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Discussion Starter #1
EDIT: I am putting my update here, instead of the end of the thread. Okay...*drumroll*...I have an appt Saturday the 20th. I am going to let the hair go. :cry: :? I am not sure how much: won't be above the shoulders, but won't be far below them, either. I told my stylist (also a friend) to "pick out something" for me. I want something current and with movement. Only enough time for the cut on this appt. but may go back in for highlights next week. I have a wedding to attend Saturday night, hence my decision...tired of it being hot and it is in my way. btw, Tim: you said not to "surprise" my hubby. He and I discussed it last night. He was the one who suggested "just below the shoulders". Maybe this will add that *spark* back to our marriage. :?: :wink: If not, then I can always leave HIM at home on WoW and go show off my new 'do at a club with some girl friends...(just kidding :lol: ) Wish me luck! 8O I am sooooo scared! :sad
*****End of Edit*******


This is probably silly and vain, :oops: but I am curious as to what others think. Here is my situation:

I had long hair most of my life, even as a young girl. When I turned 30-ish, I was a single mom working long hours. The long hair was too much work, so I had it cut short (above the shoulders).

When I met my hubby at the age of 31, I had shoulder length hair. He loved me as I was, of course, but he had a preference (fettish?) for long hair. Wanting to make him happy, I grew it long again. My intention was to let it get to the point where it was long enough to donate and then cut it back to shoulder length and send it to "Locks of Love" (my youngest daughter is growing her hair out for the 3rd time and has donated to "L of L" twice before - for anyone who doesn't know, they use donated hair to make hair pieces - wigs - for children who have lost their hair due to cancer treatment or genetic hair loss...usually at no cost to the family of the child).

Now that I have it long, my hubby is so infatuated with my hair that, although he says to do what makes me happy, I am hesitant to cut it. It is waist-length right now and HOT! I don't mean hot in the "$exy" way, but hot because I live in an area where 100 degree temps are the norm during the summer. I keep it in a braid a lot of the time: Druing the day so I don't melt and during the night because it started to get a mind of its own, wrap around my throat when I slept and try to strangle me. I wear it down when we go out, (and - ahem - other times) then in a fancy "up 'do" for formal occassions. It is thick and healthy...but such a pain in the butt! :? (those of you who have very long hair know what I mean!)

I know my hubby wants me to be happy, but at the same time, I know how infatuated he is with my hair. I am very conflicted as to what I want to do, so I'd love to know what others on the forum think...

For the women:
Is long hair worth the time, work, discomfort, maintenance and inconvenience required to keep it looking nice, if it is important to your hubby/boyfriend? What is the length of your hair? Is it short (above the shoulders); medium (shoulders to mid-back); long (mid-back to waist); very long (below the waist) and do you think the length is right for you?

For the men:
How important is hair length to those of you who have a preference...and what is that preference? If you prefer long hair, and your wife/girlfriend had it cut short, would you be disappointed/indifferent or what?

Forgive me if this post sounds vain...I am torn as to what I want to do (I change my mind every day) and value the opinions of my forum buddies.
 

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Let's see...I had my hair really long for me (about the middle of my back) and I got it cut and STYLED (oh goodness did I need it) to help me look my age. I do not regret it and I love the way it looks. I can fix it in the morning and it's easy and professional looking.

Although, I do miss ponytails. :lol:

I know how it is to want to make your S.O. happy, but if you want to cut it off, go for it. Also, hair grows back so you can let it get long all over again.

It's truly up to you. :)
 

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I have short hair during the summer, and long hair during the winter.

Every April I go to JC Penny hair salon and donate my hair to this organization called Locks for Love which makes wigs for children with cancer. Doing so, I get a $50 haircut for free.

It is definitely a win-win situation.

My fiance is definitely a long-hair man...but doing so makes both of us happy because he is really big on donations and helping people.

I hate highlights, though...
 

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My hair's been long since mid-high school (I'm 24 now). My hair currently reaches the small of my back (I'm due for a cut but I'm too lazy). I will never ever have short hair ever again. The absolute shortest I will go is mid-back (lowest point of shoulderblades) length.

