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Saturday night at 11pm, Bongo left me. He had been acting funny Friday and I assumed he ate something he shouldn't have and then on Saturday he wasn't any better. I took him to an emergency vet around 5 and 5 hours later they informed me he had complete kidney failure and would suffer unless he was put to rest. I spent an hour by his side just apologizing and crying. All I can think about is if maybe I had taken him in Friday I might still have him. I could still have my best friend, what my whole life revolved around. He was the best cat I had ever known and I'm completely lost without him. He slept on my pillow every night and now it's so lonely. My boyfriend is upset too but I feel like it isn't the same. No one will ever know how strong the bond was between Bongo and I. My heart is aching and I haven't gone a full hour without tears since. I don't know how to move on when no other cat will ever compare to my bongo. I still find myself saying goodbye when I leave or calling him from other rooms in the house. I've never been so hurt. He is the first pet I have ever lost and it was completely my fault. I just feel defeated. I feel like someone here will understand my pain and tell me I'm not crazy for being so upset. It's a love like no other though. He was my rock even though he couldn't talk. When I moved 2 hours away from everyone I knew he was who I talked to. Who I said goodnight to and who I woke up to everyday. I dot even know what I should be doing. I'm not ready to let go and I miss him so much already. I'm reaching out for support, please tell me someone understands.


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I'm so sorry for your loss of Bongo! I doubt that taking him in one day earlier would have helped. Many of us here have gone through what you are going through and can empathize. I hope you can rest in the knowledge that you loved him, he loved you and you gave him a good life. You are NOT crazy for being so upset - grief is hard to deal with and a broken heart is like a broken arm - it takes time to heal. I do have to very gently disagree with one thing you said: it was NOT completely your fault. Cats get sick, cats die and we do the best we can with the hands we are dealt.

What you should do it give yourself the permission to grieve, make a scrap book or webpage of his pics so you can have something to do and give yourself time to heal. Take a day or two or more off work if you can and feel the need to.
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss. I think we all know that cats are more than just pets, they are best friends, and family members, and losing them just hurts as badly. Please do not blame yourself. You had no way of knowing he was in renal failure. Cats are very adept at hiding their pain and discomfort. If he was in such severe renal failure, it's likely the outcome would have been the same if you brought him in the previous day. He was in pain and suffering, and you made the compassionate decision to end that pain. This isn't you're fault, there is no wrong/right here. It's just a very sad part of being a pet parent. Sometimes we only have them for a couple of years, sometimes we have them for 20, but they will all eventually leave us.

When I lost my first cat who was 19 (I got her when I was 2, and was 21 when she died, so she'd been my best friend, literally my entire life), I took a week off of work. Everyone grieves differently. You're definitely not crazy for being upset. Eventually, the pain will pass and you'll be able to remember the happy times with Bongo and all of the joy he brought to your life and vice versa.
 

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RIP Bongo.

Im so sorry. It all hurts so very deeply.
Go ahead and grieve, mourn, cry. Dont keep it in. Marica had some good suggestions.
Memorialized Bongo on a webpage, or scrap book. or whatever works for you. Dont be embarrassed or ashamed or whatever. Love IS love and LOVE matters. And that is what you and Bongo had between the two of you. Pure simple and unadulterated LOVE...

And there is a part of love that hurts.
Go to the top of this page and read "You chose tears"...it's a wonderful, sad but accurate description of what loving a our beloved animals means.

HUGSSSS
 

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Oh no. Bongo was still a youngster. I'm very sorry for your loss.

If he ate something that shut his kidneys down so quickly, it probably wouldn't have been life-saving to take him on Friday. You are not to blame.

It's incredibly difficult when we lose them. Feel free to post about him here. We do understand.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Thank you all for the support. I am going to take some time for myself but the hardest part is being in this apartment without him. It's not the same an I just miss him so much. I'd give anything to hold him one more time.


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I completely understand. So often when we lose our kitties, it happens very suddenly when you haven't had any time to process what's going on. When my first cat Rookie got epilepsy and was having seizures, it was only 11 days between when we figured out she was having seizures to the day we had to have her put to sleep. It's just gut-wrenchingly painful and nothing I had ever experienced before, and like you, she was my first cat ever.

