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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Freddie passed away in her sleep on March 8th, a month after she was born. In the days before her passing she would walk to me when I called, search out food and her kidney swelling had gone down. But when I woke up that morning and found her, it was freezing in the room because I accidentally fell asleep without closing the window. The medication I take knocked me out that evening.. so I also missed her feeding time. I worry this had something to do with it because she had trouble regulating her body temperature. Everyone I tell this to insists I'm stupid for going over the what-ifs, as she had so many odds against her: hydrocephalus, FeLV+, etc. But I'm sure plenty of you here understand my struggling with the whole "what if". I knew she would pass at some point. But, I don't know. I'm just so disturbed by her death for some reason. I'm not sure why. But I buried her with a letter inside of her baby bottle.

I've known and cared for so many cats and with confidence I can say this was the best intentioned, sweet soul to have ever graced my life. I am just so sorry she was not able to experience even more of the love and affection she deserved. My boyfriend and I buried her in a lovely spot in front of our new rental house on his parents' property where she was never supposed to be disturbed. But now they tell me they have irrigation once a month.. so I will have to find another place for her or have her cremated. Not looking forward to this.

I love you, baby Freddie. You were most definitely the sunshine in my day.


Last photo of her.. after lunch time on her heating pad, snuggling in for a cuddle. Oh my, how I miss her and her kitten smell.


Newborn Freddie. :sad2
 

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So sorry for your loss, maybe little Freddie will get a "Do Over" since he had such a brief life.
I originally buried Samantha below the kitchen window she loved to look out, but upon further reflection I knew I'd be moving soon and I could bear the though of her grave being disturbed.
I had her cremated and for now she resides in a little shrine I made on my mantle.
 

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So sorry for your loss. I know it's really hard when they leave us so young. Don't beat yourself up. The odds were stacked against Freddie, unfortunately. You did the best you could and accidents in life happen all the time. The important thing is that Freddie felt loved during her short time on earth. As pet caregivers that is the most valuable gift we can give them.
 

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Those pictures break my heart. She was darling. So so sorry. She was lucky to have you in her life, even if it was so short.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Celebrating Weebles

After a long move and a long wait, our internet was hooked up today so now I can finally thank those of you who left such lovely words for me after Freddie's passing. It is definitely hard because they are kittens, so young and so deserving of a chance at life. But your words helped ease my sad thoughts and turn them onto better, more joyful thoughts and memories. Cat/dog/animal lovers do not surround me so not many understand what we all go through when we lose such sweet lives.

A few days ago, we made the painful decision to have Weebles leave this world peacefully and in our arms rather than painfully and possibly alone like Freddie. Meds helped for awhile but only long enough to give him a few final good weeks. He, like Freddie, was born into a body that simply did not match his spirit: that is the hardest part. I am sad he never had the chance to be mobile like the other kittens, to run and to play like them. He was darling.. loved being a kitten burrito, gently pawing at my face all of the time. Please help me celebrate baby Weebles! He will be so greatly missed.


Just after being born on his birthday..


A little older with the late, great Freddie..


Cuddles with mommy..

And more recently..

Mmmmm, when he loved to eat!



A couple of his last portraits. We went outside a lot and he had such fun!


Gave him a warm bath and made him into a kitten burrito like always before our final trip to the vet.


The bottom row of paw prints are Weebles'.. and the round one in the center is his little nose print. I'll treasure them forever.
 

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My heart goes out to you in this double loss. Sometime those special needs cats and kittens have a big hold on our hearts and the loss is so deep. Those who do rescue know the usual fate for most kittens not born in the care of a rescuer. These kittens knew love, comfort and were nurtured by you. Doesn't get any better than that.

Your pictures were precious. Oh what lovely babies they were. Cyber hugs to you and your boy friend for taking these kitten on in-spite of the odds.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Cyber hugs to you and your boy friend for taking these kitten on in-spite of the odds.
I keep these thoughts to myself, but I feel like I need to express them somewhere and here seems to be as good as it gets being a cat forum with such wonderful members. About my boyfriend and I doing good things for the kittens, for George and Missy, I doubt this very much.

