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RrRRRRR. I am suppost to be getting married on july 1st at Rissers beach (nova scotia) and my parents won't come. We are currently living about 1 and 1/2 hours away from rissers beach and they say that it is too far away to have a wedding and they won't come. They are telling me that I should have it closer or they won't go. I am almost close to crying my eyes out because I dont' think it is far for them to tell me that when this is my dream spot to get married at. As it is right now my mother isnt' helping me one bit to get ready to get married. I don't think I should have to please anyone but myself on my wedding day. I'm soo upset.. what should I do? I am already living with my fiance and he thinks I should do whatever makes me happy... :cry:
 

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listen to your fiance. if it's your dream spot, have it there. Don't let your parents ruin your dream wedding just because they don't like sand/can't drive that far/are just lazy.

They could always carpool with another guest if they don't want to drive. But since they don't seem to be helping you in any way, don't give them options. the only opinions that matter are the bride and grooms IMO
 

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Your parents don't want to come to your wedding becuase it's an hour and a half from where they live???? What the heck? Yeah I'd be upset they don't want to come but even more upset that there seems to be a deeper issue here. They should be at your wedding.
 

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Do what will make YOU happy.

They wouldn't want to drive 1 1/2 hours to see their daughter get married?! That's being very selfish.
 

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It's yours and your fiances wedding do what makes you happy. Its very sad and troubling that your parents won't go, but if they don't end up coming they will regret it later.
 

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I think it's easy for people to say "Do what makes YOU happy." But, honestly, and this may just be me, if my parents aren't happy then I am not happy so in turn "doing what makes me happy means making my parents happy." It's a tough call with the wedding thing though...
 

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I don't understand them saying that unless there is some medical reason that would make it hard for them to travel that far. I think it is selfish if they just don't feel like driving. I can understand why you would be upset. If you really want them there, you might try explaining to them that this is your dream spot to get married and that you really would like to have them there. You only get married once (well, some people) and I don't think it's asking too much for them to go that far. It's not like you're asking them to buy plane tickets or anything.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
well I was kinda ranting before. My mother was in a car accident about a year ago. She wasn't really injured (sprained wrist) but since that happened she hasnt' gotten into a car at all since. To tell you the truth she doesnt' even leave the house for ANYTHING. This is why I told her long time ago to get help for her problem. She is on anxiety meds now but still refuses to go anywhere, and my dad isnt' even bothering to help the situation out either. I have tried to talk to her about it till I'm blue in the face but it still does no good.. I'm just really upset.. I'm getting married in less than five months and I'm torn about what to do.. I love to get married on Risser's beach (white sand) but I'm not sure if I should keep the peace and get married closer.. I dunno ... I'm torn right now....
 

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I assume she has been diagnosed with agoraphobia? If she has panic attacks when she leaves the house, there are no ifs, ands, or buts, about it in her mind. She KNOWS she is dying. It's a horrible thing to go through.

Of course you want your mother to come to the wedding, and I'm sure she wants to be there. She might know--intellectually--that she will not die if she leaves the house. However, when the panic sets in, it takes over. The only solution I can see is to have a therapist go to the house to help her conquer this terrible problem and a doctor to supervise her anti-anxiety meds. She's not being unreasonable. She just can't do it right now. Perhaps she will be able to get enough help be able to attend your wedding. I sincerely hope so for your sake and hers. God bless.
 

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It is a tough situation for you to be in. I also agree with the above post in that it sounds like your Mom has some severe struggles, she needs help and at this time, it sounds like she just can't, no matter how much it may not make sense to you. Having known and loved people with such problems I would encourage you to try to compromise. I do know it's your special day, and it is so very easy and understandable to want to do what makes you happy. I am wondering though, if you would consider blessing your Mom and Dad, and in the future it will bless you too, to have your wedding in a location where they can/would attend. It is so easy to just look at the here and now, but as an "older woman," I am thinking that you may have some deep regrets in the future if your choice excludes your Mom and Dad. The hurt on both sides will run deeply for a long time. I know they are seeming to only think of themselves right now but with these types of situations, that is often all a person can do. I am guessing your mom is experiencing great anguish. I am wondering, would it be possible for you to be married at a closer location and then perhaps you and your fiance could do something special at Rissers Beach, just the two of you or you two and some close friends. Just something to consider. I wish you and your fiance the very best.
 

