stated things I felt but didn't voice.

It's sad to sleep on the couch after 20 years.

I will prepare for the worst, work toward compromise and I'll be ready for both.

I read Jackson Galaxy's book this weekend. That too was a Godsend.
 

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Rereading your OP [original post], I realize that you weren't in the room when he was scratched. Is there a chance he provoked her? If she was in a grumpy mood anyways, even normal playing/poking could cause her to go off. My sister has a geriatric cat who has good days and bad days - on a bad day even petting him too hard will cause him to lash out.

It sounds like you have a game plan. Good luck and I'm sorry for your experience (and lessons learned). You know your husband better than anyone, and I hesitate to make groundless accusations, but if you ever feel you or any of your cats are in danger, please leave first and plan later.

Also, (again I don't know your situation well or much about you), but it's worth bearing in mind that mood swings and overreactions can be symptoms of health problems for humans as well as cats. It's worth mentioning in case your husband's never done anything like this before in 20 years of marriage.
 

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Such a sad tale. Would your husband agree to counseling? As one of the posters said, "Where will he find someone to put up with him?" :) I wonder who he would scratch if he were without water as long as the cat was.
 
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