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Hello all, I'm new to this site, though I've browsed it over the last year or so.

I just lost my best friend, Winston.

He was getting old and creaky over the last year, and was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism around March.

He took the medication, no problem, but it didn't really help him. The last thing I wanted to do over the course of his decline was subject him to getting stuffed in the crate and suffering the dreaded car ride to the vet over and over again.

I wanted him to feel safe and be as comfortable as possible as he slowed down.

Just last Wednesday, he was purring and able to climb up on my bed. But his breathing sounded funny, and it had me worried. By Friday, his right rear leg was giving out a little, and his breathing was labored.

I realized that he was entering the end stage, so I called my mother's house call vet, to have him come over this past Monday to put him to sleep.

But on Saturday, his wheezing turned into whimpering, and it was breaking my heart. I had the vet come on Sunday instead.

I took some solace when the sedative set in, because his whimpering stopped.
The sound still lingers, and I'm wracked with guilt.

I told him I loved him and gave him a kiss goodbye, and let the vet come in and administer the final dose.

He put Winston in a bag and that was that.

17 years, and even though I'd been preparing myself mentally for his death, it has still hit me like a freight train. I live alone, and enjoy my solitude. But not this kind. The place feels hollow.

He and I had been through a lot together. I moved 5 times over his lifetime, and he always adapted quickly, because he was with me, his buddy.

Winston had a great sense of humor. He was very affectionate in his way. My favorite thing he'd do was curl up under my arm on cold winter nights.

Sometimes he'd tap me in the face when I'd overslept.

When he was an outdoor cat, he'd always come to my whistle.

Sometimes he'd put his paw on my hand.

He'd always greet me at the door when I'd get home from work.

He was fascinated watching me brush and floss, for some reason. :)

Sometimes when I'd walk by him, he'd try to trip me up!

He really liked being spun around on my office chair. In fact, I gave him a spin on Friday night, and he loved it, despite his state.

Winston was a constant, judgement-free companion.

He helped me stop drinking, he helped me stop smoking. He was there through some dark days, always full of love. He may have just about saved my life.

I grew up with cats and dogs, and my family still has cats and dogs.

Winston stood out from them all. He was a real character, a real ace.

I know the hurt I feel will subside, but I'm crushed right now.

I know there was no other way. It was his time. I know all the reasons why his death makes sense.

But logic doesn't help much. I've just got to go through this process. Having this site helps, and having likeminded folks read this helps, so I thank you.

Maybe in a few months I'll get a new cat.

But out of respect for Winston, I can't replace him right away.

He's irreplaceable, anyway.

There will never be another cat like him, ever.

I'm honored to have been his friend.
 

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I am so sorry for your loss of Winston...
When one has a special relationship with a pet companion it does leave a big void.
I know what you mean about the 'alone'
feeling, the home just feels empty...
I've been there...
So glad you decided to share with us.
We are hear to listen and share and can truly relate to loss...
A big HUG ♡♡♡

Sent from Petguide.com Free App
 

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Heartfelt condolences on the passing of your dear Winston. He sounds like he was truly your soulmate. I know I speak for many of us here at the Cat Forum in saying we'd love to hear more about Winston and see some photographs when you are ready to share them.

Fran
 

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I am so very sorry for your loss of such a close companion.

Time does help take the edge off and eventually you'll be able to smile at the memories, instead of cry.

But, right now, you have to mourn such a friend and we here are honored you chose us to share Winston's memory with.
 

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So sorry for your loss. Winston was with you through many things in your life. You will always have those special memories of your times with him. Thank you for sharing about him, it sounds like he was a wonderful cat and a great best friend. You will know when the time is right to get another kitty, and don't feel like you would be trying to replace him, which as you said is not possible, but I think it will help your heart heal, when you are ready. And Winston would not want you to be sad for too long, he would be happy knowing you there is a crazy kitten tearing through your house and running up and down your curtains.

Thanks for sharing about your wonderful Winston with us, he did sound like the most amazing cat. And so very sorry for the loss of such a wonderful friend.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Thank you all very much for your kind words, it definitely helps.

I've shed some tears and felt really lonely and lost.

But today I felt like I have rounded a corner emotionally, so that is good.

Like you've said, the only thing I can do is treasure my memories of him.

I wish you all could have met Winston, he'd have loved all of you too!
 

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What a touching, lovely tribute to a best friend! Most of us here have been through what you are going through right now. It hurts - a lot - we know. If I can offer a small piece of advice: you said that out of respect for Winston you can't replace him right away. May I offer that you would not be replacing Winston, you would be saving a life from potential pain and misery by adopting again. Maybe not soon, but new life is such a joy to welcome into a home and a wonderful therapy to a broken heart. I adopt mainly senior cats, so never really have them all that long and the bonds I develop are deep, but setting out to rescue again is a salve for the heart. Welcome to the forum even under the sad circumstances.
 

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Beautiful tribute to Winston. What an incredible gift of love. My heart goes out to you in your loss. He will be waiting for you at the rainbow bridge ready for you to give him a spin. Run free sweet boy.
 
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