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My little Celia, on Tuesday, you let me know, in your own stubborn little way, that you didn’t want any more treatments for your CKD, your anemia, and your arthritis. Already, last Friday, you were reluctant to go into your carrier. Your front half went in, but your rear legs wouldn’t budge. Tuesday, your silent, non-violent protest grew. I put you in front of the carrier, and though your head was inside, the rest of you remained firmly planted outside. I tried to pick up a front leg. Ouf! Every bit of your 4.6-lb self was intent on keeping your legs out of that carrier. I understood.

In January, when your creatinine and phosphorus levels were off the charts, I told you it was okay to let go, and that I was ready to free you. And in response, you nuzzled against my face, purred your Mack truck purr, and slept on top of me that night for the first time in weeks, and the next day, you started eating again and coming downstairs again.

What a huge spirit you harbored in that tiny body! I know you hated those twice-weekly vet visits for fluids, but you tolerated them for three months. I don’t think you ever realized that the fluids were what were keeping you going. You were just terrified. But you would have hated getting them at home. You fought tissues to wipe water off your chin as if they were lethal weapons, and after getting ear drops for five days, you hid from me for at least twice that long. So last summer, when your kidney numbers started to creep up, I made the decision: home would remain your safe place, the vet would remain the scary place, and when visits became too stressful, we would stop treatments.

Thursday and yesterday, Friday, I think you were the happiest, and the most comfortable, you’ve been in a long time. You were finally sleeping deeply, you were up and down the stairs several times, and mommy had more time to sit with you. Thursday night, when I came up from the basement, you even tried to slip past me and downstairs the way you used to, and when I headed upstairs with your milk later, you nearly beat me up the stairs!

A couple of weeks ago, I had bought grass-fed milk for the first time. But you were having pooping issues, so I went back to the lactose-free milk. You were unimpressed. So yesterday, you got the grass-fed – and whole milk – you’d always had the 2% stuff before. And you must have smelled the difference. You were asleep, and I was fretting that maybe I wouldn’t get to spend time with you the way I wanted. But your eyes suddenly popped open, and you practically flew to that plate of milk.

And that roast chicken. My goodness, I hadn’t seen you so excited about food in months! For a split second, I considered canceling the appointment. But kitties cannot survive on Greenies treats, milk, American cheese, and roast chicken, Miss Celia. Kitties need to eat kitty food too, and CKD kitties need fluids. You would have started to feel yucky by today without those fluids. And I wanted you to go while you were feeling good and full of positive experiences.

You went out in the warm sun for a little bit, and then you got to do your favorite thing: sit on mommy and soak up attention. You got your brush-brush, ear rubs, and lots and lots of loving. You had a tummy full of roast organic chicken breast and organic grass-fed whole milk, and then you were sleepy. You moved off me to curl up on your blanket for a snooze. You were already half-asleep when Dr. B arrived. You barely even reacted. Maybe you knew.

So mommy has no regrets about whether it was the right time or not. I know it was. But I will always regret not ever having enough time to spend with you. All you wanted was time with mommy. I know you didn’t understand why I spent so much time with those papers and the computer instead of with you, but I hope you know that I would have much rather been employed full-time as Celia's favorite bed.

Mommy will have to live with that regret, but it's her only one. I hope it's the only one you have too, my little bunny. Mommy will send you ear rubs and cheek scratches every day. I hope the cows at the Rainbow Bridge are fed grass. If not, you go right ahead and start a non-violent protest, my little feline Gandhi.

Lots and lots of love to my little Celia Bedelia.

Celia in 2002, when I adopted her, and then yesterday, just a couple of hours before she headed off to the bridge:
 

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Run Free Celia...
Spirite, I know how hard it is to let go...it sounds like you gave Miss Celia a splendid goodbye...
she knows you loved her, and will continue to do so...
The most important thing, is you 'listened' close enough to her, to know what she was telling you....
I'm so sorry for your loss, Patty
Sending HUGS across the miles...
S.

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk
 

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Wonderful send-off! Surely one could not ask for a better last day. :)

Much sympathy to you. Hope you can take some comfort that you did listen, watch, pay attention - and *act* when the time came.
 

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For Miss Celia


Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk
 

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Patty,

I am so very sorry for your loss. You gave Celia the most wonderful life that she could have had.

Many hugs to you,

Judy
 

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Your timing couldn't have been any better.....she was happy and dearly loved and let you know it and had a wonderful peaceful send off. Love her name! such a sweeet kittty!
 