My bf likes long hair on me. He and I both agree that I would look terrible with short hair.
 

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why dont u cut and keep the long length but not to the point where it bothers and strangles you during nights. keep it up to your chest length or an inch or two longer. I personally am not a fan of very long hair ..i like chest length a little below shoulders because its manageble and you can still have a nice style to ..its not just one length hanging down and itll frame the face better.
 

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I agree with mizzkitty: try a compromise. The bottom line is: how can you make him happy if you aren't happy? He might have a fetish for your hair, but it isn't making you happy at the present length. Your daily discomfort is not worth a little while of pleasure. Find an "in-between" look. If it were my guy, I'd say, "I know you have a thing for it, but I can't take it any more, so lets compromise on this and find something to add to make up the difference." :wink:
 

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My hair is "long" right now but it is an exception - I usually keep it "medium" length otherwise it is too much of a hassle to dry... Lately I have been going to sleep with wet hair and wake up looking like a lion. 8O

Hubby likes long hair but he couldn't tell the difference unless I shave my head. When I cut my hair shorter I feel so liberated!!! I've got to do it soon and can't wait. And if you keep your hair braided most of the time - why have it so long? and hair grows…

Anyway - you have to do what you feel good about. This is just my 2 cents here. :wink:
 

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If he likes long hair and you want it short, you have to work on him to get him used to the idea before you go and cut it. I remember a girl friend of mine many years ago who had lovely long hair, and she thought she'd surprise me by getting it cut. Boy, was I surprised, all right....and not pleasantly!! We all know women always get their way, but a smart woman will use a little psychology and get her man to think that he's in favor of her idea before she does it. That's the best way.... :wink:
 

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Discussion Starter #9
I guess I should have made hubby's views a little bit clearer. He has told me to do what makes me happy, and he is sincere about this. He would rather I have hair that I am comfortable with as opposed to hair that he is delighted with...but I know that he treasures my hair at the length it is. He is always playing with it, brushing it, stroking it, and when I leave it down at night, he likes to have it on his pillow so he can bury his face in it (not so fun for me when I roll over in my sleep and *ouch*) He wouldn't be angry or upset if I cut it...but I know he would be disappointed and he would miss it.

I have considered getting it cut to mid-back length, but the last time I did that, I got it layered and it was a disaster! The layers were so badly done, that it just hung there, with what looked like split ends sticking out here and there. I do have it cut where it frames my face in front, and recently grew out the bangs because I thought it was too "juvenile" a look for me.

I currently have some "long layers" - about the bottom 6" or so, and they don't do anything for the style..they make the bottom 6" look kinda "fly-away" and feel coarse...where the rest of it looks rich and is very soft.

I tried getting a "wave" a few years ago, When my hair was medium length, but the stylist was horrible! I told her I wanted fat, soft waves, and since my hair has a lot of natural body, it takes curl quickly. She put in the smallest curlers, and when I questioned her, she said, "I am a hair ARTIST, not a stylist...I know what I am doing" (boy, should I have followed my instincts and walked out!) Then, she got into a family crisis and was on the phone for 45 minutes. It is her salon and hers only...no other stylists work there. (I understand why!) During the chemical process, I kept getting up and going into her office to tell her that 20 minutes was more than a enough, but she pulled the "hair artist" thing on me again. *sigh*

I could have cried when she finally rinsed it out...what hair didn't fall out in the rinsing (some of it came out in 'clumps' and I had small bald patches everywhere) looked like a poodle on a bad hair day! She, of course, offered to cut her fee in half because I was 'not happy'...to say the least! I offered not to sue her if she could recommend someone else to fix it and cut her fee by 100%....she then went on about "You wanted a perm, I used expensive product and hours of my time....blah, blah." I didn't pay her and went to another stylist who said my hair was so badly burned that there was nothing that could be done until it grew out. I cried for days! My hubby hated it (of course, who wouldn't?) and loved me anyway. (awww...good hubby) :wink:

Now, my thoughts are: go medium length, get long layers and go for a soft wave...but I am terrified of having any chemical treatments. :( I know that waves aren't really the style now, anyway...but with waves, I could let it air dry and still have a nice look. This is the way I wore it all through my 20's.