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If she has not gotten in a car at all since the accident, do you think she will do so to go to your wedding at all? Even if it close, do you think she will be okay with traveling a short distance? Just something to think about...I would think she would have a hard time going anywhere if she has not gotten in a car since the accident.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
This is the part that makes me mad. She knows she has a problem and won't get help for it. This is extremely upsetting. Now I know she is just being lazy/selfish because she wont' get help. My sister's college graduation is about an hour away and she said she won't go there either. My sister is graduating with honors at a young age (19, young for canadians). My sister already said if our mother doesn't show up then she won't ever talk to her again because our mother won't get help. I really think my mother is being selfish because she won't get help. She is going to ruin our lives not to mention my fathers because she never get's out of the house. She won't even go for a walk! She has plenty of time in my opinion to get help for this problem.
 

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I have to agree that it sounds like her problem is so severe she would be unlikely to attend your wedding unless it was anywhere but in her own living room. :? If she won't even go for a walk, she probably wouldn't even go to it if it WERE closer....so I would probably go ahead and have it where you want. Maybe when it sinks in that she is going to miss both your wedding and your sister's graduation, she will finally be moved to get some help.
 

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Your mother's problems aren't within your control. You can't fix her condition or even make her get treatment. If she suffers from severe agoraphobia, she has my sympathies...but that condition can be mitigated through medication and therapy. In her current condition, she probably couldn't go to your wedding if it were held just one block away or somewhere in her own town.

And, for what it's worth, you might be better off not having your mother at your wedding. What if she causes scenes and makes a spectacle out of herself? What if being away from her house makes her physically ill, and her condition makes her the center of attention and ruins everything for you?
 

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Although this is very hard on you, if you were the victim of this panic disorder, I have no doubts that you would consider it the most horrible thing that could happen to a human being. I don't think she's being selfish; I think she's terrified. If you had to face death head on, and your children considered you selfish, it would add to your anxiety. Remember that she does not fear that she might die; it is a certainty to her, and the fight or flight syndrome is going to take over, regardless of how desperately she wants to attend a graduation or wedding.

It could take months or even years for your mother to be "cured." How terribly sad; her life is being ruined. If you and your sister want to go forward, please do so, but know that your mother would give anything to stop this frightening condition, and attend these important events. As a mother, I can assure you this is true. However when the panic hits, all the victim can do is scream in horror. Please try to understand. I doubt any psychiatrist would make house calls. :( Please pray for her. I'm sure she is on her knees in sorrow and desperation. God bless. I'll pray for her.
 

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Maybe your parents just don't want to pay for the wedding? My family had 5.5 kids. They can't afford my wedding. So they kept telling us to elope. We are probably eloping later this year :D
 

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This sounds like a joke suggestion but I'm serious. What about sedating her during the trip sort of like the A-Team did to BA when they had to fly? Or is it just that she doesn't want to have that feeling of being really far from home even if the trip there and back are not an issue?
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I have really considered drugging her lol... I dunno.. I'm going to have to think it over if I want to move my wedding.. I don't think I do though..
 

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Well, I didn't mean anything devious, just something that you could suggest that might make her more comfortable. It seems like it's the duration of the trip and not going out itself.
 

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TAsunder said:
Well, I didn't mean anything devious, just something that you could suggest that might make her more comfortable. It seems like it's the duration of the trip and not going out itself.
I don't know...it sounds like it is going out at all, if she won't even go out for a walk. If I were you I would probably just have the wedding where I wanted since I doubt she would go to it even if you have it in town, based on what you have posted.
Is there any way your dad could call a therapist or doctor to make a house call to speak with her? She sounds like she really needs help but is not willing to take a step for herself to fix it, so maybe your dad could get the ball rolling by having someone come out to their house.
 
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