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I absolutely despise this woman! We just got back from Minneapolis, as I mentioned earlier, and found out we're having a healthy boy AND a girl.

All my MIL said to my DH when she found out was "Oh goodie! Now you'll have a son." She never even mentioned the girl. Furthermore, she didn't care about the health issues. My DH had to bring it up. Another thing was that she never even bothered to say congratulations or ANYTHING to me about it at all. She hasn't even said so much the entire PG.

We got home very late Sunday night/early Monday morning so my DH decided to take Monday off so he could get some sleep. Then about 11 a.m. we get a call from a cousin of his who lives in Montana, about a 12-hour drive from us. She didn't even bother to let us know she was coming. She just called and said she was in town and asked if she could come over. All our luggage and the things we bought in Minneapolis were still sitting around the house and we hadn't gotten around to starting any laundry yet. So she comes over about 12:30 or so and visits for a bit and then goes over to my MIL's to see her for a bit.

Shortly after that my MIL called our house and said, "Well, since Darlene's in town you have to have everyone over for supper you know." This, of course, would include my MIL who is only looking for a free meal anyway! That's really the only reason she would want a get-together.

My DH told her how since I've gotten bigger (plus the fact that I was already in a wheelchair) it's a lot harder for me to get around and I wasn't going to cook a fancy meal for everybody (My DH's cousin also brought her adult son along). My MIL got ticked and said, "Well, she cooks for you!" and then DH told her that was because it's a lot easier to cook for 2 people and I don't have to be lifting heavy casseroles and such when there's only 2 of us. I've ended up doing a lot more simpler cooking lately because I can no longer reach where a lot of my nice casserole dishes are, etc. Also, I don't feel like we should have to cater to a couple of people who just decided to stop at our door one day completely by surprise. They could have had the courtesy to call ahead of time to at least let us know when they would be here.

So, DH told her we'll probably take them out to eat sometime while they're here and call it good. She didn't like that. We had so many fun things planned for this week now that we know that we're having 1 boy and 1 girl. Like, cleaning the walls in the nursery in preparation to paint, then painting and putting up wallpaper border, etc. My MIL said all of that is stupid and to just put them in the room the way it is. Bottom line is, if your plans don't suit her then she gets ticked.

To put the icing on the cake my DH called her tonight and told her that we have made plans with his cousin and her son to go out and eat tomorrow night. Then she starts off on a stupid tangent about, "Oh by the way, what color skin are the babies going to have?" See, I don't know if I ever mentioned but we had to use donor sperm. My MIL has it in her head that the sperm bank could have screwed up and sent the wrong guy's sperm, giving us "colored" (as SHE says it) kids. I darn near started to cry when I heard this. DH and I are Caucasian so we picked out a donor who also is Caucasian. The sperm banks are reputable and shouldn't screw up on something like that. Furthermore, if they did happen to send out the wrong specimen and we got children of a different race we really don't care. African-American, Chinese, Japanese - whatever. We'll love them just the same. It's only a skin color. Not only that, no matter what these babies look like they ARE half my DNA because they're my eggs.

She is SOOOOOO prejudice and I hate it! I actually believe that if something were messed up along the line and we got kids of any different race other than Caucasian she wouldn't regard them as her grandkids at all. It's sick, I know, but that's the way she is.

I don't know what else to do about this woman. It's already to the point where I NEVER say a word to her when she comes over here to see her son. She never has anything nice to say about ANY subject. She is the queen of negativity. We can't just up and move to get away from her. It's not that easy. We like the town that we live in and almost all of my family is within blocks or miles of us at the most. I don't want to move away from them. When these babies are here I know I'm going to need help now and then and my mom is only about 5 minutes away. She's going to be a great help. She would be devastated if we moved away after having babies.

Not only that, my mom is A LOT more trustworthy in the babysitting department than my MIL. They're about 20 years different in age and my MIL doesn't have a clue what's safe for a baby or not. A few years ago I had a rummage sale here at the house with a friend of mine who had a 3-month-old baby at the time. My MIL tried giving the baby a Happy Meal toy from McDonald's. HELLO! What's the first thing that a baby does when it gets something like that in it's hands? They shove it in their mouth. My DH saw this right away and took the toy away from the baby and my MIL yelled and him and told him to mind his own business. She will NEVER be allowed to be alone with these kids. She's proven that she can't be trusted. I'm also not letting my children be exposed to her negative attitude all the time either. Kids pick up on things like that. I don't want my kids running around spouting off her wacky ideas about things.