As far as the braids, go...I actually get a lot of compliments, as I do some rather fancy braids: french braids; fishtail braids; twist braids, etc...so it isn't a total loss. :wink:

I am just torn within myself. I am afraid that I will miss it once it is gone, because right now, it is long, full, healthy and pretty...just a pain to wash, dry and (when I bother) style. Yes, it does grow back if I get it cut, but my hair doesn't grow very fast. Maybe the best bet would be to go in several times, getting it cut just a bit shorter each time until I decide it is "too short" then it won't take too long for it to grow out to the point where I was last satisfied.

I was just curious about the whole "preference" thing. Maybe I am more concerned about how "I" will feel about it rather than how hubby will feel. I know his love will remain the same no matter how I look.

Having hair this long is a lot of work...sometimes worth it, sometimes not. It takes a good two hours when I do the full wash, condition, rinse, dry, style...etc. Normally, it goes (2-3x per week): wash, condition, air dry, which may be the reason it is healthy. I rarely use any heat styling.

I get a lot of compliments on my hair, so in a way, it is my "crowning glory"...just an inconvenient crowning glory. :p

Thanks for all of the input!
 

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timskitties said:
If he likes long hair and you want it short, you have to work on him to get him used to the idea before you go and cut it. I remember a girl friend of mine many years ago who had lovely long hair, and she thought she'd surprise me by getting it cut. Boy, was I surprised, all right....and not pleasantly!! We all know women always get their way, but a smart woman will use a little psychology and get her man to think that he's in favor of her idea before she does it. That's the best way.... :wink:
I did that to a guy I was dating once. But it was for a principle. He told me, "Don't get your hair cut short." Now, how silly was that? The first thing I did was go out and get it cut...SHORT!

He STILL gives me a hard time about it (we're good friends now, and have been for years). He swears I cursed him. Every girlfriend he's had since, who had long hair, chopped it off. I think he just didn't learn his lesson in telling girls what to do. :wink:
 

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Well, I have a different point of view I guess.
I have long hair (about middle of my back). More do to lazyness than anything else. I usually only get my hair cut about twice a year. I usually go from midback to just below shoulder.
I have THICK curly hair, and LOTS of it. For me long hair is WAY easier than shorter hair. I don't remember the last time I actually dried my hair, the curl goes to frizz if I dry it with a blow dryer. For me, I wash my hair and comb it. That's the end of effort as far as hair goes. I do realize I'm lucky that way, since I have curly hair it usually looks pretty good without much effort.
I do sympathize with the heat aspect. I can't stand hair on my neck when it's hot outside. Usually, what I do is put the hair up in a ponytail, but then pull the tail part through the band once more from the bottom so most of it is sitting on the top of my head. Since I have curly hair, it usually looks pretty nice.

Jennifer
 

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I know men prefer long hair on women but I don't care. I like my hair between my chin and my shoulders and that's where it stays and I'm not going to compromise.
 

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One other thing. If you don't have a stylist you like call around to salons and ask if anyone specializes in long hair.
I know I've had some bad cuts because people don't realize just how much my hair will shrink up once it's dry.

Also, if you have some natural wave to your hair, long layers will often help to ease some of the weight and let the hair curl up more. When I've had long layers done it is literally only about an inch difference between the layers and the unlayered hair. I've never noticed a difference other than that is just enough wait off of the hair to let it bounce up.

Also, invest in some good conditioner products. They make a world of difference in wavy hair. My personal favorite is the biolage serum. A little bit goes a LONG ways!

Jennifer
 

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I don't think my hair grows past my shoulders -- I've tried to grow it long but it is thin and looks stringy by the time it gets past my shoulders, so I've always worn it "short". My boyfriends have never seemed to mind when I butch it from shoulder length to chin length -- guess I've never dated anyone with a hair fetish (or if they did, they never told me).

Not to sound mean or rude, but sometimes I think longer hair on older people looks juvenile and it's like they are trying to relive their youth through their hair. I'm not saying that about anyone on here, but about a particular 60-year-old woman who lives behind me and is indesperate need of a style update!!!

