[Wall]

I recently moved in with my long-term girlfriend who also has a cat. We moved to a fairly tiny apartment. The only door besides the front door is the bathroom.

Her cat wants to end mine. Her's does not hiss, growl or show overt aggression. It will stare at my cat whenever it can see her with wide eyes. When she has the opportunity she will jump on her and attack her. It's awful. It's almost as though she see her as prey.

It has been months they've been living together and my cat mostly lives on the fridge and some shelving to stay away from the other cat. We have the other one leashed to the couch and she doesn't get to move around a lot because when she is left to roam she will hunt and attack my cat.

I have searched forums, googled endlessly, etc. and have found no working advice. My cat is my kid, if she's not happy I can't be. If our two cats won't get along that'll be the end of me and my girlfriend which is a hard thing to think about.

Has anyone encountered this before? What can I do?

 

[marie73]

Been there. Unfortunately, after a year and a half, I rehomed my mean girl (she was the newest addition, so she was the one to leave).

Without a door to separate them, you really weren't able to do a proper introduction, keeping them separated until they got used to each other's scents, etc. At this point, I'm not sure what your options are if you can't keep them apart in order to start over. There are medications which the mean cat could take to see if that helps (didn't help my girl).

I don't think your situation should end your relationship with your girlfriend, that would be really sad. My little cat found a wonderful new home, where she's the only cat, and has a little girl who spoils her rotten.

 

[kittywitty]

Have you tried calming agents such as Feliway plug-in diffuser? I used it for my bully cat and it worked. There are other things on the market too such as Spirit Essence Bully Remedy which is endorsed by Cat Behaviorist, Jackson Galaxy from 'My Cat from ****" show.
Bully Remedy - Spirit Essences Store

Perhaps move to another place with more doors so that you can properly introduce the cats again.

 

[Wall]

Unfortunately I have tried the Feliway diffuser as well as a variety of regular spray bottle sprays.

One cat is mine one is my girlfriends. Re-homing one is -NOT- going to happen. It isn't an option. We both love our kitty children.

We could separate them via the bathroom door but it seems unfair to coop one up in that small room. We tried it for a few days and they really didn't interact through the door either.

The hard part is getting the one cat to not HUNT mine. My cat will hiss and spit but only because she feels threatened. Making her ok with the other cat will NOT help if the other cat still attacks her.

Thanks for your help guys!

 

[JdS]

Hiss and growl are usually defensive. Aggressive cats usually do it quietly. Hissing and growling mean "You're invading my personal space. Back off."

Whenever you introduce a new cat to a place with another cat living in it, that's exactly what happens. They will eventually grow out of it. In the meantime, just keep their nails trimmed to avoid occasional defensive nose scratches.

 

[marie73]

Hiss and growl are usually defensive.

It's a little more serious than hissing and growling:

When she has the opportunity she will jump on her and attack her. It's awful.

I lived with an attack cat. It's stressful 24/7 for everybody, and really quite sad.

 

[Straysmommy]

I went through exactly the same thing, for 7 months. I know how horrible it is, what a sad life it is for all involved - and in your case it's even more tragic. The only reason I decided to put up with it forever was that there are no shelters here or adoptions of adult cats. It was a very bad way to live for the new cat, she spent 7 months on my bed, not being able to walk around or see anything but what she could see from the bed. Afraid to use the litter box and to eat. I thought it'd be like that forever, and everyone reassured me that it was preferable for her that way than the horrendous fate awaiting her in the streets (the only alternative). So we all endured.

The PERFECT solution came to us one day out of the blue, totally unexpected. In an instant it all changed - she's been free around the house since then, playing, eating freely in the middle of the living room, spending the night wherever she feels like, and though she still fears him a little, she's happy as a clam because he NEVER attacked her again, and probably never will.

 

[catloverami]

And the PERFECT solution was??? Don't leave us in suspense.

 

[Straysmommy]

Oh, we were lucky, it's not a solution that will work for everyone. It was the perfect solution for us. A stray followed me home and won't leave the apt. She made it clear from the very first day that she won't tolerate aggressions of any kind, even if not directed at her. The first time Prince tried to attack Princess, Lady Bianca (aka Bianquita) the former stray attacked him. Now attackers attack because they remember that's what they do. If you find a way that they won't attack during some time, they forget they used to attack this other cat and there's a good chance they won't attack them again. So even if Lady B were to leave one day, Prince would've forgotten the old dynamics between him and Princess and wouldn't attack her anymore. He's now used to seeing her around the house and doesn't remember otherwise.

Maybe you could foster a third cat for 6 months or so, if the apt. is too small for adopting a third cat that belongs to both of you (a healthy thing to do for the couple in any case) permanently.

 

[Straysmommy]

As someone told me in my thread "Help, stray got into my home!", that might be a blessing because it might change the house dynamics between Prince and Princess - and this person was right.