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Patty, I am so very sorry for your loss. Your love, care, and devotion to Celia was evident in every post you wrote! She was truly blessed to share her life with you...and your life blessed by her. I cried as I read your farewell to her.....she was a very special and loved girl. Lots of hugs to you. And many wishes that her spirit visits you often! Xoxo.
 

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Thanks to all of you for your kind words and sympathy. I know that, unfortunately, you've all experienced losing kitties yourselves.

I miss her furry little self terribly. There's still a Celia-sized indent on the blanket where she spent her last couple of hours and another on the pillow next to mine, although in the past few months, she had taken to sleeping on my pillow, next to my head.

I'm dreading next week, when I go pick up her ashes. I still remember what it was like when I picked up Margaux's ashes. That was awful.

For the first time in over 16 years, there is no kitty here. :(

I will either adopt or foster adults, maybe seniors if they don't have CKD. I don't think I could go through that again any time soon.
 

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I am sorry you had to say goodbye but it sounded like the perfect way to end one life and to start a spiritual one. We never can spend enough time with our fur friends as we work and have other lives. It hurts but we know it is best and out of love.
 

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Patty,
It is so hard, when you pick up their ashes...at the same time, they're home again...BitterSweet feelings...

I know what you mean about CKD kitties...it's VERY hard, I went through that with Grandma Callie cat, and I was giving her, her SubQ fluids at home, she was a trooper...

Now I have another senior kitty, my avatar kitty, Miss Peaches...I don't know if I can go through something again, but...I probably will, if she gets to that point...

Many, many Hugs...
Sharon
 

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Thanks again everyone, for your kind words and sympathy.

Tuesday, when I thought of her, the image that came to mind was of her in mid-flight. She was a perfectly centered arc in the middle of the image, heading to some place to the right. It was weirdly soothing, as if she were letting me know that she was free, and I was so happy to think of her as being happy, and running and jumping again, without pain. That same image has been with me all week. Last night, she was no longer centered but closer to the right side. Today, she's almost at that side.

I was told that her ashes will probably be returned to the vet on Monday. I am teaching my last class (ever!) on Monday evening, so I'll probably go pick them up on Tuesday afternoon. I'm not sure whether the image will change before then. But I agree Sharon - although I'm dreading it, I also really want to have her here at home with me.

I must have forgotten that Grandma Callie had CKD. I just remember that she needed all of her teeth extracted. I hope Miss Peaches is doing ok and isn't showing any symptoms. Wow, I wouldn't wish a CKD kitty on anyone.
 

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Thank you G-PEG.

I brought her home today. :( I had a little paw print made, and I have a lock of her fur. It doesn't even feel like her fur now that it's not on her.

But I am glad she's back home.
 

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Oh Patty...BIG HUGS for you...
I'm glad she's back home now...

And I loved your vision of her in mid flight, I'm sure she shared that with you, because she didn't want you feeling bad, Miss Celia wanted you to know, that she was on her way to her New home, and all was well...

Alas, we only get to 'borrow' these little ones for awhile, before they're called back home...
And they leave us with both saddened hearts, and yet, fuller hearts, for having had them in our lives...

It is amazing what they can teach us...
They definitely leave paw prints on our hearts.

Sharon
 

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I can't believe I just read about this today.
I am so, so sorry for your loss sprite :(
Reading your farewell post to Ms. Celia brought tears to my eyes.
Ms. Celia is running free in the the rainbow bridge now free of pain...RIP dear angel...
 

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Oh Patty, I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been away and am just now reading this. I hope you are experiencing happy memories of Celia.

Celia and Margaux are back together at the bridge, blissfully ignoring each other.

Jeff
 

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Thank you Scott, Sharon, and Christine, and Jeff.

My goodness, I started this post eons ago and then never posted it!

It's so strangely quiet. 4 years ago, I had 3 kitties keeping me occupied: Margaux, Celia, and Mr. Casper the stray. I lost Margaux in December 2014 after almost 13 years together, and Mr. Casper we presume passed away some time in September 2015, the last time I saw him. He showed up on my doorstep on my second day down here in July 2010.

When I lost Margaux, having Celia was such a comfort. Now the emptiness is really hard. I think it's also much more difficult because I spent so much time caring for Celia in her last 4 months or so. She occupied much of my actual time but also all of my emotional and mental energy, so the loss is still quite raw right now. I know it will just take time for the roughest edges to soften.

I have taken a peek at some kitty pics on online adoption sites/shelter websites, and there are just so many who need homes. :( I don't think I'm quite ready yet, and I also need to at least start a serious job hunt before thinking of adopting more kitties. There is a 20-year-old kitty at the local no-kill, and that breaks my heart. But he is likely to have some degree of kidney failure at that age, and I just don't think I can do that again right now.
 
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