I tried to find fostering for George and Missy before I rescued them. But when no one showed any interest, I did what I had to do - so I thought - before they were ran over by cars in the street. We lived in a very small space, hiding them from the guy we lived with because he went nuts when he found out they were in our bathroom. I had just left for work so my boyfriend moved them into our room with Billy and Johnboy. They were separated for obvious reasons: possible disease. When I got home later in the day, they were all cleaning each other and sharing the litter box. Despite all of my anxieties and fears about disease, it was our only option. I couldn't afford to wipe my own behind let alone take these kittens to the vet and over time I became convinced they were healthy. Nothing about them was abnormal or amiss. And no person or rescue wanted to take them on. As time went on, they ended up mating faster than I could save up for their spay and neuter. She was a secretive little one because we didn't even know she had been in heat. Then came this batch of afflicted babies. And the vet diagnoses Missy as FeLV+.. hence all of the abnormalities in her kits.

So Billy and Johnboy are infected. I feel such guilt for bringing them home when I couldn't afford testing to determine they were safe to be around my own kits. But I would've felt such guilt for leaving them there. And the guilt for not getting her fixed in time and saving these poor little lives from the illnesses they are to succumb to. On the flip side, there is a little voice reminding me that Billy and Johnboy are otherwise happy and healthy as horses. It's not a death sentence and it was only an accident. They and the kitties became great friends. That if I left George and Missy, all of these little ones would have been born anyway but died much sooner and without experiencing love or comfort.

What the **** does one do when you feel such conflicting convictions? That it was so wrong but also right? This was my first real rescue on my own, my first experience with a litter of kittens and it's all just been a mess. I would love to stop kicking myself every day but it doesn't ever seem like that's going to happen. :-(

Sorry for the vent, but I appreciate anyone reading it.
 

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Oh how sorry I am for your losses and this disease. I can't bear to think how those kittens being born into the world without your care would have suffered. A short life of love is better than years living without. They look so sweet and precious in the pics. There could have been more litters and other cats infected, with no one to care for them, had you not rescued George & Missy. Ultimately, you may have saved many many lives and undoubtedly you have saved those babies from suffering. Hug yourself instead of kicking. You have been their angel when there was no other.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Oh how sorry I am for your losses and this disease. I can't bear to think how those kittens being born into the world without your care would have suffered. A short life of love is better than years living without. They look so sweet and precious in the pics. There could have been more litters and other cats infected, with no one to care for them, had you not rescued George & Missy. Ultimately, you may have saved many many lives and undoubtedly you have saved those babies from suffering. Hug yourself instead of kicking. You have been their angel when there was no other.
I never thought of it reaching farther than mom, dad and the kittens. Thank you for helping me think of it this way!

Unfortunately, sweetest Sissy began to decline shortly after Weebles left us. Missy did not notice the other sick ones, but I believe she noticed Sissy's discomfort and would cry at her, run to me to paw and cry, then run back to Sissy.. so yesterday we said our goodbyes and let her go gently. Missy also never noticed her other kittens were missing when they passed but she hasn't stopped looking and crying around the house: I'm guessing for Sissy? She was born screaming her head off and then became a sweetly delicate and gentle kitten who had a lot of fun in her short life and made us - her caretakers - feel special for having her. She was missed before she even left.. and now we miss her more. We love you, Sissy girl.


Sissy's last evening in the yard. This picture makes me cry buckets but it also warms my heart, like she's looking towards kitten heaven or something. Even though I'm not religious!

A look back at Sissy..

Itty bitty baby kitten Sissy snoozing hard core!


Baby Sissy sleeping hard core after eating hard core, lol. ♥


A very awkward looking stage she went through.


Omnomnom! She saved some food on her head for later.


With her brother Andy while we were packing to move. "Don't forget us, we're coming too!"


♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥


"And then there were three." Andy, Wobbles and Sissy, right after Weebles passed away.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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Just before she started not feeling well last week.. playing in the window. You can actually see her nose is more pale as her body wasn't absorbing fluids and nutrients like it should have been. I didn't notice it until a couple of days later when I saw these photos.
 

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oh gosh this is so sad I have tears rolling down my face & can barely see the laptop screen now :(

what a heartbreaking time you have had but as others have said you are an angel for loving & caring for these beautiful lil baby's & their parent's xxxx

so so sad they were all so beautiful xxxx

sending you my warmest thought's & cyber hug's xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

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So sorry for your loss, they were beautiful.
Even if their life was short, they had the chance to be loved and cared for by you.
Rest in peace little sweeties.

sandyrivers
 
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