Whew! OK, I'm taking a deep breath now and relaxing more. It just helps to get that out before I let my blood pressure spike. Thanks for listening.
 

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I still can't get over this. This should be such a joyful time for you!!! Vent any time you want. I'm sorry to hear it is not any better. :?

I agree, just relax, and enjoy your pregnancy and all the planning and decorating that goes along with it. Enjoy the babies when they come, of course. Maybe she won't want to be around so much then! Sounds like they'd just make it "inconvenient" for her.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
jessamica8 said:
Enjoy the babies when they come, of course. Maybe she won't want to be around so much then! Sounds like they'd just make it "inconvenient" for her.
Yeah, you got that right! I know all she's thinking about is that these babies are going to take more attention away from her, the little bit that she is still getting from my husband, which isn't much anymore. He's really had it with her too.

She will NEVER say she's sorry about anything nor admit she was wrong. Shortly after she made the comment about "colored" skin I told my husband that really hurt my feelings and he called her back and said "Don't ever mention it again!" and that it hurt my feelings. She just shrugged it off and said she was just joking. Joking my a$$! That joking comment is the same one she uses every time she says something that someone else doesn't like and tells her about it. She's hateful.
 

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I don't really have much advice, but I'm sorry about your troubles and hope it gets better. Like spacemonkey says, take care of yourself and your babies. That's all that matters!
 

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ooooh boy! I have mother-in-law issues too (hateful & prejudice, etc). I'm just glad she lives 2 1/2 hours away from us. But like everyone here that responded its good to vent here. Your focus is the joy having twin babies. You are very blessed to have children. They are going to be so loved and cherished by wonderful parents like you and your husband.
 

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Well, I don't know what to say about the MIL.... but WHAT GREAT NEWS about the boy and the girl!!!!!! Talk about jackpot at one go. I'm soo happy for you and I'm sure you gonna have your hands full with those two little rascals. It'll be nice to hear all about them while they grow up, because I'm sure they are going to be two different types of individuals, since they are from two different eggs (I just asume they are not identical twins since there's different genders).

My grandmother was a twin and many of my relatives are twins too. So even if it's a lot of work, I think you're going to have great fun with your boy and your girl.

Thought of any names yet???

*dances around of happiness about this good news!!* :)
 

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Be sure and vent all you want, we don't mind! It's good to get it all out!
I know how it is to have annoying and prejuidiced relatives...ugh. Sometimes you just wish you could slap it out of them, eh? :lol:
Sorry about the way your MIL is...sounds like it is really difficult to deal with her.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
CyberPet said:
(I just asume they are not identical twins since there's different genders).

Thought of any names yet???
Nope, they're not identical. We knew before we found out the sexes that they would be fraternal because they do not share the same sac nor the same placenta. There's one of each. That basically means 2 eggs and 2 sperm.

As far as the names, yes, we have had them picked out for about 2 years. That's how long we've been trying to get pregnant. His name will be Nathaniel Ray and hers will be Emma Renee. Ray and Renee are my husband's and my middle names. We went through a bunch of websites looking for names, trying to come up with original ones that were not already in our family. We narrowed the list down to about 5 boys and 5 girls but these ones were always at the top of our list.

We aren't telling anyone in our family about the names until their born though. We want that to be a surprise. My husband and started calling them by their names immediately, since we know which one is which now, so we'll have to watch ourselves around the relatives so as not to blow the surprise! :wink:
 

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I am so excited for you about the babies!!! Wow -- what a blessing. I think the names sound great.

As for the MIL, I'm really sorry to hear about that. But that was a vent and a half you let off! Rightfully so, too. She really seems to rain on your parade a lot. I know this is obvious, but since YOU two are the ones having the babies, just try to keep your chin up and remember that she can't take that from you. You two are so lucky to be given these children. Is "killing her with kindness" an option? ;) Ignoring her? Sometimes the best medicine for stubborn ignorant people is ignoring them.

No matter what, I wish you the best with those babies. You better have camera handy.
 

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Don't let your MIL stress you out. You stressing isn't good for you, and it isn't good for the kids, either!

