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I'm kind of having a hard time with this....my grandmother passed away Saturday. Her funeral was today. This is the very first time someone I really know has died. I'm 21 and in college, but she lived here in town and I saw my grandparents a lot. I feel confused. I haven't cried or felt too sad, because while she was dying I spent most of my time doing what I could for my grandfather and my mom. I helped a lot and I feel kind of proud that I could help them, but I don't know how I'm doing personally. Sometimes I feel like I haven't been sad enough yet. Sometimes I feel like that's okay because I've had a long time to be prepared for it and I've already done some grieving. But sometimes I feel like I'm thinking too much and being too upset about it. After all, she was just a grandparent. Some people I know have already lost parents. I just want to feel one way or the other. If I could make up my mind that I'm really upset, or that I'm pretty much over it, I could deal with it. But I just don't know. Sorry to bring up such a depressing subject, but there seem to be a lot of people here that are college age and maybe someone has been in a similar situation.
 

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I'm a college student, but a older one,

closest was the father of my childhood best freind, Good Time Charly, is what he was called because he was fun to be with,

took us out on the pontoon, roller skating, into the pool hall to drink pop while his van dry off, and he had a cool van he drive us around in,

I went to the wake and his daughter was telling us how very sad it was for her, but she felt a whole lot better seeing all us again,

I hope you can be strong for your parents too, it can't be easy for them,

As for how to feel, there are probally alot thoughts that will go through you and just try to keep them in prospective, as you seem to already have shown great inner strengh being able to write about her,

you could also feel free to tell us more about her, like where she grew up, like on a farm or something,

what she liked to do, did she work somewhere.

Wish you and your family the best that can come of something sad like this.
 

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That's a really nice idea Cat Daddy...perhaps it will help you Skittle to tell us more about her?

I lost my Nana a couple of years ago and she was the first person I had known to die. I know it's really hard, but don't try and second guess your own feelings. Just go with what feels right....there isn't a right or wrong way to feel about something like this. I understand the desire to feel one way or another about it...but that's not possible. Some days you will be at peace with it and others it will upset you...it's still like that for me after 2 1/2 years.

I kept a book of all my thoughts and feelings when my nana and grandad had died. I'd lock myself up in a room and just write about how I was feeling. That helped me alot, as I found it difficult to be strong for my mum and keep my own feelings in check. I still look at it now and it helps me prosess all the thoughts I was having at the time...kinda like therapy.

Don't forget that if you have never lost anyone close before, you not only have to deal with their loss, you also have to deal with the idea of death, one that has suddenly become reality. It is a lot to deal with. Just go where your feelings take you, don't try too hard to control them. Write them down if it helps and mourn...it will get easier. :)
 

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I'm sorry to hear that. I lost my grandmother on my mother's side a long time ago when I was a kid but that didn't really hit me hard b/c she lived in another country all my life. My grandmother on my dad's side lived with us growing up and now she's in a nursing home.

I've never experienced someone close to me dying. That is a horrifying thought and I really don't know what I'll do when that time comes. It's sad even thinking about it.

Guess I just want to let you know that death is a natural thing and everyone is bound to experience it sooner or later. I hope you grieve and think about all the happy memories. :(
 

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I lost my grandfather on December 10, 2003, less than a week before my college finals (not my very last finals, but the ones before). Most people wondered how I managed to get through my finals and not let it "effect" me, but it DID effect me. I was very good at getting through it all before I collapsed.

But that was me, and each and every person handles grief in their own way. Some people lose control, others take control, but it doesn't change the fact that we're still grieving.

My grandfather was also the first person I was close to who had died. Since then, I've lost a cousin and a very dear sister-in-law. *hugs* Hang in there and do your thing, but if you KNOW you're repressing, remind yourself to let it loose.

Good luck!
 

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I am so sorry :( Losing a loved one can be such a haunting experience. You heart will grieve when it is ready to in its own way.
 

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Skittle, I am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. My heart goes out to you and your family.

My maternal grandmother died on December 21, 1991 after losing a one month battle with cancer. Her funeral was two days after Christmas. It was really hard losing her so close to Christmas, but what made it even harder, for me anyway, was that I was pregnant with my first child. She was so looking forward to the birth of her first great-grandchild. Even though she knew that she was really sick, every time she saw me she'd put her hand on my ever bulging belly and say, "Renee, I'm not leaving this Earth until I see my new grandbaby." Well apparently God had other plans for my grandma. My baby was born on January 14, 1992...three weeks after my grandma passed.
 

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I have lost only 2 people in my life that was close to me... My Brother-n-law & My Mother-n-law....My BIL was killed in a drowning accident in 1993, that was by far the worst experience of my life...The being there one minute and gone the next was absolutely the worst of the worst ! I greaved for several years to be honest! We were very close.

My MIL died just last year, she was like a mother to me, we knew of her illness which made it a bit easier but still was very Hard

My grandparents all died when I was lil so you see they were not as close to me...

You will greave in your own way and DO NOT beat yourself up because you are not greaving this way or that way...each person is different in their way of greaving...

Skittle, I am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. My heart goes out to you and your family.
 

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skittle said:
But sometimes I feel like I'm thinking too much and being too upset about it. After all, she was just a grandparent.
You have every right to feel sad. Grandparents are special people in our lives. I'm sure she was very proud of being your grandparent. :wink:

You have been through a difficult time and need time and space to grieve, as would anyone who has lost someone they love.

I am so sorry for your loss. :( All the best to you during this sad time.

I love CatDaddy's idea, so if you feel up to it, we'd love to hear about her.
 

