Our two cats aren't getting along

3134 Views 12 Replies 4 Participants Last post by CapnBlubs, May 28, 2012

CapnBlubs

Discussion Starter · May 23, 2012

We have two shelter-adopted cats, both of which we adore...and we're pretty sure they both love us too...but they don't love each other much.

Cat 1: a 9 month old male named Chompers. We got him as a 2.5 month old last November. He has a ton of energy and loves to play (especially games of fetch) but sometimes he gets wild-eyed and plays a bit too rough, even with his humans. It's almost a daily occurrence for him to "chomp" down on an arm or a leg as part of his rough play. Never an injurious thing, but still too aggressive. When he's calm, he will gladly sleep in your lap and enjoy petting. When he's hyper, he largely avoids petting, in addition to the somewhat "mean" behavior.

Cat 2: a 16 month old female named Cassie. We brought her home 18 days ago, for three reasons: we hoped a new cat might calm Chompers a bit, we wanted a cat who was a bit more sociable, and she was one of the nicest cats we've ever met at any shelter. She's a very relaxed cat, and loves human contact whenever she can get it - although she's not overly needy about it.

We kept her in a separate room with her own supplies most of the time the first week, and have tried increasing their contact gradually.

Initially, he followed her around in a hyper-curious way. She didn't always appreciate the lack of space, growled/hissed at him and sometimes took a swipe if she felt threatened. When things like that happen, we separate them again for a while.

Unfortunately, while the good moments have gotten better (sleeping on the same couch a couple times, though not snuggling...sniffing each other calmly at times...they do fairly well at mealtime), the bad moments have also gotten worse...he tries to chase her down and tackle her when we turn our backs, and her lack of trust in his intentions leads her to sometimes make the first angry move when he's within reach. He's about 1.5 times her size, and much more energetic, so it's easy to see why she would feel intimidated.

Following our veterinarian's advice, we tried a Feliway plug-in. So far, no results after about a week. Things have been about the same for a while and we're concerned. Chompers simply seems too hyper and always wants to assert his dominance.

Any ideas for how to deal with this?

Thanks so much for reading.

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LaurulFeatherCat

· #2 · May 23, 2012

Chompers was there first and he is alpha cat and he knows it. However, he also knows the new cat is a female and although he will be aggressive with her, he probably will not actually hurt her. Females won't mate with you if you hurt the, you know. (It matters not if she is fixed. Male cats have certain limitations on their behavior when it comes to females.) She knows she is subordinate and that is the reason she sometimes picks the fight. She is showing him she will stand up for herself. Unless they are actually injuring one another and tearing out fur and drawing blood, let them settle the social issue between them. Two weeks is not a long time for them to negotiate their peace, but you have noticed they will cohabitate the sofa and are beginning to show some evidence of getting along. Give them time, at least two months. If you are afraid to leave them alone together when you are not home, lock her up in her original safe room until you get home and can supervise. But really, this new social system will take one to two months to settle between them. Just make sure you give them equal time and attention and show them they are both welcome in the home.
You should have separate litter pans for each and separate food and water for each to keep one (the dominant) from denying the required food, water and litter from the other.

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CapnBlubs

Discussion Starter · #3 · May 23, 2012 (Edited by Moderator)

Thanks for responding. That's all good advice, and we're following pretty much all of it already because of what friends and family told us.

The main reason we are concerned at such an early stage is because of Chompers' "hyper mode." When he mistreats Cassie, he's acting the exact same way he does toward us when he's in his random mood swings. That's why we wonder if he'll ever grow out of picking on Cassie, because he's had quite some time to grow out of being a punk toward us sometimes, but hasn't done so. Basically, if something else is in the room, he wants to pounce on it. I don't think he ever really wants to hurt but in a strange way I do think he enjoys hearing frightened shrieks, because he bothers my wife more than me for that exact reason.

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Jacq

· #4 · May 23, 2012

Chompers is still young enough to get weird randomly like that. Heck, my old Cheshire would still go bonkers sometimes when he was 13 (thankfully, those moments were few and far between as he got older).

I think that eventually Cassie will lay the smackdown on him and things will mellow out for a few days (weeks, hours...) and it will cycle again, until they're both mature and comfortable enough for a "grownup" relationship.

As LaurulFeatherCat said, their confrontations are probably more play than actual attacking on Chompers part. Let them diffuse the situations themselves if there's no real damage happening.

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BroganMc

· #5 · May 24, 2012

You could try redirecting Chompers with play with a wand toy. The little mice that squeak are favorites for my huntress kitty. My other one prefers a felt string with feathers. Also some catnip toys that are the size of small stuffed animals for the full body wrestle/chompfest.

It does sound like your cats are working out their relationship boundaries. Chompers is the dominant playful kitty who likes aggressive play. At 9 mos he is still in the kitten stage. He needs a lot of play to work out those excessive energies. The more you tire him out the more mellow he'll be later.

Also make sure you are correcting his bad behaviors when he plays too rough with you. If he starts biting or scratching, yell "Ouch!" and walk away from him. Then ignore him completely until he comes back to you and plays nice. This is how kittens learn to play nice with each other. Only difference with humans is our skin is bare and not protected by a thick coat of fur. Our pain tolerance is a lot lower.

Cassie is in her early adult stage. She is less interested in play and more interested in companionship. She's trying to tone down Chompers kitten behavior with cat warnings of growling/hissing. He hasn't figured that out yet because he's a stupid playful kid. He thinks she's kidding.

I'd keep my eye on it and intervene if they start wrestling and fur flies. Then I'd separate the aggressor and give him a time out. The idea is to keep them from hurting each other until they calm down.