Anyway, Brynn, it's only hair and it will grow back -- if you're uncomfortable, you should cut it. Your husband sounds like an understanding guy -- I'm sure he will understand why you want to cut it. You also should make it point to him that if he is okay with you cutting your hair off, then he cannot make any comments about how much he misses it.
 

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Just out of curiosity, how tall are you? If you're short, I wouldn't wear it past mid-back. It will make you look shorter. If you're average or tall, then face shape will tell you what's best.
 

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My hair is probably the longest it ever has been and it is down to my mid-back. However this is very long for me, as I have very fine and thin hair. I get split ends easily. Anyway, hubby *of course* likes it long. Unfortunately I have a long face and it really isn't the best look for me. Also my hair is very straight. Hubby mentioned today that he liked it being wavy (it was that way from being wet and put up earlier) and I basically told him he can't have it be long AND have anything done to it because it's just so straight and then length weighs it down!
Anyway...I have been growing it out for him although it is getting to the point now where I really just think it doesn't even look good on me anyway. I really want to cut it shorter but I don't think I could get by with going above the shoulders.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I am average height: a bit over 5'6", with an round to oval face shape. I have a slim to average build. Jeff (my hubby) likes to brag that I look like Valerie Bertinelli. I've been told that all of my life, even by people off the streets. I thought I would get away from that comparison once I got out of school, but when Jeff and I met, that was one of the first things he said to me. :roll:

If my hair was thin or stringy or limp, I would definitely wear it shorter, but it looks healthier now than it ever has. It has a nice 'bounce' to it. If I got it cut above the shoulder, it would make my face look rounder, which isn't flattering to me.

I am really not sure what I want...if I get it cut more than just a few inches trimmed (as I usually do about 3x/year) I won't go any shorter than, say...bra-strap area. That would be about 10-12" off.

*sigh*...tough choice...boy, you would think by the way I dwell on this it was life or death. How silly is that? :oops:
 

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Well...You know that Locks of Love needs a minimum of 10" in length.

If you have enough long enough hair to donate 10" and still have hair about to your bra-strap in length after your cut.
Then I think that is your perfect solution!!!
Perfect....everyone would be happy! :D
 

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I personally love change and would go for the cut. Then again, I am known for going from mid back length to chin length in a day (I'm a hair model). My hair is fine and naturally wavy, but I can wear it smooth & straight, as well. I prefer it to be above the shoulders or mid back, on me. I am also 5'6 and have a petite frame. Alot of it depends on your personality, too. I'm pretty outgoing and social and am told that the wild & sexy short-do suits me well. Sometimes I like to "hide" behind my longer hair, though. I just go through phases.

I have a wonderful stylist that I have trusted for 10 years. Depending on how close you are, maybe you could check him out. Everyone I have refered his way has been extremely pleased with him.

Good luck in whatever you decide!
 

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My hair was very long for years. I always got compliments on it. I finally grew tired of it for many of the reasons you said. It was just TOO long. I hadn't had any actual hair cut in many years since I had so many bad ones....basically why it got so long. I finally decided I wanted it cut. I had it cut to shoulder length and a couple of months later I cut it very short. Similar to Josie Bisset (melrose place)The show was kinda popular around then I think.

I loved it short and it was a nice change. I had many different ways I styled it. For me it just got to be too much. My hair grows very fast and I had to get it cut every four weeks or I started to look like a mushroom head :lol: Not to mention I had to do my hair everyday. There was no pulling it back otion.

I let it grow and just got trims over the last 4 years or so. In may I cut it back off to just above shoulder length. Once again. Ijust got sick of the length. I like still being able to pull it back if I want to. It is much nicer to wear it down know without it dragging all over my back. I think I may grow it out to shoulder length though.

I think the decision is yours. It is about what you are comfortable with. Once I cut my hair short I decided I could do whatever with it. I had never colored it until it was cut shorter. Now I am not afraid to color it, grow it out, cut it or whatever. It is just hair. It will always grow back :D

Good luck.
 
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