BTW, congratulations~ I can't wait till I have my own one day. I'd ADORE having twins!!
 

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Aww I'm sorry... I thought stories like this were only out of nightmares.. *hugs* What does your husband think about the way she treats you??

Oh, and congratulations!!
 

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Oh lord.....what a witch. :twisted: Everything she has said/done is terrible...but the skin color comments are the last straw for me. See, my aunt and uncle (and my aunt has spina bifida like you, ndkittymom-she is also in a weelchair), could not have babies because myy aunt was unable to carry a pregnancy. Nine years ago, the adopted my cousin Benjamin (at birth). Ben is bi-racial...half black, half white. The sad thing is that this was the reason they were able to get him so quickly-in the south, where they live, there was almost no wait for a biracial infant. Well, I'm glad, because Ben is the greatest kid on earth. :) They had a similar issue with my uncle's mother, who is very racist and refused to let them even bring Ben over to her house after they brought him home....and she never changed her mind...she is now estranged from the family and never did see her grandson.
 

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I probably shouldn't say this...but your MIL sounds like a horrible person! :( How dare she ask you what color skin the babies will have???? Like you said...it does not matter...all that matters is that they are your babies...and your husbands and that was a totally rude question to ask...and to expect you to fix a big meal for some cousin who just dropped in unexpectedly??? Geez!!!! I thought my MIL was bad, but yours sounds much worse!!! My MIL thinks the sun rises and sets on her children and if she didn't give birth to you or one of her children did not give birth to you, then you are not nor will you ever be, good enough for her. I get so tired of the disapproving looks and comments especially when it comes to raising my daughter! No wonder my husbands first wife and mother of his first two children left screaming with her arms up and never wanted to come back!!!! I feel bad saying this, because she is older...in her 70's now, but she still is so judgemental of everyone and everything and I get so ticked off at so many things she says to me.
 

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They had a similar issue with my uncle's mother, who is very racist and refused to let them even bring Ben over to her house after they brought him home....and she never changed her mind...she is now estranged from the family and never did see her grandson.
Oh my, that is so awful. A lot of my family is from the south, and is exteremly "conservative" (not in a political sense) too. When my mom re-married (my parents divorced), she married a black man. They didn't have any children, but you can imagine how well the marriage went over. :roll: It always makes me mad to hear things like this.
 

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I don't have any helpful advice I'm afraid. I've a few suggestions but I don't thing they'd help matters :D
but... CONGRATULATIONS with the babies. You look after youself and they little ones to come. That's the important thing
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Hey all! Sorry I haven't replied to anything in the last few days. My mom and I got away for a little weekend shopping trip about 4-1/2 hours from where we live. It was nice to get the heck out of Dodge and not think about anything that's been bothering me.

My husband got the nursery painted while we were gone. Looks nice. We were going for a pale yellow color but it is VERY faint. I do wish it had turned out a little bit brighter but was afraid if we changed it it could end up too bright.

I haven't seen nor heard from my MIL since Wednesday. Wow, that's nice! If only you could hear her gravely voice you would know what I'm talking about.

As far as the skin color comments she has made I'm just going to have to forget it I guess. Nothing I ever do is going to change her hateful ways so I might as well ignore it and enjoy my life. No matter what the circumstances with our children (which I'm sure everything will turn out as planned anyway) I know that they have plenty other relatives who could care less what they look like. It's my MIL's loss if she is going to be so judgmental that she would choose to exclude her grandkids over some stupid issue like skin color, or any other dumb reason she can dream up.
 

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jessamica8 said:
They had a similar issue with my uncle's mother, who is very racist and refused to let them even bring Ben over to her house after they brought him home....and she never changed her mind...she is now estranged from the family and never did see her grandson.
Oh my, that is so awful. A lot of my family is from the south, and is exteremly "conservative" (not in a political sense) too. When my mom re-married (my parents divorced), she married a black man. They didn't have any children, but you can imagine how well the marriage went over. :roll: It always makes me mad to hear things like this.


That is terrible. I can't believe how much racism still exists in this country. :twisted:
 

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I thought when I saw the subject of this thread you were talking about the malfunction indicator lamp (MIL) ............ you know the check engine light in your car. :oops: :roll:

A check engine light glowing on your dashboard sure is enough to make me go ARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I guess it has been a long day.
 
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