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Hello everyone,

I've read article after article on how to co-parent a pet with an ex, but none have seemed to really fit my specific situation.

My ex (for privacy I will call him George) and myself have now been separated for over 6 months. I came into the relationship with two cats of my own, and him with one (for privacy - Crowley). Over the years George frequently took jobs in different countries and was gone for months at a time. I became the sole caregiver for all of our pets while he was the financial support. Recently, he returned to the states and has decided to stay here permanently. He has moved on to another relationship, as have I.

Crowley has dealt with multiple health issues over the years which resulted in frequent vet visits. We finally discovered that his kidneys are failing and has now been on a regimen of fluids and medication twice a day along with being fed specialized wet food several times throughout the day. This on top of vet visits every week to two weeks.

He has still been the one to cover the costs of the vet visits (as he has insurance for Crowley and is reimbursed). However, I have always been the caregiver.

I understand that Crowley is George's cat. I don't know how long Crowley has. His vet visits have typically been positive, but there is no 'fixing' kidney failure.

As expected, he wished to visit Crowley, which I was more than happy to accommodate. Until I started noticing that during each of his visits he was spending less and less time with Crowley and more time trying to strike up conversation with me.

George has begun demanding more visits and times to see Crowley, which not only makes me uncomfortable allowing him into my home but has also caused issues between myself and my partner due to what we both believe is the true nature of George's visits.

Is there anyone offer any type of advice or wisdom on how to deal with such a difficult situation?

Thank you all in advance
 

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I think one option would be, if your partner would agree to it - even though he may be uncomfortable, is for you to be gone every time George visits. That way, George will either spend quality time with Crowley or stop coming by because you're not there. You could leave notes for George on Crowley's health, his current treatment plan and how it's going, and possible future medical needs. I know this puts a lot on your partner, but since he's not comfortable with George's behavior when he visits, he may see this as a possible solution.
 
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