Wow, I don't know what to say.
Obviously you want to honor your mother's wishes, but that cat! Wowsers!

You could take Sassy to the vet and see about prozac or some sort of drug to mellow her out...but you still gotta get it into her, every day.
I don't know that I could keep such a disagreable animal. Because of health problems, I'd have to consider humane euthanasia due to her biting/clawing, OR, keep her entirely in one room with a run to an outside cat-cage and just treat her like a feral with very little contact.

 

With all respect to Heidi, I have never understood the notion of putting a cat to sleep because it has behavioural problems. And I think it would be wholey unnecessary in this case.

In my humble opinion just give her the food and water as you Mum suggested and keep her nice and comfy in the basement as she likes it down there. Once you move I'm sure you can find somewhere else in your house that she can make herself comfy in.

I'm sorry for your loss. This cat must be putting extra pressure on you when you need it the least.

 

First, I am very sorry for the loss fo your mother. I agree with Melysion, this is the last thing you need to be faced with. However, it also seems from what you say that it was very important for your mother to know that her cat would be cared for and not desserted or put to sleep.

Personally, I feel there is absolutely no reason to put the cat to sleep. I have lived with an anti-social biter for years. And, I've had her since she was a kitten. Whether it's mental, or just their personality, you'll never know. I think you should give her a space of her own where she can be left to do as she pleases and feed her like your mother asked. My cat Franny, wants nothing MORE than to just be left alone. She hisses at the wind and will bite if you pet her. Just as you describe, she will wander over from time to time, act like she wants to be pet but about 3 seconds later she'll turn around and smack you or bite your hand. But really, what's the big deal? She's not the cuddly cat I hoped she'd be, but it's no reason to do something drastic.

Sometimes you have to remove your emotions from the situation. Adding to the fact that you just lost your mother and this was her cat, this makes it 10x harder...but at the end of the day, if you just leave Sassy alone and make sure she's fed, is it really so bad? I think putting her to sleep is an awful alternative and treating her as a feral is not a good way about it either. Putting an already scared indoor cat outside (even if it is in enclosure) would likely drive her very insane. My cat Franny got outside the door a few years ago while I was bringing in groceries. I didn't realize it and din't think for a second she'd be there, because she had no interest in going out...but then I heard this loud thumbing on the back door. Don't you know she was literally throwing herself into and smacking the door for me to come let her back inside. She hid under my bed for 3 days after that...

I am sorry that you are under so much stress and I'm sure just worrying about this is the last thing you need, but I guess what I'm saying is try not to worry too much, and just leave her be and feed her as your mother asked you too. Every so often, enjoy the two seconds she chooses to come out for a pet and just don't push the limits with her...

Good luck.

 

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. I'm sure that you would love to establish a relationship with her kitty since it would be a little piece of your mom to hold on to.

How was she with your mother? If she was friendly then I think there's hope she may warm up to you after an adjustment period. I wouldn't try any major drugs at this point. Just make things comfortable, keep things quiet and don't stress her out. The fact that you expect to be there for a year is good...gives her a lot of adjustment time. I would keep her away from guests, just close her in a room or the basement. You can try some Feliway diffusers (synthetic cat phermones intended for calming).

Also remember that she is feeling the loss of your mom as well. The only human in the world that she (possibly) liked and accepted has gone AWOL and she doesn't know why. That's also going to increase the crankiness.

It may take a couple months, but I think you can probably get to the point where there's a truce and maybe some mutual respect. Good luck....

 

I am so sorry about the loss of your Mom, and commend you on taking care of her cat. You are a special person.

 

Ouch. It seems clarification is in order because my post has been misunderstood.

Because of health problems, I'd have to consider humane euthanasia...

Because I have health problems I would have to consider euthanasia or keeping that cat completely seperate from me. I am taking several immuo-suppressant drugs that also cause excessive bruising and bleeding and must be very diligent to avoid injury and infection from everyday living, let alone a cat bite/scatch which most agree can be of the nastiest variety of injury around.

Because of my health problems, I could not care for a cat like this unless I kept it seperate like a feral...providing a safe room for it to live with an outdoor access to an attached and secure cat cage that the kitty could use if it chose to do so. Never did I intend to suggest to the Original Post-er that her cat be arbitrarily put outside or even put to sleep. In fact, my first suggestion was a visit to the vet for a medical solution to her behavior.

 

Ouch. It seems clarification is in order because my post has been misunderstood.

Sorry Heidi. I hope i didnt come across as harsh. Thats never my intention.

