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hi
I found this forum by coincidence but i lost my dear cat Tumi last week and since then i've been a mess. I let him outside on wednesday night before i went outside but when i came home he was nowhere to be found which was very unusual. My other cat was waiting by the door when i came home but Tumi was nowhere to be found. I searched and searched but the poor guy was found by the police dead on friday and was taken to the animal hospital who then notified us. They said he was hit by a car.
I constantly keep blaming myself and still can't believe that he's never coming back. I've had him since he was a kitten and he was 4 years old, even though he wasn't much of a cuddly cat he always wanted to be by my side, i wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom without him and he slept on my pillow.

My other cat, Álfur, seems to be depressed, we've had him since he was a kitten and he is 2 now and even though he is wonderful, he is very adventurous and has a very thick fur so he is often outside for hours when Tumi who was quite small for his age, only went for 1-2 hours outside and then he meow-ed dramatatically outside wanting to come inside. So i've felt closer to Tumi. Álfur is now sleeping alot and only goes outside once a day which is unusual but he eats and drinks as normal.

Our apartment feels so empty now and i keep seeing Tumi's lookalike playing in our street and i'm always almost running outside to check if it's him. We've been offered a beautiful siamise kitten but i don't know what to do..I feel it's too soon but Álfur is so used to have other cats around him and i only want the best thing for him. The idea of hugging and playing with a kitten sounds comforting but i'm so afraid i would always be comparing him to Tumi.

I apologize if this is all over the place but my boyfriend has been working in another country so i've had to deal with this all alone, even though my family has been sympathic i don't think they understand what i'm going through.

thanks for reading !
 

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I'm so sorry for your loss but please stop blaming yourself. I did that for years with my previous kitty until it finally dawned on me that I did the very best with what I could and what I knew at the time, and I'm sure you did too. Your Tumi knew he was loved and cared for, had a warm bed, a safe home, and a full food-bowl. What more could any cat ask for?

Cats do grieve, just like humans, and it must be especially hard for Alfur not knowing where his friend has gone or if he's coming back. Alfur needs a lot of understanding right now and maybe he's not ready for a new companion, but who knows, maybe it would help. Is there a way you could take the kitten on a trial basis and see how it works? If that doesn't work out, maybe Alfur would prefer a more mature companion. Kittens are sometimes annoying to older cats. There's plenty of older cats who need good homes too. Or maybe Alfur just needs some time to be an only cat and the two of you can comfort each other.
 

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So sorry that happened to Tumi. By the way I love the name. Its my favorite luggage company! Very cute name!

I agree with Penguin Dreams. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. He did have a good life. If you have an indoor outdoor cat there are risks involved. I'm not putting you down for it. I have two indoor outdoor cats. They dye is cast and they refuse to be just indoor cats. I know every time I let them out there is a chance something could happen.

Cats do grieve and Alfur is feeling the loss. Give him extra attention and love. My heart goes out to you. Tumi is now running free at the rainbow bridge and waiting to unite with you one day on the other side. I hope you get Alfur a buddy to brighten his world. Cats are normally not solitary animals. A new kitten might be the ticket.
 

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I don't think there's ever been a person more sympathetic to your situation (and others) more than myself. I absolutely, 100% understand what you're going through and how you must feel right now.

Don't beat yourself up about poor Tumi. I know its hard to think of it this way right now, but Penguin Dreams is right! What more could a kitty ask for? When you consider what life must be like for a feline out in the wild, in the cold, hungry, predators, etc. Consider that Tumi did have a relatively short life, but it was a good one. He was happy, well-fed, warm, and being loved. Quality over quantity!

I also agree that Alfur should have a companion. It should lift his spirits!

In fact, if kitties could talk to us, I'm sure Tumi would tell you to get another kitty as well - save another life and give them the same love you bestowed on him.

I can hear Tumi right now saying, "Hey, I know what its like to be a cat and Hildur's house is the best place to be!"
 

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I am so sorry about Tumi. We lost our cat Felix in April and it took his brother, Oscar, a few months to get over it. Just give Alfur some time and lots of extra love and attention.
 

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I'm very sorry about your sweet Tumi, but as others have said, he knows you love him and I'm sure does not hold you responsible... it's just a tragic accident seeing, as he was used to going outside, and . That being said, if you get the new kitten, you may want to consider trying to not let the new kitten outside if it's not already used to going out. I can't really say whether or not Alfur will do better with or without a new addition, but I would just follow your heart... if you think it's right, try it, and maybe see if, as someone said above, you can take the kitten on a trial basis. No one can replace Tumi or the missing piece of your heart from his leaving, but your heart still has unlimited room to love, and Tumi wants you to be happy.
 

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I'm very sorry to hear about Tumi!!! There's nothing quite like the loss of a beloved pet.

After my cat Phoenix died in 2003, I was introduced by a friend to the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement (you can google them). They have chatrooms moderated by experienced and kind people, and they helped me SO MUCH to come to terms with what happened. I was wary at first, but the fact that the chatrooms were moderated and not free for alls made the difference for me.

After a period of time, I became as Assistant Chatroom Host myself and began to help newly bereaved with their losses.

A lot of my family, friends, and coworkers couldn't grasp the depth of my grief, but these folks did. Check them out!
 
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