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Discussion Starter #1
Well, I just enrolled my daughter in her third daycare 2 weeks ago.
My daughter is 4 1/2 years old, only child.
I deeply explained the ways of my daughter and what to expect to her new caretaker.

This time she was in a home day care setting, instead of a Daycare/School Building. My daughter seemed to really be enjoying herself at this new place more then the other one.

But today my fiance goes to pick her up to go home, and her daycare provider tells him that she will not be able to care of our daughter anymore.

1.) She doesn't fit in well with the age groups. However, she has an infant, a 1 year old, a 2 year old, her own 2 sons ages 5, and 7 I believe. Not to mention all the kids of all ages on her block that come over daily to hang out.

2.) She doesn't take naps, so the other kids don't want to nap either.

3.) She can't handle her.

These were her own words.

So, my question is, what do I do now? How many more daycares does my kid have to get kicked out of? My fiance and I both work full time jobs, so staying home with her again is not an option. Besides, my daughter needs the socialization.
I also wanted to say, that I do not blame this lady at all. I know my daughter better then anyone, and there is very FEW people I can trust to watch my daughter, and even then, they always seem to want me to return earlier then planned, to pick her up.
 

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I work part-time at a daycare, and all I can say is that it must have been pretty bad to be kicked out. Normally daycares will not kick a kid out because they loose the money. The only time we've had to kick someone out is when there was this horrible biter :?

Take care and good luck,
Abhay
 

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Could you talk to this woman and find out more specifically why your daughter wasn't working out at this daycare?
As in, why doesn't she fit in with the age groups? Why can't she handle her? Is there a specific behavior that needs to be worked on? (You may already know this...I don't know.)
As for the naps...could a compromise be reached? If you daughter won't take naps, will she lay quietly and look at books while the others are napping? I know when I worked in a daycare, several of the kids between 4 and 5 did not nap and that is what they did. As long as they didn't disturb the others, it was okay.
I know it may not be an option, but could she be enrolled in a school's preK program? I ask since you said she is 4 1/2.
 

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I'm really sorry you have to go through this -- I see it all the time. I am a therapist for autistic children. The schools they get kicked out of are very numerous, and daycare is virtually impossible. It's so hard on the parents as well as the children, who really need the socialization. Often one parent ends up staying at home when they had intended to be a working parent. When a child of ours finds a good school or daycare that is equipped to deal with all types of children, it feels like such a relief, a blessing even. Sometimes the search feels endless. I really hope that you find the care you need -- I feel for you. Is your daughter special needs, or just headstrong/mature/energetic?
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Spittles:

Well, starting about middle of last year, my daughter who at that time behaved like a regular kid for her age.
Eventually, I started getting these notes about how my daughter was basically becoming more and more violent. Biting a lot, spitting in childrens faces and food. Hitting, Kicking, specially kicking her pregnant teacher in the stomach, Screaming, you name it!
She had never done anything like this before. And until earlier this year we never saw her do anything quiet like that! I felt like they must have been making lies about my daughter.
But eventually this leaked over into our home life as well and the realization started setting in.

She just began her new Day Care, at my friends sisters house, as far as I know, there was only one biting incident, because my daughter and another girl, the 2 1/2 year old have issues sharing toys.
Besides that, the Provider has not given me any specific indications of incidents which caused her to make the decision to no longer care for my child.

A bigger problem, we have a reduced rate where she is now of $125.00 a week, now any other place around here, specially the Private Facilities are all $175.00-200.00 a week. We simply just don't have the money for that right now.
The lady is giving us a month to find someone else, but she really wants her gone ASAP.

How can I find an adiquite care taker for my child?
She gives me just as much of a hard time as she does anyone else, but I love her and I'm not about to just send her away to some one else.
How can I find a Day Care to care for my daughter like that?
 

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Perhaps, as mentioned, you could enroll her in a preK program? Sometimes schools are better equipped than daycares.
 

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Did you look into why your daughter changed so suddenly? I mean that is quite scary. For someone to change like that something might have happened to her. Is this something that you have looked into or considered? My first thought hearing about her behavior was ADHD but if it came on so suddenly perhaps someone did something to her. I have a friend who has a daughter who does similiar things but she has been like that and is now in kindergarten. She has been diagnosed as having ADHD.

