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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Just need to vent a bit - it's looking like my brother has kind of backed me into a corner regarding his girlfriend's cat. A little back story: his girlfriend has four cats, two of which are siblings. A brother and sister, and neither of them have been spayed or neutered. I'm sure you can see where this is going, but basically the female has just gone into heat, and the girlfriend's mother is completely furious that the male cat has been trying to mount his sister. Yesterday it was decided (by the mother) that the male cat needs to go immediately. If he can't find a new home he's going to be dropped off in a carrier outside the SPCA.

My brother's girlfriend was very upset by this (although my sympathy is limited - the girlfriend has a pack a week smoking habit, goes out for lunch and movies frequently, and I refuse to believe that in the YEAR she's owned these cats there was no possible options she could have found to get them fixed). Of course my brother, as the gallant boyfriend, wants to adopt this cat immediately. Unfortunately my brother is still in high school - he doesn't have a job, and likely won't be able to get one for several years as he'll be going to university full time at the end of August.

Even though he's sworn to me up and down that he'll pay for everything the cat needs and he'll clean all the litter boxes and everything, I know him enough to know he doesn't have enough money to support this cat. Not only that, but he will very soon get sick of the responsibility involved. Maybe in a few weeks, maybe in a few months, he's going to run out of money and then he'll come to me for a 'loan'. He currently owes me money that I know I'll probably never see - I know that in this situation, it's only a matter of time before I'm taking on full financial responsibility for this new cat.

The worst part of all this is, that I have been wanting another cat. I'm currently between jobs and living ok on savings, but it's been my hope to get a companion for Moxie (my youngest cat) once my situation is a little less uncertain. This cat my brother's girlfriend has actually sounds perfect - he's a young, playful, cat friendly male (and he's black, and I just love black cats). The thing is, the expectation here is that once the girlfriend gets her own place she'll be taking her cat back. Now she's in high school - I know how good the chance is that she'll change her mind, or break up with my brother before that ever happens, and the cat will remain with us (me).

On the other hand, she's not going to be paying a dime for her cat while it's with us. I'm going to be taking on this cat, housing it and feeding it and paying to get it fixed, vaccinated, and vetted (he's not coming near my cat's otherwise) and if this girl eventually wants him back I'll be expected to just hand him over. That is the part that's truly bothering me. That I could grow to love this cat, spend all this money on him, take all this time to take care of him, and I'll end up being expected to give him back in a few years. My brother considers this an extremely selfish concern, but he honestly has no idea how much time and expense is involved in owning a pet. If I take that on, I take it on expecting it to be for life. Not to be giving the cat away in a few short years. I do feel bad about not being more generous, but it's not like I can pay to take care of everyone else's pets right?

Guh, I'm sorry for the rant. I just hate situations like this.
 

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You're totally in the right, pet ownership is a moral contract between a person and the pet, the person who provides for the pets physical and emotional needs is the pet owner/guardian.
My ex took in a stray when we were together, I wasn't keen on the idea because the stray didn't get along with my Samantha.
My ex left and left the cat Chiquita behind, she said she'd reclaim her but has never inquired.
Being a stray this cat had/has behavior problems like redirected aggression and a trip to the shelter would have been a death sentence.
I've grown quite fond of Chiquita and she'd been a great comfort to me since Samantha passed away in May.
If my ex had the nerve to ask for her back I'd tell her where to go.
If I were you I'd only take the cat as a transfer of ownership, this foster my cat for free until some undetermined future date is BS.
Actually If you like the cat just take it and if they ever ask for it back just say no, it for paying for it's food and medical care that makes it your cat.
 

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Maybe I'd demand they sign a document stating that the cat is given to you forever... I'd feel more confident that if they ever forget what we agreed on, I could show them the signed paper.

Needless to say, I agree with Bob 100%.
 

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I agree, I would take the cat with some sort of written understanding that it was a permanent thing and that he will become yours.