 

First, I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother... those are terrible hard times, and I admire how dedicated to this cat you are while being under such pressure. Your mother must be so relieved to know you are dealing so kindly with her beloved cat.

I second what's been said so far, that she will need time and patience, and may or may not warm up to you in the end. I have another question though, besides asking if she was friendlier to your mom: was she checked by the vet in the past few years?

Just asking because my neighbors when I was a kid had a terribly aggressive cat. She would let them pet her a little, but would bite and claw anyone else dared touch her. After a few years of this - the cat was getting older too - their vet found out that the cat's back caused her a lot of pain, causing her to lash out at anyone touched the sore area.

Obviously even if your mother's cat did have some health problems causing her to feel pain when someone pets her, there must be more than that, since she lashes at you even when you just pass by... but it might be worth a shot to have her checked and make sure nothing piles up on her already antisocial behavior.

I would recommand trying the Feliway plugs too, see if that would mellow her down a little... and just tons of patience, of letting her come to you whenever she wants to (kudos for the idea of the back-scratcher too, very clever!!) and never forcing her to do anything that she does not feel safe doing. Maybe you could look up resources about dealing with feral cats, and apply some of those techniques with her?

Good luck... keep us posted!

 

No, you weren't harsh, it made me see that I wasn't very clear.

I will say, I do feel some animals with behavioral problems do need to be euthanized. If the animal becomes a consistent danger to itself or others (animals or people), that warrants considering the option. Granted, I have never come across a cat where this needed to be considered, but I have heard of plenty of dogs and horses where this needed to be done, even after attempts at training to re-direct and eliminate the behavior. Luckily, cats are small and usually will keep to themselves and do not require such drastic measures.

My elderly neighbor in California had a similar temperament cat.
Snookie would run up to you and if you bent to pet her, she would bite or claw your ankle. This behavior became even worse after she had a front leg amputated. Owen loved her, just the same. He never tried to pet her very often. ...and because of her behavior, I never tried, either! If I saw her coming towards me in the yard, I'd speak sharply to her to get her to stop some distance to me, then I would talk nicely to her, but I would not try to get close or let her get close to me.
That sort of arrangement worked for me and this cat.

 

Thanks everyone. The only comment I have is...what the heck is a feral? I guess I will google that. I just assume its some sort of wild animal type cat.

But I think most of you are right. And I think I figured something out about Sassy in the meantime. Seems like if I just treat her kindly and feed her she is warming up. I don't want to push it but she seems to be wanting more affection in just the past few days. Time I think is all that is needed. If she chooses to be a basement cat then so be it. She does go outside but I have a dickens of a time getting her back inside. I think mother had the same problem.

I honestly can't remember ever seeing my mother pet Sassy. but then Sassy always ran and hid when I came to visit. I am wondering if mom used the back scratcher on her as well. Mother was diabetic and had a very bad heart. She took coumadin which is a blood thinner. Whenever the cat nailed her she really bled a lot. It was actually a leg infection that put her in the hospital the last time and I wonder if it may have had anything to do with Sassy.

But Sassy isn't really aggressive. She doesn't attack unless you try to pet her or put your hand near her accidentally when she is hiding. Seems like she only gets nasty when she is in a "new" hiding place and you find her. Odd, but the patterns are starting to be clearer. I just need to have patience and give her her space.

On a side note...she actually came out of the new "den" I made for her under the basement stairs and butted her head up against my leg affectionately. I just froze and held my breath and hoped she wouldn't do anything nasty. And she didn't.

 

It sounds like Sassy wants to be friendly. Baby steps, and maybe you both will get there. I don't think I've ever had a cat I couldn't pet. ...except for Snookie :wink: I had TNR'd (trap/neuter/release) a female feral and it took 14 months before she would let me TOUCH her, but by about 24 months or so, I was able to pick her up and place her on my lap.

Yes, feral refers to cats that have grown up without human contact, with minimal human contact or have been left to their own devices (abandoned or lost) and turn from domesticated to feral.

 

I second the vet visit; Sassy may just be bad tempered but she may also be ill or have some kind of ongoing pain and medical condition.

Aside from that, I agree to just let her be; feed her and let her come to you. You have a lot of patience and I think it is wonderful that you are respecting your mother's last wishes. The cat probably is missing your mother a lot and some cats are just more tempermental than others and have a much harder time adjusting to new people and situations. It already sounds like she's giving you good signs.

Again, kudos to you for what you are doing and I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother.