Cassie also needs a safe place to hide out when she just isn't in the mood to handle Chompers behavior. He will outgrow the kitten energy as he ages. It just won't be for another 6 months to a year.

The dominant/submissive behavior of cats can be worked out periodically as they age. I just went through a week of my two littermates at war with each other. The submissive kitty went psycho on her sister and gave her a helluva smackdown. Fur flying, snarling kitties. The first couple days were the worst as they seemed to be at war every time they saw each other. We had to separate them. Then they spent the next few days keeping their eyes on each other. Just today they settled back into more their normal relationship.

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LaurulFeatherCat

· #6 · May 24, 2012

Good points, BroganMc. Poor Chompers is like most males, he is exhaltant in his physical prowess and power! (chuckle) Cassie will tame him soon and won't put up with his macho behavior for long. I do love watching cats work out their social situations. Sometimes the females are so dismissive the the males you can see the poor male is diappointed in their reaction. Then other times the females do terrible teasing and the males get visably physically larger and taller. It is so very wonderful to watch how they solve their problems.

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BroganMc

· #7 · May 24, 2012

LaurulFeatherCat said:
Good points, BroganMc. Poor Chompers is like most males, he is exhaltant in his physical prowess and power! (chuckle) Cassie will tame him soon and won't put up with his macho behavior for long. I do love watching cats work out their social situations. Sometimes the females are so dismissive the the males you can see the poor male is diappointed in their reaction. Then other times the females do terrible teasing and the males get visably physically larger and taller. It is so very wonderful to watch how they solve their problems.

I'm convinced cats are just plain crazy. Ours do the silliest things.

We tend to listen for the 4am crazies just to see what mischief they can get up to. There isn't a shelf or ledge in the house they haven't walked around. And the best toy ever is an empty cardboard box.

You know they are playing when you hear them galloping through the house. Cats on the prowl make no noise. Playful kitties sound like a bunch of 4 yr old human kids. Stomp stomp stomp CRASH. I've seen mine run so fast they skidded into the wall at breakneck speed then turned direction and ran the other way.

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LaurulFeatherCat

· #8 · May 25, 2012

My BFF and I have a joke that cats and kittens can control their weight by thought; like when they do not want to be picked up and make themselves all loose and droopy and difficult to move they feel like they weight twice what you know they weight? Then when they are racing around the house and they think themselves the size of elephants and stomp and stamp and sound like them are coming through the roof!

Tux Cat likes to jump up and has a nest on the top of the amour in the living room. When she jumps up, she barely makes a noise landing, but when she jumps down it sounds like someone just dropped and anvil through from the ceiling! The cat only weighs eight pounds.

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BroganMc

· #9 · May 25, 2012

LaurulFeatherCat said:
Tux Cat likes to jump up and has a nest on the top of the amour in the living room. When she jumps up, she barely makes a noise landing, but when she jumps down it sounds like someone just dropped and anvil through from the ceiling! The cat only weighs eight pounds.

Ah yes the loud THUMP! Bella does that and she's only 8 pounds. I swear I feel the earth shake when she plops down from on high. She has my sister convinced she's overweight by the noise she makes. She's perfectly normal and fit.

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CapnBlubs

Discussion Starter · #10 · May 27, 2012

Thanks again for all of your replies. I guess the main thing I've taken from it is to be patient...

It's just tough, because when we let them occupy the same space, Chompers always gets a couple really rough surprise tackles in per day. There hasn't been any blood but he has definitely scared/hurt Cassie a number of times. She always defends herself after the initial blow but we have to break it up quickly.

When he's in that mindset, the simple act of pulling him away from the fight causes him to lash out at us. Both my wife and I got clawed pretty badly last night.

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BroganMc

· #11 · May 27, 2012

CapnBlubs said:
Thanks again for all of your replies. I guess the main thing I've taken from it is to be patient...

It's just tough, because when we let them occupy the same space, Chompers always gets a couple really rough surprise tackles in per day. There hasn't been any blood but he has definitely scared/hurt Cassie a number of times. She always defends herself after the initial blow but we have to break it up quickly.

When he's in that mindset, the simple act of pulling him away from the fight causes him to lash out at us. Both my wife and I got clawed pretty badly last night.

You aren't trying to physically grab him during fight mode, are you? That will get you beat up quickly and could transfer his aggression onto you. Make sure you are protected. Distract him with a loud noise, use something else to steer him away (when our cats got really bad we just used a long handle broom to push them away and the aggressor steered into another room, not hitting them just making sure our skin didn't come in contact with claws or teeth), some people use a towel thrown over the aggressor to shield themselves from the scratches (I'm not a fan because that can make a cat very afraid and angry), some use water bottles to spray the bad guy (water shocks them).

If someone is getting hurt (you or the other cat), then confine the aggressor for a time out until he calms down enough to be civilized. If it is just hissing/growling and glaring, you don't need to separate them. Redirection and verbal chastisement is enough.

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LaurulFeatherCat

· #12 · May 28, 2012

Never grab a fighting cat with your hands; cat bites can cause loss of fingers. You could make yourself a throw can (soda can with pennies in it and taped shut) and then when they are fighting the throw the can in their direction and it makes a noise and they break up their fight. Myself, I use a stainless steel bowl and drop in onto the floor from about five feet off the floor. Instant scattering of all cats!

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CapnBlubs

Discussion Starter · #13 · May 28, 2012

We only had a single cat at a time before we got Cassie, so this is all new to us.

So yes, admittedly, we were making the mistake of breaking up the fight by picking Chompers up directly. When it happens we're just concerned for the safety of both cats so we didn't previously have any good plans for sufficient "surprise" tactics. We'll be sure to try those things from now on.

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