I would talk to your doctor and/or seek medical advice immediately.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
shlanon: I'm not too pressed into trying to get this lady to keep my child in her care. If she feels she can't handler her, then she is obviously not the right person for my daughter.
My little one won't take naps, and no she will not sit still and or read quietly while others are napping. A former day care tried to get her to do this for a year.

ForJazz: At this time, I believe she is just very independant, stubborn and defiant. I have not had her fully evaluated yet, I can't find anyone willing to do it, as most say there is no point until she is at least 5 years old, and right now we do not have health insurance for such a thing at any rate. Though, she has also been very either, unwilling to... or almost unable to progress in her learning, with things such as abc's, reading, numbers. Though, she hides a lot of her abilties from me for some reason. One day she suddenly shows me that she can do something PERFECTLY but wouldn't even acknoledge before.
About the PreK, I had her in a Preschool program, Head Start before, she did "slightly" better in that, but she still didn't want to fully co-operate in the program, and had a few behavoiral issues over there too.
The PreK programs around here are also in the very expensive bracket (around $200.00) a week, though I have certainly looked into them.

Doeremi: I have spoken to a therapist, and our family doctor about my daughter on several occasions, it was noted so far that there is nothing physically wrong with her, as for anything else, they think it is too soon to tell as far as ADHD goes, and they were not able to spend enough time with her to analyze her.

Until my daughter was about 2 1/2 I never had to even really say the word "No" to her, let alone see her in trouble for doing anything else. She really was a perfect angel.
But at the same time we moved out of state to a new home with my fiance. She started to enter into her "terrible two's" around that time. It has steadily gotten worse, specially once entering daycare at the age of 3, upon moving to another state.
 

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Maybe the amount of moving is what the issue is. I'm not her age, so I can't enter her mind, but it seems as if the moving is what's causing her outbursts. Unstability can cause an older child to act out, so I don't see why it would be surprising that a 3 year old (now 5) would do the same.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and hope that you find out what it was that changed your daughter so much. :cry:
 

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AngelZoo, I work with preschoolers. My best advice is to ask your current and past caregivers for very detailed specifics on your daughter's behavior; this can help you figure out what triggers specific problems, and once you know this you can work with future providers to help solve the issues.

If she is agressive, find out when it is worst (ie at transition times, just before lunch, later in the day, etc) ... a responsible provider should know. Also, what specifically is the behavior ... is it focussed on a particular child/children or towards anyone in the group? Is it triggered by frustration or emotion, or just random? During organized activities or during freeplay?

Without knowing very specific information like that it can be very difficult to pinpoint what is causing the behavior.

What state are you in? There are usually organizations to help pay childcare costs if your income qualifies. These places can often help you find a provider. Sadly, while HeadStart is a good program, it is not always a good fit for every child. Knowing specifics and discussing them with providers is very helpful. This is the best way to match a provider to your child. There are even places (my school included) that have a plan in place for children who don't nap or rest quietly (either they are taken outside to play or are offered quiet table activities). Some kids just don't nap; this is normal. This alone could be a huge help, as she may be dealing with anger/frustration issues over being forced to be calm/quiet for an extended period of time.

Finally, it sounds like your therapist/doctor is responsible, while ADHD is certainly an issue, it is all too often diagnosed too quickly or at too young an age. It always better to see if these behavioral issues can be resolved by a change in environment/schedule/interaction, etc.

On a side note, I am always wary of places that "kick out" kids in this manner - it is very difficult for you and her as well; children can develop self-concept issues as a result of this. Most providers will work extensively with parents before excluding a child from care, as it is often very hard on the child (particularly an older one). So you definately want to know what their exclusion policy is and what their procedure is for dealing with behavioral problems. Some providers use a "behavior action plan" specifically tailored to individual children which are very helpful, additionally they almost always consult with the parents every step of the way; it is useful to know what is happening at home and what is working/not working. The Plan will denote any occurence very specificically, relate it to environmental conditions, and develop a plan to try to curb future occurences - a provider with very specific plans like this usually is willing and qaulified to work with you and your child to resolve issues. This is why excluding children should be a last resort; as childcare professionals, it should be our goal to help any child in any way we possibly can. It's tough finding dedicated providers, but believe me - they are out there.
 

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Jessica you are just invaluable when it comes to this kind of input.