 

[catcrazy4ever]

I know this may totally not be an option, but I’m going to throw it out there anyway... Is there any chance you can consider moving to somewhere larger that starts out as neutral space for both of them?

When I first moved into my husband’s tiny apartment, I brought my 3 indoor cats. It was stressful for everyone, even though they were all used to each other. Then when I couldn’t find my barn kitty (where I was before) a new home I tried bringing her in too. She also was an attack cat. We had her in a very large dog kennel to try and get them socialized, and otherwise had her locked in the bedroom. It just didn’t work and everyone was miserable, so in that case, I found her a new barn home (what she was used to) where my horse went and peace was restored. Now, I know re-homing isn’t an option for you, and I get and respect that, but more space and doors could help?

We moved to a larger space and they got more exercise and lost weight. Later, when one of our cats got cancer we wanted her separate for peace and quiet and to be able to eat her food at her own pace. So we temporarily installed those accordion type doors to split the house in two. Can you add a door that way?

 

[catcrazy4ever]

I just wanted to add that I understand your frustration. That time it didn't work for us, and another time as well when we tried to bring in another female who needed a home. But on the flip side we had great success with the latest two males we have (actually, it was ridiculously easy and now they're inseperable). Cats just don't play by set rules! Don't give up yet. I really hope it works out for you.

 

[feedmycats]

As someone told me in my thread "Help, stray got into my home!", that might be a blessing because it might change the house dynamics between Prince and Princess - and this person was right.

This has actually happened with us, too, in a way but in regards to fosters. But instead of a stray cat it was my brother's dog. Cats who formerly hated each other were defending each other, finding common ground. My brother's dog went after Billy.. who was total enemies with Pumpkin (foster). And then Pumpkin, a feral cat, came out of nowhere and kicked the ***** out of this dog. Bill and Punks were inseperable. Obviously, it was a total chance happening.. don't go out getting a strange cat or dog to get them to realize they are on the same team. lol

 

[catloverami]

Straysmommy Oh you got a referee cat! Lucky you! When I was into breeding I had one of those... a brown torbie gal who would not tolerate any fights...she'd get in between two cats and box both their ears. She was like a referee or the police and I never had any fights as long as I had her. All the cats respected , obeyed and never challenged her.

 

[BotanyBlack]

Straysmommy Oh you got a referee cat! Lucky you! When I was into breeding I had one of those... a brown torbie gal who would not tolerate any fights...she'd get in between two cats and box both their ears. She was like a referee or the police and I never had any fights as long as I had her. All the cats respected , obeyed and never challenged her.

Sherbert was mine. He ruled the rest with a velvet covered iron paw.

 

[Straysmommy]

She used to do the same in the feeding station downstairs when she was a stray. I have another stray that does this too. They indeed take care of the law and order in the group.

I think, if one can't afford a cat behaviorist to come and work with the family as a whole to change the dynamics, one good solution is to find a way the cat doesn't attack for some time - they then forget the'\ dynamics.

 

[Straysmommy]

Sorry, the signs were Princess adding her opinion as she suddenly jumped on the keyboard.

 

[KMK83]

I don't have any experience with multiple cats, but I have read a lot because I am considering getting another.

Maybe you should try going back to step 1 and do a proper introduction. Keep the non-resident cat in the bathroom and follow all the steps about feeding them on opposite sides of the door etc., and follow the steps from there. From what I have read, this could take months, and there's a possibility it won't work at all. But if you are committed to your girlfriend and your cats, it is worth a shot.

As an aside, I think keeping one cat cooped up in the bathroom is better than tethering one cat to the couch and having the other one pretty much live on a shelf out of fear. You can (and should, based on what I read) switch the cats out once in a while too... so one cat will have free roam and the other will be in the bathroom.

I'm sorry you're going throught this... good luck.

 

[Wall]

Update

Update from the OP here.

Not much has changed the last few days. By keeping the one cat leashed, my cat has gotten comfortable exploring a bit. She'll lounge around on the bed or jump on my lap now which is nice.

Right now I'm trying to bring them close together at least once a day (holding the mean ones leash tight) and treat the both of them so they warm up to each other. I may try feeding one of them outside the window and the other inside so they're close visually but not physically.

Moving up to a larger place is financially tricky but might be doable...in about 5-6 months when our lease is up. Until then the bathroom door is unfeasible because its so tightly shut that they can't interact through it, no paws in the crack, not much sound etc. And despite the positive stories, and i don't think I want to go out and abduct a stray haha

Thanks for your continued support guys, I really really appreciate it and I'll keep everyone updated!

 

[Leazie]

Good luck to you. The leashing option is a great idea.

My dilute tortie will not allow anyone new in the house. When I tried she harassed and attacked the new cat to the point where we had to rehome her.