Your brother saying you're selfish is BS since this entire situation proves his gfs and his own selfishness. If the gf loves the cat like she says she does then she will be thrilled that instead of going to the shelter it will have a good home with you.
 

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Your brother saying you're selfish is BS
It is unfortunately guilt-manipulation, to leave all THEIR options open at the expense of yours.

I know people who love cats so much that they allow humans to treat them unfairly for the sake of the cats. I don't. I draw a line there.
 

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I agree with everybody else. You should just keep the cat. Yes, the financial strain might be a little rough now, but you'll be doing everybody a huge favor (you, this cat, your cat (getting a new playmate), relieving the "burden" (because that's how they're treating it) from your brother and his girlie-friend)

I have my ex-husband's cat. Technically I'm only pet-sitting her (he is paying me $50 a month for it), but I just know he's never going to take her back. He lives up in North Dakota (I'm in Utah) to work in the oil fields... the reason he can't have her, is the fields is just that...big open area, and all the workers sort of live in a 'base camp' of mobile trailers.
He keeps saying he'll get a house, and then will take Xanthe again, but I highly doubt it. And even if so, it won't be any time soon...I'm guessing at least another 5 years.
Originally he left her at his parent's house...which is across the street and down 2 houses from mine. So of course Xanthe kept trying to come home, and after 3 times of returning her, I decided to take care of her. Not for my ex's sake, not for his parent's sake, but because I would feel bad if Xanthe got hit by a car crossing that road all the time.

The only difference between me and you, is I would give back Xanthe in an instant. She's a monster! I can't leave ANYTHING out... edible: she eats it - fabric: she lays on it OR claws it up - competition: Zinny gets picked on by her all the time, since I brought in Zinny after Xanthe was settled in.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks everyone for your replies. I was really feeling rather bad about all this, but it's given me a bit more confidence to know you feel the same way - that fostering her cat for free for some undetermined time frame is an unreasonable request. You put it perfectly Straysmommy; I do feel like my options are being taken away while theirs are all left open. If my brother brings this cat into the house there's not much I can do, and when he finds out the responsibility is too much I won't be able to stand by and let the cat suffer to 'teach my brother a lesson'. It probably is better for all involved that I just take him in.

And I have given some more thought to eventually having to give the cat back to my brother's girlfriend. I don't know what her plans are but it's really unlikely she'll be getting her own place within the next few years. I think the chances of her even wanting her cat back at that point are low, when she could just get a new kitten. Plus... and this part does kind of make me feel like a villain, but I need to understand for if things go sour between her and my brother :neutral: ...in that time there will be many vet bills concerning this cat with my name on them. His new microchip and ear tattoo will be registered to my address, his collar will have my phone number on it. If she wants him back at that point, I don't think she has much legal right to him. I want to be upfront from the beginning that I would be ADOPTING this cat, not paying to take care of him at no cost to her until she wants him back.

It makes me feel bad even thinking about doing the above to someone, but I was originally lead to believe she needed someone to adopt this cat - and then it was revealed I'd be adopting him but of course she could have him back whenever she wanted. If she was going to be at least helping out with the costs to get him fixed, to feed him, and to take care of him, then I could maybe get behind fostering him until he could go back to her. But as it stands she has no plans to pay to get the female cat she can keep spayed - because as soon as the male cat is gone she apparently 'won't need to be spayed'. These cats are a year old. I just have no idea how she can live in an apartment with a cat in heat and NOT want to have her spayed.

In any case I've looked at my financial situation, and I can do this. Thing's will be tight, but I'll stop going out to eat once a week, I'll stop buying coffees from Starbucks, and I'll make it work. Hopefully it'll make Moxie happy to have a playmate, which would make it completely worth taking this cat in. I've been thinking about getting another cat for almost a year now, but I was somehow convinced the right cat would just find me given enough time. Seems like he has :p I guess I'll email my brother's gf my terms and see how it goes.

Thank you everyone for your encouragement.
 