I just tell myself, we human pet guardians should really be proud for having the fortitude to put ourselves in this position over and over again for the sake of giving an animal a good life, when we know in all likelihood they'll die before we will. They're getting the easy side of the bargain; we've got the hard side. I think that should be a source of real pride for all of us who are knowingly putting ourselves in that position. And for whatever it's worth, as devastated as I was at losing Rookie, I did find that about a year later I could think of her without crying or even being sad. Give yoursef a good long time to mourn and my bet is, you'll gradually get to the point where you can remember her with happy thoughts.
 

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This particular forum is so important and I cry each time I read of a loss. You are not alone. My animals are like my children. I love them ever so much and it never is easy. Things will remind you of Bongo and now that it has been a few months since my last loss, I try to think of those things as endearing and a tribute to the relationship we had. It hurts a lot but the hurt slowly subsides as life fills in. No other cat will be Bongo but there can be other cats. Maybe one will find you when it is in need and you will rescue each other. And I didn't take my dog at the first symptom he had because sometimes they have had similar things that just go away in a day. He also had a fast acting condition and then I couldn't wait to put him out of his pain. I am thankful that we have that option because they don't have to suffer, only us at our loss.
 

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I am sorry for your loss. I know what you mean about not wanting to be in your apartment. I had to say good bye to one of my first fur babies in March. I still find myself thinking about him & looking at his favorite spots that he liked to sleep. I do cry but not as often as in the beginning.

It does get a little easier with each day. What helps me is looking at a photo album of him & his brother. It brings back memories of when they were younger & funny things that they would do. Keeping busy helps too & talking to someone about your loss.

You are not alone & did the best for Bongo.

RIP Bongo


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Discussion Starter #13
My vet just called to express his condolences and reassure me that we did the right thing. He said after seeing the test results that Bongo would have suffered if this had continued.

To make matters worse I feel like I just need a cuddle buddy at night. I've thought about going to the local shelter and seeing if I can meet a new kitty but I feel like not giving myself time may just make matters worse. But having a new cat around the house would keep my mind at ease. I just don't know. If I saved a kitty in the next couple of days he would have to connect with me like my Bongo. Maybe I'll spend some time volunteering, I just don't know. I'm at a loss. And I miss my Bongo.


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I'm very sorry for your loss... I know that a large part of me would feel quite empty if I lost either of my furry companions :(

I'm not sure if you would be able to connect in with another cat in exactly the same way as Bongo, but that's what makes each relationship unique and special :luv
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss. I dont think there could have been anything you could have done, even if you had taken him to the vet. He died knowing he was loved and you were with him, I'm sure there's no better way to go. RIP Bongo. <3
 

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Rest In Peace...

Hailey, So sorry about Bongo...
I know what it feels like, to feel the "emptiness" in your home now...
I've been there a few times now in my life...and no, it never gets easier but you do learn you will survive and in my case, after I've grieved, I will look for, not a clone of my old pet (cat or dog) but a new one who needs a chance for a better life and in so doing, I am honoring my departed pet...
The joy in giving another pet a chance, out weighs the pain...even tho' I know I will go through the sorrow yet again, one day...
Many Hugs :angel
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I can't thank you all enough for being there for me. I am slowly getting better and can now say his name without getting upset. I'm not ready for a new friend just yet but I did speak to a rescue that helped me with some newborn kittens a while back and they have given me 3 7 week old boys to foster until they're adopted out. It may only be a week or two weeks but the sound of little feet running around and cuddles when I need them really helped me. Again I thank everyone for empathizing with me, I can't explain the impact a fellow cat lover's words can have when you're in a time if need.


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I was wondering how you were doing. I can't imagine how hard this is, just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and hoping that the little foster kitties can help heal your heart a bit. Of course, they won't replace Bongo, but they might be able to help you heal a little. I found fostering helped me after my dog died. And then one day, the right kitty will pick you. You are a true cat person, you are meant to have a cat, and I believe that cat will find you when the time is right.
 
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