This provider did not act appropriately in kicking your daughter out of daycare. She handled the situation completely unfairly and wrong. You and your daughter did nothing wrong in my opinion. She sounds ill equipped and like she only wants "easy"/"good" children (whatever that may mean since it doesn't really exist).
 

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I have no advice to offer, as I am neither a mother nor do I work in childcare.

I just want to say that my prayers are with you, and I hope you can find a stable daycare that will give your little girl the love and attention she deserves.
 

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This may sound totally stupid, but does she eat and sleep at the same times every day? My niece was also an angel turned independent/defiant and also had some learning challenges. Once her mother made sure she had a strict routine every day, like dinner at 530, bed at 830, she went back to her old self again.
 

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children

I know my sister has a disability but she was a perfect angel, and she went to my old school for kindergarten. and the teachers were really good there and she was with a normal kindergarten class...like once and a while she'd get into trouble but what 4 year old child doesn't? but then she went to this new school, and she's CRAZY now. It's unbelievable how bad she acts compared to what she used to be like. she's saying stuff i don't even think of saying (and i'm 15) :? 8O

I'm thinking it may be from moving around a lot. it can have a lot of affect on people. I like forjazz's idea.
 

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Im a teaching assistant.
I use to work in a state school, a lot of the time I use to look after a young lad who had ADAH. Some days he would be totally off the walls, others fine.
I think teachers really struggle to handle disruptive children alone, as it upsets the whole class, and the easy option is to remove them.
 

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Hey Angelzoo,
My little cousin sounds a lot like your daughter. She is 5 years old now, but when my aunt got pregnant with another child, Emma kind of went on a steady slope downwards (she was 3 at the time). She started getting violent, biting, hitting, kicking, having temper tantrums and screaming if you didn't pay attention to her.

I don't know if you could afford it or not, I know it's kinda expensive...but they got her a nanny since they couldn't be home during the day with her. She needed one on one care, because she was struggling with jealousy issues. The nanny they got her was a young girl (22 years old) with a degree in child care. The nanny's name is Rachel. Rachel made sure Emma was BUSY during the day, took her swimming, horseback riding, playing in the park. She took her to a lot of "mother daughter" (even though they aren't mother and daughter!!!) things, like mother daughter swim, group horseback riding etc. She didn't make her nap because that isn't something she was used to either. This helped Emma get socialized, helped her learn to share etc because she always had someone there WITH her, making her feel special and praising her for good things. She was so used to getting one on one at home, that when she was put in a group she didn't know how to handle it.

Good luck with your little daughter. I highly recommend a nanny, but if you can't afford it then I know lots of other people on here have GREAT suggestions too!
 

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Hey Angelzoo, I don't have any great advice, I just wanted to wish you luck. My younger sister had alot of behavioral issues when she was young (biting, hitting, raging, screaming, etc) and we had a tough few years with her, but she seemed to grow out of it........but sheesh, she was a HANDFUL. :roll:
 

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I wanted to wish you luck... I myself was kicked out of two preschools when I was little. The reason: I cried too much. My parents' solution was to have a college student who was studying child behavior babysit me all day... I LOVED her. I don't know exactly how they found her or anything, but if you could find someone like that...
 

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If this keeps repeating, Angel, I would get her evaluated, and if necessary, get a program of behavior modification for her. I have had mainstream classes, and I can assure you that one disruptive child can demand all of the teacher's attention. That's not fair to the other children. The parents, however, often refuse even an evaluation. We discovered that the child had been in another school, and the teachers had the same problems. Most teachers don't have an aide to handle these problems, so they have no choice but to handle it alone.

In addition, I taught at a school for children with special needs. It was one of the top schools in the United States, part of the Miracle Network. I learned that behavior modification can work wonders. ( If you can find a daycare for her, make sure the teacher knows what her program is, because everyone has to be consistent.) I have watched children who were literally doing cartwheels in the lunch room become very cooperative. I certainly don't believe that B.F. Skinner has all of the answers, because we have to leave room for individuality, but there are certainly benefits that can be derived from a good program. Our children were age two to 21, and had very severe physical, emotional, and social problems, so I think you should be able to get some good advice for a four year old.

Getting some advice does not mean she has a lifelong problem. It just makes things easier for parents and teachers. I hope the problem is soon solved. She is a beautiful little girl!
 
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