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When I got Samantha it was in the contract that I would get her papers when I sent the breeder proof that she'd been spayed.
Well she was 6 months old when I bought her home and I was planning on find a new vet, I was happy about my previous vet in regard to my late cat Meme.
Anyway at about 8 months old Samantha started acting extra friendly if you know what I mean and yowling, well the next day she had an appointment to get that problem taken care of.
I found a terrific vet and the ladies in the office just adored Samantha.
 

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I would flat out tell them you are keeping the cat. If they dropped it at the spca in a carrier they'd never see it again, or even know its been rehomed or Pts. If dumping the poor little guy is their last resort surely they cannot expect for you to just give him back whenever. And who's to say she won't decide once you've had him fixed that he can come back to her? I think the best thing would be for you to take him in forever.
 

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In any case I've looked at my financial situation, and I can do this. Thing's will be tight, but I'll stop going out to eat once a week, I'll stop buying coffees from Starbucks, and I'll make it work.
You'll survive. I don't do that, and I'm doing okay! Every time somebody talks about the newest movie and ask if I like them, I always say "I don't go see movies". ..."Why not?" ..."Like to spend my money on other stuff" (I never mention that these are my cats! LOL)
And I spent $2 on a fast food meal today as a splurge...guilt-tripped myself the whole way home about it. "That would'a bought a whole day's worth of food for Paizly!"

Yanno, you don't totally have to sacrifice treats. Buy coffee at the store and make it at home. Even flavorings aren't really too bad for a budget. I buy Torani syrups to put in my hot chocolate. Yes, they cost $7 a bottle, but if you only use 1 TBS per drink, it lasts for 3-5 weeks.
I don't like coffee, but I LOVE gourmet hot chocolate. I have found that I actually like Great Value (Wal-Mart generic) hot chocolate with Torani caramel or hazelnut flavor. And you can make it as thick or thin as you want (I make mine with whole milk and not nearly as hot as the stupid Star Bucks does...sheesh, you gotta wait half an hour to drink it, or you'll burn your tongue!)
 

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I buy green coffee beans online for less the 1/2 the cost of roasted beans, roast them at home 5 ounces at a time.
I have a double latte every mourning made with fresh ground beans for much less then going to Star Bucks.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Well, it looks like the girlfriend actually DOES have enough money to get her cats fixed, and simply hasn't bothered to. She's offered to have the male cat neutered, and that's appeased her mother enough that apparently the cat is now allowed to stay. I'm almost disappointed (he's so gorgeous...) - but I guess this is for the best. He's scheduled to be fixed in two weeks, and until then he has to stay with us in my brother's room. So unless the mother changes her mind yet again, the little guy goes home as soon as he's neutered.
 

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Well, it looks like the girlfriend actually DOES have enough money to get her cats fixed, and simply hasn't bothered to. She's offered to have the male cat neutered, and that's appeased her mother enough that apparently the cat is now allowed to stay. I'm almost disappointed (he's so gorgeous...) - but I guess this is for the best. He's scheduled to be fixed in two weeks, and until then he has to stay with us in my brother's room. So unless the mother changes her mind yet again, the little guy goes home as soon as he's neutered.
Probably for the best, this way when you decide to get a 2nd cat it will be your choice.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
one escape from the female that they are not spaying.. you will be offered a kitten... just wait...
Well the male cat was left with the female in heat for at least two days - it sounds to me like he managed to mount her several times that they know of. So yes, I'm thinking I just might be offered a kitten in a few months time. I tried to broach the subject with my brother's girlfriend, but there is just no way the female cat is even going to the vet to be checked out - much less going in to be spayed. Very frustrating.

And it's truly a shame because I liked this girl last week. This week I know how much she actually cares about her cats, and it's definitely affected my opinion of her.
 

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If you really think this cat would be perfect for your household, then take him but make her sign papers that she is giving you this cat and will never ask for him back. If she doesn't agree with this, don't take the cat because you will both suffer when the cat has to be removed yet again.
 
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