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I'm so sorry you have lost your grandmother. I lost my mother, and somehow or another fixed the luncheon after the funeral. Just as I thought all of my tears had been shed, and there were no more, I would cry hysterically. I think you go into shock at times, and that enables you to make it through the funeral, etc., without collapsing, but the tears come, and when they do, they don't want to stop.

I think you are reacting quite normally. You can't forget someone whom you have loved all of your life--not ever. You have to have time to grieve. Eventually, you will remember funny incidents and the happy times with your grandmother, and be able to laugh again. Keep busy, but let the tears come. They need to. Grandmother is with God, surrounded by His Perfect Love. God bless you.
 

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I'm sorry for your loss.

It sounds like she was sick for a bit before she died. When I was in middle school my grandmother died, ending her 4 year battle with breast cancer. Right before she died, she was horribly sick for weeks -- my uncle (who is a doctor) had her at their home so he could treat her 24 hours a day. My mom went to live with them because she's a nurse. We dealt with it for so many weeks and we were so sad...but when she died it was a relief, we knew she was better. Maybe that's what your feeling?

Hang in there and take care of yourself...it sounds like you were close and I know it'll take time to get back to feeling normal.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
This is way too long. Don't feel obligated to read the whole thing; I know I'm no writer. Thanks for encouraging me to share. I still feel about the same--confused, and always a little sad, wondering when I'll feel one way or the other.

My Memaw was born January 2, 1923. She met my grandfather after WW2 and were married 60 years ago this March. When they got married, she didn't know how to cook--in fact, she didn't even know how to boil water! She had 3 children, Camille, Robert, and Carole. She was the kind
of mom who always made her kids go outside and find something to do, instead of staying inside watching TV. You were only allowed to watch TV if you did the ironing at the same time. Camille always go to iron and watch her soaps. My mom, as the little sister, spent most of her time in the woods behind the house. Once, she and her cousin went outside for a picnic and were surprised by a snake! They ran screaming back to the house and Memaw turned them right back around and made them get their picnic stuff. That's one of my mom's favorite stories.
I was Memaw's first grandchild, and therefore I was the one to bestow the name "Memaw" on her. She wanted to be "Gram," but I had other ideas. We call my grandfather his name, "Frank," at his request. We always went to see Memaw and Frank in the summer and while Frank went golfing, Memaw took us out shopping. She always bought us a lot more
clothes than our mom would ever let us get. She would also take us to the pool and would get in and play with us, but wouldn't go underwater because she didn't want to mess up her hair.
She never skipped her Friday morning hair appointment even
if we were visiting--she would just take us along and we would sit under the dryers and read magazines. She had the exact same hair style for over 20 years. For Christmas, we would go to her house after we opened our presents at home. Everybody agreed that she made the best
cornbread dressing ever. She made cornbread with supper every night and she let us help when we visited. When I got bored, I would read the Reader's Digest they always had at the house. I've been reading Reader's Digest since I was about seven. Of course, we were allowed to stay up late and watch whatever kind of TV we wanted. And if
we got scared, she would come lay in bed with us until we fell asleep. It was funny to sneak into their bedroom at night because Memaw and Frank both snored, and Memaw snored louder than Frank.
She covered her refrigerator with so many magnets
and she never got rid of any. Once, my boyfriend and I went over to do laundry while she was away and wrote a thank you note on the white board on the fridge. She never erased it and now it won't come off.
She went to senior aerobics twice a week until about 2 years ago. Whenever we were supposed to come visit her, she would start looking for us half an hour before we left our house. She was also a Sunday School teacher for over 50 years and volunteered at a nursing home once a week until she was 81.
She was upset when the doctors found she had a cancerous lump in her arm, but didn't talk too much about it. She would never say if she
felt bad because she didn't want to bother anyone. She was so proud of herself when she finished her radiation therapy. She put her "graduation"
picture at the kitchen table and looked at it every day. Last fall, she started having back problems and fell a lot. She got confused and would think she had to get out of bed in the middle of the night. That was when she started getting really confused and was diagnosed with dementia. She had to wear a back brace for a while and called it her "helmet", although my sister and I thought it looked like a turtle's shell. Last fall, we found out that the cancer she had had in her arm had come back in her lungs and she only had a few months left. She stayed at home until the last two weeks when she was moved into hospice.
I was
gone for her 83rd birthday because I was at the Cotton Bowl with the band, and I got a free T-shirt that was too big, so I gave it to her and she just loved it. She was wearing it the very next day when I came over.
She was always so proud of me because I was in the Million Dollar band. Whenever I met her friends, they told me that they always looked for me on TV because Memaw told them to. Even when she was in the hospital and the nursing home, she told every nurse and doctor that came to see her that I was in the band.
I also helped her pick out a betta fish for a pet and every time I came over, I had to keep telling her that it didn't need any other betta fish friends and that it wasn't lonely. I don't think I ever convinced her that the fish really wasn't lonely. She named him Alan Jackson, and I took him home after she passed away.
 

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Thank you for sharing that -- she sounds like a wonderful woman.

Edited to say that you've now got ME in tears after I went through and read it again. :)
 

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I am deeply sorry. I understand what you are going through. The first time someone really close to me passed away was the first year I was in college and it was my grandfather. It was very hard because I was also trying to adjust to being away from home and then my grandfather passed away and it made me so sad and homesick. I had a really hard time with it. Just know that we are here if you need to talk. I am so very sorry and you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
 

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*hugs*

I am so sorry. My grandma passed away from a combination of breast cancer and lupus my sophomore year of high school.We were very close and I know how painful this must be for you. *more hugs*
 
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