 

I'm just catching up with this thread on Thursday, but I wanted to add my condolence on the loss of your mother. Your heart is really in the right place with Sassy, and I really hope things continue to get better in baby steps. The fact that she rubbed herself on your leg is a good step! Who knows, maybe you'll continue to see little signs that she's warming up to you.

I also find with my cat that she automatically bites if my hand crosses the front of her face in just a certain way. She's fine if I approach her cheeks from the side, but if it's directly in front she just automatically snaps and bites. I'm wondering if you'll figure out little ways that Sassy likes to be touched, or hates, but you'll at least learn more abut her and what she tolerates.

 

I'm very sorry for your loss, Slider, and respect you for wanting to carry out your mother's wishes.

There is great advice in this thread, and I only have one tip to add regarding getting Sassy into a carrier so you can bring her to a vet: Get a mid-size carrier and put some food or treats in it, and when Sassy gets in it close the door. That seems like you're betraying the poor kitty, but in my opinion, it's kinder than forcing her into the carrier.
The unfortunate part is that it might only work one time if she's a smart cat.

 

Sassy is coming around!!!

Wow! Its taken two and a half months of patience but Sassy is really starting to be a warm kitty. I would have never believed it to be possible.

When we moved into my mothers house back in early October when my mother first went into the hospital, Sassy basically took off to the basement and hid there. After mother died in late October I created a whole new space for Sassy in the basement. I put her cat bed under the bottom of the basement steps and put boxes around it to make her feel enclosed and secure. She went right for it. Mother had food bowls at four different locations upstairs. I moved all her feeding bowls to one location near her new bed area. I moved all her scratching pads and her litter box nearby also. She has made that her home ever since.

I began feeding her and doing everything near her new area. This seemed to make her a lot more secure. I began petting her with a back scratcher I found upstairs. I am wondering if this is how mother petted her as she really seemed to like it when I used it to pet her. I also used it to feed her treats. She began to purr and salivate whenever I brought it near her.

About three weeks ago, to my surprise, when I would make a trip to the bathroom or kitchen in the middle of the night I began seeing her upstairs. But as soon as she was spotted, zip, off she went back to the basement.

Also about three weeks I began to pet her with a gloved hand while scratching her with the back scratcher. In the past week I would also pet her a few times bare handed as I fed her canned food on a plate. Never too much though - just a couple of gentle pets and then a slow retreat. Occasionally she would take a slap at me but it became much more of a gentle pat, often without claws. When I learned not to withdraw my hand (gloved) the biting gradually disappearred. She has not made any attempts to bite me now in over two weeks.

Today I decided to put on my leather motorcycle jacket and gloves and see if I could pick her up and bring her upstairs. She put up a bit of a fuss, made a crying type meow, but did not bite or growl at all. I brought her upstairs to the den and sat down in a chair with her in my lap. After about 30 seconds the crying meows turned into a purr. Within a minute she had completely mellowed out, and continued to allow me to pet her with my gloved hand for several minutes. I put her on the sofa and went back to the basement to get the back scratcher and some treats. When I returned I picked her up and moved her to the front living room where she used to like to look out the front window. I put her down on the floor and stayed with her a while, petting her and feeding her treats. After a bit of uneasiness she relaxed, stretched out under the coffee table and rolled around as if she wanted to be petted some more. As I am typing this she is still laying under the coffee table purring and watching me.

I don't know what caused Sassy to be so nasty all these years. But patience, protecting myself with gloves so I did not have to retreat after she swatted at me seems to have gained her respect and trust. I really hope my mother, wherever she is, knows that Sassy is doing just fine.

Thanks to everyone for your encouragement and support. It really helped.

 

Slider, I want to commend you for being so patient and loving with Sassy. You are truly a wonderful person. How wonderful that you have brought such joy to and understand to her life.

 

Such fabulous news! It seems she has just been waiting for a chance to be a loveable kitty... I'm certain your mother would be pleased. I know I would certainly be pleased to know my pets were cared for so well after I had passed away.

 

thats lovely news

 

That brought happy tears to my eyes.

 

Awww....that's great! I'm really happy to hear that she's mellowed, bet she's a really snuggle bug in a few more months. Thanks for coming back and giving us an update.

 

What wonderful news!

 

I am sorry about your Mom.

Great news with Sassy!

Have you tried any dangle wand type toys to play with her.
I bet she would enjoy that.
I like how you are rewarding her with treats. Great job!

 

Re: Sassy is coming around!!!

I am so happy for you! Good JOB!!!

 

Wow, wonderful news! This kitty is very lucky to have someone so patient and loving to take care of her...

 

Wow!! This is such good news! You're such a patient person and that's what kitty needed. Good for you!